I have always been a hopeful person since I can remember. I don't know if that's a weakness or strength, but all I know is that I am as hopeful as ever!
At first, I thought that my stubbornness was what pushes me to be more hopeful, but it wasn't! I was a hell of a child to raise. But my family never gave up on me, instead they were hopeful of me changing to be better.
My anger level was something else, my I don't care attitude was on another level entirely.
You can't tell me anything and I will do without doing it when I want to, how I want to and why I want to. Like you get? I do anything when I feel like it.
For a reverend daughter, that was a mighty shame and disgrace to the honour of the family. But still, my family stood beside me, talked to me and never for once leave me alone.
And for that I grew fond of my parents, I love the way they love. And that sparked something deep within me.
And that spark, made me fearful. I made a lot of mistakes and broke many bridges. Even as little as I was, I made a lot of mistakes but why, I don't know.
God placed me in a reverend home and that took me to many places that my father reverend. That took me a lot. Then I didn't know what it was, but now, now it's beginning to come back to me.
My dad went through a lot, yet he trusted God and us his family. He was spoken I'll of, yet he believed in us to see passed the lies and deceit.
That made me insecure. I ran, as far as I can I ran!
From who you may ask, from no one else rather than myself. I didn't like the person I was becoming but who else would I have become? I had a lot of questions that one would care to respond to, so I shut everyone out!
I became a loner way before I clocked ten.
Shutting everyone out means everyone including myself. I didn't care about myself so who then would I have cared about?
To be frank, I didn't know all these till recently. I shut everyone out and yet they stood for me and fought for me even without me knowing. Had I knew earlier on, I wouldn't have cared much because, isn't that what they are supposed to be doing?
But I get it now, I have to go to different places that left a mark on me that I will never forget. And all those years, I never cared much about it rather than surviving another day and do all I can to be happy.
Since I can recall, my brother have always been my best friend. Not that I didn't trust girls around, but because I trust no one else but him.
But he proved me wrong and stabbed me in my back countless times. So I went blank, totally blank!
My life in Lagos wasn't my best, but my uncle and aunt held onto my hand but I shoved them out. Most especially my aunt whom I thought didn't care about me and constantly protective of me. She ask a lot of questions and needs answers to all and that was more than I can give.
So I decided to do what I have to and get out of her way, but I was wrong. It wasn't out of her way, it was out of my way!
I have a lot of people helping me out and yet I shoved them out. Do you know the most funniest thing? They are still here, holding my hand and walking with me as they guide me through this phase of my life.
All these gave me hope, hope beyond my grasp, beyond my holding. The love I saw in their lives, I envied! And that made me a lover with greed! I love and I love with my life, but I guess I love wrong.
But I'm still hopeful and my love became another reason to why I am this hopeful. I thought if I helped a lot, I will be whole again, but I loved and that love became tol much for me to bear alone. But I don't have anyone to share it with, so I love.
And that love made me a strong believer and I am not willing it away just yet. I will be forever hopeful, so help me oh God!