[WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT HAS BEEN CLASSIFIED AS A CLASS-4 NARRATIVE HAZARD. EXPOSURE MAY RESULT IN SPONTANEOUS ANTLER GROWTH, AN IRRESISTIBLE URGE TO CONSUME COMPRESSED GRAIN CRACKERS, AND A PERMANENT LOSS OF 40-60 IQ POINTS. THE FOURTH WALL IS CURRENTLY HANGING BY A THREAD. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. NUN!]
Chapter 32: Shikanoko Nokonoko Koshitantan (The Brain-Rot Remix)
[Momo Yaoyorozu POV]
There is a law in the Yaoyorozu household regarding "Structure." Everything has a place. Every atom I create has a purpose. Every social interaction is governed by a set of invisible, yet unbreakable, blueprints.
And then there is Sunny Midoriya.
Sunny Midoriya does not use blueprints. He uses what he calls "The Script," which appears to be a chaotic, living document written in crayon and caffeinated sweat.
I was currently sitting at a mahogany desk that Sunny had "edited" to be made of solid, neon-blue gummy bears. I was acting as the moderator for the Calamity Class live stream, a job that required the patience of a saint and the tactical mind of a grandmaster. Beside me, Himiko Toga was crouched on top of a floating television set, her camera lens whirring as she zoomed in on the chaos.
"Viewer count is hitting six million, Momo-chan!" Toga chirped, her messy buns bobbing. "The chat is moving so fast it's starting to smell like ozone! Look, @StainFan420 just donated fifty bucks to see Bakugo-kun do a backflip!"
"I am not sure Bakugo-kun's current mental state allows for requests," I said, adjusting my headset.
I looked at the screen, then at the room around us. I had seen the "Bunny Girl" video from months ago. I had watched it in the safety of my estate, my face burning as I witnessed the sheer, unadulterated humiliation of Class 1-A's most volatile student. At the time, I thought it was a digital hallucination. A fever dream caught on film.
But now? Now I was here. I was the one holding the virtual velvet rope.
"Last time, I was merely a spectator of the 'Rabbit Hole' incident," I whispered, my fingers dancing over the 'Ban' button as someone tried to post a recipe for human liver. "I thought it was a peak of irrationality. I was a fool. I lacked vision."
"It's about to get way worse," Toga giggled, leaning over the edge of her floating TV. "Sunny-kun has that look in his eyes. The one where he forgets that organs are supposed to stay inside the body."
In the center of the room—which was currently a void of swirling pastel colors and floating deer crackers—Sunny stood with his hands on his hips. He was wearing his signature white gloves, which were currently glowing with a soft, ominous light.
"Alright, listen up, you beautiful band of budget-breaking misfits!" Sunny's voice boomed, echoing with a brassy, big-band reverb. "We've had the Viral Debut. We've had the Bunny Betrayal. But today? Today, we achieve something greater. We achieve... The Deer-ious."
"I am going to kill you," Bakugo growled. He was currently tied to a chair made of oversized toothbrushes. "I don't care about the stream. I don't care about the fans. I am going to blast your gloved hands into the stratosphere."
"Kacchan, please," Izuku stammered, standing nearby. He was vibrating with a mix of One For All energy and pure, concentrated social anxiety. "He already spun the wheel. You know the Rule of Gag. Once the wheel stops, the universe has to comply!"
"The universe can suck my—"
[HONK!]
Sunny had reached into the air and pulled out a giant, red 'CENSORED' bar, slapping it over Bakugo's mouth.
"Language, Boom-Boom Boy! We have a demographic to maintain!" Sunny chirped. He turned to the wheel, which was still clicking on the 'SHIKA-IRO DAYS' icon. "Momo! Toga! Are the angles ready? Is the bit-rate high enough to handle a total collapse of dignity?"
"Bit-rate is green, Sunny-kun!" Toga shouted, giving a thumbs-up.
"Then let's shift the scenery!" Sunny snapped his fingers.
[BOING-POOF!]
The shift was instantaneous. The "Boom-Boom Den" vanished. In its place was a hyper-stylized Japanese classroom, but everything was slightly... wrong. The desks were shaped like deer heads. The windows looked out into a forest of dancing birch trees. And the smell—oh, the smell was overwhelming. It smelled like toasted crackers and forest floor.
But the scenery wasn't the problem.
