Aucteros flipped through the floating pages of his spellbook with his only arm, arcane glyphs shimmering with gold light.
"Where is my King Crow?" Corvessa purred. "He kissed me! He kissed me!"
Corvessa went instantly quiet. Eyes beamed at the ground.
(Of course. Rhenvar. It was all she ever talked about. Her obsession had long since bled into madness.)
"We don't have time for that witch," Charles snapped. His distaste for her was never subtle.
Corvessa tilted her head. "Oh? I'll turn you into a rat and stomp your head in, how about that?"
"Enough!" Aucteros barked, the book freezing mid-turn.
"We have a rare opportunity. Rhenvar went alone. With your help," he nodded at Corvessa, "we can end him- "
The book flashed. Aucteros frowned.
"Dammit never mind. He left that world."
(Back to that annoying pocket dimension he has.)
A digital chime echoed.
"Hey! Are you ready for some PVP healer?"
Something pink and pixelated zoomed past his face, nearly taking his head off. The book of fate hummed and he instinctively dodged.
Aucteros blinked. Floating in midair was a… pink cat girl. Glitching. Sparkling. Smiling.
"Oh? Does everyone have agility maxed? Nyaa~"
He stared at the name above her head:
(Meowfunction.EXE?)
(What in all the hells is this?)
Aucteros rubbed his temples.
(This meeting was already a disaster. And now… this.)
"Corvessaaa," Meowfunction.EXE sang, hovering upside-down midair, her glitched tail twitching. "Cool nameplate, I dig the title. You're a miniboss, right? Like, optional? I bet you give a cosmetic drop. Sweet I'll delete you."
"You wish to fight me, cat? I will flay you like a songbird," Corvessa whispered, black feathers swirling around her. "And braid your intestines into a noose for my King Crow's neck."
"Ohhhh edgy!" Meowfunction giggled, flickering in and out of pixelated transparency. "You're one of those NPCs. Maybe I'll farm this King Crow later."
She raised her hand. A glitch-bunny plush sword spawned-shimmering pink, three frames behind reality.
Corvessa stepped forward, bare feet smooshing the ground beneath her. Her eyes glowed with violet soulfire. "I have killed for less; don't you dare think about taking my King Crow away."
Bird wings ripped from Corvessa's body.
"Cool story, Crowzilla," Meowfunction chirped. "Now lemme guess… vulnerable to light damage? Do you scream when you take crits? Is there a quick-time event if I rip your wings off?"
"You dare!"
"Round one, fight!" Meowfunction yelled and teleported behind Corvessa.
Slash.
A flicker of pink light grazed Corvessa's shoulder.
Blood dripped. Slowly. Smoking. Glitching.
Aucteros took a step back. "Oh no."
Corvessa didn't scream.
She laughed.
Low. Cracking. Birdlike.
She melted into black violet flamed feathers, reforming behind Meowfunction, scythe in hand. "You think this is some children's game?"
"I know it's a game!" Meowfunction winked. "I'm the best pvper around, feather face!"
Clash.
Glitch met soulfire.
Corvessa's soul-scythe carved space in half but Meowfunction dodged mid-frame, leaving behind trails of corrupted code. They clashed midair, Meowfunction bouncing back and waiting for an opening, Corvessa a graceful storm of bone and crows.
Boom.
Charles screamed from behind a barrier Aucteros cast. "They're going to kill each other!"
Aucteros did not reply. He just watched, dead-eyed, as Corvessa shouted:
"You're weak, your soul is nonexistent, and you DARE love my KING?!"
Meowfunction.EXE laughed through a glitch in her face. "Girl, I don't even know what you're talking about. But now I really wanna delete him for funsies."
Corvessa stopped. "…You what?"
"Oh yeah. The way you talk about your boy, he got boss fight energy. Does he have a final phase, cool transformation, trauma monologue. Totally farming him next patch."
Corvessa screamed crows burst from her body, they made an unholy sound that made the shadows ripple and launched herself into the air.
Meowfunction cackled. "Okay, now we're cooking! Time for Crow Queen: Broken Wing Ascension Phase!"
Corvessa blasted out crows. Meowfunction started the sky dodging them.
And before anyone could see. Corvessa's scythe cut the pink cat in half.
"Oh no nya!" She said. "Guess you are the final boss-"
The pink cat disappeared.
Then in a weird glitched light she reappeared.
"Respawn!" she cheered, with a ridiculous pose!
"Corvessa! Stand down." Aucteros shouted.
"This thing dared- " she shouted back.
"Stand down."
And Corvessa did.
"Oh, not cool, backing down from a duel."
The cat floated down.
"Pink cat lady. We have no quarrel with you. Why did you attack us?"
"Im Meowfuncion.EXE oh, is this the start of a quest?"
(I need to stop finding lunatics but she seems immortal. That I can use…)
"We would like you to join us."
"Oh, ya dudes are players and you wanna party up- "
She glitched. One eye turned red. It was haunting.
"Please save me…"
Then the cat blinked with pink sparkles.
"Nya~ sure I'll go raiding with you! But don't expect me to speed run you for gear and EXP."
Her smile twitched.
One ear glitched sideways.
Somewhere inside her code, something screamed again.
(Something is off about this… thing.)
He opened his book and read it.
(The girl wasn't just an abnormal. She was a custom-built character, originally played by a man named Sumixam.)
(Her original name was KillMeKitty, the true soul that made her was transferred into her but then… overwritten.)
He looked up at her.
(Now it's just a vessel. A puppet for a virus that thought it was a player of the game he played in a massive multiplayer online game...)
(Interesting… I can use her.)