Just a quick update for everyone.
The first R-18 chapter of this fic is officially written and published.
For those who want it early, it's available right now over at patreon.com/shurazero.
If you prefer to wait, it will drop according to the regular publishing schedule.
Thanks to all of you for the support. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
*****
Hinata's "Eep!" bounced off the walls of the Hokage's broken office. It was a small sound, but in the silence that followed Tsunade's order, it sounded like an explosion.
Naruto looked at her. She looked at him.
Hanabi, from the doorway, let out a huff of disgust and left. Shizune, having received her orders, was already cleaning up the mess.
Tsunade, having said what she had to say, collapsed into the remains of her chair, grabbed the sake bottle, and drank from it.
The audience... was over.
Naruto swallowed. Sweat prickled the back of his neck. He scratched the back of his neck, a nervous gesture that didn't help at all.
"Well," he said, his voice still a bit high. "I guess... uh... we'll go?"
Hinata nodded. It was a movement so small Naruto wasn't sure if he'd imagined it.
"Great! Super!" he forced a smile. "Let's... go... home!"
The word "home" hung in the air between them, strange and heavy.
"Hokage-sama," Hinata said, making a trembling bow toward the broken chair. "Shizune-san."
"Take care, Hinata-chan," Tsunade muttered from the bottle. "And... try not to kill him."
"Hey!" Naruto protested.
They left the office. The hallway was silent. The walk down the stairs was silent.
The exit from the Hokage Tower was silent.
The street was dark. Konoha was falling asleep. The shops were closed. The only sound was their sandals hitting the pavement.
One step. Another.
The silence was horrible. Naruto could hear his own heart beating in his ears. He could hear Hinata's shaky breathing beside him.
Say something, idiot. You're a mature, engaged man. Mature men talk. Or something.
"So...!" he said, too loudly.
Hinata jumped, almost tripping over her own feet. "Ah!"
"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" Naruto said, lowering his voice. "Just... uh... breaking the ice. Haha!"
Hinata didn't laugh. She kept walking, head down, her hands clenched so tightly her knuckles were white.
"It's... it's nice," Naruto tried again. "My... my place. My house. Our house! I guess! Haha!"
Silence.
"It's... it's 'cozy.' Like I told your sister. Very cozy! You'll... you'll love it! I hope!"
Hinata made a small sound, like an "mmm," but she didn't look up.
"Great, Naruto!" he whispered to himself in desperation. "'Cozy'! You're scaring her! She probably thinks 'cozy' means 'death trap'!"
He kept walking. The silence returned.
"Uh..."
Hinata tensed, as if waiting for the next stupid comment.
"Do... do you like... dust?"
Hinata stopped dead and looked at him. Her face, pale in the moonlight, was a mask of pure confusion. "D-dust?"
"Yeah! Dust! Because... well, I have a lot! It's... it's rustic! It gives... character! Like... like an ancient scroll! Full of... history! And dust history!"
Hinata let out a small, choked sound and started walking again, a little faster this time.
"No, wait! It was a joke! It's not that much dust! Well, it is! But...!" Naruto ran to catch up. "It also has a great view!"
"A view?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"Yeah! Of the wall! The wall of the next building! It's... it's a very nice wall! It has lots of... bricks! Very... straight! Top-notch work!"
"N-Naruto-kun..."
"Yeah?"
"Please... can we...?"
"Walk faster? Good idea! Sure! You're probably tired!"
They walked the rest of the way in that agonizing silence.
Finally, they reached his building. They climbed the stairs. Naruto could feel her trembling, or maybe it was him trembling. He wasn't sure.
They reached his door.
Naruto fumbled for his keys. His hands were sweating. The key slipped.
"Damn it!"
He bent down to pick it up.
"N-Naruto-kun," Hinata said, her voice tiny. "I-it's okay. I... I can..."
"No! It's my house! I... I'll get the door! It's what... fiancés... do!"
He stood up, wiping his hand on his pants. He stuck the key in the lock. The sound of the metal turning seemed incredibly loud.
"Okay," he said, his hand on the knob. "Here we are! Home sweet home! Or... well. 'Home.' Haha!"
He hesitated.
"Just... a heads-up. It's been... it's been a tough week. For... for cleaning."
