Chapter 126 – The Ex-Boyfriend's Blog
Ethan had just been about to make another sarcastic comment when—
BANG!
The apartment door slammed open.
Penny stormed inside in a fury.
"I need to use your window!"
"Sure, go ahead," Leonard answered almost on reflex.
Penny had already rushed to the window.
She shoved it open and screamed down at the street below:
"HEY! YOU PATHETIC JERK!"
"You forgot your iPod!"
She hurled the device out the window with all her strength.
Inside the living room, all four men stared in stunned silence.
After hesitating for a moment, Ethan finally asked:
"…What exactly happened?"
Penny spun around, rage blazing across her face.
"I'll tell you what happened!"
"That narcissistic asshole wrote about our sex life on his blog!"
Then she turned back toward the window and shouted again:
"GO TO HELL, YOU SELF-OBSESSED LOSER!"
After that, she stormed straight out of the apartment.
Right before leaving, she threw one last line over her shoulder:
"Thanks."
SLAM.
The door shut behind her.
The living room fell silent once more.
"Well then."
Sheldon casually continued flipping through his Mandarin textbook as if nothing had happened.
"Now, where were we?"
Howard had already stood up, eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Hold on—
I suddenly have a blog I need to look up."
---
Ethan went back to his room, unpacked his luggage, changed clothes, and came back out.
Just then, Leonard's voice drifted in from outside the apartment door.
"I know breakups can be really hard…"
Penny's voice immediately exploded in response:
"GO AWAY!"
"…Okay. Don't be upset. Bye."
A few seconds later, Leonard returned to the living room wearing a conflicted expression.
"She doesn't want to talk."
"That is not surprising."
Without even lifting his head, Sheldon continued turning pages in his book.
"Penny's emotional response is primarily driven by the amygdala, one of the brain's most primitive structures."
He flipped another page.
"Meanwhile, language processing is located in the neocortex, which evolved much later."
"In states of intense emotional stimulation, the former easily suppresses the latter."
He adjusted his posture slightly.
"Science has already confirmed that this is the neurological explanation behind the phenomenon commonly described as 'having no words.'"
Leonard stared at him expressionlessly.
Ethan sighed and translated:
"What he means is—
when emotions reach a certain intensity, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions temporarily overrides the parts responsible for language and rational expression."
He glanced toward Penny's apartment.
"So right now, it's not that she doesn't want to talk."
"She literally can't."
Sheldon looked up at Ethan.
"That is literally what I just said. Why did you repeat it?"
Leonard nodded thoughtfully.
"Got it. So basically, she just doesn't want to talk."
Right then, the apartment door opened.
Raj walked in holding a completely shattered iPod.
"Hey, guys. Look what I found."
Howard glanced back from his laptop.
"It's smashed to pieces. What are you planning to do with it?"
Raj shrugged casually.
"What else? Put a '90% Like New' label on it and sell it on eBay."
Leonard sat down on the couch and explained,
"It belonged to Penny's ex-boyfriend. They just broke up."
Howard kept typing while grumbling in frustration,
"Apparently he posted details about their sex life on his blog.
But I've been searching forever and still can't find it."
Raj thought for a moment before suggesting,
"Why doesn't Ethan go comfort Penny?
He studied psychology, didn't he? This is basically his specialty."
"Thanks for the invitation. I literally just got off a plane."
Ethan answered automatically.
The living room fell silent for several seconds.
Nobody laughed.
Nobody responded.
Ethan quietly sighed, suddenly feeling the loneliness of a joke unappreciated.
"…Alright then. I guess I'll go check on Penny?"
His tone softened again.
"She's probably feeling awful right now. I brought gifts back from Europe anyway—maybe that'll cheer her up a little."
"Wait."
Leonard immediately spoke up, almost on instinct.
He stepped toward the doorway, unconsciously blocking the path.
"You just got back, Ethan.
You spent all day flying, you're jet-lagged, you still have luggage to unpack… you're already exhausted."
"I should go instead."
"I'm fine—"
"That's not the point." Leonard shook his head seriously.
"You shouldn't keep pushing yourself."
Howard looked up, instantly slipping into analytical mode.
"Exactly, Ethan.
Because if you go over there—
when Penny is at her emotional lowest, and suddenly a mature, gentle, good-listening doctor who just returned from Europe shows up radiating emotional security…"
He spread his hands dramatically.
"That stops being comfort."
"That becomes… the perfect rebound."
"Howard!"
Leonard snapped his head around immediately.
"I'm just describing a possible scenario," Howard continued without slowing down.
"The two of them emotionally connect, spend the evening sharing deep feelings and engaging in vigorous cardio-based therapeutic activities…"
He paused deliberately before adding:
"Which raises an important question—
who exactly ends up unhappy?"
The room went quiet for a second.
Leonard took a deep breath, his tone suddenly becoming extremely serious.
"That is not what this is about."
He turned toward Ethan and spoke firmly.
"I'm worried about Ethan. He just got off a plane and he's exhausted.
This has nothing to do with Penny or any other possibility."
Howard raised an eyebrow.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," Leonard answered instantly.
Ethan looked between the two of them and couldn't help laughing.
"Alright," he said with a nod. "Then you go."
"Reasonable choice," Howard continued in full engineering-analysis mode.
"If Ethan goes over there, the probability of them waking up together tomorrow morning is roughly ninety-nine percent."
He pointed toward Leonard.
"But for you, Leonard, I estimate only a temporary thirty percent."
Leonard frowned.
"What does 'temporary thirty percent' even mean?"
"It means the odds aren't zero.
If she's sad enough, and you're persistent enough—
sitting beside her, holding her gently, telling her things like 'you deserve better'…"
Howard wiggled his eyebrows.
"Adult-grade emotional healing."
He paused.
"So tonight still retains a measurable probability curve."
Leonard answered righteously,
"I would never take advantage of her while she's vulnerable, Howard."
"I know." Howard nodded solemnly.
"You're going there to be a good person."
Sheldon walked past holding a cup.
"I still fail to understand why this situation requires social intervention or mediation in the first place."
Leonard argued back,
"Penny is a girl in emotional pain right now. As a righteous man, shouldn't I help her? Save her?"
"That was the behavioral code of twelfth-century knights," Sheldon replied flatly.
"Not modern society."
He took another sip.
"And technically, you would first need to become an actual knight."
"I don't care about that." Leonard pulled open the apartment door.
"She's hurting. I'm going over there."
Howard called after him:
"Remember to rub your hands together first so they're warm. It helps preserve the mood."
"She's my friend!" Leonard shouted back.
"I'm not going to exploit her emotional vulnerability!"
Howard tilted his head.
"So if, at her absolute lowest moment, she throws herself into your arms—
you're saying you'd heroically walk away?"
Leonard thought about it for a second.
"What I said was—
I'm her friend.
Not her gay friend."