Chapter 127
Leonard had gone across the hall to comfort Penny.
Meanwhile, Ethan stayed in the living room and started handing out souvenirs.
Howard and Raj opened theirs the fastest, and both immediately looked pleased.
"Whoa." Howard examined the item in his hands with admiration. "Italian style? This absolutely matches my vibe."
"Thank you, Ethan." Raj smiled with remarkable sincerity. "I promise I will never, ever return this for store credit."
"…"
That was a little too honest.
Sheldon sat stiffly on the couch, staring at the box in front of him before finally opening it last.
Inside was an extremely minimalist leather card holder.
Soft lines. Subtle color. The kind of accessory that didn't show off—but anyone looking at it could instantly tell it was expensive.
Sheldon stared at it for a full three seconds.
"…"
He picked it up, inspected the compartments, then lightly rubbed the leather surface with his thumb.
"The material quality is acceptable."
For Sheldon, that was basically overwhelming praise.
Ethan had just begun relaxing when Sheldon continued:
"However, there are three problems here."
Ethan sighed.
"…I knew it."
Sheldon raised one finger.
"Problem number one: although you described this as a 'non-reciprocal gift,' in actual human society, nearly all gifts are automatically interpreted as triggering a reciprocal obligation."
"In other words, without obtaining my consent, you have added a new future task to my schedule."
Howard chimed in from the side:
"Yeah. One of those tasks with no deadline, but it hangs over your head forever."
Sheldon nodded seriously.
"Thank you, Howard. You have summarized my anxiety with remarkable precision."
Howard blinked.
"I was being sarcastic."
Sheldon paused.
"…Oh."
He adjusted the card holder in his hands and continued:
"Problem number two: reciprocal value equivalence."
"If the return gift is too inexpensive, I will appear ungrateful.
If the return gift is too valuable, I may unintentionally force you into providing a second reciprocal gift."
He stared at the wallet gravely.
"This creates a classic gift inflation curve."
He paused dramatically.
"Historically, it has destroyed countless holidays."
Ethan spread his hands helplessly.
"I genuinely just thought it suited you."
Sheldon nodded immediately.
"Yes. That is precisely the most dangerous part."
"And now, problem number three. The most severe issue of all."
He opened the card holder and carefully counted each slot out loud for everyone to see.
"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six."
"It has six card slots."
Sheldon took a deep breath.
"And at present, the number of legal, frequently used, and personally acceptable cards I am willing to carry on my person…"
He paused dramatically.
"…is three."
Raj suggested helpfully,
"You could always apply for more cards?"
Sheldon instantly turned toward him.
"I refuse to obtain unnecessary identity mediums simply to satisfy the spatial expectations of a physical container."
"That would create structural asymmetry."
Ethan cautiously asked,
"So… you don't like it?"
Sheldon looked down at the card holder again and lightly touched the leather once more.
"No."
"I like it."
"And precisely because I like it—"
He looked up at Ethan with the expression of a rational victim suffering profound injustice.
"—the pain you have inflicted upon me feels so painfully real."
Only Sheldon could somehow transform receiving a gift into psychological trauma.
Moments like this always made Ethan want to kill Sheldon first… and resurrect him afterward.
Ethan sighed helplessly.
"Well… as long as you like it."
—
At that moment, Leonard came back.
Ethan immediately seized the opportunity.
"Leonard, perfect timing. Here's the gift I brought for you."
Leonard's eyes looked unfocused.
He mechanically accepted the present without even opening it before wandering over to the couch and sitting down.
"Oh… Ethan, thanks. I really like it."
Everyone immediately gathered around him.
"What happened?" Raj asked. "Didn't you go comfort Penny?"
"I did." Leonard nodded blankly.
"And then?"
"She got back together with Mike."
"—WHAT?!"
Everyone shouted in unison.
Howard stared at him in disbelief.
"How exactly were you comforting her?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Leonard grabbed his hair in frustration.
"I honestly don't know what I said!
Suddenly she started talking about how Mike was just expressing his love in his own stupid way, and how he only wanted the whole world to understand his feelings!
And then she ran off to get back together with him!"
He paused, his voice growing quieter.
