The afternoon sky over Konoha was an endless blue canvas streaked with soft clouds. Beautiful weather. Terrible timing.
Inside the Uchiha district, within Fugaku's personal courtyard, Uchiha Tobika sat stiffly as an elder unloaded a lecture fit to kill weaker men.
Tobika had known this would happen the moment Fugaku summoned him. Someone had tattled about his "unique" genin survival exam. And of course he had to arrive at the exact moment the Grand Elder was visiting. Perfect.
The old man glared at him like he'd caught Tobika seducing his wife."Your medical skills may be high, boy, but that doesn't justify torturing your students! The bell test teaches cooperation, teamwork, emotional bonds! The only danger is the instructor. Your method teaches nothing! What did you cultivate? Diarrhea? A collective bathroom trauma?!"
Tobika wiped flecks of spit from his cheek.
The elder slammed his hand on the table again. "Do you know why our clan produces so few instructors? Because of lunatics like you! The clan's reputation is already in the gutter, and you somehow found a shovel and dug deeper!"
Tobika breathed out calmly. Arguing would only trigger the man's bad heart.If this fossil keeled over in Fugaku's courtyard while yelling at him? Tobika would be blamed for murder, and he didn't have the patience for that paperwork.
Hours passed.Five refills of tea.The sun drifting toward the horizon.
Finally, the elder stood, cane in hand, ready to leave. "I've already reassured the parents. You will teach properly from now on. No more deranged ideas."
The moment he straightened his back—
His legs went numb.
A shudder climbed his spine. His body wobbled violently.
Too much time sitting cross-legged.The legendary Uchiha numb-leg technique.
He toppled forward, directly toward Tobika.
Tobika's pupils shrank.No. No no no. You're not collapsing on me. Not today.
He kicked the elder square in the forehead.
THUD.
The old man flew backward like a sack of potatoes, smashing through Fugaku's guest room door and landing inside.
Just then, Fugaku emerged from the interior, wearing an apron and holding a spatula."What happened?"
Tobika pressed his palms together in the reconciliation seal and bowed slightly toward the broken door."Grand Elder, thank you for your guidance."
Then he turned to Fugaku."Clan Head, he challenged me to test my skills. We… misjudged our strength. I must go. Matters to attend to."
"Stay for dinner?" Fugaku asked.
"No. Thank you."
Tobika disappeared in a flicker of movement.
Moments later, Uchiha Mikoto arrived with concern etched on her face."Elder? Are you alright?"
The elder crawled out, dusty, with a large footprint on his forehead."Fine! Perfect! Never been better!"
He limped out with suspicious cheerfulness.
Mikoto blinked. "He's… really okay?"
"Quite," the elder said. Then he tapped his cane thoughtfully on the stones."Tobika… after Tsunade developed hemophobia, that boy became the strongest combatant in the medical-nin ranks and the best medic among combat jōnin. A perfect bodyguard. And soon, the Fourth Hokage will require a personal guard unit. It may be time the Uchiha received a sweet reward after so many years of being beaten like stray dogs."
He left humming.
Tobika, unaware his career was being plotted, had already left the district and arrived at the Valley of the End—the battlefield where Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama clashed.
He eyed the waterfall."Good place for water walking practice. Even if a kid falls and breaks something, I can fix them."
He nodded, satisfied with his own efficiency. Naruto-era patience levels were nonexistent; Tobika didn't have a week to let students play in a calm stream.
But three tiny brats were already standing at the cliff edge.
"Oi. Where are your parents?" he demanded.
No answer.
One boy coughed, then tried to imitate some arrogant clan elder."We are of the Uchiha. We came here to witness M—"
Tobika kicked him straight off the cliff.
The remaining two children froze, then burst into tears."Waaaah! There's a bad man!"
Before they could flee, a kunai embedded itself where their friend had stood.Both boys fell silent instantly.
Tobika clicked his tongue. He'd sensed the chakra the moment he arrived.
"Come out."
Two masked shinobi materialized among the trees—fox mask and tiger mask.Standard gear.Tight black armor.White harness.
Not ANBU.ROOT.
But ROOT usually introduced themselves with at least a polite threat first.These two skipped straight to murder.
