He was admiring her.
Didn't he tell me they broke up?
Didn't he say his situation wasn't good because of her?
And now, when I can't even move on, I have to watch all this?
I turned my face toward my book and pretended to read. The letters blurred. I wasn't reading anything. I was just trying not to cry.
The period finally ended, and I rushed back to my classroom as if I was escaping something.
Ava and I sat on the last bench. I told her everything I saw, every small detail that hurt me more than it should have.
She rolled her eyes.
"Hey, stop being a depressed pillar for a boy, girl. Chill."
We both laughed.
I had to laugh.
Because if I didn't laugh, I would cry.
School ended. I reached home.
The first thing I did? Open my phone.
I expected a message from him.
Nothing.
He didn't even bother to say hi since morning.
Fine.
I'll ignore him too.
That's what I told myself while scrolling — checking every minute if he texted.
No message.
While waiting, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I remembered it was a holiday. I grabbed my phone quickly.
Still nothing.
Does he even care?
I remembered the last thing I told him:
"I don't want to be the third person in your relationship."
He replied with just one word:
"hnn."
That's it?
If he really loves her so much, why did he even start this with me?
The whole day passed without a single conversation.
The next day, I posted a note:
"Soon I'll be 16."
A notification popped up.
It was him.
"When's your birthday?"
"29," I replied casually.
"This month?"
"hnn 😊" I added a fake smile.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Noo? Why?"
"Why aren't you messaging then?"
"As if you are messaging me."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize."
"Why?"
"Because it's my fault too."
"You know how to apologize. That's great."
"Hn. I know how to. I'm not that bad."
"You were never bad."
"No, I am. And I want to be. There's nothing I get from being kind."
"You will get something."
"Yeah. Betrayal."
"hn.."
"I thought a lot about others before. Now I'll try not to."
"I did too. And I still do. I feel pain… but not emotional."
Not emotional?
Then what am I feeling?
Is my pain invisible?
Or does it just not matter?
Fine.
If he doesn't care…
Maybe I shouldn't either.
But why does it still hurt?
To be continued…