'Myself' stood in front of Zachary, unable to ignore how Zachary's form seemed weaker than it had been at the beginning.
He thought it wasn't even possible, but he was proven wrong.
"So you're from another world, huh?"
Zachary broke the silence.
"I couldn't believe it at first. There were so many things I couldn't recognize. Such... peace. But then I remembered how this world has the Spell and the Dream World, so an alternate Earth might not be impossible after all."
He said with a self-mocking laugh.
'Myself' stood in silence for a moment before speaking.
"When you were inside my memories, were you able to hear how people referred to me?"
This was one of the reasons 'Myself' had decided to share his memories—he wanted to see if his name still lingered inside him.
But, to his disappointment, Zachary only gave him a confused look.
"Huh? Isn't your name also Zachary? The people inside the memory called me that. I thought that was one of the reasons you took possession of my body."
'Myself' could only shake his head with disappointment. It had been only a vague hope, but it still gave him a small pang in his heart.
"No," he said quietly. "I know I had another name. The thing is, when I found myself in your body and saw your name through the runes in the Spell, I realized I no longer remembered it."
'Myself' paused before continuing.
"It was a dangerous situation, to be honest. When I saw how the Spell called me Zachary, I felt as if I was losing myself. Through sheer luck—or maybe my own arrogance—I was able to hold myself together. That's how we ended up in this cursed situation."
He finished, cautiously studying Zachary's reaction.
"Huh, that explains a lot actually—about how you are in a more solid state than me."
Zachary said, then suddenly added, "But wait, you keep mentioning the Spell as if you're already familiar with it. But when I was living as you in your world, I didn't see any sign of there being a Spell. How are you so familiar with it?"
Zachary asked, not hiding his curiosity.
'Myself' was shocked.
"Huh? Didn't you see how I was reading the no—" But he couldn't finish the sentence.
A sudden idea struck him.
'Did this world censor its own existence from my memories? As if trying to avoid a situation where it had to contain itself... Ah, this is so confusing, my head hurts just thinking about it.'
This thought didn't even make sense, but 'Myself' couldn't find another reason.
One thing was clear: he could avoid the dangerous situation of explaining to everyone in this world that this world, and all the suffering they had experienced, had been orchestrated by someone else. And that there were beings who took joy in reading such things.
'Now that I think about it, how traumatic must it be for someone to realize their existence is but mere letters that someone else has placed together.'
Noticing Zachary's confused gaze as he had gone quiet, 'Myself' quickly came up with an explanation.
"You see, I'm not even sure how I came to be here. What I do know is that, before finding myself in your body, I was able to experience this world from the outside. The events you consider the present—and even the future—were vague at best, but I gained an understanding of how the Spell behaved and how it would behave in the future."
A tense silence settled between them.
"I see. I can't say I understand completely, I mean... even you can't do so."
Zachary said with a pained sigh, then added calmly.
"I was able to see your family. It was nice being part of such a warm home..."
Zachary shifted uncomfortably, and the silence returned.
'Myself' could feel it, and he knew Zachary felt it too—the moment when this exchange would end was approaching, but neither of them wanted to take that step.
But 'Myself' knew, despite hoping otherwise, that he couldn't even consider merging with Zachary.
So he steeled himself, clenched his teeth, and looked forward.
"I won't beat around the bush, Zachary. I know what I'm doing is despicable, but, I'll say it again."
'Myself' walked forward and stood in front of Zachary.
"Surrender your soul, and give me your body."
'Myself' took a quick breath before continuing.
"God knows I could take a different approach, look at you... I could suppress your soul without much trouble, but I don't want that. Call it self-pity if you want, but I want to give you the dignity of choice."
Suddenly, the fog surrounding Zachary's soul trembled with anger.
"What choice do I have left?!"
Zachary yelled. "Yes, as you've said, I'm in no state to fight for myself, I am at your mercy!"
Zachary's soul continued to tremble.
"I want to ask you, is it really so bad to merge with me?! Your sense of self is stronger, vaster than mine. I bet your persona would be more predominant than mine."
He said, barely containing his fear.
'Myself' stood quietly for a while before answering.