Hinata nodded, saying nothing.
"And... and last week too. And... last month. Actually... I don't think I've cleaned since I got back to the village."
He opened the door.
A smell hit him.
It was a complex mixture. Three-week-old noodles. Dust. Dirty laundry. And... something else. Something sour.
"Ugh!" Naruto coughed, waving a hand in front of his face. "I forgot... to take out the trash! I was... I was busy! With... training!"
Hinata didn't move. She stood in the doorway, like a statue.
The moonlight streamed through the only window, illuminating the room in a ghostly gray light.
It illuminated the tower of ramen bowls by the window, which was now leaning at an angle that defied physics.
It illuminated the pile of dirty laundry in the corner that... was it moving? No, just a draft. Probably.
It illuminated the kitchen sink, which was overflowing with more bowls.
It illuminated... the refrigerator.
"Haha!" Naruto's laugh was high-pitched and nervous. "It's a little... 'lived in'! Right? But it has potential! Look! That... that's the window! And... the bed! The floor! Everything... it's all here!"
Hinata took a tentative step inside. Her sandals made a faint sticky sound on the floor.
She stopped.
Her eyes, wide and horrified, fixed on the tower of bowls. Then, on the refrigerator.
"N-Naruto-kun..."
"Yeah? You like it? We can... we can move some things!"
Hinata raised a trembling hand and pointed at the fridge. A faint humming sound, which was not electrical, was coming from it.
"W-what... what is... that... smell?"
"Smell? Oh! That!" Naruto laughed again. "That's... science! Yeah! An experiment! On... fermentation! Of... dairy! It's... it's the humming milk! It's probably... alive! It's... it's my pet! Along with Mister Ukki!"
Hinata turned her head. She saw the dead, withered plant in a dry ramen bowl on the windowsill.
"...Oh," she whispered.
"Look!" Naruto said, desperate to fix this. "I'll make space! I'll move... I'll move the tower! It's... it's art! Modern art! I call it... 'The Leaning Tower of Pork'! It's... it's a joke! Because of the pork broth!"
He approached the tower of bowls. It was taller than him.
"I'll just... move... this...!"
He put a hand on a bowl in the middle.
It wobbled.
"Oh, no!"
The tower tilted. Slowly, like a falling tree.
"Wait! No! I got it!"
He did not have it.
It collapsed.
With a deafening crash, dozens of dried ramen bowls, some with caked-on noodles, others with colorful mold, fell to the floor. An avalanche of broken chopsticks, empty seasoning packets, and a thick, brown cloud of dust filled the room.
CRASH.
Silence.
The dust cloud settled slowly, coating everything in a fine gray layer.
Naruto stood in the middle of the disaster, a single empty bowl in his hand.
He looked at the mess. The tower had been blocking the view of another pile of trash. It was worse than he remembered. Much worse.
He looked at Hinata.
She was frozen in the doorway, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes were very, very wide, staring at the chaos with a silent horror that was a thousand times worse than a scream.
The panic broke Naruto.
"No!"
Hinata flinched. "Eep!"
"No!" Naruto yelled again, throwing down the bowl he was holding. "I can't! I can't clean this!"
He started pacing in circles, kicking the broken bowls. "It would take me a year! A year, Hinata! And your dad is coming tonight! He's going to send your stuff! They're going to see this!"
He grabbed his hair with his hands.
"They're going to see... the... the... bowl-thing! And the humming milk! And... and the microwave!"
Hinata took a step back. "Th-the... microwave?"
"It has something stuck inside! I think it was an egg! Or... or a toad! I don't remember!"
Hinata made a small gagging sound.
"Hiashi is going to execute me!" Naruto yelled, his voice rising. "He's going to cancel the marriage and execute me! He's going to execute me for lack of hygiene! That's a worse way to die! I'll die because of an egg-toad!"
Hinata, pale as a ghost, took a step forward. "W-we can... w-we can start... with... with the noodles..."
She bent down, her hand trembling, to pick up a dry, dusty noodle.
"No!" Naruto shouted, making her jump. "You don't understand! This isn't cleaning! This is... it's... an exorcism! This is a biohazard! Hanabi was right! Your sister said so!"
He started pacing again, like a caged animal.
