Alex wrapped his arms around William.
Little by little, the mage stopped trembling and relaxed against his skin. William's warm breath tickled his neck, and Alex had to make a tremendous effort to keep himself under control.
It was the first time he had embraced a man like that outside of sex, and he didn't know why he had done it. Was it a sense of protection? Desire?
Did he truly want William, or was it just a passing whim?
Or maybe it was nothing more than pity, after seeing him on the verge of breaking down.
He closed his eyes. It didn't matter—what mattered in that moment was that the mage was all right.
"Will, how are you feeling?"
"I don't feel as cold."
"Good. I'm sorry if I overstepped, but I was worried about you."
"I know. Thank you, Your Highness."
Alex rested the back of his head against the wall and let himself be lulled by the sound of the rain outside the cave and the beat of William's heart echoing in his chest.
If he stayed there for the rest of his life, he doubted he would miss anything.
Perhaps his family—but certainly not the court or his duties.
He opened his eyes again and lowered his gaze to William's face. The mage was watching him, his green irises brighter than usual.
Alex had made a rule for himself not to look at him more than necessary. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and he didn't want something inside himself to awaken. But having him so close was making it hard to hold back.
"Your Highness, I… I think I should get up."
The prince pulled his hands away from William's back and let them fall to his sides. The mage didn't move and looked at him strangely, as if conflicted.
"Will—"
William pressed his lips to his, and Alex's heart skipped a beat. He wasn't dreaming, was he? Had he really kissed him?
The prince closed his eyes and let himself be carried by the warmth and softness of that mouth he had discovered he wanted.
He brushed William's cheek, slipped the tip of his tongue between his lips to coax him to yield—but William pulled back.
The warmth of the kiss gave way to the chill of separation and the awareness that they could never return to what they had been before that afternoon.
"I shouldn't have." William sprang to his feet and dressed in a rush. "I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. It was a mistake."
But not on Alex's part. He just didn't have the courage to tell him.
----------------------
The return to the palace was silent and tense.
William had withdrawn into himself and seemed determined to put as much distance between them as possible. Alex, on the other hand, wished he could go back to how things were before that kiss, when they laughed and joked with a renewed ease.
But he also wanted to kiss him again.
Even at dinner they maintained a restrained distance, limiting themselves to a few polite exchanges.
The presence of the royal advisors and the rest of the royal family made that new dynamic easier, but Alex found himself watching William more than he should have.
He imagined him moaning beneath him, tangled together in the sheets of his bed. Imagined pushing into him and murmuring his name. And it was strange—he had never wanted to be the one in control before.
Why did William have that effect on him?
After dinner, Nikolas approached him.
"Care for a glass of wine in private?"
Alex shot a brief glance at William, who was taking his leave from the King and Gregoris. Maybe staying away from him would help him think more clearly—and clear his mind of those explicit fantasies.
"Right now I think I could even go for an entire bottle."
Nikolas laughed. "Maybe not. You're unbearable when you drink too much."
Alex managed a smile. "You're not wrong."
"We could invite William too."
The smile faded from the prince's face. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not? You seem to like having him around."
He did like having him around—at least until that afternoon. William shouldn't have kissed him, and he shouldn't have welcomed it. He shouldn't even have looked at him that way, or imagined them having sex.
Their relationship was complicated enough without strange desires mixed in.
"I think he wants to sleep."
"And I think I'll ask him."
Nikolas walked away before Alex could stop him and spoke quietly with William for a moment. Then he turned back toward Alex and motioned for him to join them.
"He's joining us. What did I tell you?"
Nikolas slipped an arm around his shoulders and led him out of the hall, with William following them in silence.
They left the chatter of the nobles behind and took refuge in one of the many small private sitting rooms near the library.
The mahogany furnishings and warm-toned upholstery made the room feel small and intimate. The large window overlooking the rose garden was covered by heavy drapes, a cheerful fire crackled in the fireplace, and the pleasant scent of burning wood filled the air.
Nikolas ordered a servant to bring wine and three glasses, then dropped into an armchair.
"I missed the court! The palaces in the north are far too cold for my taste—though dinners here do tend to drag on until midnight."
Alex sat down and pretended to be at ease. "I bet you were already thinking about how to slip away back then, at dinner."
"Just a little. And I'm sure you would have seized the opportunity I created."
"Only if I hadn't had to pretend to be drunk."
"Hardly, considering you haven't touched the wine."
Alex cast a fleeting glance at William, who had taken a seat near the fireplace. "I just don't feel like it tonight."
"Liquor?"
"I don't want to drink, Nik."
"A moment ago you wanted to polish off a whole bottle."
"I don't anymore. I have good reasons."
And one of those reasons was the mage sitting not far from him. Alex didn't know whether drinking would affect William as well, but he didn't feel like finding out.
Nikolas sighed. "All right. And you, Court Mage—would you like some wine?"
