CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"Ryan, promise me you'll stay like this even after you marry. Don't change like everyone else and put on a different mask."
Ryan, who until this moment had kept his eyes closed with a charming smile on his lips, lifted his head from the chair and turned toward me.
"Are you afraid?"
"No, no! But it would be terrible, wouldn't it?"
"What do you think? Will I change or not?"
"No, you won't change. I am certain of it!"
"But," Ryan said softly, his gaze intensifying, "I want things to be different after marriage. I mean... there shouldn't be anything called a 'boundary' between us."
My heart stuttered. What was he saying? Did he think I was talking about him and me getting married?
I couldn't help it. I lost control of the situation and began to laugh from the bottom of my heart. "Hahaha! Naneh Jan, are you joking? I wasn't talking about that. I meant the opposite!"
Ryan, looking stunned and then visibly deflated by my reaction, said coldly, "You have no business talking about anyone else."
"Rude!"
"Do you really think I would marry and then forget you? Is that all the brain you have, Yas?"
"Hey! Why are you attacking my intelligence? If you didn't have a headache, I'd show you exactly what weapons I'd use against you."
"No, My Lady," he snapped sarcastically, "you can do whatever your heart desires. I am clearly the one in the wrong here!"
"Aha! Now I see. Miss Anna hasn't even arrived yet and she's already got Ryan Khan in her clutches! I didn't expect this from you at all. Not at all!"
"Yas! Other than agreeing with you, what on earth have I done? Why are you twisting the subject?"
"That's exactly what you meant! And let me tell you, if you forget me because of that 'fairy-faced' girl, I'll change the features of your face with my fingernails! Does she not have a life of her own that she's coming to Afghanistan? You just got back from France—I know she must have missed you..."
"Yas!!!"
I was glaring at him with pure hostility when the "peace-seeker" in him tried to intervene. "Yas, darling, calm down. This much anger isn't good for you."
"I am not your 'darling.' And I'm not so sure about Anna; maybe she is..."
Ryan's hand shot out, gripping mine. The sound of his teeth grinding together acted like ice water on my fire. I realized I had let my tongue slip too far again.
"Who is my darling?" he hissed.
"An—"
The sheer force of Ryan's sudden shout made me physically tremble. I stopped mid-word.
"Who is my darling? Huh!?"
It was that same terrifying roar that stripped me of my speech and turned me into a shivering mouse. He repeated it, and there was no escape. I didn't know the right answer. Or rather, I knew it, but I didn't want to say it. Should I say, "I am your darling"? Well, I was. Who could deny that?
"Say it. Who is my darling?"
"I... I don't know," I stuttered out of fear.
Ryan let out a hollow, mocking laugh. His eyes were empty of everything I recognized as he stared me down. "So you don't know? If you aren't my darling, then whose cursed bastard are you the darling of!? Why do you push my patience like this?"
"I... I didn't do anything! Why are you getting so angry?"
Ryan let go of my hand and smirked. "Brainless girl! Is there anything at all inside that head of yours? Do you truly not know, or are you just pretending to be ignorant? Which one is it, huh?"
What was he even talking about? Why couldn't he control himself? He was forgetting I was Yas—the Yas that, by his own admission, belonged to him.
I looked at him with a mix of rage and heartbreak. I didn't think my "sin" deserved these poisonous words. "I... hate... you! You're just another arrogant aristocrat. To hell with whose darling I am! As long as I'm not the darling of a psychopath like you, I'm happy!"
The color of Ryan's face shifted, a warning of the coming storm. His jaw was locked, his veins bulging. He fell silent, as if he didn't want to push further, but I had just started.
"Why don't you just say what you want? Why do you suddenly turn into a predator, a mental patient? What was wrong with what I said? If you're sick, why don't you see a doctor? You don't understand the difference between a joke and reality. Both you and Anna aren't worth a penny to me! I was only talking to change your mood. What do I care who your 'darling' is? What does it have to do with me!?"
"What does it have to do with you?" His voice was so terrifyingly low and shaking that I couldn't stand to be there another second. "As long as you aren't mine, you're happy... is that it?"
I turned and bolted for the hallway. I ran down the stairs without looking back. I hadn't even reached the bottom when I heard the sound of glass shattering, followed by him roaring my name.
I froze in my tracks. I couldn't go up, and I couldn't go down.
How did this happen? We were just fine. I was massaging his head. Where did this cursed argument start? Where?
The sound of a third person running—certainly Isar—gave me a moment of relief. He could handle Ryan. But I still didn't understand why things had turned so ugly.
