"Where you lost, Aria?" Sarah pulled me out from my thoughts. The screen of my laptop was on, my hands on the keyboard typing. The team looked at me like Seeibg a ghost suddenly, I was frozen during the meeting. Eyes were stuck on door of Cabin ,I was present there, but my mind was still roaming in yesterday night… in his eyes, his gentleness… the things I shared with him… my openness with someone. — Gaurav
"TEXT POPPED UP." I checked with a smile. My heart felt something whenever he texted me… like finally someone want to spend time with me… only one person…
"LET'S MEET AFTER OFFICE."
I was typing, "Can we meet at the same location like yesterday?" Then, before I could send it, I erased it. I typed, "Where?"
I waited for his reply. He was typing something for 30 seconds… then he sent me:
"Somewhere. What about… café or restaurant? Actually, I'm very hungry right now… and when I go back to Canada, I'll miss my Indian dishes—samosa… idli sambar… dosa… I want it. But in Canada, I didn't get the actual food like here. The environment matters for food?"Didn't?"
How can a person type this much? Does he type without thinking or just flow out what he's feeling? Words really matter for some people… I really don't understand how to react to things in this world… where everyone knows what to speak, how to speak—but for me… I don't understand… Where can I say this? Can I say it loud… low… or just medium? Can I say it longer or short? But I don't understand… where should I add my words? When someone cries, can I console them? But how? When they laugh, can I laugh also? Appreciate them for their achievement—but how? How to flow out the things I feel?
Gaurav and I have a huge difference. He knows how to speak. I'm a weirdo to him. He must be thinking, "How does she not know little things?" But those things are little for them… but for me… it's the toughest, hardest thing. Hard to express… hard to speak my inner words out loud… So, I just remain silent. I became a silent girl… who doesn't say her inner feelings… who hides them from the world.
The rain shower was happening outside the building. The cup of coffee I held… waiting for sunset… to meet him. One thing I know and understand is this… "I don't like him." I was just surprised by that kind of person… who opens up to someone… a stranger.
I felt he was good for me as a friend, not a partner. And I'm searching for that one person… who will sit beside me… teach me how to open up. And I got that person… at least nature heard me… it sent him to help me.
THE RESTAURANT
He ordered all the Indian dishes. He loves food as normal person, everyone loves it. and I'm the one who eats only to survive.
"I'm heading back to Canada," he said, eating biryani with his hands.
I took a spoon. "When?"
"Soon, very soon… maybe this week. Actually… I met my brother today," he paused and thought. "He is… what can I say… he has grown. I met him after years. I never wanted to meet him… but I thought I have to meet him one time before I go back to Canada."
"Have things settled between you both?" I asked hesitantly. After the words flowed out, I thought—was it wrong to ask him something so personal? It just flowed out without thinking. And I felt that… someone can really change your personality… the way you talk, behave, the way you think… and your silence finds words. For the first time… I felt it… and experienced it.
They say it's true: "GOOD PEOPLE TURN YOU GOOD." And I found this truth.
Someone's company can actually turn you into someone like them. But it happens only to those… who feel insecure about their personality… they turn themselves into someone else. Someone do this directly and like someone me their Brains turned himself into themselves indirectly.
"The things between me and my brother... I don't think it will ever settle, 'cause we already wasted a lot of time in silence. After... that incident… when Mom and Dad died… in an accident. I cursed him. At that time, I was young. Before understanding the situation, I blamed him… for that heartbreaking accident. If he had come by himself from abroad… what if Mom and Dad didn't go to receive him? Things could've been different. That 'what if… what if' keeps roaming in my head."
He went silent after saying this. I kept staring at his face—he lost both his parents at the same time.
"Parents' death broke us inside."
Tej's parents also died. I could never understand the pain they hold inside, the sorrow they felt after seeing their parents' bodies. In the world, every day countless people die. Some lose their kids, some lose their parents. In this world, we say: every kid has to face the death of their parents, and some parents… can't see their children grow.
"I can't console you, because I can't understand what you feel now. I can guess it's painful… but how much? I don't know."
"You don't need to. It's become a habit… when pain becomes a habit, it hurts you less. It gives you strength in your bad times. It helps you build something bigger, and makes you a mature, grown man."
He started in a serious tone and ended with a laugh. It showed he had suffered a lot. And today, he stands on his own feet—giggling, laughing… he created himself into a man who can smile whenever he wants. Nothing affects him anymore.
The pain inside him became a dry wound… it will stay there forever, but he didn't let it grow or spread in his body. He surpassed it.
That wound didn't fight back.
Suffering alone makes a person stronger. He suffered alone.
"Anyway—tell me about you?" he asked…
"There's an aching in my heart. Every day, from beginning to end, a piece of me is missing someone. But who? The name I've never even heard.
Maybe it's the one… whom I wish to live for, to change myself for… to become a different, perfect person—effortlessly acceptable for them."
"And what qualities make a person perfect?"
"A person who has every good quality. Well-mannered. Knows humor. Makes others laugh. Trustworthy. Successful. A perfect, pure soul.Don't we all want to become that one person?
But we all end up… imperfect.Some have skills but no money.
Some have knowledge but don't know how to apply it.Everyone wants perfect humans. But there are none.Some pretend to be perfect… but it's all pretend, right?
Why don't we let humans become what they truly want?Why don't we let them pursue their dreams?Why do we stop them in the name of 'caring'?
Isn't it our ego?
We can't let others complete their wishes.Actually, we all want to control others' wishes—not just family, but we humans… we want control over other humans. We can't let each other go ahead."
"Shhh," he placed his finger on his lips, signaling me to keep quiet. "You are spitting truth… they will hear you."
He did this to avoid the heavy talk. Actually, he's the type of person—extroverted—who avoids talking about deep topics that can turn into debates and then fights. Because everyone's thoughts aren't the same… we think differently.
At that moment, I missed him—Tej—the one who's actually my type. The one who hides from the world, lives alone, spending time with himself.
Gaurav isn't someone who thinks a lot. He lives by forgetting pain and moving on with his life—playful, a good friend.
But Tej… he heard me from his heart. He felt my pain… even while he was fighting with himself.
I didn't forget him or let him go from my life. I gave him time—without telling him, I gave it.
At the same time, I met Gaurav, and realized it isn't a crime to share your emotions with others. It isn't bothering the other person… if they are ready to hear your inner voice.
But you have to find that particular person in your life, the one who makes you feel safe, comfortable… ready to listen.
Gaurav isn't that person. I know it.