Heart Kingdom - Throne Room
Status: Extremely Cursed
The air tasted like rust and cheap perfume.
Vanica Zogratis, currently utilizing 70% of the Devil Megicula's power, vibrated with excitement. The entire right side of her body was consumed by black, wing-like devil matter.
"You look mad!" Vanica cheered, clapping her blood-stained hands. "That face! It's the face of a killer! Finally! Someone fun!"
Saitama stood amidst the rubble of the throne room. His suit was scorched black. His white cape—the symbol of his hero status, the blanket he used for naps, the thing he actually learned to sew for—was gone. Burned to atoms.
He wasn't vibrating. He was statue-still.
"I liked that cape," Saitama said. His voice dropped three octaves. It wasn't loud. It was heavy. "It had the perfect weight."
"I'll buy you a new one!" Vanica shrieked, launching herself forward. "AFTER I KILL YOU!"
Blood Magic: Red Beast - Panoply.
Vanica's blood morphed into armor and claws. She moved at sub-light speeds, closing the gap in a fraction of a millisecond. She aimed a curse-enhanced claw directly at Saitama's throat.
"Rot!" Vanica laughed. "Curse of Decaying Flesh!"
She touched his neck.
Usually, this curse turned skin to dust. It bypassed durability. It attacked the concept of "life" itself.
Scritch.
Vanica's nail dragged across Saitama's skin.
It sounded like metal scraping diamond.
There was no blood. No rot. Just a white line that faded instantly.
"Huh?" Vanica blinked. Her eye twitched. "Why isn't your neck melting?"
Saitama looked down at her hand on his throat.
"Get off."
He didn't punch. He expanded his neck muscles.
THWUMP.
The slight flex of his trapezius muscle hit Vanica's hand with the force of a battering ram. Her wrist audibly cracked.
"Ouchie!" Vanica hopped back, shaking her hand. But she wasn't scared. She was ecstatic. "Durability! You resist curses?! MEGI! DID YOU SEE THAT?"
Behind her, the shadow of Megicula loomed. The supreme devil wasn't laughing.
"Vanica," the Devil whispered, voice dripping with analytical horror. "The curse didn't fail. It... slid off. His biological existence rejects external interference. He is not a vessel. He is a fortress."
"COOOOOL!" Vanica yelled. "Then I have to hit HARDER!"
Devil Power: 80%.
The palace foundation cracked. Dark runes covered the floor.
"Noelle," Saitama said without turning around.
Noelle Silva was huddled near the broken throne, protecting the unconscious Queen Lolopechka. She looked up, her face pale.
"Y-Yes?"
"Is this the one who killed your mom?"
Noelle gripped her wand. "Yes. That devil... Megicula."
Saitama cracked his knuckles.
"Good. Then I don't have to hold back."
The Beatdown
Vanica unleashed hell.
"Blood Magic: Exploding Lifeblood!"
She turned the spilled blood in the room into bombs. Thousands of red spheres surrounded Saitama.
BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
The explosions rocked the Heart Kingdom. The shockwaves flattened the surrounding forest.
Saitama stood in the middle of the fire.
He walked through the explosions like a man walking through a light drizzle. He swatted a blood-bomb away. It hit a wall and detonated.
"You're making a mess," Saitama criticized.
He appeared in front of Vanica.
"Punching feels too nice for you," Saitama said.
He raised his hand. Open palm.
"Consecutive... Normal Slaps."
Slap-slap-slap-slap-slap-slap.
It was a blur.
Saitama's hand moved faster than the frame rate of reality. He slapped Vanica's face left and right, fifty times in one second.
THWACK-THWACK-THWACK.
"ABBLGHHBLGH!" Vanica's face rippled. Her regenerating devil armor shattered, reformed, and shattered again.
Her teeth flew out. Her eyepatch disintegrated. The impact force of the "Normal Slaps" sent shockwaves through her skull, liquefying her brain and forcing Megicula to regenerate it instantly just to keep her conscious.
Saitama stopped.
Vanica wobbled. Her face was swollen. She looked like a cartoon character who ran into a wall.
She spit out a tooth.
She giggled.
"He... hehe..." She touched her swollen cheek. "It hurts... it actually hurts..."
Her pupil dilated to encompass her entire eye.
"I LOVE YOU!" Vanica screamed. "YOU'RE THE BEST!"
Devil Power: 100%?
No. Megicula stopped it.
"Fool," the Devil's voice boomed. "If you go to 100% against him, you will die. Not just the vessel. THE SOUL will shatter."
"Shut up, Megi!" Vanica roared. "He broke my teeth! I have to break his spine!"
She created a spear of Cursed Blood. "Ludic Sanctuary: Death Spear!"
She threw it.
Saitama caught the spear.
He broke it over his knee.
"You owe me a cape," Saitama said.
He pulled his fist back. The air pressure in the room dropped to zero. A vacuum formed around his red glove.
This wasn't a normal punch.
"Killer Move," Saitama whispered.
Megicula felt it. The threat of annihilation. The kind of punch that doesn't just hurt—it erases.
"RETREAT!" Megicula screamed, seizing control of Vanica's motor functions.
Saitama threw the punch.
"Serious Series: Serious Punch."
But Megicula didn't try to block.
Curse Warding Magic: Decaying World.
Megicula detonated the space between them. A massive explosion of concentrated curse energy, designed not to kill Saitama, but to create a smoke screen of pure rot.
Saitama's punch hit the curse explosion.
VOOOM.
