Loona opened the portal back to Hell and stepped through with Blitzø, Millie, and Moxxie following behind her. The four of them stumbled into the IMP office… but Max wasn't with them.
Loona looked around sharply.
"Where is he?"
Blitz waved dismissively.
"Probably out buying hookers or something."
Before Loona could even raise her fist, Moxxie punched Blitzø in the arm—hard enough to actually make him flinch.
"Sir," Moxxie said sternly, "Max said he was going to get human food. And honestly, I don't understand why you keep trying to break them up."
Both Loona and Millie froze, mouths open in shock.
Blitz rubbed his arm, scowling.
"You punch like a bitch, Moxx. Stick to guns."
"God damn it, Blitz!" Loona snapped. "Why can't you understand that I'm happy with him? He saved me—multiple times—way before I even knew he was an Overlord. Just leave him alone!"
Blitz threw his hands up.
"Because something about him doesn't feel right! You dated him what—three months before you found out he had all those other partners? And then after, like, three weeks you were just okay with it? No demon or sinner pulls that off without using tricks. He's using you, Loona!"
"Using me how?!" Loona barked back, eyes flashing red.
She stepped toward Blitz, claws half out, tail bristling.
"I'm the lowest in his harem. I've got nothing fancy to offer. Charlie's the princess of Hell. Bee runs an entire circle. Vaggie's some kind of executioner general. Octavia's a living portal to the human world. Me? I'm a receptionist. I offer nothing—yet he risked his life to protect me. Sure, he would've revived, but he didn't have to do that. He never manipulated me. He's given me the freedom to walk away anytime."
Her voice cracked slightly.
Blitz's expression faltered.
"It just doesn't make sense…" he muttered.
"It does to me," Millie said sweetly, stepping between them. "I think it's adorable. Most folks in Hell bounce between partners like pinballs. And a sinner and a hellborn getting together romantically? Never heard of that. It's kinda like one of them fairy-tale stories."
"I always wondered why," Loona said, hugging her own arms.
"'Cause sinners can't have kids," Blitz blurted out. "Punishment rule or something."
Loona froze.
Her ears lowered, tail drooping slightly.
She had… actually never thought about that. She worked with sinners all day, sure, but she never connected the dots.
"Oh—sugar," Millie whispered softly, placing a hand on Loona's shoulder. "Didn't mean to bring that up. It's just… rare. And kinda special. A sinner landing so many hellborn partners, especially someone as unique as Max."
Before Blitz could dig the hole deeper, Loona marched off toward her room and slammed the door.
Millie glared daggers at him.
"Nice goin', boss."
Blitz slumped into a chair.
"I'm just trying to protect her… even if she doesn't think so."
---
At the Hazbin Hotel
An hour later, Charlie and Vaggie were setting up an exercise routine for new guests when both of their phones started vibrating violently.
"What the—" Vaggie grabbed hers first.
Dozens of frantic messages from Loona filled the group chat.
Questions.
Worries.
Anxieties she hadn't voiced out loud before.
Charlie scrolled through them, heart sinking.
"She didn't know sinners can't have kids? Honestly… I'm kinda surprised," Vaggie said.
"I mean," Charlie said softly, "out of all of us, she was the one who talked about wanting a family someday. Before Max came along, it was just you and me. We would've adopted. But Loona… she always wanted a biological bond with someone."
Charlie typed quickly.
"I'll schedule a girls' night. She needs reassurance."
As Charlie hit send, Vaggie slid behind her and wrapped her arms around Charlie's waist.
"You know," Vaggie whispered teasingly in her ear, "we've got some time before tonight's duties. And I'm not too shy to ask for a little fun."
Charlie blushed bright pink.
"You're terrible," she giggled.
"I know," Vaggie murmured, kissing her neck.
---
Max in the Human World
Max wandered down a quiet street in the human realm, looking at the glowing timer on his lower back. Thirty hours left. Five months to use it. A broken ability he didn't understand.
"Fantastic," he muttered. "No idea what the glitches are or how to fix them."
Arms full of grocery bags and take-out boxes, he stuffed everything into the pocket of shadow behind him—where time was frozen, keeping the food fresh.
The street he walked down was strangely empty.
Quiet.
Wrong.
Ruffling feathers broke the silence.
A dove landed directly in front of him.
Max immediately felt divine energy rolling off its tiny body.
"Oh great," he sighed. "God? What are you doing as a pigeon?"
A voice echoed from the bird, indignant and booming.
"I'm not a pigeon!"
Max snorted.
"I mean, you look like one."
The bird puffed up indignantly.
"Quiet. Anyway, I heard your worries. And yes—there is a way to fix your glitches. Your timer. The strain your body takes when you use your powers. And—eventually—your fertility problem."
Max froze.
"What?"
"Yes. You heard me." God sounded strangely casual. "I want at least one great-granddaughter within the next hundred years. I missed Charlie's birth. Not missing the next one."
Max blinked.
"You—you want me to have kids? With… one of—uh—"
God shook the dove like a frustrated sock puppet.
"Don't overthink it. Point is: you need to make a new body."
Max felt a chill of recognition.
"Oh. Right. I remember how much of a pain that was. I have to destroy this one… spend a month building a new vessel in my true form… then possess it."
"Yes," God said bluntly. "It will hurt."
"I figured."
"You'll remember how to do it once you start. Your full memories are restored now."
Max nodded, walking with God perched grumpily on his shoulder.
"And yes," God added, "I can still see the future. Unlike someone who turned the ability off."
Max smirked.
"Yeah. Seeing everything was boring as hell. Roo agreed."
God huffed and flapped his wings.
"Well. That's your warning. Farewell."
The dove shot into the sky and vanished.
Max sighed.
"Great. Add 'rebuild my body and soul' to the to-do list."
He cracked his neck and looked at the Eiffel Tower rising in the distance.
"Now… one last stop."
In a blink, he teleported to Paris.