BAO JI (LIA)
Yesterday's "tea afternoon" was so long that the Queen and I had absolutely no energy left by the end of it.
I have no idea what got into those concubines. I understand why they want to get close to the Queen — getting close to her means getting closer to the Emperor. They will do anything to achieve that.
But why drag me into it too?
They brought gifts. They smiled sweetly. They spoke in honeyed tones. And I couldn't exactly tell them to fuck off. This isn't the 21st century, where you can simply avoid people you dislike. Here, enemies are made in a heartbeat. The last thing I want is more enemies.
Though I think I already failed.
Bao Si definitely hates me — for stealing her spotlight and, worse, for making the Emperor push her aside. And the others? I'm sure they resent the attention he gives me.
So if I have to sit there for hours, smiling politely and pretending everything is fine just to maintain the fragile peace we have, then I'll do it.
I was sitting beside the Queen in her chamber, eating sweets. I'd had enough of that awful tea for at least a week.
"I have a question," I said.
"You can ask whatever you want," she replied gently.
"How can you still smile around them? They're like sharks disguised as humans."
The Queen giggled. "I don't really have a choice. And not all of them are bad."
"Nah. Give them the chance, and they'd skin you alive just to get closer to the Emperor."
"They are not concubines just for decoration," she reminded me.
"I know, I know. But still. Their fakeness almost choked me last night." I pouted like a child.
"They are concubines for a reason," she said calmly. "The Emperor needs a successor. Each of them tries hard to gain his attention, hoping to bear his child."
The thought of another woman in his arms made my blood boil.
Why do I even care?
I don't. Then why does the idea bother me so much?
"Feeling jealous?" the queen asked with a teasing smile.
"No," I answered too quickly.
"Your face says otherwise."
"You're imagining things. I am not jealous," I insisted. Then, perhaps recklessly, I added, "Why don't you have a child with His Majesty? That would be better than letting those sharks try."
Her smile faded slightly as she looked away.
Sensitive topic. Great, Lia.
"We tried at the beginning," she said quietly. "But after several attempts, we discovered I have only a 0.0001% chance of conceiving. Since then, the emperor took concubines."
"That must have made you sad?" I asked, though the answer was obvious.
"Of course it did. But I accepted it. I had no other choice."
"And the emperor?" I asked.
"He accepted it quickly as well. He began taking action immediately. But even then, he respected me. He promised I would remain the only queen."
"Really?"
"Yes. He even came to me to ask who I thought would be suitable to bear his child."
"He respects you."
"At least I have that."
"So… he didn't try?" I asked hesitantly.
"Tried what? To have children?"
I nodded.
"Of course he did. A few concubines became pregnant."
"Then why haven't I seen any children?"
"They lost the pregnancies."
"What? How?"
"When they learned that I would raise the child after birth, they chose to end the pregnancies."
My heart sank.
"And… with all due respect… does it have to be raised by you? I mean… it's hard for a mother to give her child away."
The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. But I was genuinely curious.
She smiled faintly. "I know it is hard. That's why I told them I would not take the child entirely away. They could remain part of its life. I would be fair. But even that was not enough."
"They should have known you would be fair."
"Would you agree?" she suddenly asked.
"To what?"
"If you became pregnant… would you let me raise the child?"
My immediate thought was no. But then, when would I ever be pregnant with the Emperor's child?
But imagining a small child who looked like him made something warm bloom inside me.
Then reality hit. I was dragged here. I merged with Bao Ji. I could be sent back at any moment. If I ever had to choose someone to raise my child… it would be her. I trust her.
"Forget it," she began. "I was just—"
"I would agree," I interrupted.
Her face lit up instantly. "Really?"
"I trust you. I know you would raise my child well."
"Thank you for trusting me."
"But, Your Majesty… may I ask something?"
"Of course."
"If I ever do become pregnant — which is unlikely — and something happens to me… promise me you'll keep my child safe. And… mention me to them sometimes."
She looked alarmed. "Why would you say that? Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong. I just like being prepared. Life is unpredictable. Please promise."
"Alright. I promise. But tell me if you're in danger."
"I will", I lied.
How could I tell her that I might disappear back to the future at any moment?
"But why do you think it's impossible for you to become pregnant with the Emperor's child?" she asked.
"Between me and him? "Impossible", I said.
Why don't I sound convincing?
"I see things differently," she said softly.
"What do you mean?"
"The way he looks at you. And the way you blush around him."
"I don't blush."
"You like him."
"Me? Pff—"
"And he likes you."
The thought alone made me smile.
Then suddenly—
"Your Majesty," the Queen said. Clearly she noticed him faster than I did.
The Emperor entered.
"We are alone. No need to bow," he said, sitting beside me. "Concubine Ji, are you unwell? Your cheeks are red."
"I'm fine," I answered too quickly.
"She's perfectly fine. She just—" the Queen began.
"It's hot in here," I cut in, fanning myself.
"It is not", the Queen said innocently.
"I agree," the Emperor added.
"I'm sensitive to warm air."
"Since when?" the queen teased. "Perhaps you're sensitive to something else."
I shot her a glare. She laughed.
I cleared my throat. "What brings Your Majesty here?"
"I came for you."
"For me?" I asked, surprised.
"Someone was missing you", the Queen whispered.
I ignored her.
"I was wondering if Concubine Ji would accompany me for a stroll."
"She would like to very much", the Queen answered for me.
"I... would like to," I said.
We walked in the garden. His hands were behind his back, though his gaze kept returning to me. I tried not to stare – failed – and my eyes drifted to his lips.
He suddenly stopped, picked a flower, stepped close — too close — and placed it in my hair. One hand steadied my head; the other adjusted the flower.
Then his hand slid to the back of my neck. The other brushed my cheek with his fingers.
We stared at each other.
My mind screamed, Look away. Do something. But I couldn't.
He leaned in slowly.
My hands gripped his robe at his waist. I leaned in too.
"Your Majesty... Cousin."
Bao Si's voice.
I pushed back so quickly I nearly fell. He caught me, pulling me against him. My hands pressed to his chest.
Oh.
He definitely works out.
"Do you like touching it?" he whispered near my ear.
I turned so fast our mouths brushed lightly. My heart nearly exploded.
I stepped back, clearing my throat. "Cousin."
Bao Si pretended innocence.
The Emperor placed his hands on my waist. "I see Concubine Si and Yin are enjoying a walk."
After brief formalities, he guided me away – his hands still resting at my waist.
"It seemed like Concubine Si and Concubine Yin wanted to spend time with you."
"Did you want me to go with them?" he asked.
"No", I answered instantly — then corrected myself. "I mean... It is your choice."
"If I wanted to, I wouldn't be here."
When we reached my chamber, his hands were still there.
"I'm going in now," I said.
But I didn't move.
"Alright. I'll go," he replied.
Neither of us stepped away.
Finally, I turned toward my door. His hand slowly slid from my waist.
I rushed inside.
Closing the door and leaning against it, I replayed it — his lips brushing mine, his hands, his warmth.
What am I doing?
Wake up.
But it's not imagination. It happened.
Lord… I'm going to lose my mind.