It was strange how I didn't even notice what I'd done.
The building was high.
Very high.
And no human could survive a fall from that height.
A rumbling rolled through the sky, and it felt like the sky was crying.
I watched helplessly as Lily's body struck the ground brutally, and with that, my mind shattered.
In that moment, I didn't know what to feel or how to feel. I couldn't understand what was going on, and who could help me then?
Everything moved slowly, my body falling, Lily on the ground, unmoving, blood splattered all over the ground and the wall. Alone, even though I promised to stay.
I fell.
I was falling.
I could feel myself falling, but... I could also see myself falling.
Was I looking at someone else? Or was it all a dream? I couldn't tell, but I was sure it was real.
I was dying.
My body fell slowly, raindrops cascaded in slow, little drops that I could count.
Strange
How was it all possible? And what was going on? I kept asking myself those questions, but I knew the answer to them all.
For a person nearing death, I was too calm.
Though impossible and hopeless, I hoped someone or something would stop my body from falling, but nothing stood in the way. I was doomed.
Then I heard the sound, a loud thump as my body hit the ground.
It was strange, I watched my body go through that, and though it looked painful, I couldn't feel the pain.
I was a spectator, a stranger watching a scene out of a movie, a witness to my demise—our demise.
You can't change what has already happened, can you?
My body twitched, then went limp, and suddenly I felt the strangest sensation ever.
It was indescribable.
My senses were gone.
Touch, smell, feel, hearing, sight, but at the same time, I could feel everything.
I could see everything, hear everything, touch everything, smell everything, and even taste everything.
But it was dark. I knew all that was happening around, and it was odd. The feeling made me ecstatic, and suddenly I felt emotions of all kinds.
I felt anger, sadness, excitement, remorse, disgust; every emotion that ever existed went through me, and I could see everything that had happened under the sun, and what would happen next.
I was everywhere and nowhere.
All I had to do was will it, and I would be able to see what would happen. It didn't appear before me like a screen; it just existed in my knowledge of the happenings.
I felt a heart-sinking sensation when I suddenly saw something—my mother, fragile and strong as she was, finding out about my death, then rushing forward to my limp body.
She went mad with sorrow, forcing herself not to believe it, failing to understand, screaming like an animal, and pushing everyone who approached me.
I was lifeless, but she called my name.
This should have made me sad, and it did, for a moment.
Taylor stood next to another dead body, and rage embodied him. He was to blame for this, right?
He forced Lily's hand. He made her desperate, and he cemented her confusion of identity.
It was his actions that forced this result to come to being.
I think I should have had some emotions towards this. Maybe anger, displeasure, or even disgust, but strange as it was, I didn't feel those.
I couldn't feel them.
And if I could feel them, I had no reason to. I can't change what has already happened.
Others would call it forgiveness, but I just didn't have the capacity to feel such things. I think the word to describe this was peace.
I was at peace, maybe.
I was confused again as I saw what happened next. I saw a month's worth of information in a second.
My funeral, burial, and then the months after that. My presence wasn't there anymore. I was gone, wiped from existence.
Dead.
The feeling scared me.
I was timeless, not knowing where or when I existed. Everything felt...wrong.
Slowly, they forgot about me, everyone...everyone...
How many people missed me?
The answer was...none.
My mother had slowly gone insane, a lifeless puppet that worked well, but turned into a screaming maniac at home. She would scream my name, calling for me like a crazed fanatic summoning spirits.
And when the sun rose, she became normal again—a working puppet.
But then, as I watched all these things, I realized there was no point in dwelling on it all. I existed, but I didn't exist; I would never exist.
Even if I went to her, she wouldn't recognize or accept me. I was dead, I didn't have to exist anymore, so why was I still there, dwelling on insignificant things?
And Then...
Lily.
She
Was
Gone.
More gone than I was. Her presence had slipped away.
I never understood why I didn't remember her then, when I saw my body falling
I had her in my arms, right? I tried to save her, or did I not?
We both fell, both ended our lives, but where was she?
Gone.
She was also dead. I was sure death had a place we could find each other, but maybe that place didn't exist.
Or did it exist?
Was I dead?
It made me think...
I have a question...
What is death?
Was it a place?
A stage?
A destination?
A process?
Or a person?
If death existed, what would it be like?
It would be an androgynous being, and it might be gentle, maybe cruel, or it wouldn't care.
In the end, who was I to question the unknown?
The questions kept flowing everywhere within me, and I just existed. Or not.
Whatever it was that I felt, I had no exact words to replicate it.
And as I continued to exist, an emptiness filled me. Maybe it surrounded me, or maybe I saw it in my mind.
A voice reached me.
"You are dead."