"It is. I didn't want to merge before, but now that I've witnessed your life, I'm certain that I shouldn't merge with you under any circumstance. I'm sorry to say this, I have no right to grant value to your life, or claim that mine is more worthy than yours."
"Then why?!"
Zachary cried, giving up on trying to control himself.
'Myself' silently thought about what he should answer when an idea struck him.
"You should have seen what I've been studying, right?"
He began, looking behind Zachary.
"You see, there was a guy named Søren Kierkegaard. He wrote a book called Sickness Unto Death. This sickness being despair..."
'Myself' and Zachary stood facing each other when 'Myself' began to walk.
"Walk with me."
'Myself' said, walking past Zachary.
"You should have seen in my memories that I enjoy talking... Haha, and I talk a lot."
He said, glancing at Zachary over his shoulder.
With no other options, Zachary followed him, staying a couple of steps behind.
"As I was saying, for Kierkegaard, life is made of two fundamental elements: the infinite and the finite. To live is to swing between both of them."
He looked at Zachary before continuing.
"Falling into the infinite causes anxiety, the future becomes unpredictable. You don't know what will happen, you never learn, and you lose yourself in the unexplored potential of things."
He slowed and turned around, looking deeply at Zachary.
With a heavy sigh, he continued. "Falling into the finite is worse because it causes despair. You fall into the finite when you know exactly what's going to happen. Life becomes predictable, and you have no power to change it. You become another gear, and you lose yourself."
They continued walking. "There are two ways one can lose themselves: despair for oneself, and despair for the world. One despairs because they don't want to be themselves, while the other despairs because they are unable to be who they see themselves as."
'Myself' continued walking in silence, thinking about his next words. Behind him, Zachary was equally silent.
"The worst thing that can happen is dying without knowing you've fallen into despair."
'Myself' said without looking at Zachary. "If you've lived in despair, everything is lost for you. Eternity doesn't recognize you, never knew you—or worse, knows you were exactly as you were known. The low-resolution model the world painted of you is all you ever gave it. You lost every chance to become who you could have been."
'Myself' finally stopped and looked at Zachary with a sad smile.
"My friend, that's who you were—trapped in despair without knowing it. You were unable to become who you were supposed to be. That's why I can't merge with you. I cannot risk losing myself over someone who has already lost themselves without knowing."
They remained silent for what seemed like hours.
Zachary then began to walk again. "So, what does Kierkegaard propose? What should we do?"
He said without looking back.
'Myself' looked at him cautiously before slowly following him.
"Well, he says the solution lies in existing at the center, while leaning toward the infinite. You must learn to live with anxiety—it is the vertigo of freedom."
He took a breath before adding.
"There was an artist in my world named David Bowie. He said, 'If you feel safe in the area you're working in, you're not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you're capable of being in, go a little bit out of yourself, and when you don't feel that you're quite touching the bottom, you're just at the right place to do something exciting.' He was an extraordinary artist."
Zachary finally turned and faced 'Myself'.
He gave him a sad smile.
"Good to know. If... if I were given an opportunity to retry everything, this knowledge of yours might become useful."
They looked at each other before Zachary gave a resigned sigh.
"So, what's going to happen next? Do I just stop existing? Or is there some kind of paperwork for this?" he said with a bitter laugh.
'Myself' looked at him with a complicated gaze.
"I think so. It's not as if I've been in a situation like this before, but yes... I think it has to do with the surrender of one's soul."
He quickly added, "I know it probably won't mean anything to you, but I want to say, I'll keep your name. I'll live as you, and I promise you, I'll take your name and place it among the stars."
'Myself' wanted to say more—much more. He wanted to explain to Zachary that Aaron had loved him, that it wasn't his fault he found himself in this situation, and more than that...
He wanted to apologize, over and over again. He wanted to apologize for his selfishness, for taking away the only thing that truly belonged to him.
To apologize for wanting to take it away, even though he knew how sad Zachary's life had been.
But in the end, 'Myself' stayed silent.
He knew that anything he could say would be worthless; it would only serve his own satisfaction. So, 'Myself' swallowed a sob, forcing a smile at Zachary.
"Goodbye, friend."
"Thanks, and take care... Zachary." With that, 'He' closed his eyes.
[You have slain a dormant human.]
[You have received a Memory...]