Alex swallowed, his gaze sliding over William's lips and the exposed line of his neck. He could feel the warmth of his body through the clothes, the rapid beat of his heart echoing in his own chest.
Desire burned low in his stomach. They were so close that he could have kissed him.
Alex leaned toward his mouth, but William frowned and looked away.
"You're heavy, Your Highness."
Alex flushed. By the spirits, what was he about to do?
He tried to rise, but something held him back. He lowered his eyes and noticed that one of his decorative buttons had caught on the embroidery of the mage's robe. If he pulled, he would tear the fabric.
"I can't get up or I'll ruin your clothes."
"If I didn't know you, I'd think you did it on purpose."
Alex shot him a glare. "I can always pretend you don't mind and stay right here until we get out."
William scowled at him, but the blush on his cheeks deepened. "Can you unhook it?"
"I think so."
Alex reached for the button, fumbling. His fingers brushed William's side, and the mage held his breath.
"Your Highness…"
"Let me handle it."
The carriage jolted again, and Alex's leg bumped against the mage's groin. William turned even redder, the accelerated beat of his heart thudding against Alex's chest, barely muffled by the layers of fabric between them.
"Your leg," the mage murmured.
"I didn't do it on purpose."
"But you're touching a… delicate area."
Alex knew it all too well, but he couldn't move or he would damage the robe.
And he couldn't dwell on the fact that William was pinned beneath his body, just like in the erotic fantasies that had been plaguing his mind lately.
By the spirits, if he didn't focus, his body would betray him.
Alex shifted his hand a little more and brushed his fingers against a bulge. He flushed to the tips of his ears; beneath him, William stiffened and covered his mouth with his hand. His cheeks were so red that he looked feverish.
"Wi—"
The carriage door on William's side flew open and Alex lifted his head.
"Your Highness, are you—" Falko fell silent, eyes wide and fixed on them.
"It's not what it looks like, we—"
"Hey, mage!" The guardsman pointed a finger at William, his expression outraged. "What are you doing to His Highness?"
In other circumstances, Alex would have laughed. Falko could be really slow on the uptake at times.
William frowned, and a flash of irritation swept away the embarrassment. "Are you joking? His Highness is groping me, and now it's my fault?"
"I am not groping you!" Alex snapped.
"Then take your hand off there!"
"I was trying to free this damned button! And that ridiculous embroidery is to blame! Don't you have robes without all these threads?"
William pressed his lips together. "You could have avoided falling on top of me!"
"You could have not ignored me!"
"Enough," Sven cut in. He pulled his brother back and planted himself in front of the door, hands on his hips. "By the spirits, you look like a couple going through a divorce."
Alex blushed and looked away.
Sven sighed. "Your Highness, hurry up, free the button, and get out of the carriage, both of you. We've got a broken axle and we need to fix it before the sun goes down."
He closed the door, and darkness fell over the carriage. William's cheeks were still flushed and his gaze evasive, his heart hammering in his chest like a drum.
Alex bit his lip. "I didn't mean to touch you. I was just… trying to help."
"And I shouldn't have accused you in front of your men. I made you look foolish; they won't respect you now."
"Don't worry about that. They trust me. They know I wouldn't hurt anyone."
William lifted his gaze to him. "You're good with soldiers. Much more than with nobles."
"Because I'm like them. I like weapons and riding. When I served in the army I worked in the camp and drank with them in the evenings."
"You're a good man." William looked him in the eyes. "Please forget what happened. Pretend it never did."
Alex clenched his fists. It wasn't what he wanted, but he had no choice. Anything was better than that icy silence.
He reached for the incriminating button again, then froze. Was it his imagination, or had something grown harder down there?
He lowered his gaze to William, and a small, strangled moan slipped from the mage's lips.
Alex's heart raced in his chest, and something between his legs hardened. "Fuck."
William's eyes widened and his lips trembled. "Your Highness…"
"I'm not doing it on purpose!"
A pair of fists knocked on the carriage door. "Your Highness! Are you done?"
"O-one second!" Alex shouted back.
He felt around blindly along William's abdomen until his fingers brushed the button. It took a few minutes, but as soon as he freed it he sprang to his feet.
The mage sat up and got out of the carriage.
Sven leaned in. "If you get down, we can fix the axle and set off again." He frowned. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, I… I'm looking for William. You take care of the carriage."
Alex stepped out and walked quickly in the direction the mage had gone.
He caught up with him not far from the road.
