I am Stan/Standy Valentine. I just got a new job at Dollar General. And I am illegally in love with the potential of my job.
As always as a man, it began outside of the job. As an edgelord of anarchy. When I realized it is a beautiful crockpot of chemical madness. Which scares and arouses me.
But I moved onto being a normal man in an arguably worse way.
I love the romance potential of this job.
First of all, my boss is a hot twink who wears nice clothes from Japan. I love it illegally already just cause of him. His looks anyway. He's been stoic so far.
Then there's the one co-worker I've met. A nice woman named Angela who is nice too. A bit nicer, we chat better. And she's an athletic woman with a gymnast build.
And of course, for the worse honestly, there's the customers that will flow in eventually. Which honestly, I will ignore more often than not unless I'm a Cashier. Cause honestly for these first few days anyways by my current estimations of this job, I am too busy stocking while Angela does the cashier and my Manager, Sora, does his Manager things. Which based on my estimations of realistic capitalism, it should be things like paperwork, bureaucracy with deliveries and what not mainly, and maintenance if anything in the building gets broke. And my job if he runs out of his stuff to do. Which honestly if that happens, in ultimate capitalism, I might get sent home so Dollar General saves money.
Which I'm honestly worried about happens when I get these shelves fully stocked. But that's whatever. It'll take a while unless we get people to quit calling in like losers.
I shouldn't try too hard with the customers and especially my co-workers. But honestly, unfortunately I love them the most. I will probably cause drama over a phone number eventually.
Anyway, there's a lot I love imagining about my job before I worked here that I fantasize about as I work. All the dumb shit of meme politics and love drama at work in a store where too many people come and go.
I worry about it to as a regular liberal American. Or honestly, any political situation or even a natural disaster. I think about terrorism in this store too much. It started as weapons for myself in case of a robbery when I was at a store. But then it got scary when I think about them doing it too.
So in a way, I'm responsible for my store. I worry about the chemicals a lot. But I also like imagining what could happen if we were too smart with water moisture and the insane concoctions of coincidental chemistry that can happen throughout this store.
My favorite one is the most obvious one: the medicine shelves. I'm imagining they're meant to make the pills very, very slightly melt their fumes from just human causality and the natural 70 degree temperature or whatever. Then the fumes condense into water collectors in the ceiling, and collect new chemicals from them being stored in a store.
My weirdest one is about foam shoes. I had a sad fantasy about it at first. I imagined them as beach testers. Soaking in the scent of the beach. And hoping the sea stays smelling nice and your feet don't ruin it. Or worse, poison in the sand that changes the colors of your sandals a weird color.
My weird chemistry fantasy imagines they collect dead feet skin and mix them into the coincidence chemistry combo in the store to make them.
I like thinking about this stuff a lot. I call it Illuminati Capitalism. It's honestly more hoping it's there. And part two, hoping I don't have to help. Chemistry would be work to an extent. Especially if we do it on a industry level. I hope we stay on a coincidence level, and at worst. I just have to help pull weird tubes and pipes out of walls, hand them to our… I don't know, cousin company that helps with chemistry. And put in new ones. And honestly, in my realistic version of a coincidence system, it's at best once a year during inventory season. Or a fake fumigation of the building for bugs, I dunno.
I actually decide to be bored during work, and post this idea as a meme on a Dollar General subreddit. Within an hour, a weird thing happened. I got texted on my discord by a stranger who wanted to discuss that chemistry idea. A lot. I liked and hated it. He claimed he was affiliated with Dollar General, but I was still a bit tense. Then I realized I already posted the whole idea on a public subreddit, who cares? At worst, a rival company gets to do it with my ideas. While the whole internet of capitalism can steal that post with ease.
I'm DrStoner on discord. He's a fucking alt account. His regular username is thankfully normal, it's Zel. His real username is alt af. It's Sephiroth69420. Fucking weeb.
