Twenty-four floors. Rick had died one hundred and forty-seven times. His card collection had exploded to ninety-three cards, his level had rocketed to thirty-eight, and his title had evolved from "The Persistent Cockroach" to "The Unkillable Moron," which was somehow both an upgrade and an insult.
Floor Two had featured an army of animated armor that kept reassembling after being destroyed. Floor Seven had a puzzle room where getting the answer wrong meant being crushed by a ceiling covered in spikes. Floor Twelve introduced him to what the system called "The Room of Infinite Bees," which was exactly what it sounded like and had given him a card that summoned angry wasps.
Floor Eighteen had nearly broken him. It was just a long hallway with a sign that said "Don't Touch Anything." Rick had made it halfway through before his curiosity got the better of him and he touched a wall. The entire floor had exploded. He'd died six times just trying to cross that hallway because he kept forgetting the rule.
"You have a problem with impulse control," Ace had said after the sixth explosion.
"You have a problem with shutting the fuck up," Rick had responded.
But now they stood at the entrance to Floor Twenty-Five, and Rick could feel that something was different. The air was heavier here, thick with moisture and the smell of salt water. The walls were no longer black stone but rather a strange blue-green material that looked organic, almost like coral.
"This floor feels weird," Rick said, stepping carefully into the corridor. "It's too quiet."
"That's because Floor Twenty-Five is a special floor," Fortuna explained, her usual cheer subdued slightly. "Every five floors, the Vault changes theme. This one is aquatic. Probably lots of water traps, maybe some sea monsters. Should be fun!"
"Stop saying that word. Nothing here is fun."
They walked through corridors that grew progressively more wet and slimy. Water dripped from the ceiling, pools formed in corners, and Rick was pretty sure he saw something with tentacles slither past in his peripheral vision.
"Please tell me that wasn't what I think it was," Rick said.
"If you're thinking tentacle monster, then yes, probably. The God of Trials has a weird fascination with aquatic horrors."
"Of course he does. Why wouldn't he?"
The corridor opened into a massive chamber that looked less like a dungeon room and more like an underwater grotto. The ceiling was covered in glowing crystals that provided eerie blue light.
A large pool dominated the center of the room, its waters dark and murky. And floating in the middle of that pool, trapped in what appeared to be a magical bubble, was a girl.
Rick stopped. "Is that a person?"
"Looks like it," Fortuna said, tilting her head. "Huh. Prisoners in the Vault are rare. Usually the God of Trials just kills intruders instead of capturing them."
The girl in the bubble wasn't fully human, Rick realized as they got closer. She had short silver hair that floated around her like she was underwater, and most noticeably, eight tentacles extending from her lower back that writhed slowly in the confined space. Her eyes were closed, and she looked unconscious.
"That's a thiren," Ace said with interest. "Octopus variant. They're pretty rare. I wonder what she's doing trapped here."
"Probably pissed off the God of Trials somehow," Fortuna said. "Want to rescue her?"
"Is that allowed? Won't the Vault try to kill us for interfering?"
"The Vault is always trying to kill you anyway. At least this way you'd be doing something heroic for once."
Rick looked at the girl trapped in the bubble, then at the suspiciously calm pool of water surrounding her, then back at the girl. His hero complex, which had been dormant since dying to a banana peel, suddenly kicked in.
"Fine. Let's save her. How bad can it be?"
The answer was very bad. The moment Rick approached the pool, tentacles erupted from the water. Not cute octopus girl tentacles, but massive, slimy, covered-in-suckers-the-size-of-dinner-plates tentacles. They belonged to something big that rose from the depths like a nightmare made of seafood.
"That's a Kraken!" Fortuna said helpfully as one of the tentacles tried to grab Rick. "Guardian of Floor Twenty-Five! This is going to be exciting!"
"Stop helping!" Rick dove to the side, barely avoiding being crushed. He threw his Banana Peel card at one of the tentacles, which slipped and smacked into another tentacle. "How do I pop the bubble?"
"You have to kill the Kraken first! The bubble is tied to its life force!"
"Of course it is!"
Death one hundred and forty-eight came when a tentacle wrapped around him and squeezed until his ribs broke. Death one hundred and forty-nine was drowning after being pulled into the pool. Deaths one fifty through one fifty-three were various combinations of crushing, drowning, and one incident where the Kraken apparently tried to eat him and discovered he tasted terrible.
But Rick had gotten good at learning patterns, and the Kraken, despite being massive and terrifying, was predictable. By death one fifty-seven, he had a strategy.
"Okay you oversized calamari!" Rick channeled mana into eight cards at once, his current record. "I've had enough of tentacle bullshit today!"