I walked toward the kitchen with my head hanging low. My mother wasn't there, but Sophia was sitting at the table.
"Yas, that took forever. You must be exhausted."
"A bit."
"Sit down. Your mother went to rest. The Big Khan isn't home, so thankfully there's no formal dinner table to set."
I sat next to her in silence.
"Yas, I want to talk to you about something."
"What is it?"
"I'm going to say yes to my cousin. I have no other choice."
"I told you from the start how it was. I hope you'll be happy, God willing."
"I hope," Sophia said, her voice heavy, "that you never fall for someone who is far above you in rank and status. I might marry and become a mother to many children. Years might pass and my hair might turn white, but you know what? This love will never leave my mind. I will burn in its fire forever!"
Sophia's words were a lament. I couldn't fully grasp it because I didn't suffer from her specific pain. I wished the "class divide" didn't exist. I couldn't condemn love—it isn't a choice—but I could certainly condemn this hierarchy.
"In time, the hardships will end," I said, trying to comfort her. "The cracks will join together until the events of the past are completely covered and vanished from sight."
"But the scar remains, Yas..."
"Of course. Every sorrow leaves a mark. That's no surprise."
Sophia paused, then shifted the subject, looking at me thoughtfully. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"Liar. I haven't lost my sight."
I didn't have the strength to answer. I was lost in my own thoughts, searching for words I couldn't find. "Where is Masih?"
"You aren't very good at hiding things, Yas. But anyway, Masih went to the market to get some fresh flowers."
"I haven't seen much of him lately."
"On the contrary, he's the one complaining about you. He says since Ryan came back, the hate in your eyes has vanished."
Hearing Ryan's name made me jump. My mind flashed back to the scene in the room just moments ago. Why did they think this way? Ryan... Ryan... Ryan!! What was their problem with him?
Why were my thoughts so different from theirs? I knew what was in their minds, but who was going to tell them the truth? I was so tired.
"What do you mean, Sophia? I never hated Ryan, and I never will. It's the class system I hate, and I always will. Ryan is the sweet, honeyed memory of my childhood. Even though our age gap isn't that large, he played the role of a mother to me. How can I deny that? It's your mistake to compare him to the others. Even if I hated the whole world, I couldn't hate him. You know I can't!"
"You're right, I know," Sophia sighed. "Yas, he's a different person with you. In these four years, I haven't heard a single kind word from him. He's like ice. I'm amazed how he can be so good to you."
"That's exactly why the seeds of hate can't sprout in me. Even though I am a servant in this palace, he has shown me more kindness than my own brothers. He faced the Big Khan's fierce opposition and even convinced him that I am as close to him as Israr and Isar. Despite all his coldness, to me, he is like fire."
"Lucky you. I wish Isar would give me even a fraction of the attention Ryan gives you. It's a good feeling, isn't it?"
"Maybe."
"You know? He's very scary. Just like the Big Khan. His brows are always knitted, and his lips are sewn shut with an invisible thread. I don't know how you make him obey you and smile."
"Honestly, that question is a blur to me too. I've searched for the answer, but I can't find it."
"I think you're either very simple, or you're so deeply drowned in this divide that you don't see it."
"Meaning?"
"Time will teach you the meaning. But lucky you—you are free. you haven't tasted the flavor of captivity."
"Sophia, don't you think you're talking in riddles? I can't analyze any of this."
"It doesn't matter. Just try to stay in this ignorance. The real world is terrifying."
"You've gone mad. If this is the 'ignorant' world, God help us with the real one."
I left Sophia and flew to my "magic window." Even though my eyes were looking out, I couldn't see. The joy of moments ago was gone. I was truly worried about Ryan. He was becoming so temperamental lately.
Under his calm exterior, Ryan hides an inner tiger—a tiger that appears suddenly and crosses all boundaries. That tiger is his own soul, a soul that hurts him even more than it hurts others. But the strange thing is, he is never this sensitive or manic with anyone else. He is usually cold and indifferent. He doesn't even react to people's biggest mistakes; he just gives a simple smirk.
But... but when I am present, he reacts to my slightest action. In a split second, he loses control.
Are these reactions normal?
"Yas! Why are you sitting there? I've lost count of how many times I called you. We have to prepare the evening meal!"
Evening meal? How long have I been sitting here? How long have I been lost in this void? Oh, Ryan...
"Yes, Mother. I'm coming."...
END OF CHAPTER FIFTEEN