I looked at my own hands. My elegant, structured school uniform had been replaced. I was wearing a classic sailor-fuku—a blue-collared schoolgirl outfit with a pleated skirt. And on my head, I felt a heavy, rhythmic weight.
I reached up and touched a pair of fuzzy, brown deer antlers.
"Oh dear," I whispered.
"OH DEAR INDEED!" Aqua wailed. She was standing next to the chalkboard, her schoolgirl outfit two sizes too small and her antlers so large they were hitting the ceiling. "Sunny! Why am I a deer?! Deers are prey! I am a Goddess! I am at the top of the food chain! I demand a different costume! Where is my silk? Where is my wine?!"
"Quiet, Puddles!" Sunny yelled.
I looked around the room, and I felt a surge of pity that I knew was suboptimal for my heart rate.
Izuku was staring at his own pleated skirt with a look of profound betrayal. His antlers were small and nubby, pulsing with green lightning.
Kaminari and Mineta—who had somehow snuck into the frame—were doing a high-five before realizing they were both wearing skirts. Kaminari's face went blank as he short-circuited immediately.
Jirou was hunched over, her earphone jacks plugged into her own antlers, her face a shade of red that matched her hair. "I'm going to lobotomize myself," she muttered. "This is it. This is how the music dies."
Tokoyami was standing in the shadows, his Dark Shadow also wearing a pair of antlers and a tiny, lace-trimmed schoolgirl collar. "The cervine darkness consumes us," the bird-boy intoned. "A forest of shame."
And then... there was Bakugo.
Bakugo was no longer tied to the chair. He was standing in the center of the formation. He was wearing a pink-and-white sailor fuku. His antlers were massive, jagged, and smoking with nitroglycerin.
He didn't scream. He didn't explode. He just stood there, his eyes white with a level of rage that transcended physical form.
"Sunny," Bakugo whispered, the sound like a tectonic plate grinding. "I am going to make sure your funeral is closed-shroud."
"Save it for the bridge, Kacchan!" Sunny laughed, his body stretching until he was ten feet tall, wearing a tuxedo-style sailor fuku and a pair of antlers that looked like they were made of solid gold. "Toga! Roll the track! Momo! Keep the 'F' keys ready, because the chat is about to pay for our entire UA tuition!"
Toga hit the 'PLAY' button.
The intro music started—a high-pitched, infectious, brain-melting synth beat.
Shikanoko noko noko koshitantan...
Shikanoko noko noko koshitantan...
"Positions, everyone!" Sunny commanded, his voice perfectly synced to the beat. "And... ACTION!"
[Nokotan POV]
[Dimension: Hinako High – Behind the Gym]
Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.
I was currently enjoying a high-quality, VIP Platinum Edition deer cracker. It was seasoned with the salt of a thousand confused high schoolers and the tears of my best friend, Koshi-tan. It was 10/10. Five stars. Would eat until my stomach exploded.
I paused, a cracker halfway to my mouth.
My antlers... they were twitching. Not the "there's a hunter in the woods" twitch. This was the "someone is infringing on my copyright" twitch.
I tilted my head, my eyes wide and vacant. I looked up at the sky, which was a very nice shade of Blue-Screen-of-Death.
"I feel it," I said to the air. "The rhythm. It's... it's me. But it's not me. It's... The Toon."
Somewhere, across the vast, wobbly ocean of the multiverse, a song was playing. It was my song. But it was being played with a level of budget that Hinako High could never afford. There were orchestral swells. There were visible sound waves. There was a boy with white gloves who was currently ignoring gravity with a reckless abandon that I found... highly attractive in a professional sense.
"He is eating my crackers," I whispered, though I had no evidence of this. "He is dancing my dance. He is wearing the antlers of the prophecy."
I stood up, my school skirt fluttering in a wind that didn't exist. I reached into the air and grabbed a giant, glowing crack in space. It looked like a zipper.
"Koshi-tan is going to be so mad if I'm late for math," I muttered. "But math is just numbers, and numbers are just crackers that you can't eat."
I grabbed the zipper and pulled.
[ZZZZZZ-ZIP!]
The reality of my world peeled back like a banana skin. On the other side, I saw a world of heroes, explosions, and a very angry boy in a pink skirt.
"I, Shikanoko Noko, have been summoned by the scent of brain-rot!" I announced to the void.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Deer Cracker Bomb—a special invention designed for maximum glitter and minimum logic.