The shockwave blasted the smoke backward. It tore the roof off the palace completely. It punched a hole in the clouds that stretched to the Spade Kingdom border.
But when the dust cleared...
Vanica was gone.
There was just a hole in the floor where she had escaped using spatial magic at the last millisecond.
"Ran away?" Saitama stood there, fist smoking. "Coward."
He looked around. The palace was ruined. The roof was missing. It was raining again.
Saitama sighed.
"Now I'm wet too."
The Aftermath
Queen Lolopechka groaned, stirring awake. She pushed her glasses up her nose.
She saw the sky. She saw the devastation.
And she saw Noelle, weeping.
"Noelle?" Lolopechka gasped. "Are you hurt? Did Vanica..."
Noelle shook her head, tears falling. "No... Lolo... I..."
Noelle looked at the bald man picking through the debris of the throne.
"He slapped her," Noelle whispered, staring at Saitama's back. "He slapped the host of a Supreme Devil... like she was a unruly child. He made Megicula run."
Saitama kicked a piece of gold rubble.
"Cheap construction," he muttered. "Gold paint flaking off."
Asta burst into the room (or what was left of it). He was covered in soot, but alive.
"SAITAMA-SENSEI!" Asta screamed. "I felt the earth shake! Are you okay?! Did you win?!"
"I lost," Saitama said gloomily.
"LOST?!" Asta, Noelle, and Lolo screamed in unison.
"My cape," Saitama pointed at the ashes. "It's gone. And the angry lady ran away without paying."
Genos flew in through the open roof, landing with a metallic clang. He was sparkling with his new Rune Tattoos.
"Master!" Genos scanned the room. "Hostile energy signature Vanica Zogratis has vanished from the vicinity. Victory achieved. However, your attire is compromised."
"Yeah, yeah." Saitama poked the exposed skin of his suit. "I feel naked without the cape. It feels breezy."
Queen Lolopechka stood up, shaking but dignified. She looked at the man who had driven away her nightmare.
"Mr. Saitama," she said, bowing deeply. Water droplets floated around her. "You saved my life. And the Kingdom."
"Just doing my job," Saitama said. "Did you save any leftovers from the feast?"
Spade Kingdom - Recovery Room
Dante's Palace
Vanica fell out of a spatial portal, crashing onto a plush rug.
She was a mess. Her face was purple. Her regeneration was working overtime, steam hissing from her pores.
"Owwwie..." Vanica rolled over. She touched her jaw, which was slowly clicking back into place.
Dante Zogratis sat nearby, reading a book. He looked at his sister with mild amusement.
"Rough day?" Dante asked smooth as velvet.
"He's amazing!" Vanica choked out a laugh, blood bubbling on her lips. "Dante! He slapped me! He caught my curses! He's... he's stronger than a devil! I want to marry him! Then kill him!"
"Focus, Vanica," Zenon Zogratis walked in. He looked pristine, holding a bone staff. "Did you secure the target?"
"No," Vanica pouted. "Megicula got scared and ran away. We didn't get the Queen."
Dante closed his book.
"Megicula felt fear?" Dante frowned. "That is... concerning. But no matter."
He stood up.
"The time has come. Yami Sukehiro. William Vangeance. We need the keys to the underworld. And since the Heart Kingdom failed..."
Dante smiled. It was terrifying.
"I will go to the Black Bulls myself. I want to meet this 'Saitama'. If he possesses no mana... perhaps he is the perfect vessel for Lucifero."
The mark on Dante's forehead burned. Lucifero—deep in the underworld, nursing a grudge about eggs—woke up.
"Dante..." Lucifero's voice growled in his mind. "Bring him to me. Bring me the Bald One. I have a grocery bill to settle."
Back at the Heart Kingdom - Evening
The mood was somber but hopeful. They were alive.
Genos was using his internal heater to dry Noelle's clothes (she stood ten feet away, blushing, pretending she hated it).
Saitama sat on a ledge, looking at the moon.
Noelle walked up to him. She wrung her hands.
"Hey."
Saitama looked over. "Oh. Sparkles."
"It's Noelle," she sighed. Then, she took a breath. "Thank you. For... fighting her. For my mother."
Saitama shrugged. "I just wanted to fix the door. And she ruined my cape."
Noelle reached behind her back. She pulled something out.
It wasn't a cape. It was a robe. A royal Heart Kingdom blanket, woven from silk and waterproof magic threads. It was blue, not white, but it looked soft.
"Here," Noelle shoved it at him. "Use this. Until you get a new one. You look stupid without a cape."
Saitama took the blue cloth. He touched it.
"Soft," he noted. "High thread count."
He tied it around his neck. It flapped in the wind. Blue Caped Baldy.
"Thanks," Saitama said.
He looked at Noelle. For a second, his face went serious—the hero face.
"Don't cry about revenge, kid," Saitama said. "It's boring. Get strong so you can protect the stuff you have now. Like the loud yelling shrimp."
He pointed at Asta, who was currently wrestling a beaver in the river.
Noelle smiled. A real, genuine smile.
"You're right. He is a shrimp."
Suddenly, Yami's voice blasted through their communication devices.
"Attention, losers! Vacation's over! Get your asses back to base! We got trouble!"
"Trouble?" Saitama asked.
"Some guy with gravity magic just floated my toilet into the sky! It's Dante! We're under attack!"
Saitama stood up, adjusting his new blue cape.
"Gravity again?" Saitama cracked his neck. "I really hate gravity guys."
"Genos!" Saitama yelled. "Pack the snacks! We're going home to punch a landlord!"