Zel: so i saw your reddit post it was really smart id love to discuss it with you i'm a fellow dg associate
DrStoner: alright so what ya got in mind, cause ive discussed my whole theory on the post
Zel: What products do you think we can make coincidentally
DrStoner: ah i didnt mention that, you right
I am thinking mainly liquids honestly i can barely imagine any other product being made without taking into mind additional steps that require an industry standard lab
Zel: ah that makes sense how much do you know about chemistry
DrStoner: honestly the basics of how to change chemistry and do weeb terrorism lol i don't have any real chemistry stuff memorized besides the tactics to do chemistry like heating things up shocking them basically just doing anything weird with temperature, vibrations, shocks, or throwing like, basically anything at another thing, and then getting it wet if the other stuff doesnt work or i want a water mix to happen
Zel: So whats your politics weeb? You better not be a liberal
Ugh. Now we devolve into typical discord Politics shenanigans. A long time lurker and occasional menace of discord Politics, both on the official Politics server, and any fucking conversation with a stranger on the internet. We will now be offensive, autistic r@#$%^s.
DrStoner: I am a fucking liberal, what about it f@g#$%
Zel: don't call me a fucking f@g#$% ill fucking shoot you dead
DrStoner: Bitch i dare you do that at work i might love my job but i love the idea of store brand terrorism if necessary
Plus imagine firing a gun in there, especially if i open some soups or a medicine bin
Too much chemistry and combustion from your gun, we could die, everyone XD
Zel: Shut up bitch you aint a real chemist this is america guns are stable to fire anywhere
DrStoner: no it isn't i bet your bullet could become…pasta in there if i uh… i dunno… pour bleach on the spaghetti noodles…
Zel: it's a fucking miracle you even came up with this idea turbo f@g
He blocks me, and the conversation is automatically deleted. What a f@g groomer of discord. Fucking dickhead.
It gets worse the next morning where my boss Sora calls me into the office. And gives me the funniest truth.
"So that dude you talked shit to on discord was a Lab Leader in a lab in California. I have to write you up for disrespect." Sora says seriously with a barely restrained toned of amusement.
"I understand. We were both very rude though. Is he in-" I say sheepishly.
"Don't be fucking 12. Who cares if he's in trouble?" Sora snaps, genuinely annoyed and borderline pissed.
I recoil a bit with anxiety from that, my amusement on the situation fading very quickly cause my cute boss is mad at me. Then I decide to ask the real question.
"So is there anything happening with my idea?" I say quickly with great nervousness.
He actually smirks a bit and gives me a quick thumbs up.
"They like it. That's all I can say." Sora says warmly.
I smile happily.
"Alright, is there anywhere to sign or can I just get to work?" I ask warmly.
"Yeah, come with me." Sora says calmly.
I sign paperwork. And as an experienced troubled kid of society, I like, stop caring to a extent about the write up within an hour. I'm worried I fucked up a raise for the year already, but otherwise, I never really care. I'm too offensive, I already know I'm cursed to get written up for things for the rest of my life.
Then like an hour later, Angela talks to me about it. And she's with Sora. But she's leading it. In the worst way I slightly anticipated when I think of the context that the word Angel is in her name. She's churching me.
"Are you a fucking terrorist?" Angela snaps angrily.
We're literally at the cash registers with thankfully no customers in the store. Sora is smiling. I actually am not too surprised, we're both men. We're both destined to be edgy to an extent. I just wonder if she'll snap at him too.
"No, I just play videogames and paid attention in school. They taught us chemistry in high school." I say sheepishly and tense.
"Look, you gave our a company a good idea, that's true. But like, you threatened in a really concerning way. I don't like you being in this store sometimes." Angela says, tense and angry.
"Okay, you want to do the stocking instead?" I ask sarcastically.
She glares and rolls her eyes.
"You're lucky all we have are flakes. Or I'd be begging Sora to fire you." Angela says angrily.
I frown and am honestly a bit sad cause of this.
"I'll just prove I'm a good worker Angela." I say hesitantly but… proud.
She glares a bit more then softens.
"You've been here a few days and haven't done anything stupid yet I suppose. Just keep trying and don't do anything dumb Stan." she says polite but annoyed.