William lowered his gaze to his fingers intertwined in his lap. "Thank you, but I'd rather not. I do not tolerate it well."
"Are you saying you're going to make me drink alone?"
Alex snorted. "As if you minded."
"Not at all. I never turn down a glass after dinner, but drinking in company is more pleasant."
The servant returned with the wine, and Nikolas filled only one glass.
"You really are a strange couple. But you give the impression of… balancing each other out."
Alex offered an uncertain smile. "A lot of people say that."
William looked away, and the silence grew heavy.
Nikolas looked at them in turn, his brow slightly furrowed. "Did something happen? You seem… tense."
Alex stiffened and shook his head, perhaps a little too forcefully. "Everything's fine. We're just tired."
"The servants said you went out and stayed out almost the whole day."
"We just went for a ride. I wanted to show him something."
"You got caught in the storm, huh? I hope you at least managed to find shelter."
William stiffened and turned the other way. Nikolas shot him a puzzled glance.
"Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes," he replied curtly.
Alex lowered his gaze. "I told you. We're just tired."
Nikolas took a sip, and for a few minutes there was nothing but a dense silence.
"I also heard about what happened to you at Astya. It must have been very unpleasant; Your Majesty was wrong not to send you with an escort."
Alex stiffened. He didn't like remembering the deaths his many mistakes had caused.
"We got through it, somehow. Mostly thanks to William. He saved my life."
"And you saved mine," William murmured.
Alex hinted at an uncertain smile, but the distance was still there between them, along with the shadow of that kiss they should never have allowed themselves.
Nikolas frowned. "It seems to me that you've had a quarrel. Should I be worried about keeping you apart?"
"There's no need," William said.
"We didn't quarrel," Alex added.
"If you say so." Nikolas drained his glass and set it on the small table. "I think it's best if I retire for the evening. I have the feeling I'm in the way."
William nodded. "I wish you a good rest, Lord Councillor."
"See you tomorrow, Nik," Alex murmured.
His friend looked at them with a strangely amused expression and left the room.
As soon as they were alone, the silence became even more suffocating.
Alex wanted to flee and stay at the same time, just as he wanted to push William away and kiss him again—this time for real.
William rose from the armchair and headed for the door. "It's best if I retire as well."
"Wait!"
"I don't want to talk about it." The mage turned toward him. "It was a mistake. I never should have done it. And you should forget it."
"You can't kiss me and then expect me to pretend nothing happened!"
"Why not? It means nothing to either of us. It can't mean something—you understand that, don't you? It was just a mistake."
Alex stood up and went to him. "But not for me."
William's eyes widened, and he took a step back.
"Our relationship should be purely professional—that's the best way to avoid trouble. If you need to satisfy your appetites, go down to the city. I can endure it."
"That's not what this is! And you know I could never hurt you—not until we understand what didn't work in the Pact."
"You shouldn't think about me. You are the prince, and I am nobody."
Alex clenched his fists. Maybe William was right, but he didn't want to see him in tears again. And he couldn't ignore the desire that blossomed in his chest whenever he was near him.
"Why did you do it?" he asked.
"Why didn't you pull away?" William retorted.
Because it was what Alex had wanted for the past few days, and he had only understood it during that ride.
He took a deep breath and looked at him again. "William, do you… hate me?"
"No." William looked at him with deep regret. "I can't hate you, Your Highness. But I can't love you either."
"Because you're in love with someone else?"
William lowered his gaze and did not answer.
"Even if you can never have him?" Anger burned in his chest. "Even if you'll go on suffering? I can make you happy, Will. I can make you forget him."
"You can't, Your Highness. You can't make me happy, nor make me forget. The only thing you can do is forget all of this. It was just a moment's weakness. You feel nothing for me except desire."
Alex ran his fingers through his blond hair. Was it really so? Was it really just a whim?
"How can you be so sure?"
"What else could you feel for someone like me?" William took a step forward, then stopped, as if conflicted. "I'm sorry. I wish you good night, Your Highness."
He bowed and left.
Alex remained alone with his thoughts and a void digging into his chest—one he had never thought he would feel.
He desired him as he had never desired anyone before, but perhaps it truly was just a passing whim.
And whatever was beginning to grow between them, Alex would have to smother it.
In the days that followed, the prince maintained a quiet distance from William.
He hated himself for it, because the only thing he wanted was to erase that distance and return to how things were before the kiss.
Or go beyond it and take a step he should not take.
His sister Myrina noticed something. Alex realized it from the frowning looks she cast at him from time to time. He could have complained about it to her or to his older sisters, but he didn't want anyone to discover what had happened between him and William.
That kiss was like a fragile, ethereal memory he wanted to keep jealously in his chest, as though other people's gazes could taint the sweetness of that moment.
And for that reason he began to avoid William.
Looking at him brought back to his lips the softness of his mouth and the warmth of his face, and Alex didn't want to suffer again.
One morning, however, his father summoned them both to the Council Hall for an urgent matter, and the prince could not refuse.