Tobika frowned. "Aren't you supposed to tell me, 'Danzo-sama wants to see you' first? Why the immediate violence?"
The two ROOT shinobi exchanged a brief glance—then rushed him with blades drawn.
Too late.
Tobika's expression hardened."Twenty seconds."
He slammed his kunai upward, deflecting one short sword, then swept sideways to intercept the second.A kick to the chest sent one ninja skidding backward.He backflipped to create distance.
"Fire Release…"
His chakra surged.
"Great Fire Annihilation!"
A massive wave of flame rolled forward like a burning sea.The two ROOT members panicked, hands flying through seals.
"Water Release: Water Column Formation!"
Huge water pillars erupted, shielding them as steam exploded outward, swallowing the battlefield.
Tobika spat to the side. "Tch."
He grabbed a stone and dived into the steam cloud.
Two sharp impacts echoed.
THUD. THUD.
The steam thinned enough to reveal both ROOT shinobi staggering, stunned. Tobika snapped their jaws out of place with practiced precision, then disabled key muscles with chakra scalpels—non-lethal, clean, efficient.
Then he jumped off the cliff to fish out the three children.
All three were floating, eyes rolled upward, periodically spitting jets of water like dying fountains.He dragged them up, propped them safely, then returned to his prisoners.
ROOT shinobi. Again.
He inspected the woman first, prying open her mouth. "Tongue Cursed Seal, huh… You people really get worse every year."
ROOT's training was brutal, but this batch was sloppy.
He put her tongue back and wiped his fingers casually on her shirt.
"You can relax. I'm not here for intel."
Both captives stared at him in disbelief.ROOT operatives had no experience with mercy.
Tobika nodded lazily."I don't spill the blood of Konoha shinobi. Even if you attack me. A village is built by its people—if we kill each other, who's left for the real enemies?"
The two ROOT agents were now convinced he was either insane or a saint.
Tobika reattached the man's dislocated arm, sat them opposite each other, and sighed."Alright. Lesson time."
He summoned the three Uchiha kids—still pretending to be unconscious—dragged them closer, and lit up his Sharingan.
The kids woke instantly.
One whimpered, "W-why did you kick me earlier…?"
"So I wouldn't be distracted while fighting," Tobika replied bluntly.
The boy's eyes widened in outrage. Tobika flicked his forehead like lighting a cigarette.
He turned to the ROOT shinobi."I see strong survival desire in your eyes. Good. Here's the deal."
He pulled out paper, ink, and several bottles of alcohol.
"You two will drink, then play rock–paper–scissors. Loser gets slapped by the winner. One hundred rounds."
The two stared.
"That's it?""That's… the condition?"
"Yeah. If your slap is weak, I'll slap instead."
Tobika held up his hand.
"By the honor of the Uchiha Clan, I swear you'll walk away alive."
That did it.They actually relaxed.
To be fair, ROOT members weren't used to being offered life as a prize.
They began.
"Three… two… one!"
Scissors vs. paper.
SMACK!
The man's cheek immediately bloomed with a red handprint.
Tobika passed him a bottle. "Drink. Alcohol dulls the pain."
"…You're nicer than expected…" the ROOT ninja muttered.
Tobika nodded proudly. "I get that a lot."
He summoned honey-wasabi fried chicken buckets for the kids and let them eat while observing the "training."
As the alcohol kicked in, the slaps grew harder.
SMACK!SMACK!SMACK!
Teeth clattered onto the ground.
The three Uchiha kids munched chicken and stared.
"Why… why are they hitting each other so seriously?""I don't know.""…Chicken tastes good, though."
Eventually, Tobika called them aside.
"Listen well. ROOT shinobi won't betray their boss, but they will reveal information about their rivals. Not treason—just… venting. And since we're Uchiha, the village's noble clan, they feel less pressure selling intel to us. It's not 'spying.' It's 'inspection.'"
The kids' eyes widened in awe.
Tobika smirked.
"Information is a battlefield. When I'm done, I'll know Danzo's entire roster. Their habits. Their secrets. Their underwear colors if I feel like it."
The kids trembled in reverent fear.
Tobika crossed his arms, pride swelling.
"Now you understand—this is the true path of an Uchiha jōnin."