Day 38 - Consequences and choices
The pack felt different after Elara's claiming.
Everyone knew. The completed bond hummed through pack bonds like a tuning fork.
And my remaining four mates were losing their minds.
Tama reorganized his schedule three times.
Bima was training so hard he'd broken two practice dummies.
Rivan had written seventeen desperate poems.
And Raka was pacing outside my door like a caged animal.
"You should talk to him," Elara said, pulling on a shirt.
"Why?"
"Because he's your mate, whether you've accepted him or not."
After he left, I sat with the decision.
Raka had been cruel. But he'd also taken a hit for me. Nearly died. Tried for weeks.
Had he tried enough?
"Only you can answer that," Sahya said.
I opened the door.
Raka stood there, looking like he hadn't slept in days.
"Ayla."
"Raka."
"I felt it. The bond completion. With Elara." He stepped closer. "I'm losing my mind. The bond is pulling so hard I can barely breathe."
"Suffering?"
"Yes."
"Good."
He flinched. "I deserve that."
"You deserve worse."
"I know. So give it to me. Whatever you need. Just don't shut me out completely. Please."
"He means it," Sahya said. "The bond is driving him insane."
I looked at him. The dark circles. The barely controlled desperation.
"One question," I said. "If I never accept you fully—could you live with that?"
"No. It would destroy me slowly. I'd survive, but I wouldn't be alive."
"That's what you did to me. For years."
"I know." His jaw tightened. "I can't take it back. I can only try to give you what I stole. A life. A choice."
"Pretty words."
"True words." He moved closer. "I'm asking for a chance to earn you. The way Elara did."
"Elara earned me by being kind. Patient."
"I'm not kind or patient. But I can be consistent. I'll show you every day that you're mine and I'm yours."
"That's possessive."
"I'm an Alpha heir. But I'm your Alpha heir. And I'll be whatever you need."
"Show me," I said. "That you're mine. That this isn't just the bond."
His eyes darkened. "How?"
"However you want. But if you hold back, if you're gentle when I need you to be real—I'm walking away."
Understanding dawned. "You want complete honesty."
"Yes. No pretense. Just truth."
He smiled. Feral and dark and absolutely Raka. "You're going to regret this."
"Probably."
He kissed me then. Not gentle. Claiming, possessive, desperate.
And I kissed him back with equal intensity.
Because if I was going to accept Raka, I needed all of him. The darkness and the desperation and the possessive need.
"Finally," Sahya said.
---
Much later, I lay in Raka's arms, both of us marked with claiming bites that would scar permanently.
"You're mine now," Raka said.
"I was always mine. Now you're mine too."
"Yes." He kissed my shoulder. "I'm yours. However you want me."
Through the bond, I felt his absolute certainty. His love. His fierce determination.
"I love you," he said quietly. "I was just too much of a coward to admit it before."
"You're admitting it now."
"Because you made me brave enough to."
Then there was a knock.
"It's Rivan," Raka said. "I can feel him."
I pulled on clothes and opened the door.
Rivan stood there, looking like a sad poet.
"I felt—" he started.
"I know. Come in."
He entered cautiously, eyes darting between me and Raka.
"Tell me," I said. "Why should I accept you after you watched them hurt me?"
"You shouldn't," he said immediately. "I don't deserve it. I was a coward. I hid behind pretty words and silence."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because despite not deserving it, I'm asking anyway. Because I love you. Because I'll spend every day proving my words mean something." He knelt. Right there in front of both of us. "I'm yours if you'll have me. In whatever way you want."
"Pathetic, but sincere," Sahya said.
"Stand up," I said.
He did.
"You don't get to make this poetic. Tell me the truth. Not the pretty version. Why didn't you help me?"
He swallowed hard. "Because I was afraid. Afraid of Raka's disapproval. Afraid of being different from my twin. We were supposed to be two halves of the same whole, and helping you would have broken that. So I chose him over you. Every time."
"And now?"
"Now I'd choose you. Every time. Over him. Over the pack. Over everything." He looked at Raka. "Sorry, brother."
"I'd choose her over you too," Raka said calmly. "So we're even."
Rivan turned back to me. "I'm asking for what I don't deserve. But I love you. You make me want to be brave. Living without you is worse than dying with you."
"That's still pretty poetic."
"I can't help it. It's who I am." He smiled sadly. "But it's honest poetry. The truth."
I looked at him for a long moment.
"Prove it," I said.
"How?"
"Show me. The way Elara and Raka did. Show me you mean it."
Understanding dawned. "Now?"
"Unless you're not ready."
"I've been ready since I was sixteen years old."
"Then stop talking and show me."
He did.
---
Later—much later—I lay between Raka and Rivan, marked by both twins, feeling their completed bonds humming alongside Elara's.
Three mates down. Two to go.
"This is insane," I muttered.
"This is your life now," Raka said, pulling me closer.
"You have five mates," Rivan added. "Insane is the baseline."
"I hate you both."
"Liar," they said in unison.
Through the bonds, I felt Elara's amused satisfaction. Tama's analytical acceptance. Bima's fierce determination.
They knew. All of them knew what had happened tonight.
"You're collecting them," Sahya observed.
"I'm accepting them. There's a difference."
"Not really."
Maybe not. But it felt right.
Three mates completed. Two more to earn their place.
And for the first time since this whole disaster started, I felt like maybe—just maybe—this could actually work.
Eighty-three.