"We need help! Professional help! A medical-nin! Yeah! This is... this is a quarantine zone! We need someone... who knows how to handle... hazardous fluids! And... and mold! Someone strong!"
He stopped. His eyes lit up with a terrible idea.
"That's it!"
Hinata looked at him fearfully. "W-what...?"
"A medical-nin!"
"T-Tsunade-sama?" she whispered, horrified.
"No! She'd kill me! She'd make me eat the humming milk! No! Someone else!"
Hinata blinked. "Sakura-san?"
"YES! SAKURA-CHAN!" The relief in Naruto's voice was palpable. "Of course! She's Tsunade's apprentice! She's seen worse! Probably! She's seen... guts! And... and blood! This is nothing compared to that! It's... it's just concentrated dirt!"
"N-Naruto-kun," Hinata said, backing away. "I don't think... that she... it's almost ten-thirty at night..."
"She's strong!" Naruto continued, ignoring her. "She hits harder than anyone! She can... she can punch the dirt into submission! It's the only way!"
Hinata stared at him. "Y-you're going to... ask her... to punch... your apartment?"
"No! To help me clean! It's an emergency! An S-Rank mission! S for 'Scum'! Or 'Sakura'! Or 'Save my ass'!"
He ran for the door, brushing past her.
"Stay here! Don't... don't move! And... and don't touch the milk! Seriously! It's... it's evil! And don't... don't breathe too... deep! I'll be right back!"
And he was gone.
He sprinted out of the apartment, his footsteps echoing down the hall.
Hinata was left alone.
In the dark.
In the apartment that smelled like old noodles and humming milk.
She looked at the disaster of broken bowls. She looked at the pile of clothes that had definitely moved.
"...Oh, kami..." she whispered to the silence.
Naruto ran through the streets of Konoha, scaring two cats and a patrol shinobi who almost pulled a kunai.
"Out of the way! Emergency! Matrimonial emergency!"
He reached Sakura's apartment building.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"SAKURA-CHAN! OPEN UP! OPEN THE DOOR! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! WE'RE BEING INVADED! OR SOMETHING WORSE! THE END OF THE WORLD!"
He heard a thud inside. Something falling. A muffled shout.
"I'm coming! I'm coming! Stop banging on the door, you're going to break it!"
The door flew open.
Sakura was there. She was wearing pink pajamas with bunnies on them. Her hair was mussed from sleep. And in her right hand, she held a kunai with deadly precision.
She had a murderous look in her eyes.
"NARUTO!" she hissed. "It is...!" she glanced at a clock on her wall. "Ten-twenty-two at night! What the hell do you want?! I was sleeping!"
The rage on her face was palpable. "If this is a ramen prank, I swear on Tsunade-sama I will rip out your windpipe and use it to hang you from the building!"
Naruto was out of breath. He ignored the threat. He was too busy panicking.
He grabbed her by the shoulders.
"It's not a prank!" he gasped. "It's worse! Much worse than ramen! Worse than an invasion!"
Sakura's expression changed in an instant. The sleep and anger vanished. The kunai steadied, its tip aimed at Naruto's chest.
"What?" her voice was low and serious. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
"I'M GETTING MARRIED!"
...
...
...
Silence.
Absolute and total silence.
Sakura didn't move. Her green eyes stared at him.
"...What?"
"And I have to clean my apartment! Right now!" Naruto shouted, shaking her a little. "And I can't do it alone! It's... it's... a disaster! And Hiashi is going to kill me!"
Sakura lowered the kunai. Slowly. Utter confusion replaced her ninja glare.
"Naruto."
"Yeah?"
"Did... did you hit your head? Seriously? Are you sleepwalking? What... what did you just say?"
"I said I'm getting married! To Hinata!"
Sakura stared at him.
Then, a snort.
And then, a laugh. Loud and shrill.
"Hahaha! Very funny, idiot!" She wiped a tear from her eye. "You nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought it was serious! 'Marrying Hinata'? You? Haha! Good one! What's next, Kiba's opening a library?"
"It's not a joke, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled, desperate. "I swear it! On my ninja life! On ramen!"
Sakura's laugh died. She saw the look in Naruto's eyes.
It wasn't a joking look. It was the same pure, grade-A panic he got when Choji ate his last bowl.
