The Blame Game
Malesh calmly stepped out of the bushes, completely ignoring Filoska's screaming and Salesh's medical panic. He smoothly adjusted his dragon-themed silk tie and looked around the primitive forest.
"Basically, I logically need to ask," Malesh stated flatly, his dark eyes scanning the trees. "Why the hell are we currently stuck in this unregulated woodland?"
Kniya aggressively snapped his neck toward Malesh, his chaotic energy instantly boiling over into pure, unfiltered rage.
"Because of you, you fucking idiot!" Kniya screamed, violently pointing a finger at Malesh's chest. "Did your premium brain cells literally forget that we all got brutally murdered in that office because of you?! You tried to infiltrate his moral compass by handing him a massive stack of cash! You absolute fucking bribe dick!"
Malesh blinked slowly, completely unfazed by the screaming.
"First of all, what kind of grammatically useless cuss word is 'bribe dick'?" Malesh replied in a perfectly deadpan tone. "And secondly, logically speaking, I was the sole individual who offered him the financial incentive. If his moral compass was so strictly aligned, he should have only shot me. Killing all of us was completely disproportionate. It was terrible customer service and highly unnecessary collateral damage."
"Then why don't you go back and file a fucking complaint with the guy who blew our brains out, you fucking idiot?!" Kniya yelled back, popping his mint gum so aggressively it sounded like a gunshot.
Malesh didn't answer right away. He just stood there, staring out at the medieval village in the distance, then down at the giant unconscious dragon they had just gassed. A very strange, highly unsettling transformation began to happen on Malesh's normally emotionless face.
The corners of his mouth began to twitch. Slowly, a massive, incredibly creepy smile stretched across his face.
"I mathematically don't know why he killed us," Malesh whispered, his eyes widening with pure, unhinged excitement. "But my inner thoughts are currently running the statistics... This environment is completely unfamiliar. There are no factories. No steam-cars. Just flying lizards and medieval dirt."
Malesh suddenly grabbed Kniya by the shoulders, shaking him with absolute joy.
"Kniya! Do you realize what this means?!" Malesh practically cheered, losing his logical composure entirely. "This place is exactly the same as your fucking Democratic Demon Lord novel! We actually got reincarnated! Yes! Finally! We got reincarnated into a cliché fantasy world! We are going to use our modern knowledge, infiltrate the medieval hierarchy, and completely destroy the fucking Demon Lord!"
The Capitalist Tragedy
Instead of getting excited, Kniya just stared at Malesh's smiling face with pure, unfiltered horror. His chaotic smirk completely vanished, replaced by a look of sheer, soul-crushing devastation.
"Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Kniya screamed, aggressively slapping Malesh's hands off his shoulders. "Why the hell are you so happy right now?!"
"Because we are in a novel—"
"We don't have our company!" Kniya interrupted, grabbing his own hair as he entered a state of massive financial panic. "Our property is gone! Our offshore bank accounts are gone! Every single premium asset we took years to ruthlessly develop is literally gone! We don't have a single penny to our names! We are literally fucking broke!"
Kniya dramatically dropped to his knees in the dirt, clutching his chest as if he were having an actual heart attack.
"Oh my God, Malesh, this has completely broken my heart," Kniya fake-sobbed, looking up at the sky in pure agony. "You should be severely depressed right now because of this fucking tragedy! How the hell are you so happy after getting reincarnated?! I don't give a shit if this is my novel world! I am absolutely devastated because my current net worth is literally just a handful of primitive fucking dirt!"
The Art of Manifestation
"Why the hell are you two crying about a stupid novel and corporate assets?!" Filoska viciously interrupted, violently brushing past the bushes. "We are not in our familiar world! We literally just woke up in the middle of a filthy forest, and Kniya somehow pulled a fucking useless fart-launcher out of thin air! How the fuck is that even physically possible?!"
Malesh suddenly turned around, his eyes shining with terrifying corporate ambition as he completely ignored her panic.
"Guys, you are missing the bigger picture here. This is so exciting," Malesh practically beamed, his usual deadpan demeanor replaced by pure capitalistic greed. "We are in a reincarnation scenario! Do you realize the market options we have right now? We can completely destroy the entire economic order of this primitive world and practically enslave this entire country into our own hands! We have so much corporate restructuring to do—"
"Shut up, you fucking idiot!" Kniya, Filoska, and Salesh all screamed in perfect unison.
Kniya sighed heavily, turning his attention back to Filoska's original, highly valid question.
