Chapter 10:
When we try to describe the word jealousy, we usually say it's a feeling of envy toward someone else's advantages or achievements.
In a romantic sense, it's that mix of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over the thought of losing someone's affection or interest.
So… am I really supposed to believe that Jack is jealous of Matt? As if he thinks I suddenly lost affection for him and gave it to Matt?
First of all, I don't think Matt even sees me that way. And if Jack truly thinks someone could easily take me away from him, then he definitely doesn't know me well. Nobody wants me. Honestly, I don't even know what he sees in me.
That's what I kept thinking as I walked to the library, where I was supposed to meet Lily and Jack to help him study.
For the little backstory, Last night's conversation led Lily to suggest that we "sort Jack out," and honestly, I want him to catch up with school, too. Plus…it's an opportunity to see him. I also wanted to surprise him with my new friend.
When I arrived, Jack was already there. The second I saw him, I started smiling and waved like a kid seeing their favorite snack in the store. I was ecstatic. My heart felt light and full.
I sat down, and he immediately pulled his chair closer to mine. With a soft, calm voice, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Did you find the place easily?"
I just nodded, suddenly blushing for reasons I couldn't explain.
Then he added, "So… what was it you wanted to show me?"
I got excited right away about telling him how I met Lily. I turned to him quickly—too quickly—and didn't realize how close his face already was. His eyes were looking into mine…
But before anything else could happen, Lily arrived and loudly cleared her throat.
We both jerked our heads away, faces red as tomatoes.
Lily sat down in front of us, crossing her legs dramatically.
"How beautiful it is to be young and free," she teased. "You guys are adorable. I never knew I'd see this side of you, Jack. Wow. Chef's kiss."
Jack coughed. "Do I know you? I reserved this place already. I think there's room downstairs."
"Lily, Jack. Jack, meet Lily, my new friend. This is what I wanted to show you. I made a friend at school. And I invited her because she's good at math," I added quickly before anything weird could happen.
"Nice to see you're alive after missing so many days of school," Lily said with a wink. "Please take care of my Lea."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You made new friends? Huh, Anyone else? Maybe… a guy?"
There was disappointment in his voice, but I didn't notice it right away.
I just casually answered, "No, not really."
He relaxed a little. "Okay. I'm happy you have a new friend. Nice to meet you, Lily."
"Oh wow, look at that, he has manners. Lea, good for you," she joked.
We started talking, and Lily kept teasing me. We laughed the entire time. She helped me with math, I helped her with other subjects, and surprisingly… Jack was the smartest among us. He ended up explaining everything. He looked like a handsome young teacher, too cool, honestly.
But still… something was off. Even though he was kind, I could feel he wasn't quite himself. Something was bothering him.
A message popped up on my phone from Lily:
"Time for phase two."
I nodded slightly.
Then Lily announced dramatically, "Oh no! I forgot I have something urgent to do today. I'm so sorry, guys, I have to go."
"Oh nooo," I replied just as dramatically. "You were helping us so much… but what can we do? You must go."
Jack just shrugged. "Okay. See you."
Lily left and texted me once she was outside:
"Good luck, girl. You got this."
Eventually, we got tired of studying. And now that we were alone, I honestly couldn't focus anymore.
Outside the building, I gathered my courage to invite him out to eat.
At the same time, he wanted to talk.
"You can go first," he said.
"No, you can go first," I insisted.
Then he finally said, "My house isn't far… I want to give you something. Do you want to come over?"
I was surprised and curious,s so I just followed him without asking anything else.
The walk felt long because my heart wouldn't stop beating fast still.
Phase two was supposed to be simple: talk to him, ask what's wrong, clear the misunderstanding.
But instead, here I was, on my way to his place. Phase two turned into nothing.
When we entered the apartment building and got into the elevator, my nerves exploded.
We reached his floor, and with every step, I felt my heart drop lower and lower.
Then he opened the door. His place was small but cozy, warm, comfortable, and smelling exactly like him.
Which didn't help my heartbeat at all. I was for the first time not in a friend's house but a guy's house. Worse, my boyfriend's house.
He told me that he doesn't live with his parents, so I knew there was no one.
He opened the door to what seemed like his room and told me to wait in the living room and make myself comfortable. I was like, there is nothing comfortable in this situation. A moment later, he returned with a small gift bag.
He made me sit on the sofa.
"You can open it," he said.
Inside were two keychains, pink labelled His, and blue labeled Hers.
"I bought them so you can put one on your bag zipper," he explained. "And I'll put mine too, so people know that you are in a relationship and won't bother you." Witha big smile i said thank you.
He nodded and stood up right after saying that, and walked toward the door, probably to send me home.
I understood the meaning behind the gift, I love it, and I am going to cherish it, because it made me happy…
But he still felt distant.
He wasn't complimenting me, he wasn't talking much, and he didn't even try to hug me.
It felt like I did something wrong.
My eyes were stinging; the tears were ready.
As he opened the door, something inside me snapped. Let's forget about phase two at this point.
I rushed forward, stood in front of the doorway, and closed it with my hand.
He looked at me, surprised, confused.
Staring at the floor, trying to gather any courage I had left, I said quietly,
"You told me that if I want something, I can ask you… right?"
My voice trembled.
"I… I want… Can I please… have a hug?"
My face burned bright red as I slowly opened my arms toward him.