"She even thanked me before leaving… for helping her realize the truth."
Another pause.
"…Maybe I really am her gay best friend."
The group exchanged silent looks.
—
An hour later, everyone sat around the table eating Chinese takeout while playing a dice-based board game.
Sheldon frowned thoughtfully.
"I believe I need to continue my Mandarin lessons. Clearly those people still fail to understand what I'm saying."
Ethan sighed.
"Sheldon, if you don't like orange chicken, stop ordering orange chicken."
"I do like orange chicken," Sheldon immediately corrected him.
"The issue is that what they served me was not authentic orange chicken."
Leonard groaned and buried his face in his hands.
"Can we… please talk about something else?"
Raj smiled pleasantly.
"Of course. We could discuss how you successfully convinced Penny to reunite with her ex-boyfriend."
Leonard glared at him.
"Roll your dice."
Raj shrugged and read from the game card.
"Captured by the magician. You may only escape by rolling a two, four, or six—"
Leonard suddenly exploded.
"She was angry at him!
She had already dumped him!
That relationship was completely beyond repair!
And then I showed up—"
He pointed at himself dramatically.
"—and somehow got them back together!"
Howard couldn't help admiring the situation.
"My God… this story just keeps getting better."
Sheldon calmly analyzed:
"Actually, I found the earlier versions more dramatically compelling.
I sympathized with 'Leonard 1.0.'
I considered 'Leonard 2.0' largely responsible for his own suffering.
But now, with 'Leonard 3.0'…"
He adjusted his posture slightly.
"…he simply feels like a deeply resentful housewife."
Ethan finally stepped in.
"Come on, guys. Show Leonard some sympathy. Everyone accidentally ruins things sometimes."
"At moments like this, you're supposed to comfort him."
Leonard looked up, eyes slightly red.
"Thanks, Ethan."
"However," Ethan continued immediately, "we should also recognize the positive significance hidden within this event."
Sheldon blinked.
"What positive significance?"
Ethan answered with complete seriousness.
"Haven't you realized it yet? Leonard possesses an extraordinarily rare ability."
He pointed dramatically toward Leonard.
"He can successfully convince girls to return to their ex-boyfriends after already breaking up."
"This is an incredibly practical talent.
In the future, if any of you get girlfriends and do something unforgivable—
like publicly posting details about your sex life online—
Leonard can apparently still persuade your girlfriend to forgive you and voluntarily reconcile."
"Yeah!" Howard instantly raised his hand.
"I'd like to reserve that service in advance."
"Me too," Raj added immediately.
"I have no need for such a service," Sheldon rejected calmly.
Leonard clutched his head in despair.
"Do you people really have to be this cruel?"
Howard leaned back in his chair.
"At this rate, I genuinely think Leonard might cry."
"Sorry," Ethan admitted, sounding slightly softer now.
"I honestly couldn't resist."
Raj added helpfully,
"But Leonard, you definitely still have another chance."
Leonard looked up weakly.
"What chance?"
"When Mike hurts Penny again and they break up again…"
Raj smiled warmly.
"…you'll get another opportunity to reunite them."
Leonard groaned in agony.
"Please… stop talking."
—
BANG!
The apartment door slammed open.
Penny stormed inside and shouted directly at Leonard:
"Thank you SO MUCH for your incredibly stupid advice!"
The moment the words left her mouth, she slammed the door shut again.
The apartment instantly fell silent.
All five men stared in shock.
Raj recovered first and slowly turned toward Leonard.
"Incredible…"
He sounded genuinely impressed.
"You somehow managed to ruin something that you had already ruined once before."
Leonard instinctively stood and took two steps toward the door—
then immediately stopped.
He inhaled deeply, as though fighting against psychological trauma itself.
"No… I can't go back over there."
He swallowed hard.
"If I do, I might trigger the second major case of PTSD in my life."
He slowly turned toward Ethan.
"Ethan… maybe you should go instead?"
Howard immediately asked:
"So you're completely unconcerned about the possibility of those two emotionally connecting?"
Leonard answered without hesitation:
"That would still be better than Penny getting back together with her ex."
"…Alright." Ethan stood up.
Leonard quickly added:
"I'll come over in five minutes."
"…"