Contemplation.
I did what I could to remain calm, but I couldn't. My body itched to do something.
It itched to flee, it itched to ask for answers, it itched to fight back.
"Mom, what should I do?" I whispered to myself, giving up to lie on the bed. She was in an okay mood to say the least, maybe even relieved, and it made me wonder what her reaction would be if she knew what was really going on.
I felt weak and filled with inability, which made me want strength to overcome this.
"What strength do I need?"It sounded easy at first, wishing I was strong, but then...if I was asked what strength I needed, what answer would I give?
Did I need courage, physical strength, or some power that breaks the laws of reality? I couldn't tell.
In the end, I didn't even know what to do to help myself.
"I wish I could go back in time."
I remained idle the rest of the day, and the need for food drove me downstairs.
"You kept us waiting," Taylor said the moment I reached down, but I didn't notice him.
Why's Lily here?
Out of all the things, I never expected to see her there, and she looked herself, eating gently, I almost thought she wasn't the same person I saw earlier, acting like an animal.
"Is there a problem?" Taylor asked, which made me frown, because...
There were many problems.
I found a seat, unable to be myself. My eyes kept drifting back to Lily, and I felt Taylor's gaze, but I chose to ignore it.
I wouldn't deny it unnerved me, but I wasn't to fear now.
A voice spoke in my mind, and it was mine, yet wasn't mine at the same time.
It started. I have a question.
Why does fear exist?
I answered myself, or the voice.
People fear what they think about.
And the result of what they do not want to confront is what births fear.
I'm not afraid of Taylor.
I'm afraid of what I imagine will happen.
And that might not happen.
This helped me calm myself.
"You spent the day alone again," Taylor finally said, looking at Lily.
She didn't slow down, replying with a simple "Yes."
"I thought you were interested in him. Why abstain?" he was persistent.
"I don't need to tell you," she replied in the same calm manner.
"Naturally, but from what I noticed..." He glanced at me, then smirked. "Were you trying to prove you were stronger than before?"
This got a small reaction from Lily, but she didn't lash out.
I glanced at the butler, who seemed to be the one feeding all information to Taylor.
"I know my place, and know my weakness. I wouldn't build castles in the sky like a delusional fool." Seh maintained eye contact with him for a while, then stood up.
"This place is suffocating."
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I had nothing to say.
"Do you need someone to accompany you?" He asked.
She just shook her head and left.
"She's still shy," Taylor chhuckled slightly, eating as if nothing happened.
I frowned. Every time I saw him, he looked lousier than before, too terrible for a father, and worse of all...
"What do you want?" I asked.
He smiled at me.
"Meaning?"
I knew he understood my question, yet he was pretending.
"What do you want to accomplish by keeping me here?"
"That's a foolish question. If you asked something more interesting, I might answer you..." He made sure I saw him glance in the direction Lily left.
He wanted me to ask about Lily.
"I won't ask about her, but you're being cruel to her."
This made him narrow his eyes slightly, and it scared me, making me shift back slightly.
"She knows her place and doesn't question me, so who are you to question how she is raised? Let this be the last time you question my actions, child."
He stood up. "She was right, this place is suffocating."
He left his half-finished food, and I sat there quietly.
I don't remember if I ate something, or if I left empty as well, but my body felt heavy when I returned to my room.
I sat on the bed, feeling my hands shaking.
The fear returned.
When it was 11 pm, my fear subsided, and by 12 am, I was feeling better. 12:20 am, I determined going out wouldn't help.
Going out this night would only throw my mind into disarray.
There was a knock on my door at 12:34 am, but I didn't notice it, and I didn't notice when my door was opened as someone slipped inside.
"You're not asleep."
My eyes widened as I sat up, seeing Lily seated next to me.
"Lily?" I was confused.
"You saw me in the afternoon."
She knew.
And I was afraid once again. My body went cold as hair rose.
"And you heard what he told me yesterday, too."
I was scared. Will she kill me? I wasn't trying to meddle,
"I—"
"No, you'll speak when I ask you a question."
She looked at her hands. "I want to tell you something, then you can answer my questions."
She reached out. "Give me your hand"
I didn't move, and she didn't either. After a moment of hesitation, I put my hand in hers. I was still cold and afraid.
She grabbed my hand with both hands, then opened my palm.
Spreading my fingers, she brought my hand closer, finally placing it on her chest, right between her breasts.
Thump.
Thump
Thump
Thump
I felt her heartbeat, strong and calm, and finally, I felt my cold dissipating. A small warmth emanated from her chest.
"Do you feel it?" She asked.
I swallowed, then nodded carefully.
"I...feel your heartbeat."
"Yes, my heartbeat."
Her heartbeat was normal, not too fast, and not too slow. What was the problem?
"My kind doesn't have it, at least one that gives out warmth."
My eyes widened, and I stared at my hand, then at her, unable to close my mouth.
She has a heart.
My mind shattered.
She has warmth.
Warmth
I now realized how wrong all this was, and my senses returned.
Her hands that gripped mine were cold, yet she had a heartbeat, and she was warm.
"You're not..." But I couldn't finish it. Vampire or Human?