Chapter 14:
Sometimes, there are thoughts you don't understand right away, feelings that sit quietly inside you, heavy and unnamed, until they start affecting everything. Even your body. Especially your body.
At school, I avoided Jack.
I avoided Matt.
It sounds cruel when I say it like that. Two people who cared about me, one of them my boyfriend, my first boyfriend, and I were pretending they didn't exist. Lily knew, of course. She always does. And as she promised, she stayed by my side.
The truth is, I was overwhelmed. Too many emotions I had never felt before, all arriving at once, asking me to choose, to decide, to understand things I wasn't ready for. I needed time, time to catch up with this new reality that refused to be erased.
I managed to avoid Lisa Bell, too, and ended up on the rooftop for lunch. I barely touched my food. Lily, on the other hand, ate enough for both of us. Watching her chew so happily reminded me of the night Jack cooked for me at his place, and I smiled without meaning to.
That's when the headache hit.
Sharp. Sudden. Like my thoughts were punishing me for drifting.
And then, because the universe apparently thought it wasn't enough, Faye appeared.
"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting," she said, smiling tightly, "but it looks like you need help."
Lily and I exchanged a glance.
"Why would I need your help?" I asked. "With what?"
"Everything concerning Jae," she replied casually.
I winced. Not Jae again.
"I take care of him. Always have. I'm not ashamed to admit I keep an eye on him. I was supposed to marry him, you know."
That made my head hurt more.
"He's worried, I can see it on his face," she continued. "And that means he doesn't want to hurt anyone by saying what he really wants. And honestly? That's because of you. And that Matt guy."
"Do I even want to know how you even know about Matt?" I said, already regretting the question.
She smiled. "If I help you realize you don't want to see Jack suffer, you'll break up with him. You'll go to Matt. You know why? Because you were not forced, or you had to give a quick answer with no other options. Jack will finally understand that I was the right one for him. And then, happily ever after."
Lily swallowed her food. "You're really not a scary villain if you explain your whole plan like that."
Faye laughed, unfazed. "It is a reality whether you like it or not. Anyway, I've said my part. Try not to disappoint me."
She paused before leaving. "By the way, he still hasn't told you our story, has he? So predictable. His chivalry is just too much for me. Toodles, girls."
After she left, Lily sighed: Right, that is weird that he didn't tell you. But you know what, it doesn't really matter, you are the one with a recognized name as a girlfriend, surely you won't let that get you down. You just need to take your time with it."
I nodded, but something inside me twisted. Again with the forcing, am I just not getting something here?
It feels like they have something special that I don't know. If I didn't know who Jack was before we met… did that mean there was still a part of him I didn't know at all? And Faye, every time she spoke, she was disturbingly right. Was I hurting Jack because of Matt? Am I already doing that? Does this relationship thing have code that I am not aware of?
Since when did I have to think this much?
By the end of lunch, I felt feverish. Whether it was the cold weather or the weight of everything I was carrying, I couldn't tell. I went home early and crawled straight into bed.
When the doorbell rang, I assumed it was my little brother Tom, forgetting his key again. I dragged myself up, already planning my lecture.
But when I opened the door, I had to look up.
Matt.
The room tilted. Maybe it was the fever or because I stood up too fast. I stumbled, and he caught me immediately, guiding me gently to my bed.
"What are you doing here?" I asked once I was on mt bed and could breathe again.
"Lily told me you weren't feeling well," he said calmly. "I came as soon as the bell rang. Do you need anything?"
"I just need rest," I said. Then, quietly, "Matt… I don't think you should be here."
He smiled. "You need help. I can't just leave."
I turned toward the wall. "If you really think of me as a friend, then please, leave for now. My brother will be home soon. I promise I'll be fine."
He hesitated, then placed a small bag of snacks on my desk. "Call me if you need anything."
As he opened the door, Jack stood there, hand raised to knock. Without a word, Matt stepped past him and left.
Still facing the wall, I muttered, "I told you I don't need help…"
Then I turned.
Jack was standing there.
"I hope you were talking to Matt," he said lightly. "Because he's gone."
He stepped closer, pressed his hand to my forehead, then checked the medicine on my nightstand. "You didn't eat before taking this, did you?"
I shook my head.
"Then have to eat," he said. "Stay here."
He cooked for me, fed me, tucked me back into bed like I was something fragile and precious. He gently holds my hands and asks me sleep.
Then stroked my hair until I fell asleep.
The afternoon passed in warm silence.
I don't know why, but every time I overthink things when I meet Jack, everything just melts away. I like being taken care of by him. I like it when he does things for me. Like right now, it feels so right and so perfect.
Until the door opened.
And Tom's voice cut through the peace.
"What is happening here?! Who are you?"