"Wait..." she said, her smile fading. "You're... you're not kidding. Are you?"
"I'M NOT KIDDING! HELP ME! PLEASE!"
Sakura stared at him for one more second. Then she grabbed him by the front of his jacket, dragged him into her apartment, and slammed the door.
"Okay, okay! Calm down!"
She pushed him toward a chair. Naruto was too worked up to sit. He started pacing around the small, tidy living room.
"Now!" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Start from the beginning! And talk slow! Not like a maniac! How... when... and why the hell... are you marrying Hinata?!"
"Fine, fine, I'll tell you! But fast! We don't have time! Hinata is alone with the humming milk!"
"The... the what-ing milk?"
Naruto ignored her. He started pacing, blurting out the most chaotic, incoherent story in the history of Konoha.
"Okay, so I found this scroll from Pervy Sage! And it was for 'research'! And I went to the onsen! Because it's tactical training! And I fell out of a tree! Literally, I fell! Big splash! And Hinata was there! Alone! And... and... she fainted!"
Sakura put a hand to her mouth. "You... you... spied on Hinata at the onsen?"
"It was an accident! The tree broke! I swear! And then she fainted! And I pulled her out! And then she fainted again!"
"Twice?"
"Three times, actually! The third was in Granny's office! But that was later! So I took her to my place!"
"YOU TOOK HER TO...!"
"Because she fainted in the street! After I read her the marriage protocol from the scroll!"
Sakura clutched her head. "THE... PROTOCOL?! Naruto, breathe! You're talking too fast!"
"I can't breathe! And Kiba saw us! Because I hid her in the closet! Because Kiba barged in! And he thought we were... you know! Doing... closet stuff! And I yelled 'SHE'S MY FIANCÉE' so he'd stop thinking that!"
Sakura was pale. Her lips were moving, but no words were coming out.
"And Kiba yelled it to the whole village! To Shino and Choji! And then he yelled it was a joke! And Hiashi found out! And he thought the 'joke' was the retraction, not the announcement! And he went to Granny's office! And he wanted to execute me!"
"EXECUTE YOU?!" Sakura shouted, finally finding her voice.
"YES! With a sword! Or a civil war! And Hanabi was there! And Granny broke the desk! And I told Hiashi I was super in love with her so he wouldn't kill me! And it worked!"
Sakura looked like she was going to faint.
"But now he thinks it's real! And he disowned her! So Hanabi's the heiress! And Hinata has to live with me! Starting tonight! And my apartment is a dump! And if Hiashi sees it, he'll kill me anyway! For being unhygienic! And I have a new job at five in the morning in the basement archives! And I get paid half! And Tsunade is going to pay for Hinata's food because I'm poor!"
Naruto finally stopped. He was panting, hyperventilating.
Sakura was silent.
She walked to her kitchen. She opened a cabinet. She took out a glass. She filled it with tap water.
And she drank it. In one gulp.
She filled the glass again and drank it again.
She put the glass down. She turned.
"...Naruto."
"Yeah?"
"Repeat that. Slowly."
"There's no time! Sakura-chan, please! Hinata is there! Alone! I told you! With the bowl tower! And the milk! You have to help me! You're my teammate! My best friend! You... you understand this stuff!"
Sakura looked at him. She saw the pure panic in his blue eyes. She saw the grime on his jacket from the bowl-avalanche. She saw the absolute, unbelievable stupidity of the whole situation.
She was angry. She was furious.
And... she was tired. So, so tired.
"Of all the stupid..." she said, her voice dangerously quiet. "Of all your idiot ideas... of all the ways you've managed to almost get yourself killed..."
"I know!"
"This... this takes the cake, Naruto. You've outdone yourself. You have reached a new level of idiocy I didn't even think was possible."
"I know! It's awful! Will you help me?"
Sakura sighed. It was a sigh that seemed to come from the bottom of her soul. A sigh of defeat.
"...You dragged Hinata-chan into this."
Naruto's face fell. The panic was replaced by a pang of guilt. "It was an accident. I didn't... I didn't mean to..."
"It doesn't matter what you meant!" she snapped. "It matters what you did! And now she's trapped! And she's alone in your... filth pit! God, it's a miracle she hasn't fainted for a third time!"
