Hesitation.
I hesitated for more than one reason, not certain which direction my next step should take.
I was afraid of Lily because I didn't fully understand her.
I was afraid of her father for obvious reasons, and I was afraid of the effects of anything I might do.
The words she received that night were painful, but they were also because of my existence.
Take a step forward, or take two steps back?
I thought for a moment before deciding to go forward. No matter how strong she portrayed herself, she was still a young girl forced to bear too much weight on her small shoulders.
I remembered the ants then.
At least they were able to carry what they conquered, whereas she carried what she had yet to conquer.
With this thought in mind, I decided to approach her. At least she should get some help for being hurt.
It was as if she heard my thoughts, making her turn around.
Tears, a sad face, clenched fists, a pained expression. I expected those, yet...
She was just...Lily. Nothing seemed to affect her.
My ego had become so big I thought I knew her, understood her, and could decide what she was going through, yet I was just someone who had been allowed to know a bit of her.
She climbed up, passing by my frozen self, ignoring my existence as she stormed into her room.
If I didn't witness any of this, I wouldn't know any of this had happened.
That night, no one ate, no one had an appetite, and no one asked.
As the sun was rising, I wished time would slow down. I was uncertain how to confront the day.
I prepared myself, body and mind, as I went downstairs, making sure to be early so I could see her, but I only saw a hostile butler and a smiling Taylor, which filled me with excessive discomfort.
"I hear you're getting along well with Lily."
My hands froze, and I couldn't hide the scowl that appeared on my face. I didn't raise my head, but I knew he could imagine.
"Don't be disappointed," he chuckled. It sounded cruel in my ears. "She's just shy, I know she'll come around."
I hated him, and it wasn't because of how he threatened Lily or the way he threatened me. No, it didn't even have anything to do with how he seemed pleased with what he'd caused.
I was disgusted at how black-bellied he was. I couldn't read him in the slightest, couldn't guess what he would gain from all this.
I couldn't take another bite, feeling nauseous. I left the place without another moment to spare, clutching my stomach and resisting the urge to retch.
He left the house not long after that, and I spent time thinking of Lily, finally deciding to find her.
I searched all possible places, finally deciding to go to her room.
I knocked once, waited a minute, then knocked again.
I waited another minute and knocked the third time. I waited, realising there would only be silence as a response, but the silence was broken by a tremor.
A sound exploded outside, and I rushed to the source. I stepped out, but nothing seemed out of sorts.
Am I imagining-
I didn't finish my thought when the explosion resounded once again. This time, I clearly found the source and rushed to the back of the house. It was one of the places I had never been to.
I could have tried to guess what it was that sounded so loud, but I didn't, and when I arrived, I realized I wouldn't have been able to guess even if I was given a year to do so.
"Lily..."
The moment I arrived, I saw her soaring in the air like a beast, gripping a black glaive.
She arched her body and shot it at a rock. The moment she threw it and the moment it struck happened at the same time, and for the first time, I felt the natural fear I should have felt when seeing her kind.
She was a beast.
The rock exploded into nothingness, leaving the glaive planted firmly in the ground.
Lily didn't stop there. The moment she landed, she went forward and started slashing a tree.
She used nothing but her bare hands.
Her fingers raked across the trunk, splinters flew outward, and the deep gashes left in the tree couldn't even be replicated if a weapon were used by any human.
I remember reading about how graceful and elegant vampires were. They always had a beautiful appearance when they acted, and I believed that when I saw her and knew she was such.
But now, she was feral, beastial, and far from elegant.
I caught a glimpse of her face, and she didn't look confident or proud of what she was capable of.
Frustration.
That word fit her perfectly like a second skin. I would have said anger, but I knew it was frustration.
I could imagine the words ringing through her mind.
"You're closer to that human than to us."
A scream tore out from her throat, and she dropped to the ground, gasping for air. Her fingers were bloodied, it looked painful.
My heartbeat quickened. I should have been terrified—and I was—but pity for this broken bird outweighed my fear.
In the end, I chose to go back to my room. What was I supposed to do? She didn't seem human in the slightest, and if I went closer, was I going to reassure her she was human, or Kivuli?
I knew what my approach might do, so I stayed away.
It made me feel like a coward, but logic told me I would be torn apart the moment I approached her.
"I should leave, but I can't." I gripped my book, almost wanting to tear it apart.
"Is it better if she accepts herself as a human, or forces herself to belong with them..."
I understood that was her dilemma, but I had never been in such a situation.
I couldn't judge.