I couldn't stop my strange, nervous movements and continued to stammer. "I don't know how high I need to raise the bar to meet your standards... but I want to be good for you."
He cut me off, looking at me with bloodshot eyes. "Do you really think you can be 'good' for me when your words are nothing but nonsense... and your behavior is far from being a grown adult?"
As he slowly put on his jacket, he continued while staring directly into my eyes. "You think you can approach me however you want just because of your nature... but even if you saw me at a disadvantage today, I can crush you any second of any day."
I didn't think that at all... You were the one who wanted me to approach you, but...
"And... don't ever come to me with this kind of disgusting behavior again. As long as you keep your distance, you can do your job here. I'm not usually this kind of person, but... you went too far. Way too far. So, stay loyal to my words."
Stay loyal? I want you, not this job... I'm only here because I've been wondering why you left me five years ago without a single word.
As he walked past me, pulling his jacket tight, he added: "By the way, I don't care if you try to threaten me by telling someone about what happened between us. It would just be a minor headache, nothing more."
He opened the door and left. Just like that... the wall I thought I had cracked with a few moves was now rebuilt with steel. Reaching him was becoming harder every day. I knew I had gone too far, but... I only did it hoping he would remember me.
...
If I have to explain why I know him... We met seven years ago at a simple party. We were close for two years. At first, everything was fun. I was always making jokes, and he would laugh and join in. Our relationship, which I thought would be brief, turned from friendship into a deep bond. There was almost nothing I didn't know about him.
But five years ago... his attitude toward me suddenly changed. He started acting like he didn't remember things. He stopped answering my calls, and he wouldn't open the door to his house—a house whose address I knew by heart. He never even looked at my message box, which was filled with apologies. If he had at least given me a 'seen' receipt... my heart would have been at peace.
Years later, when I tracked him down and found out he had moved to a different city... my curiosity turned into a realization that I actually liked him. I know that for someone homophobic, feelings like mine are nothing but trash.
But back then, when we were together, he was always smiling. Now... he almost never smiles. He walks around with a constant scowl. WHAT REALLY TURNED HIM INTO THIS? The fact that he never told me why—and even told me he didn't recognize me or want to see me—only made me want to chase him more. Anyone would be curious.
Now, I was looking for ways to affect a man whose weaknesses I partially knew. Provocation and intimacy... I was going to use those two.
...
I walked out of his office and stood by the door. I should have thanked him for letting me continue as his guard, but well... you know how much he hates me. If you're going to play hard to get... then I'll play too. After all, I've loved you for so long.
...
Should I tell him about the old me? Should I say, "Look, I'm still here... I can do anything for you," just to make him remember?
I knew what I had to do now. I started walking toward the garage. I had to return the car I had taken in a panic to his house. From now on, they could kill me, but I wouldn't stop chasing him.
...
When I went down to the garage... I flinched at the sound of whispering and turned my head toward the noise. Mr. Ender seemed to be talking to someone. Wait, what? It was Ece Hanım. There was a distance between them... I couldn't quite make out what they were saying.
I quietly slipped into the large garage and hid behind one of the cars. Even though their voices were low, I could understand bits of it. "I promise I'll fix everything... I'll fix this disgraceful situation I've caused... please... just listen to me."
Hmm... Mr. Ender was staring at her intensely. After all, his girlfriend had cheated on him—and to top it off, she was pregnant by his close friend. If he forgave her, it would be pure stupidity. He was twitching his pinky finger while listening; it was clear he was nervous and wanted to say something.
"I-I don't want you anymore." There it is! The goal I was waiting for. Now I can die in peace... (I sat on the floor with a sigh of relief).
"But... to accept you even a little, you must stay at my house for a while."
Holy f*ck... what?! I snapped my head around to look at them.
...
For a split second, our eyes met. I grabbed my hair, wanting to scream. How can you still want to see someone who cheated on you?! You pride-less bastard!!!
The woman started crying and wrapped her arms around his neck. They hugged. He opened the car door and helped Ece Hanım inside. Then he got in himself, and they slowly drove out of the garage.
I punched the floor so hard out of anger... I didn't even notice my knuckles were bleeding. The desire to go home vanished instantly.
...
Fuming, I got into the company car they gave me and just sat there. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and waited.
Just when I had a bit of contact with him... I was back to square one. Will I ever be able to have this man, even once?! He went back to that woman even though she cheated... while I, no matter how I approach him, am treated like I'm invisible.