"Look, Filoska, I honestly don't know how it formed inside my hands," Kniya explained, looking down at his empty palms with genuine confusion. "Basically, I was just looking at that dragon, and I was thinking about this exact fart-launcher in my mind. And suddenly, that model just ripped straight from my brain and came into reality as I was thinking about it. It was a very weird kind of thing. My mind literally just created that object into reality."
Malesh dropped his corporate villain smile, narrowing his eyes in pure skepticism. "Wait a minute. What the fuck? That is total shit."
"Yeah, Kniya, that is literally not possible!" Salesh panicked, aggressively rubbing his temples. "You are telling me that you were just thinking about a highly compressed biological weapon, and it magically popped into reality out of nowhere?! That violates every single law of physics!"
The Origin of the Weapon
"Oh, sorry, you know what? I have a full story to tell you guys," Kniya smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against a tree trunk. "Let me tell you the actual truth about what happened."
Filoska crossed her arms, glaring at him. "This better be good."
"When my eyes opened in this world, I was totally groggy. Everything was blurry and hard to process," Kniya began, his tone totally dramatic. "I sat up, looked out through the bushes, and saw that giant dragon flying over the village. Naturally, my heroic instincts kicked in, and I thought, 'I should save that child.' But when I sat down to formulate a plan, my very first thought was violently disrupted."
"By what?" Salesh asked, genuinely invested.
"Because my face was literally resting way too close to Malesh's fucking extra-large ass," Kniya declared loudly.
Malesh's face instantly froze.
"And being that close to the danger zone instantly triggered my PTSD," Kniya continued smoothly, completely ignoring Malesh's rising horror. "It reminded me of that terrifying encounter we had exactly thirty days ago. You guys remember, right? We were all happily sitting in my executive office, minding our own business, and suddenly Malesh farted. And the fart was so bad, so massive, and so catastrophically powerful that it devastated everything in the room. The plants died. My eyes watered. So, obviously, when I woke up with my face near his ass today, my brain instantly weaponized that traumatic memory into physical reality."
Malesh's professional composure completely shattered into a million pieces. His face turned bright red with pure, unfiltered outrage.
"What the fuck?!" Malesh screamed at the top of his lungs, completely losing his mind. "Don't lie! Why the hell are you lying?! That is not true! You are totally lying, you fucking idiot! You absolute asshole!"
"I am just telling the truth, man!" Kniya laughed hysterically, dodging as Malesh aggressively tried to grab him by the collar.
"It was a localized air conditioning malfunction in your office! I have a highly regulated gastrointestinal tract, you lying piece of shit!" Malesh yelled, violently pointing a finger at Kniya's face. "You just fabricated that entire story to justify your twisted psychological obsession with farts!"
Filoska dragged a hand down her face, looking at both of them with absolute, soul-crushing disgust.
"I literally died for this," Filoska muttered bitterly. "I got murdered by a tax officer, and now I have to listen to two grown billionaires argue about the magical manifestation of ass-gas."
Salesh aggressively covered his nose with his silk handkerchief, taking three steps away from Malesh. "Honestly, I believe Kniya. Your dietary habits are highly questionable, Malesh. Please stand downwind of me until we find civilization."
The Biological Awkwardness
Filoska physically cringed, her face twisting into an expression of pure, deeply awkward disgust. She took another cautious step backward, aggressively wrapping her arms around herself as if trying to shield her ears from the conversation.
"Oh my God, can we please just stop talking about this?" Filoska pleaded, dropping her strict corporate executive act entirely. Her voice cracked with genuine, grossed-out misery. "This is so incredibly dirty and disgusting! I literally just died, and now I am forced to stand in a muddy forest while you two shamelessly argue about the toxicity of your own bowel movements! Do you guys have absolutely zero human decency?!"
Kniya just popped his mint gum with a massive, unapologetic smirk, while Malesh aggressively adjusted his dragon-themed tie, entirely unfazed by her awkwardness. They were both completely shameless. Neither of them gave a single fuck about how gross the topic was.
Salesh, however, vigorously nodded from behind his silk handkerchief, his eyes wide with hypochondriac terror.
"Filoska is completely right," Salesh muffled, shivering in his casual clothes. "I can objectively confirm that a fart capable of physically killing indoor desk plants is a major health hazard. Malesh, your stomach is basically an unstable toxic waste dump, and I am genuinely concerned for my personal safety."
Malesh glared at both of them, his veins practically throbbing through his forehead.
"Why the fuck are you spreading the lie?!" Malesh screamed, pointing a furious finger at Kniya. "Nothing like that ever happened! You are just spreading this lie for absolutely no reason! Kniya, you are always responsible for creating this kind of unhinged shit! And Salesh, you are also giving him the upper hand by actually validating his delusions! Stop taking his side!"