"Fourth!" Naruto corrected weakly.
"DO NOT CORRECT ME!"
Sakura stalked to her bathroom. Naruto heard her rummaging, throwing things.
She came out a moment later. She was wearing yellow rubber gloves that went up to her elbows. She was carrying three bottles of bleach, two scrub brushes, and a murderous glare.
"Okay!"
Naruto perked up. "Yeah?"
"I'm going to kill you."
"But...!"
"But first," she said, tossing him a pair of gloves. "We're going to clean this. Because I'm the only sane friend you have. And because Hinata-chan... Hinata-chan does not deserve this. Not even close! She doesn't deserve to marry you, let alone live in your garbage dump!"
"Hey!"
"Now, move!" she said, shoving him toward the door. "We have...!" she checked her clock. "...seven hours until your slave shift! And a miracle to perform! Let's go!"
They arrived at Naruto's apartment. Hinata was still standing in the threshold, exactly where he had left her. She looked like she hadn't breathed.
When she saw Sakura, her eyes filled with a relief so palpable she almost fell over.
"S-Sakura-san..."
"Okay, Hinata-chan!" Sakura said, marching in like a general. "The cavalry's here! And we're furious! But we're here!"
Sakura stepped inside. She stopped.
She sniffed.
Her face went pale. Then slightly green.
"...Oh, kami."
She turned slowly toward Naruto.
"Naruto."
"Y-yeah, Sakura-chan?"
"I'm not going to kill you. It's too fast." Her voice was a deadly whisper. "I'm going to poison you... slowly... with... with that!"
She pointed at the fridge. The milk had stopped humming. It was now making a faint gurgling sound.
"The humming milk!" Naruto said.
"It's... it's disgusting! This isn't an apartment! It's... it's a monument to your stupidity! A temple of laziness! An altar to mold!"
"Hey, I've been busy!"
"Doing what!" she yelled, her voice bouncing off the grimy walls. "Perfecting the art of trash-stacking?! This is...!"
She threw the rubber gloves at Hinata, who caught them on pure instinct.
"Hinata-chan, I am so sorry! But if we're going to save this idiot from being executed by his father-in-law for crimes against sanitation, we're going to need a miracle! And a lot of bleach!"
Hinata looked at the gloves. She looked at the mess. She looked at Sakura. "I-is... is it true? The... the execution thing?"
"I know the Hyuga! And I know Naruto!" Sakura said. "Trust me, it's true! Now...!"
She clapped her hands. The sound was sharp and final. "Battle plan!"
She pointed at Naruto.
"You! Bowl pile! All of them! The broken ones, the whole ones, the ones with history! Into the trash bags! And I want them in the village incinerator! Not the dumpster downstairs! I want them destroyed! Exterminated! No trace left!"
Naruto looked at the pile sadly. "WHAT?! But... but this one! This is from my first ramen with Iruka-sensei! It has... sentimental value!"
"It has mold, Naruto! Sentimental mold! NOW!" Sakura cracked the knuckles of her rubber gloves.
"Yes, ma'am! Understood! Goodbye, sentimental value!" He started gathering the broken bowls, looking like his puppy had just died.
Sakura turned to Hinata. Her voice softened instantly.
"Hinata-chan. I am so sorry to drag you into this. Really. You... you'll handle... the clothes. Okay?"
Hinata nodded, pulling on the gloves.
"Anything that looks salvageable... we put in this pile. We'll take it to the laundromat. Anything that... looks alive... or smells like the fridge... goes in the 'burn' pile."
Hinata nodded again. Her determination returned. She was on a mission. "U-understood."
"And I..." Sakura took a deep breath, like she was about to dive. "I... will handle... the fridge. And the kitchen. I'm going to need a mask. And... and maybe that sealing scroll you were talking about."
"I told you!" Naruto yelled from the bowl pile. "The sealing scroll was a great idea!"
"To seal the milk and throw it in a volcano, idiot! Not to hide it under the bed!"
And so, the mission began.
It was chaos.
"Hey!" Naruto yelled, holding up a pair of orange boxers with holes in them. "These are clean! I think! They only have one hole!"
"Burn them, Naruto!" Sakura yelled from the kitchen, her voice muffled by a rag she had tied around her face.
