Day 35 - Progress is messy
Training with Bima had become routine.
Every morning, we sparred. I taught him restraint. He taught me raw power. It Eighty-five, slowly, but working.
Tama had implemented the new pack laws. The elders were furious, but Ardana supported him, and that was all that mattered.
Raka and Rivan were... trying. Gifts I didn't burn. Letters I occasionally read. Small gestures that accumulated into something that might eventually become trust.
But Elara.
Elara was different.
He'd been different from the start. The one who asked permission. The one who brought food. The one I'd chosen first.
And I still didn't fully understand why.
"You're thinking too loud," Elara said from where he sat on my bed, reading while I paced.
"I'm not thinking loudly. I'm thinking normally."
"Your normal thinking is very loud." He set down his book. "What's bothering you?"
"You."
He raised an eyebrow. "Should I be concerned?"
"Why did you help me?" The question burst out before I could stop it. "Not because your father asked. Not because of duty. Why did you actually help me?"
Elara was quiet for a long moment. Then he closed his book and patted the bed beside him. "Sit. This is a sitting conversation."
I sat.
"Do you remember the winter I turned sixteen?" he asked.
"Vaguely. That was the year Raka became insufferable about being Alpha heir."
"That was also the year I was supposed to prove myself in the traditional hunt. Bring down prey alone. Show I was worthy of being a Mahardika."
I remembered. The youngest sons always had to prove themselves harder than the heirs.
"I failed," Elara said simply. "Came back empty-handed. Embarrassed. Convinced I was worthless."
"You're not worthless."
"I know that now. But at sixteen? I was devastated." He smiled slightly. "I sat behind the pack house, trying not to cry, and you found me."
I blinked. "I did?"
"Yes. You were maybe thirteen. Small. Already treated like garbage by most of the pack. And you sat down next to me and said..." He laughed softly. "'Being good at killing things doesn't make you a good person. You're kind. That matters more.'"
A faint memory surfaced. The youngest Mahardika brother, looking lost. Me, awkward and unsure but unable to walk away from someone hurting.
"I said that?"
"You did. Then you gave me half your dinner, which you definitely couldn't afford to share, and left." He looked at me. "You saved me food when you barely had any. Not because I was Alpha's son. Because I was sad and you were kind."
"That's... that doesn't seem like enough reason to help me for years."
"It was everything." His voice was intense. "You were kind in a place that rewarded cruelty. You saw me, not my title. You helped when you had nothing to gain." He took my hand. "That's when I started watching you. Really watching. And I saw someone who was stronger than anyone gave her credit for. Someone who got back up every time. Who never complained even when she had every right to."
"I complained a lot. Internally."
"But you never quit. Never broke. Never became cruel despite having every reason to." He pulled me closer. "My father asked me to watch over you. To keep you safe if I could. But I didn't help you because he asked. I helped you because you were the best person in the entire pack, and everyone was too stupid to see it."
My throat tightened. "Elara..."
"I loved you at sixteen, Ayla. Before I knew what love was. Before I knew about bonds or destiny or any of it. I loved you because you were kind to me when no one else was. Because you were you."
"That's a terrible reason to love someone."
"Is it?" He smiled. "I don't think so. I think loving someone for their kindness, their strength, their refusal to break, that's the best reason."
I looked at our joined hands. At his face. At the honesty in his eyes.
"I chose you first," I said quietly. "At the sanctuary."
"I know."
"Not because of the bond. Despite it."
"I know that too."
"And I want..." I trailed off, unsure how to finish.
"What do you want?" His voice was gentle.
"You. Completely. Not halfway. Not testing. Fully."
Understanding dawned in his eyes. "Ayla"
"I'm ready," I said. "With you. Just you. Not the others yet. But you, I'm ready."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He cupped my face with both hands. "This isn't just intimate. When mates fully accept each other, there's a claiming. A bite. It completes the bond permanently."
"I know."
"Once done, it can't be undone except by severing, which would destroy us both."
"I know," I said again. "I want this. I want you. I choose you."
"First," he said softly. "You chose me first."
"Yes."
He kissed me then. Soft and deep and full of everything we'd been building toward since that first night in the sanctuary.
"Finally," Sahya purred. "Took you long enough."
"Shut up."
"Make me."
Elara pulled back slightly. "Did you just tell your wolf to shut up?"
"She's being smug."
He laughed. "She has a right to be." Then his expression turned serious. "Last chance to back out. Are you sure?"
"Stop asking and kiss me."
So he did.
---
Later, much later, I lay tangled with Elara in sheets that smelled like both of us, feeling the completed bond thrumming between us like a live wire.
The claiming bite on my shoulder throbbed pleasantly. His matching one, I'd bitten him back, was already healing.
"That was..." I started.
"Incredible?" Elara supplied.
"I was going to say 'intense,' but incredible works too."
He laughed, the sound vibrating through his chest. "I love you."
"I know."
"You're supposed to say it back."
"Why? You already know."
"Humor me."
I turned to face him. "I love you, Elara. You were kind when no one else was. You asked permission. You brought me food. You gave me space. You let me choose. You're the best person I know."
His eyes went suspiciously bright. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."
"Your family has very low standards."
"They really do."
We lay in comfortable silence for a while. Through the bond, I could feel Elara's contentment. His love. His absolute certainty that this was right.
And for the first time since I'd awakened as the white wolf, I felt the same.
"The others are going to know," Elara said eventually. "They'll feel the bond completion."
"Let them."
"Raka's going to lose his mind."
"Good. Let him stew."
"You're evil."
"I learned from the best."
He kissed the top of my head. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you chose me first. Even if I don't deserve it."
"You deserve it. You earned it. There's a difference."
"I love you," he said again.
"I know." I smiled against his chest. "But I love you too."
Through the bonds, all five of them, I felt the others react to what we'd done.
Raka's possessive fury mixed with grudging respect.
Rivan's poetic despair mixed with determination.
Tama's structured analysis mixed with resolve.
Bima's fierce acceptance mixed with renewed effort.
They knew I'd completed one bond.
They knew they had to earn theirs.
"This is going to be fun," Sahya said gleefully.
"You have a twisted sense of fun."
"I learned from you."
Fair point.
Elara tightened his arms around me. "Stay?"
"Where else would I go?"
"I don't know. Just... stay."
"I will."
And I meant it.
For the first time in my life, I had someone who was completely, irrevocably, permanently mine.
Someone who'd chosen me before the bond.
Someone who'd loved me when I was "human."
Someone who'd earned every bit of trust I'd given him.
One mate down.
Four to go.
Eighty-five.