I died on a Saturday.
Was trying to save a random puppy from a speeding truck.
Classic isekai opening, right?
Wrong.
Next thing I know, I'm floating in darkness and a glowing blue screen pops up:
[Reincarnation Complete]
[Race: Wargoblin – Variant: Tail-Bound Disaster (Calamity Class)]
[Unique Skill: ≪Tail of Mass Suggestion≫ – Passive / Uncontrollable]
[Current Tail Wags: 0]
[Civilizations Destroyed: 0]
I thought, "Cool, green skin, big muscles, maybe a cool sword."
Then I landed face-first in mud and looked at my reflection.
Four feet tall.
Neon-green skin.
Big ears.
And one fluffy, traitorous tail that was already wagging like it had won the lottery.
One innocent wag.
[Tail Wag Count: 1]
[Mass Suggestion Injected: "Protect this creature at all costs"]
[Affected: 2.8 million sentient beings within 500 km]
[Side Effect: Random Cataclysm – Meteor shower over Holy Kingdom of Lumen]
In the distance, the sky lit up like Diwali gone wrong.
"Bhai… yeh kya bakchodi hai??" I muttered inside my tiny gremlin head.
The tail heard the panic and wagged twice more out of excitement.
[Tail Wag Count: 3]
[Kingdoms Destroyed: 2 (Lumen + Valeria Empire)]
[New Religion Founded: Church of the Sacred Wag]
Ten minutes in this world and two kingdoms were already smoking craters.
Then the fortress gates exploded open.
In walked the most terrifying woman I'd ever seen.
Vritra.
Crown Princess of the Demon Empire.
Four hundred years old.
Wings made of living shadow.
Sword bigger than my entire body.
She took one look at me, dropped to her knees, and started crying blood tears.
"My lord has descended…
The prophecy of the Tail that Ends Realms is fulfilled…"
My tail, the absolute drama queen, wagged seven times in celebration.
[Tail Wag Count: 10]
[Affected: 68 million]
[Demon Empire has declared war on physics itself]
Vritra stood up, scooped me into her arms like I was a limited-edition nuke, and declared to the entire continent:
"This creature is now the strategic weapon of mass destruction of the Demon Empire.
Anyone who breathes in his direction wrong will be erased from all timelines."
I tried to protest.
"Behenji please chhod do!
Main toh bas dog café jaane wala salaryman tha!
Weekend pe cappuccino + puppuccino peeta tha!"
The tail heard "puppuccino" and wagged four more times out of nostalgia.
[Tail Wag Count: 14]
[New Title Acquired: Living Apocalypse (Adorable)]
Vritra smiled for the first time in four centuries.
"Your every wish is now the end of the world, my lord."
She carried me to the war room and locked me in a glass cage with a sign outside:
DO NOT LET THE TAIL GET BORED
OR EVERYTHING DIES
I sat there, staring at the burning horizon, tail still wagging like a malfunctioning helicopter.
One wag had ended two kingdoms.
Now they were actively trying to keep me entertained so I don't accidentally delete reality.
1000 chapters of this?
To be continued
**End of Chapter 1 Stats**
Tail Wags: 14
Kingdoms Destroyed: 5
Active Worshippers: 68 million and counting
Karna's mental state: