"Don't get attached," he said, quickly capturing my lips and devouring them.
In that moment, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew I had to stop. In fact, now that I think about it, I always knew it was wrong. Wrong for allowing the little touches, wrong for feeling something in those innocent moments, wrong for looking forward to our conversations more than I was supposed to, and definitely wrong for allowing that first kiss.
It might have seemed innocent when it happened—hell, it was just a simple peck on the lips. I don't even know what brought it on because we were arguing or flirting, depending on one's point of view, but then it just kind of happened, and surprisingly, I didn't mind it as much as I would have expected.
From there, well... things changed.
"KATHERINA! For the love of God, come back to earth!" Maddie's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Her green eyes, usually full of warmth, now held an impatient glint, and her perfectly arched brows furrowed in frustration. Her strawberry blonde hair, which was curled today, bounced as she tilted her head. She looked at me expectantly, concern flickering beneath the irritation.
"Sorry..." I said, wincing slightly. It had been happening a lot lately, and I knew that "sorry" wouldn't keep working forever before I started looking like an ass—which I probably was, considering I hadn't told her anything yet.
Maddie and I told each other everything, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about Aiden. To her, Aiden was just my friend—a completely platonic relationship. And to some extent, he was. Or he was supposed to be. If we hadn't ended up tangled in whatever the hell this was. Right now, I had two choices: cut him off or accept that I was cheating. And I refused to do the latter. But if I was being honest with myself... I couldn't. I couldn't cut him off, and that realization alone terrified me.
"What's up, Katie? You've been like this for weeks. I've tried to give you space, but you should know you can talk to me. I'm dying here. Tell me, is something wrong?" Maddie sighed and sat next to me on my bed, her fingers idly playing with a loose thread on my duvet.
We were in my room, my sanctuary, the one place where I didn't have to pretend. Clothes were scattered on my bed and floor as we tried to pick out an outfit for tonight's party. Maddie had been talking about her latest issues with Trevor—as usual. Their relationship was a cycle of fights, breakups, and makeups. If they weren't arguing, that would be more unusual than when they were. He was a jerk, and Maddie deserved so much more. But love was complicated, and she couldn't see what was so painfully obvious to me.
I knew I couldn't get out of this anymore. She deserved to know.
"It's nothing, really," I muttered, fiddling with the hem of my oversized sweatshirt.
But the words tasted like a lie in my mouth.
I exhaled sharply and forced myself to look at her. "I kissed Aiden," I finally admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.
Maddie's reaction was instant. Her eyes widened in horror before her lips parted. "YOU WHAT?!" she half-hissed, half-shouted.
I winced, expecting that exact reaction. Even I was still shocked now that I had said it out loud. I tucked a loose strand of auburn hair behind my ear, suddenly hyper-aware of the heat creeping up my cheeks.
"I mean... you could say he kissed me," I added quickly, my voice quieter, as I stared down at my hands, tracing patterns on my palm to avoid her gaze. "The point is, Aiden and I kissed."
Maddie didn't say anything for a moment. She just stared at me, her expression unreadable. I waited for her judgment, her scolding—anything.
"We... we also kind of made out," I admitted, my voice nearly a whisper. I looked around my closet, avoiding her gaze.
"You know, I suspected as much," she finally said, nodding to herself like she was connecting all the dots in her head.
My head snapped up. "What?"
"The last time he came to get his wallet and return your student ID, something felt different. You two felt different. Even the way you looked at each other."
Panic gripped me. If Maddie had noticed, who else had?
"But do you... love him?" she asked, her voice quieter now, sadder.
I hated the way her face softened as she asked the question, like she was already preparing to comfort me in case I broke down.
"I don't," I answered too quickly. Too defensively.
She didn't look convinced.
"I mean... I don't know," I amended, my voice small.
"Well, I... I don't know what to say. But what about Benson? Are you okay?"
Even though she didn't finish her thoughts, I knew what she wanted to ask. Would I tell my boyfriend? Would I cut Aiden off? Would I let this spiral into something worse?
I told her exactly what I had been telling myself—that I was going to end it before it got more complicated. I wasn't sure if I sounded convincing to her. I wasn't even sure if I was convincing myself.
With that, we moved on to choosing our outfits for the party. I decided on a fitted black dress, one that hugged my figure just enough without being too revealing. My auburn hair cascaded down in soft waves, and I applied a little more makeup than usual—just enough to hide the tiredness in my face.
Maddie, as expected, looked effortlessly stunning. She wore a red crop top with a matching skirt, her long legs accentuated by heels that I could never pull off. She was practically buzzing with excitement, twirling around my room as she gushed about how she finally got me to go to one of her parties.
I wasn't a party girl. If given the choice, I would have spent the night binge-watching Korean dramas while devouring snacks and procrastinating my schoolwork. But tonight, I needed this. I needed the free booze and the noise—anything to get my mind off that night.
Aiden's words from before echoed in my mind.
Don't get attached.
Little did he know, it was already too late.