( Maria ☼)
As the sun hit my window like a gentle guest, I began my day. I sat on the edge of the bed as my sleepy body tried finding my slippers, and my feet danced around the floor until I slipped in. My hands touched my eyes, gently rubbing them. With quiet steps, I moved toward the guest's room where Autumn slept. I gave him a small kiss on the forehead before going to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. My hands moved through the kitchen, like a bird in their familiar nest. I opened the cupboard over my sink, reaching for the rusty pan. I cooked some eggs while the breeze of bitter brown beans filled the air. I poured coffee into my favourite mug and settled everything on the dining table.
With a yawn I walked to my bedroom to change my outfit, officially beginning my day. I opened my wardrobe looking for the perfect fit, not only to match the weather but also my mood. I threw out my blue pants along with half of my clothes. Outfits waiting to be picked but not today. I kicked away the clothes on the floor under my bed. My hands dug deeper into my closet as I finally pulled out a pink, fuzzy top, a thigh-length black skirt, and black tights. I opened the drawer under the wardrobe, snatching my leather boots before sitting on the bed trying to put them on. I let my hair fall loosely on my shoulders as I applied lip balm.
I walked to the guest's bedroom again, my heels clicking on the floor.
" Good morning, Autumn,"
He murmured a good morning, before following me to the kitchen. I grabbed a pillow from the living room. Placing it as a poster underneath him, reaching the table perfectly.
" Hope you like your breakfast, Lucas is coming soon,"
He nodded, smiling, before stuffing his face with more food. I held my mug of coffee and sat beside Autumn. My thoughts swam far away from the kitchen. To Alex's sharp eyes, like a blade cutting through my heart with possessiveness and love.
" Miss, who's Alex?" Autumn questioned, his voice flat.
His question caught me off guard. Heat rushed through my body as my cheeks burned up. But thankfully, the doorbell saved me. I looked at Autumn wondering how many secrets he could be holding. My smile faded as I looked at the child with aggression in my eyes before I wiped that expression to open the door.
I held the knop tightly, my knuckles turning white as I opened.
" Good morning, babe!" I expressed, kissing his cheek.
Lucas's eyes looked like a panda's, with big dark circles underneath. Maybe that wasn't something worth mentioning, probably a terrible night's sleep. I recalled him mentioning something about insomnia a few weeks back but I never thought it was this serious.
Lucas looked at me, his lips curved in a small smile. My leg bent upward as I tried standing on my tippy toes meeting his lips perfectly. My hand rested on his chest, a throbbing heart. My eyes met his. Unsaid words filled the air...
His tall figure towered over me. The exhausted eyes cut deep into me... I knew what I'm going to do was wrong, but what if it wasn't? What if I were just saving three hearts from breaking? Air filled my lungs as I held his hand leading to the kitchen.
" He'd just finished eating breakfast," I said smiling.
Autumn's head slightly turned toward us. His hands rose in the air expecting a hug, the brown golden curlers bouncing in different directions. Lucas held Autumn with firm hands, as if he were made of glass... as if he'd break. Lucas pulled the chair, with Autumn on one hand. I smile, leaning against the doorframe. My fingers held the cold metallic chain as I put my bag around my shoulder.
" Gotta go, I'll be late to class" Eyes glued to Lucas's.
His eyes met mine but they weren't as sharp as they used to, something in them was torn. Broken.
" Goodbye, my love." His face lit up as his lips curved to something like a smile. But it barely met his eyes.
I held the keys tightly in my hand. The wind danced with my hair, turning my perfect look into a chaotic prefaction. My pointing finger removed a hair strain from my mouth before entering the car. I opened the car mirror looking at myself as guilt hit... maybe what I'm doing was wrong. Lucas' voice echoed through every corner of my brain.
" Goodbye, my love." Repeated like a prayer.... But Alex's admiration was stronger. The fire that lit up inside whenever we touched, whenever our fingers intertwined. Yes, Lucas was an amazing guy but in the end. I couldn't stand being around. The coldness, stillness in our relationship made everything still... when all I wanted was to run. Yet Lucas was protective, maybe overprotective or even controlling. And I'm just a bird that has wings to spread and fly. On the other side Alex was rich, the richest in school in fact. I started the engine and headed to the coffee shop.
I slammed the car door shut as my heels clicked against the asphalt floor.
A spark lit up in my eyes as my browns melted into Alex's chocolate brown eyes. Click, click, click. My steps were steady against the floor, as if I was trained to walk with heels from birth. As I reached the coffee shop, my hands landed on the back of Alex's neck as my other hand placed on his chest. Steady heartbeat, not like Lucas's. My lip touched his, and the warmth of his breath exploded something inside me. I held the back of his head tighter as his kiss grew more possessive. My index finger rubbed slowly against his head, up and down. As the kiss ended leaving me breathless, he smiled at me. Alex held my hand and managed to twirl me.
" Gorgeous," he said in an almost whispering voice.
Alex pulled away the chair as he gestured for me to sit. I fixed my skirt before sitting down, and I put a leg over the other. Alex sat beside me, his thumb on my thighs rubbing them slowly.