William was sitting on a stump with his face buried in his hands. Alex would have found him adorable if only their relationship hadn't become so complicated.
"William?"
The mage jerked his head up. His face was red, but his eyes were dry. He looked more embarrassed than distressed.
"I'm fine." He stood up and took a few steps. "I'm fine, really. And I'm sorry for… that. I shouldn't have let myself go."
"You're a man, it's normal if your body reacts."
"No, it's not." William shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. "I should have kept myself under control."
Alex raised an eyebrow. He doubted anyone could restrain themselves once aroused.
But that wasn't why he had sought him out.
"Are you sure everything's fine? You don't like being touched, and earlier we were… very close."
Even if they hadn't been as close as that afternoon by the lake.
"I don't like it, but you…" William stopped for a moment. "When it's you, it's different. It's… tolerable."
Alex blushed, his heart giving a painful thump. It almost sounded like a confession, and a strange confession at that.
"I didn't make you uncomfortable?"
"No, I'm just embarrassed and… I needed to be alone for a moment." William blushed and looked away.
He didn't seem uncomfortable. Maybe Alex hadn't ruined everything a second time.
He ran a hand through his hair. "Will, I… I don't want you to be angry with me."
The mage shot him a sharp look. "I'm not angry with you."
"The way you're avoiding me doesn't make it seem that way."
"I'm just keeping the distance you keep trying to erase."
"But why?"
"Because you are the prince and I am nobody."
"That sounds like bullshit, you know that?"
William pressed his lips together and stepped closer. "You say that because you're used to having everything you want and you can't accept that someone might reject you."
"That's not true!"
"It is. That's why you're so obsessed with that damned kiss."
"I'm not obsessed. I just want to know why." Alex clenched his fists and swallowed the anger burning through his veins. "I deserve to know why you kissed me and ruined everything."
"Maybe because I felt like it. But you're so full of yourself, you don't even notice when someone plays with your feelings."
"That's a lie."
William gave him a sharp look. "How can you be so sure? You don't really know me, Your Highness."
"I know you well enough to doubt that you'd kiss a man just to hurt him."
"A man maybe not, but a prince?"
Alex frowned. He grabbed his wrist and placed his other hand in the small of William's back. He pulled him close. Their noses brushed, the mage's warm breath tempting his lips.
"William, you are the last person who would kiss someone just to break their heart."
"You don't know me."
"I do know you. You said you love a man and don't want to tell him because you can't have him. It means that rather than hurting others, you choose to suffer in silence and alone."
"And you, Your Highness? Would you kiss someone just to hurt them?"
"No. I only kiss people I like."
"Am I supposed to believe you like me?"
"What do you think?"
He pressed his lips to his and felt him stiffen, then slowly relax. He parted his mouth and caressed his tongue, then pulled back.
"Is it clear enough now?"
"You don't understand," William murmured. "I can be nothing other than your mage, Your Highness."
"Then why did you kiss me? You say you're in love with someone else and then you kiss me. Don't you see the contradiction?"
"It was a mistake; I've already told you."
"I don't believe you. You can lie to yourself all you want, Will, but no one kisses like that by mistake."
Alex released his wrist.
"I can make you happy if you let me."
"No, you can't." William gently took one of Alex's hands and pressed it to his chest. "Here, there's a wound that will never heal, not even if you treat it with care."
"At least let me try."
"I can't." William's hands trembled slightly, his voice cracking. "I can't do it. If I let myself go, terrible things will happen and—"
"What terrible things? I would never hurt you." Alex squeezed his hand. "Will, what did they do to you?"
"Nothing."
"That's a lie. It's not true that you don't like being touched. It's repulsion, isn't it? You feel sick when people touch you—that's why you won't even let the physician stitch you up."
William looked away, and for a long moment he seemed uncomfortable.
Alex cupped his cheek and made him look back at him.
"It was him, wasn't it? By the spirits, Will, if you tell me who he is, I can have him arrested. I'll pass judgment on him myself."
The mage's eyes widened. "Who are you talking about?"
"The bastard who stole your heart! He hurt you too, didn't he?"
"Your Highness, that man is kind. He would never hurt me."
"Then why doesn't he take care of you? I would, if I were in his place."
"I know. I've always known. I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I was stupid; I shouldn't have told you anything."
Alex frowned, confused. "What are you talking about? The kiss?"
William parted his lips, but a cough made them both flinch.
Sven, his cheeks faintly flushed, kept his gaze fixed on his feet. "Forgive me for the interruption, Your Highness, but the mage is needed to repair the axle."