"But they're my favorite!"
"BURN THEM!"
Naruto sighed and tossed them into the "burn" pile.
Five minutes later.
"N-Naruto-kun..."
"Yeah, Hina...?" Naruto stopped. He'd been about to call her "Hinata," but it felt weird.
"Why... why is there a kunai... in the microwave?"
Naruto turned red. "Oh! That! I was... I was trying... to heat it up! To... to cut my hair! Pervy Sage said a hot kunai...!"
"DO NOT EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Sakura roared. "YOU'RE INSANE! YOU COULD HAVE BLOWN UP THE BUILDING! Throw it out!"
"But...!"
"THROW IT OUT!"
Naruto threw it out.
An hour passed. The apartment was starting to look like an apartment. You could see the floor. Trash bags were piling up by the door.
"Sakura-chan!"
"WHAT NOW, NARUTO?!"
"I found the milk!"
There was a silence from the kitchen. Sakura appeared in the doorway, rag in hand. "What?"
"No! The good milk! The one I bought... I think... last week! It was... under the bed!"
Sakura stared at him. "...Under the bed?"
"Yeah! I was saving it for an emergency!"
"...Naruto," Sakura said, very slowly. "Never. Ever. Speak to me about your eating habits again."
"But it's good!"
"Throw it out!"
"But...!"
"THROW IT OUT!"
Three hours passed. It was almost four in the morning.
The apartment was... clean.
It was empty. The walls were bare. The tower of bowls was gone. The pile of laundry had been sorted. The floor was mopped.
The refrigerator was open, empty, and emanating a strong smell of bleach.
Hinata was sweeping the last corner. She was covered in dust, but her movements were precise. She found a small shelf on the wall that wasn't broken. Carefully, she picked up the brown, withered ramen-bowl-pot.
"N-Naruto-kun..."
Naruto, who was scrubbing a stain off the wall (sauce? blood? he'd never know), turned. He was exhausted. "Stained" would be the right word. "Yeah, Hinata-chan?"
She pointed to the plant. "This... this plant... Mister... Ukki?"
"Yeah! Mister Ukki!"
"I think... I think he could use some water."
"I TOLD YOU!" Naruto shouted, triumphant. "HE'S NOT DEAD! MISTER UKKI LIVES! HE LIVES!"
"NARUTO!"
Sakura's voice echoed from the tiny bathroom. It sounded deadly.
"Yeah?"
"WHAT IS THIS?!"
Naruto went pale. "Oh, no!"
He ran to the bathroom. "Sakura-chan, wait! That's not...!"
"'Seduction Tactics, Attempt One: The Sexy Eye'!" Sakura read aloud from a soggy notebook. "'Attempt Two: The Mysterious Smile (Note: My cheek hurt)'! 'Attempt Three: The Subtle Compliment'! NARUTO, YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"
"AH! THAT'S NOTHING! IT'S... IT'S... RESEARCH! GIVE IT TO ME!"
They started struggling over the notebook in the bathroom doorway.
"It's pathetic!"
"It's not! It's training!"
"'Attempt Four: Does the brooding look work?'! WHO WERE YOU GIVING THE BROODING LOOK TO?!"
"NOBODY! GIVE IT!"
Hinata was left alone in the now-clean main room. She listened to the sound of Sakura hitting Naruto over the head with something (probably the wet notebook) and Naruto yelling "Ow! That hurts! Stop! That's... that's intellectual property!"
A small sound escaped Hinata's throat.
The struggle stopped.
Naruto and Sakura poked their heads out of the bathroom door. They stared at her.
Hinata was covering her mouth with both hands. Her shoulders were shaking.
Naruto's face filled with horror. "Oh, no! Hinata, don't cry! I'm sorry! I know it sucks! And I'm an idiot! But we're fixing it! Please don't cry! Your dad will kill me if you cry!"
"Naruto," Sakura said, her voice oddly calm. "You idiot."
"What?"
"She's not crying."
Hinata lowered her hands.
She was laughing.
It wasn't a loud laugh like Sakura's. It was a small, trembling, breathless, and slightly hysterical laugh.
"I... I... I'm sorry..." she gasped, tears rolling down her cheeks. "It's... it's... the humming milk! And... and the kunai in the microwave! And... and... the 'brooding look'!"
