Morning mist rolled through Konoha, shrouding the fifty-year-old village in a pale haze that made it look forty-nine at best. Not a hint of vitality anywhere.
I stepped out after washing up, rubbing my hands together against the chill.
"If I could get a grilled fish drenched in chili powder right now… That'd be perfect."
No response.
I glanced back into the house. The fat orange cat was still asleep, sprawled across the table like a discarded futon. My eyebrow twitched.
Fine.
I snapped my fingers and summoned two Honey-Mustard Family Buckets. I set one on the table for the cat and took the other outside.
Today was the monthly clan meeting.Since I'd decided not to defect—at least not yet—I might as well show up and listen to the latest edition of "How to Steal Back the Hokage Seat, Vol. 57."
My chewing echoed all the way down the empty morning streets.
When I reached Nanga Shrine, a herd of elderly Uchihas had already gathered.
"Humph."
Elder Mado's face twisted the moment he saw me. He turned away sharply.
"Hey, Elder Mado! Still angry about yesterday?"
"Shut it. I don't want to speak to you."
"Have some breakfast. Old people need at least two pounds of meat in the morning."
"Take it away. I don't eat oily food at this hour."
"Oily?"
I looked at the family bucket in my hand and narrowed my eyes.
"Do you think we're civilians? We're Uchiha. Other clans eat porridge because their stomachs are weak. We don't mix with them. Besides, I heard Madara's grandfather ate five pounds of fried meat every morning. Lived long enough to see Konoha founded."
Elder Mado's eyelid twitched.
Some people indeed smoked two packs a day, drank a bottle of sake at lunch, and still lived to ninety. But he was not one of those people.
With a boom, I summoned a pile of fried food and handed it out. To Mado's horror, the other elders accepted it with perfectly straight faces and began devouring it like starving wolves.
Yesterday they told him vegetables prolong life.Today they were bathing in frying oil.
No wonder the Uchiha couldn't produce a Fifth Hokage.Too busy being walking contradictions.
Mado inhaled sharply, pride flaring.
"Fine. Two buckets for me."
When Fugaku finally arrived—on time as always—the entire shrine smelled like a fast-food stand. He stared at the oil-slicked elders and sighed.
"Everyone… it's not wartime. You don't need to eat like this."
"Humph," Mado grunted, clutching his stomach but forcing dignity into every word."The Uchiha stomach is forged from iron. Madara's grandfather ate twenty pounds of meat per meal. This is merely an appetizer.Hic."
Fugaku pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Elder Mado, please refrain from calling the traitor 'Madara-sama' in public."
"…I know."
He waddled off.
Inside the shrine, the seating arrangement had changed. Four rows of tables. The longest row in the south, the shortest—only one table—in the north.
I blinked.What happened to the old two-row system?Who redesigned the place? And why?
Everyone else found their seats easily. Only one seat remained—on the very edge.
I sat down, still confused. I tugged the sleeve of the elder beside me.
"Why am I sitting here?"
"Oh." He wiped chicken grease off his mouth. "You missed the last clan brawl. The elder split us into factions afterward. That row with the most seats is the Battle Maniac Faction. Second row is the Competitive Faction. My row is the Tranquil Heart Faction."
He dipped a finger in his tea and wrote on the table:
[Divorce Advocates Faction]
I froze.
"…Does the Great Elder have a grudge against me?"
"Obviously. He hated you since the day you insisted on studying medical ninjutsu. Yesterday you suggested political marriage with Tsunade. He hates you even more. Want to nominate me to replace him?"
"Silence."
Fugaku raised his hand, calming the chatter. His eyes swept the room—then stopped on me.
"Uchiha Tobika. The Fourth Hokage has issued a temporary assignment. You will be responsible for leading three newly graduated students. After a short period, you will enter the Fourth Hokage's direct unit—ANBU.Be the bridge between clan and village."
"…I'm becoming a teacher?"
I pointed at myself slowly.
A Uchiha.Teaching Academy brats.
Did Minato hit his head?
Fugaku nodded. He named two more people assigned to ANBU. Then he continued:
"The Fourth Hokage wishes to mend relations with the clan. As clan head, I must reciprocate. In the coming days, I will enroll Itachi in the Academy. Upon graduation, he will apprentice under the Hokage."
Everyone nodded in approval.
Itachi becoming Minato's student meant the clan's "Hokage ticket" had essentially been punched again.
Several elders turned to me with pitying smirks.
You push the clan head to divorce one time and suddenly you're sitting at the far end of the political caste system.
I cleared my throat.
"Great Elder," I said with perfect sincerity, "allow me to arrange a marriage for you. The bride is the grandmother of a friend from the Hyūga clan. For the honor of the clan, please don't refuse—"
Whistle! Whistle! Whistle!
The sky went dark.
A storm of kunai—black metal reflecting killing intent—descended toward me like a funnel-shaped death trap.
I looked up.
"You old fossil."
I raised my arm. My sleeve slid down, revealing a forearm pale and unmarred like polished stone.
A sphere of crimson chakra swelled in my palm—then erupted with blinding radiance. Heat tore across the shrine, evaporating cups of tea instantly.
To the others, I probably looked like a lunatic lifting a miniature sun with one hand.
Fire Release: Blazing Sun.
My own invention.Inspired by the Rasengan, but with fire chakra infused.Unlike the Rasengan, though—No hand signs. No mercy.
The kunai melted midair, turning into scorching iron rain that burned holes across the floor.
The clan stared, swallowing hard.
That jutsu never stopped being terrifying.
When the last kunai fell, I dismissed the fireball and brushed aside molten metal with my own kunai. Then I pulled out a notebook and scribbled:
"Konoha Year 51, February 2nd. Uchiha Tobika once again defeated the Great Elder after years of intense training.Justice triumphs in its 27th consecutive victory."
The Great Elder seethed. I waved the notebook at him casually.
"That's the rule you made. One technique each. Any more escalates grudges and harms clan unity."
He inhaled deeply—again and again—until the urge to kill me subsided.
His feelings toward me were… complicated.
In this clan, a true prodigy emerges once every decade, maybe longer.And prodigies reshape history.
The Great Elder knew what I was.But he hated how I wasted my talent on everything except actual training.
Medical ninjutsu.Science experiments.Rumors about sage arts.Half-finished, all abandoned.
And now I'd even given up medical ninjutsu.
A waste.A tragic, brilliant waste.
Finally, unable to look at me any longer, he slammed his hand on the table and turned away.
He detested geniuses.He detested idle geniuses even more.
And most of all, he detested geniuses who tried to introduce him to a "Hyūga grandmother."
The old man shivered.
But then again…Maybe she wasn't that bad?