"Prepare for a crossover that the lawyers will be arguing about for decades!"
I jumped.
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
"ONE, TWO, THREE, SHIKA!" I yelled, spinning mid-air like a human top.
The Chaos Crew was actually doing it. They were doing the dance.
Izuku was moving in perfect, rhythmic time, his One For All sparks turning into tiny deer icons. Aqua was crying, but she was hitting every beat because the Toon Force was literally puppeteering her limbs. Mina and Kaminari were leading the back row, their energy so high they were starting to blur into a single, pink-and-yellow deer-centaur.
Bakugo was the best part. Because I had "edited" his pride out of the equation for the duration of the song, he was performing the choreography with a lethal, terrifying precision. Every arm wave was like a punch. Every hip sway was a declaration of war.
Shikanoko noko noko koshitantan...
The song hit the 60-second mark. The bridge was coming. The moment where reality usually gives up and goes for a smoke break.
61 seconds.
62 seconds.
63 seconds.
Suddenly, my Fourth-Wall Sense™ didn't just tingle—it exploded.
It felt like a giant, invisible deer had just kicked me in the back of the head. I skidded to a halt on the ceiling, my white gloves gripping the "air" as I looked at the classroom window.
"Sunny? What is it?" Izuku panted from the floor, still stuck in the dancing loop. "The song isn't over! If we stop now, the feedback loop will turn us into literal venison!"
"Izu-chan... someone just broke the set," I whispered.
69 seconds.
[K-KRASH!]
The window didn't just break; it shattered into a million pieces of glowing deer-shaped confetti.
A figure flew through the opening, silhouetted by a blinding, pastel-yellow light. She was wearing a tan school uniform. She had messy brown hair. And her antlers... they were the real deal. They were magnificent. They were a threat to the very concept of the Midoriya household.
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB THE SHIKA-STREAM?!" I bellowed, my voice turning into a Brooklyn-style megaphone.
The girl landed on Bakugo's head. [SQUISH].
Bakugo's face hit the floor, but the girl didn't notice. She stood on his skull, strike a pose, and pointed a finger at me.
"I am the alpha and the omega!" she chirped, her eyes spinning in opposite directions. "I am the deer in the headlights of your soul! I am Shikanoko Noko, and I have come to collect the royalty fees on this brain-rot!"
The music didn't stop. In fact, it got louder. The bass started to shake the floorboards until they turned into liquid chocolate.
"A challenger!" I grinned, my teeth doing a [DING!] that lit up the whole room. "A guest star from the Great Beyond! You think you can out-gag the Toon? You think your deer-logic can compete with my script-edits?!"
"I don't think," Nokotan said, pulling a brown, round object out of her hair. "I just... deer."
She threw the object.
"GLITTER BOMB: CERVINE EDITION!"
[K-BOOOOM!]
The room was instantly filled with a cloud of neon-green glitter and the smell of high-end crackers.
"MY EYES! I AM BLINDED BY DIVINE SPARKLES!" Aqua wailed, stumbling into a desk.
"Stay focused, Crew!" I yelled, snapping my fingers. My schoolgirl outfit transformed into a shimmering, gold-sequined version. "She wants a dance battle? We'll give her a dance battle that will break the internet so hard Nezu will have to rebuild it with Legos!"
Nokotan hopped off Bakugo's head—leaving a perfect deer-hoof print on his forehead—and started to move.
Her dancing was... it was impossible. It wasn't just movement; it was a glitch in the Matrix. She was appearing in three places at once. She was vibrating at a frequency that made the walls turn into giant, singing waffles.
"Izu-chan! Hit the harmony!" I commanded.
"On it, Sunny!" Izuku roared, 5% Full Cowl activating.
Izuku lunged forward, his green lightning clashing with Nokotan's yellow deer-aura. They started a high-speed, synchronized breakdance that was tearing the classroom apart. Desks were flying. Antlers were clashing.
"Momo! Toga! Get the close-ups!" I shouted, dropping to the floor and spinning on my head. "This is the Peak! This is the Season Finale! This is the end of sanity as we know it!"
Toga was laughing hysterically, her camera smoking from the sheer amount of data it was recording. "The chat is dying! They're literally transcending! People are reporting that their computers are sprouting antlers!"
I looked at Nokotan. She was currently balancing on her own antlers, spinning like a top while throwing deer crackers into the audience (the camera).
