Madara Uchiha hovered in the air, his majestic hair flowing in the wind of his own ego. The Infinite Tsukuyomi was beginning. A ripple of red light washed over the Nexus Mall, turning the ceiling into a giant, pulsating eye.
"Finally," Madara whispered. "A world where I don't have to listen to teenagers screaming about friendship."
But something was wrong. Down in the food court, the light didn't seem to be working.
The Immunity of the Absurd
Saitama was still staring at his 50% off coupon. The red light of the Tsukuyomi hit his bald head and simply... reflected off. The glare was so bright it actually blinded a few nearby Stormtroopers (who were lost and looking for the Star Wars crossover).
"Hey, can someone turn off the red light?" Saitama complained. "I can't read the fine print on this jumpsuit voucher."
Next to him, Gojo Satoru was casually eating a bag of "Infinity-Flavored" popcorn. "Yeah, sorry Madara-chan. My 'Six Eyes' are currently processing so much information that your little eye-trick is just like a low-resolution YouTube ad to me. Skip."
"WHAT?!" Madara roared. "It is the ultimate genjutsu! You should be dreaming of your deepest desires!"
"I am," Gojo grinned. "I'm dreaming of a world where I don't have to carry the entire Jujutsu plot on my back. Oh wait, that's just my Saturday. Hey, Goku, you awake?"
Goku blinked, his eyes clear. "I think so! I dreamed about a giant steak the size of a mountain, but then I realized I could just go buy one after we finish this fight, so I woke up! Food is better when it's real!"
The Support Squad Arrives
Suddenly, the mall's "Hot Topic" store exploded. Bakugo Katsuki (My Hero Academia) flew out on a wave of explosions, followed by Asta (Black Clover) who was screaming at a decibel level that shattered all the nearby windows.
"DIE, YOU HAIR-EXTENTION-WEARING OLD MAN!" Bakugo screamed, launching a Howitzer Impact at Madara's face.
"MY MAGIC IS NEVER GIVING UP!" Asta yelled, swinging a slab of black iron that looked like a giant kitchen spatula.
Madara swiped them away with a flick of his fan, but he was suddenly intercepted by a yellow blur. Koro-sensei (Assassination Classroom) appeared, moving at Mach 20, and began meticulously grooming Madara's eyebrows.
"Nu-nurufufufu! Your stress levels are far too high, Madara-kun! A well-groomed villain is a happy villain!" Koro-sensei chirped while wearing a tiny apron.
The "Rentarou Family" Intervention
While the heavy hitters were distracting Madara, the Rentarou Family was busy. Nano Eiai was holding her tablet, her eyes glowing with cold logic.
"Statistically," Nano said, "this illusion is only 76% effective on those with a high 'Simp-Level.' If we all focus our love on Rentarou-kun simultaneously, we can create a localized 'Love-Field' that will shatter the moon."
"DO IT!" Rentarou screamed, his shirt already beginning to rip from the sheer pressure of his own sincerity. "FOR THE SAKE OF OUR QUALITY TIME!"
All 27+ girlfriends linked hands. The power of 100 Girlfriends began to manifest as a giant, pink, glowing heart-shaped satellite dish pointed directly at Madara's moon.
A New Challenger Appears
Just as the Love-Beam was about to fire, a voice echoed through the mall—a voice that sounded like a bored office worker who had seen too many spreadsheets.
"Excuse me. Is this a private apocalypse, or can anyone join?"
Standing by the fountain was Loid Forger (Spy x Family), holding a suppressed pistol in one hand and a diaper bag in the other. Next to him, Yor Forger was nervously cleaning her stilettos.
"Loid! We were supposed to be shopping for Anya's school supplies!" Yor whispered.
"I know, Yor, but the sky is a giant eyeball. It's bad for Anya's educational development," Loid replied calmly.
Anya, sitting on Goku's shoulders, pointed at Madara. "Father! The man with the long hair is a big liar! He said there would be peace, but he's just grumpy because nobody invited him to the buffet!"
The Ultimate Team-Up
Madara looked down at the gathering crowd. He saw a bald man, a Saiyan, a blindfolded sorcerer, a yellow octopus, a spy family, a screaming kid with a giant sword, and a boy with 27 girlfriends.
"Fine," Madara spat, drawing his sword. "If you want to die in reality, I will oblige!"
"Wait!"
A small, blue cat with wings (Happy from Fairy Tail) flew over Madara's head. "You forgot the most important rule of an anime crossover!"
"And what is that?" Madara hissed.
"THE OPENING THEME SONG IS STARTING!"
Suddenly, the mall's speakers began playing a chaotic mashup of Gurenge, Silhouette, and Cha-La Head-Cha-La.