He unleashed a combo that he'd been building specifically for large enemies. Ice Card to freeze part of the pool, Lightning Card to electrocute the water, Acid Splash to weaken the tentacles, followed by Arrow Storm, Flame Card, Poison Cloud, Hydra's Curse to multiply the damage, and finally his new favorite card, "Explosive Finish," which he'd earned from being exploded on Floor Eighteen.
The effect was catastrophic. The Kraken thrashed as ice, lightning, acid, arrows, fire, and poison all hit it simultaneously, the damage multiplying across its many tentacles. Then Rick's explosive card detonated, and the entire pool erupted in a geyser of water, Kraken parts, and what might have been seafood soup.
The bubble containing the octopus girl popped, and she fell. Rick, running on pure instinct and approximately zero mana, dove forward and caught her before she hit the ground.
"Got you!" he said, then immediately collapsed because his legs decided they'd done enough heroics for one day.
The girl's eyes fluttered open, revealing bright purple irises that focused on Rick's face with confusion. Then recognition. Then something that looked uncomfortably like worship.
"You saved me," she said in a soft voice that had an odd echo to it. "You fought the guardian and won. You're a hero."
"I'm really not," Rick said, trying to get back up and failing because the girl was heavier than she looked and also his everything hurt. "Just a guy who dies a lot."
"You died for me?" The girl's eyes went wide. "That's so noble! You sacrificed yourself repeatedly to rescue me!"
"That's not exactly how it works."
"I am Coralia," the girl said, her tentacles wrapping around Rick in what was probably meant to be a hug but felt more like being caught in a very friendly net. "I am forever in your debt, brave hero!"
"Can you maybe loosen the grip a bit? I can't breathe."
"Oh! Sorry!" Coralia released him but stayed close, her tentacles hovering around him protectively. "I will serve you loyally from now on! Whatever you command, I shall do!"
Rick looked at Fortuna for help. Fortuna was grinning like this was the funniest thing she'd seen all week.
"You've got a fan," she said.
"This is your fault somehow," Rick muttered.
"How is this my fault?"
"Everything is your fault. You're a chaos goddess."
Coralia looked between them with confusion. "Is this woman your companion? Should I be jealous?"
"No," Rick said quickly. "She's my party member and also a massive pain in my ass."
"Hey!" Fortuna protested. "I'm a delightful pain in your ass!"
"You gambled away our food money three times. You got drunk and bet our tent to a traveling merchant. You tried to use my cards as playing cards in a poker game." Rick counted on his fingers. "You are the least delightful person I've ever met."
"But I'm fun!"
"Fortuna, I swear to every god in this stupid world, including that middle-finger statue guy, if you say that word one more time, I'm going to ask Coralia to tie you up with her tentacles and leave you here."
Coralia perked up immediately. "You want me to restrain her? I can do that! My tentacles are very strong!"
Fortuna's grin widened. "Oh, this girl is perfect. Rick, can we keep her?"
"She's not a pet!"
"But she's so enthusiastic! And she has tentacles! Do you know how useful tentacles are in a dungeon?"
"That's not the point!"
Coralia looked at Rick with complete devotion. "Master Rick, should I discipline your companion for her disrespectful behavior? I am skilled in the art of tentacle restraint."
Rick paused. He looked at Fortuna, who was still grinning like she'd won a bet. He looked at Coralia, whose tentacles were writhing with eager anticipation. He looked at Ace, who somehow managed to project an expression of "this is going to be hilarious."
"You know what?" Rick said slowly. "Yes. Coralia, please tie up Fortuna. Tightly. Maybe wrap some tentacles around her mouth so she stops talking."
"With pleasure!" Coralia's tentacles shot forward with surprising speed, wrapping around Fortuna before the goddess could react. Within seconds, Fortuna was completely cocooned in tentacles, only her eyes visible.
"Mmph!" Fortuna said, which might have been a protest or might have been laughter. It was hard to tell.
"There," Rick said with satisfaction. "Peace and quiet. Coralia, you're officially my favorite person in this party."
"Really?" Coralia's face lit up with joy. "I'm so honored! I'll serve you forever, Master Rick!"
"Let's start with just getting through this dungeon. Also, you can call me Rick. No master necessary."
"But you're a hero!"
"I died to a banana peel."
"That was a trial sent to test your resolve!"
Rick sighed. He'd gone from one delusional party member to two. But at least Coralia was quiet and seemed willing to follow orders. That was an improvement over Fortuna, who was currently trying to escape her tentacle prison and failing magnificently.
"Alright," Rick said, standing up with Coralia's help. "Let's keep moving. We've got twenty-five more floors to go."
Coralia beamed at him, her tentacles carrying the still-wrapped Fortuna behind them like luggage. Somewhere in the Vault, the God of Trials laughed harder.