She let out another choked giggle.
Naruto and Sakura stared at her.
Naruto took a step closer. "Uh... Hinata?" He turned and whispered to Sakura. "Did... did she break? Did Hinata break? Oh, god, I broke the Hyuga heiress!"
Sakura looked at Hinata, who was trying to catch her breath. Then she looked at Naruto. A small, tired smile appeared on her own face.
"No, you idiot."
"No?"
"I think... I think she's going to be okay."
Hinata took a deep breath, wiping a (laugh) tear from her eye. "I... I'm sorry. It's just... it's been... a very... very long day."
"You've got that right," Sakura said. She walked out of the bathroom, tossing the wet notebook into the "burn" pile.
She looked around. "Okay. The fridge is... contained. The bowls are gone. The floor... is visible. It's a miracle."
Naruto looked around his own apartment. It was empty. It was bare. But it was clean.
"Whoa," he said. "I... almost don't recognize it. It's... big."
Sakura gathered her empty bleach bottles. It was almost four-thirty in the morning.
"Okay. That's all I can do without a demolition crew."
Naruto looked at her. "Sakura-chan... thank you."
"What?"
"Thank you. Seriously. You... you... saved our lives. Literally."
Sakura looked at him. Exhaustion was etched on her face. She sighed and bopped him on the back of the head, but it was gentle this time.
"You owe me ramen."
"One bowl?"
"For life."
"Deal."
Sakura smiled. "And... take care of her, okay? Seriously, Naruto. Stop being an idiot."
Naruto looked at Hinata, who was watering Mister Ukki with a clean cup. "I... I will. I promise."
Sakura nodded. "Good." She looked at Hinata. "And you, Hinata-chan... if this idiot tries to heat up a kunai in the microwave again... or gives you a 'brooding look'..."
Hinata let out another giggle.
"Hit him. Hard."
"U-understood, Sakura-san. And... thank you."
"You're welcome." Sakura headed for the door. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sleep standing up in the shower. Don't call me. Ever."
The door closed.
Silence again.
But it was a different silence. It wasn't awkward. It wasn't scary.
It was just... tired.
"Whoa..." Naruto yawned so hard his jaw cracked. "Almost four-thirty. And... your dad... said he'd send your stuff 'tonight'."
Hinata looked out the now-clean window. The sky was just beginning to turn a faint gray. "I-I guess... he meant... 'this morning'."
"Yeah. I guess."
Naruto looked around the room. He looked at the single bed. His bed. He looked at the floor, now clean.
He scratched the back of his neck.
"Well... uh... I... I'll sleep on the floor. It's comfy! I promise! It's super clean! Thanks to Sakura-chan! And you can... you can take the bed!"
Hinata turned sharply, her cheeks blushing. "N-no! Naruto-kun, that... that's your bed! I... I'm fine on the... on the..." She looked at the single wooden chair in the kitchen.
"No! Absolutely not!" Naruto said, sounding scandalized. "The... the husband... I mean, the 'fiancé'... sleeps on the floor! It's... it's mature! And responsible! I've already decided!"
He went to the closet, pulled out the one clean blanket Sakura had found, and threw it on the floor.
"See! Perfect! Like... like camping!"
Hinata looked at him. "But... your job. At five. You have... to rest."
"Bah! Sleep?" Naruto laughed, trying to sound awake. "Sleep is for the weak! I'm a ninja! I'm... I'm...!"
Another massive yawn cut him off, nearly splitting him in half.
"...I can sleep standing up. Don't worry about me. I'm...!"
He dropped onto the floor, pulled the blanket over himself, and curled up.
"Goodnight, Hinata."
Hinata stood in the middle of the empty room for a long moment. She watched him.
Then, she walked to the bed.
She sat on the edge, hands in her lap, as stiff as a board.
"...Goodnight... Naruto-kun."
"Mmm..." he mumbled, already half-asleep. "...Thanks... for... watering... Mister Ukki..."
A second later, a soft snore filled the room.
Hinata sat in the darkness, in the clean but strangely empty apartment, listening to him snore.
She looked at the dead plant she had just watered.
A small, tiny smile touched her lips.
The sun was about to rise.