Bao Ji (Lia)
The morning was normal.
I did my routine — waking up, washing, dressing, doing my makeup, fixing my hair.
But my mind was not normal at all.
It was completely messed up.
Everything that had happened since that drunken episode with the emperor sat heavy on my already depressed ass. All I could think was—
What the fuck happened yesterday?
At the morning greeting, my body was present, but my mind and soul were definitely not. I could see concubines talking, laughing, moving their lips… yet I couldn't hear a single word.
Physically there? Yes. Mentally? Who the fuck knows where.
Then, out of the blue, I heard a concubine mention something about a hairpin.
I looked up instantly, searching with my eyes for who had said it.
A flash from yesterday hit me — the emperor pointing out the hairpin stall, asking if I wanted to look closer.
A smile formed on my face just from thinking about it.
I dismissed it immediately.
Why would I think about that? It was normal. We were walking past stalls. Of course hairpins would come up. Right?
Snap out of it, Lia!!
As soon as the Queen dismissed us, I was the first one out the door.
"Why is my lady walking so fast?" my maid asked.
"I'm not walking fast," I replied irritably.
When I stepped into the yard, I overheard two servants talking.
"I heard the emperor will be very busy in court today with the officials," one said.
"I heard he's been stressed about it too," the other added.
So… he'll be busy today.
A strange sadness settled in my chest.
Wait. Why am I sad? It's normal for him to be busy. He is the emperor.
I started walking again.
"Why is my lady walking slowly now?" my maid asked. "Weren't you in a rush?"
I stopped and looked at her.
"Why would I be in a rush? And why are you questioning whether I'm walking fast or slow?" I snapped.
She stared at me in disbelief before immediately lowering her head and apologising.
I inhaled deeply, then exhaled.
"Let's just go," I said, giving up and walking again.
Why did I snap at her? She didn't do anything wrong. She just asked questions.
I'm a mess today.
I think the best choice is to stay inside.
I sat down in front of my room while my maid brought me snacks and a book — one I had asked for earlier. I needed a distraction.
And what's the best distraction? Reading.
I opened the first page confidently and began reading.
My confidence shattered instantly.
I couldn't get past the first sentence.
The first fucking sentence.
I read it more than ten times, and my mind stayed completely blank. If someone asked me what it said, I wouldn't be able to answer.
I slammed the book down on the table.
"What happened? My lady doesn't like the book?" my maid asked carefully.
Poor girl. She's just doing her job. Don't get annoyed at her, Lia.
"No, it's not that," I replied shortly. Then added, "You can take the book back."
"Okay," she said, taking it.
Today is going to be a long day.
When she returned, she asked, "Would my lady like something else?"
Yeah. A plate of peaches and a side of silence, please.
After a long pause, I said, "I want to do some needlework."
Yes. Needlework requires concentration. My mind would finally shut up.
I lost track of time completely. I focused so hard I stabbed my fingers a few times and swore in every language possible and impossible — but it worked.
Until I looked at the final result.
"That's a perfect turtle," my maid said happily.
"A what?" I asked, snapping my head down.
It was a big green turtle.
For fuck's sake. That fucking turtle.
Another flash hit me — yesterday, laughing with the emperor about turtle soup.
"My lady's smile is beautiful," my maid said softly.
"Thanks," I replied, smiling.
Wait—what? Why the fuck am I smiling?
Get it together, Lia.
I pushed the needlework aside. "I want to draw."
"What's wrong with my lady today?" my maid asked, confused.
"Nothing!" I answered way too fast. "Absolutely nothing. I just feel like doing things."
She didn't ask again, thank God.
When she returned with brush and paper, I cleared my mind.
Flowers. I'll draw flowers. Or maybe a dog. Or a cat.
No animals. Just flowers.
It took time. I'm a perfectionist, and I didn't want to rush it.
When I finally put the brush down, my maid asked, "Does my lady crave tanghulu?"
My head snapped up.
"What?!"
"My lady drew a man selling tanghulu," she said, leaning closer. "And a man standing in front of the stall, trying to buy one."
She squinted.
"Wait… that man buying it— is that the emperor?"
I stared at the painting with wide eyes.
Are you kidding me?!
"That's it. I'm done."
"Burn it," I said instantly, stepping away.
"My lady—"
"I said burn it!!" I snapped.
But the moment she reached for it, my body reacted before my brain.
"Wait!"
She froze, confused.
"Umm… give it to me. I'll take care of it," I said, snatching it away.
Inside, I unfolded the painting again.
It was really well drawn.
Another memory surfaced — the emperor noticing what I wanted instantly and buying it without a word.
"Why is my lady blushing?" my maid asked with a teasing smile. "Did my lady remember yesterday with the emperor?"
My smile vanished.
"No!"
I cleared my throat, put the painting away, and stepped outside again. My maid followed.
"It's nice weather," I said randomly.
"It really is."
"It would be a shame not to go for a walk, right?" I added.
"My lady wants to see the emperor?" she asked bluntly.
"Who said I want to see him?" I replied quickly, not looking at her. "He might be… busy."
"I heard the emperor is still busy with the officials," she said.
"Really?" I asked, sadness slipping into my voice.
Wait. Why am I sad? I'm fine. I'm okay.
"Let's go for that walk," I said.
An hour passed. Maybe more.
I wandered like a lost puppy. Even my grandmother walks faster than this.
My maid asked again and again if I was hungry, tired, or wanted to return. My answer never changed.
No.
I walked through the garden, past the library, even past the kitchens.
Why? I have no idea.
What was I even doing?
My chest tightened. A small, quiet sadness bloomed inside me.
"Let's go back," I murmured, more to myself than to her.
She nodded without questions.
I stared at the ground, waiting to reach my room so I could collapse into bed.
Then I turned a corner and walked straight into something solid.
"Can you pay attention to where the fuck you're going?" I snapped.
"You bumped into me," a deep, low voice replied.
I recognised it instantly.
I looked up — and smiled before I could stop myself.
"Your Majesty."