"You're good, Deer-Girl!" I shouted over the music. "But can you handle... THE ACME REWRITE?!"
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a giant, oversized pencil. I swiped it through the air, and the music shifted. The J-pop beat merged with a 1940s jazz swing.
The classroom disappeared. We were now on top of a giant, floating deer cracker drifting through space.
"A space-stage?!" Nokotan gasped, her eyes turning into literal stars. "You have the VIP Platinum power!"
"I have the Script, pal!" I retorted.
The whole Chaos Crew joined in. Bakugo, finally snapping, decided that if he couldn't kill me, he would kill the dance floor. He started using his explosions to propel himself into a series of violent, rhythmic backflips, his pink skirt fluttering like a deadly carnation.
"DIE! DIE! SHIKANOKO! DIE!" Bakugo screamed, his explosions perfectly timed to the 'SHIKA' in the lyrics.
"He's finally getting into the spirit!" Mina cheered, acid-sliding across the giant cracker.
Nokotan and I met in the center of the stage. We grabbed each other's hands, our antlers locking together with a shower of sparks.
"This is it, Sunny Midoriya!" Nokotan whispered, her voice echoing in my mind. "The ultimate brain-rot. If we finish this song, the world might never be 'Serious' again. The heroes will lose their angst! The villains will start doing musical numbers! Are you ready for that responsibility?!"
I looked at my brother, who was laughing while doing a moonwalk. I looked at Toga, who was finally part of a family. I looked at Eri (who was watching from a safe distance through a portal, wearing a tiny deer hat).
"Kid," I said, my Brooklyn accent thick as molasses. "I've been breaking the world since I was in diapers. If the world wants to be a comedy... who am I to say no?"
We both looked at the camera.
"ONE! TWO! THREE! SHIKANOKO!"
The final beat of the song hit.
A pillar of pure, rainbow-colored deer-energy erupted from the center of the stage, shooting up into the stratosphere. It wasn't an explosion of fire; it was an explosion of Joy.
Every TV screen in Japan flashed a picture of a deer wearing a tuxedo.
Every hero on patrol felt a sudden, inexplicable urge to eat a cracker.
And at UA, Nezu looked at his tea, saw a tiny deer reflection in the liquid, and just sighed.
[Momo Yaoyorozu POV]
The screen went black.
The live stream had ended not because we stopped it, but because the internet itself had physically melted.
I sat in the quiet of the "Boom-Boom Den," which had returned to its original state, save for the three tons of glitter and the fact that we were all still wearing schoolgirl outfits.
Beside me, Toga was slumped over her camera, a blissfully lobotomized smile on her face.
In the center of the room, Sunny and the girl—Nokotan—were sitting on the floor, panting. They were sharing a box of deer crackers.
"Good match, Boss," Nokotan said, crunching on a cracker. "Your brother's moonwalk is 8/10. Needs more hoof-work."
"He's a work in progress, Shika-chan," Sunny grinned, ruffling his messy white hair.
I looked at Bakugo. He was still standing in the corner. He hadn't moved. He was staring at his own reflection in a puddle of spilled holy water.
"Bakugo-kun?" I asked tentatively. "Are you... alright?"
Bakugo slowly turned his head. His eyes were vacant. He looked like a man who had seen the edge of the universe and found out it was made of cardboard and googly eyes.
"I... I am a deer," Bakugo whispered. "The crackers... they call to me."
"Oh no," Izuku said, dabbing sweat from his forehead. "Sunny, you broke him. You actually broke Kacchan."
"Nonsense, Izu-chan!" Sunny chirped, snapping his fingers.
Our outfits returned to normal. The antlers vanished.
"He's just experiencing a 'Narrative Hangover.' He'll be back to yelling about murder by breakfast!"
Sunny stood up and walked over to the camera, looking directly into the lens that wasn't even recording anymore.
"Well, folks! That was Chapter 32! We had a crossover, we had a dance-off, and I'm pretty sure we're now legally required to pay taxes to the Forest Service!"
He winked—a literal, yellow star popping out of his eye.
"But don't go anywhere. Because now that we've broken the internet... I think it's time we start looking at the UA Entrance Exams. I hear the robots there are very 'Serious.' I can't wait to see what they look like in a bunny suit."
"SUNNY, NO!" the entire room yelled in unison.
Sunny just laughed, the sound of a slide-whistle echoing into the night.
[CLACK!]
THE END (For Now...)