" You look more than perfect today," I smiled. My face flushed red before I put a hair string behind my ear. I could never understand how this man could manage to make me feel so secure but also as if I was made of gold, as if someone would steal me.
We chatted for a bit before Alex insisted on buying us coffee, I agreed but only after a few back-and-forth conversations.
" Oh please my dearest, let me have the honour of buying you coffee or anything you'd rather have," his face in a grin.
" Are you sure, I wouldn't like to burden you, I can pay for myself," I said with a smile as I put my elbow on the table, resting my face in my hand.
" Don't worry princess, you would never need your wallet in my watch. Now, please let me do what you least deserve," he brushed away a hair from my face before getting in to buy us drinks.
When he'd returned placing the mugs in front of the two of us, I spotted the unexpected. Autumn was right there, at the end of the street holding an ice cream cone. Along with no one but Lucas. I quickly ducked my head under the table but to my surprise, he had already spotted me...
" You are at school.. huh..." Lucas said, approaching us. His shoulders shook as his face slowly crumbled. His eyes, not daring to look at mine.
" Why Maria! What have I done to deserve this!" He took a step back, his gaze pinned to the floor as the tears dropped like a flood from his chin. And right there he broke down. Right in front of everyone. Alex held my hand, his voice soft but with a hint of confusion.
" Who's this loser?" Alex looked at Lucas as if he were a lost child looking for his mother.
" I'm her boyfriend! I - I was her boyfriend!" Lucas yelled as his breath got more unsteady. I held my phone, double-clicking on the start button to secretly record. If Lucas spread this in the school, my social life would be ruined so I had no choice but to document his fall so he doesn't think about creating mine. Countless of people would have turned against me if they knew I'm a cheater...
Lucas continued to cry uncontrollably. "I-I-I haven't done anything wrong... I-I-I was there for you when your parents got divorced. I sacrificed so much for you, Maria. I was always there for you... But you?" His breathing grew heavier as he rubbed his chest, struggling for air. A small bitter chuckle escaped his lips. " You decided to throw it all just to get someone who will use you then throw you for nothing!"
" I tried my very best for you! But I was never good enough..." He whipped a tear from his cheek before looking at Alex. " And you? Out of all people in school, you chose my Maria?! You could have anyone else!" He took a breath. His voice, more confident now.
" I was the first person she called whenever in trouble, I was there for her in every pain and sorrow to hold her! But maybe money is more valuable than love..."
" I needed love... I needed you. But I guess you abandoned me, the worst is, it wasn't for love but money," He added.
The guilt consumed a part of me as the chaos unwrapped, while another part didn't like the ongoing pathetic act. " It isn't my fault you pretend you're fine! If you weren't fine you should have told me, I would have listened,"
Lucas's hand curled into a fist. " You're a brat, Maria! You're just a selfish bitch! You never asked because you never cared!" His sharp voice echoed strongly enough to reach the other street. Autumn was standing beside him, licking his ice cream as if this were an act of an amazing drama movie.
" What did you call he-," Alex's voice cut the tension in the area, I squeezed his hand, shutting him. " I'll do better in the future, I'm really sorry, it's a promise..." I said as both of them looked at me with surprise. " In the future!? There's no future between us!" Lucas yelled. "I imagined my whole life with you, Maria. I thought you respected me. I thought, for once, I was loved. I thought you'd never hurt me. And you know what? You don't even realise how many times you've hurted me...It's not just about this."
He let out a sad, bitter laugh before continuing, "Do you remember yesterday? You didn't even ask why I wasn't eating... or this morning, when I looked exhausted, you didn't ask why. You've never asked me why I was so quiet. You never ask about my dreams. Or future place... clearly because you knew this! You didn't want a future together,"
I stayed quiet, unsure of what to say. Alex looked just as shocked and, without a word, told me he was leaving. I stared at the floor, still speechless, but I knew I had to say something. His words cut something deep inside of me.
" I'm sorry I was never enough for you okay! It's not my fault that I wasn't taught how to love or be loved... You knew what kind of life I had before you! It's not that I could read your mind and knew you weren't okay or how to help," I paused before continuing. " I'm a human just like you!
He suddenly screamed, his voice raw with emotion. "You're never there when I need you! You don't even know what it's like to be poor, cold, and alone on the streets. I do. You've never slept hungry on the streets, but I have! You never once asked yourself why I cared about you-not just because I love you, but because I know what it feels like to be lonely. I know what it feels like to be ignored by everyone. So don't you dare pull the victim card when you know nothing about me!"
I took a deep breath as everything went quiet... was he actually suffering? Was I this blinded by my own emotions? Maybe I was... guilty consumed each blood vessel in my body.
" I'm sorry, my love..." I stretched my arms for a hug but instead got pushed away. Tears formed in my eyes. Lucas never rejected me like this before...
" Don't you dare call me that! I hate you, Maria! I hate you so much right now!" He sobbed as he tried breathing before he walked away...