Chapter 21: Is it real or just the drunken words? Confessing love while drunk
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I stood still, watching his boat slowly glide up to the wooden pavilion. A faint, familiar fragrance of the forest trees wafted with the breeze, but today there was an unusual note mixed in—a scent that stirred my curiosity
His boat came to a gentle stop. I saw him reach for the edge of the pavilion, but his arm trembled slightly, as if he lacked strength. I hurried to help, pulling the boat closer.
"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice tinged with worry.
He looked up at me. His sharp eyes were reddened, and the calm expression he usually wore was replaced by a weary, almost fragile look. He didn't answer, but he extended his other hand, lightly touching my arm. The contact was warm, strangely comforting and safe.
"I'll help you," I said, gently pulling him up from the boat.
The moment he stepped onto the pavilion, he staggered suddenly toward me and wrapped me in a tight hug. I felt the strength of his embrace, slightly trembling but resolute.
"I missed…" His low, husky voice barely escaped, "I missed you."
I froze, unable to respond. My heart pounded so fiercely I felt it might burst from my chest. Warmth radiated from him, and I sensed the emotions he hid within—intense, complex, and fragile all at once.
He hugged me tighter, and I noticed a faint sob. I quickly lifted my gaze to his face, seeing tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. His face, usually so composed, looked tender and vulnerable in a way I had never witnessed before.
"I… I've missed you so much," he murmured, voice trembling. "I don't know why… but I've thought of you all the time."
I stayed still, letting him release his emotions. I felt the rapid beat of his heart against me, a heartbeat that seemed ready to leap out of his chest. This sensation made me feel as if I were sinking into a new, uncharted emotional depth.
He slowly loosened his hug, still holding my arms firmly. "Sorry… I… I don't know why this is happening," he whispered. "It's… strange."
I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled softly. "It's okay… I understand."
He fell silent for a moment, then met my gaze with a calmer expression, though his eyes still held a spectrum of feelings. His normally sharp eyes now looked unusually gentle and warm.
"Thank you," he whispered. "For being here."
I nodded, noticing that he no longer smelled of forest trees or damp earth, but instead carried a subtle scent of some unfamiliar herbs (in Thai, "กลิ่นของสมุนไพรบางชนิดที่ผมไม่คุ้นเคย" = a faint, unknown herbal scent, gentle and calming). It was soothing, strangely comforting.
Warmth enveloped us.
The pavilion was quiet again. Only the gentle lapping of water against the boat and the soft rustle of leaves in the wind broke the silence. We stood close enough to hear each other's breaths. The quiet, which could have felt awkward, instead felt warm and safe.
I studied his face. The moonlight had begun to shimmer softly, giving his features a tender, ethereal quality. I raised my hand, lightly touching his cheek. His skin was cooler than I expected, a surprising sensation.
He closed his eyes slowly, as if savoring my touch. A faint smile curved his lips, and I found myself smiling unconsciously.
"You…" I whispered, voice soft, "why…"
He didn't answer, but lifted his hand to cover mine against his cheek. The gesture made my heart race again.
"You know…" he said softly, "meeting you… it's like seeing light in the darkness."
I looked up at him, bewildered. His eyes were open, fixed on me. In them, I saw a mix of feelings—love, gentleness, care.
"I… I don't know why," he continued. "But just seeing your face… makes me feel better."
My heart felt as if it were swelling. What was this warmth? I had never felt this with anyone before.
He leaned closer. Our faces were less than a foot apart. His warm breath brushed my face. I closed my eyes slowly, letting myself sink into this unfamiliar tide of emotions.
Then… his lips brushed mine. Softly. Gently. Like a quiet reassurance to a tired heart. It was a kiss that told me I was no longer alone.
He slowly pulled back, looking at me with eyes full of affection. It felt as if the world had stopped. My mind was filled with nothing but happiness and warmth, surrounding me like a protective embrace.
The faint scent of herbs lingered in the air around him. I stood in his arms, letting myself be enveloped in a strange but comforting sense of safety.
stood frozen, feeling the weight of the moment as P'Theer wrapped his arms around me just a little tighter.
"Warun…" he murmured softly, the tone of his voice fragile yet unmistakably sincere, "I love you."
Those words made my heart skip a beat, then race uncontrollably. I lifted my gaze to him. His face, usually sharp and unyielding, looked so gentle now that I almost dared not breathe.
"You…" I whispered, my voice trembling, "I… I don't know why… but I feel the same way."
A faint smile appeared at the corner of his lips. Slowly, carefully, he leaned closer to me again. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel the light but intense weight of his embrace. It was a hug that seemed to say, I won't let you go.
"I love you," he said softly, almost as if speaking to himself, "whether you were Warun in the past or Warun now, I still love you—and I will love you forever. You are my light, my air, my everything… my life."
I felt tears spill from my eyes without realizing it, tears of overwhelming joy and emotions I couldn't put into words. His warm hand brushed my hair gently.
"Don't cry," he whispered softly, "I'm here… I'll stay by your side."
I nodded slightly, resting my face against his chest, feeling the steady, powerful beat of his heart—a rhythm that seemed to echo through me.
We stood there in silence for a long time, letting the quiet and warmth envelop us. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt home… a home warm and safe, no matter what.
Slowly, he pulled back, though he still held my hand tightly. His eyes met mine, speaking volumes without words.
"Are you cold?" he asked gently.
I shook my head. "No…"
A small, soft smile appeared on his lips. "Good."
We walked hand in hand back to his house. Moonlight glimmered softly on everything, casting silver patterns on the quiet, shadowed ground. The air felt full of both serenity and an electric current of emotions I couldn't name.
Once we reached his house, he opened the door for me, then gently closed it behind us. He guided me upstairs, to my bedroom. I helped him settle onto the bed.
He lifted his hand to touch my cheek again. His fingers were colder than I expected, yet the sensation brought me a strange comfort.
"Warun…" he whispered, "do you still want to go home?"
His question made my heart skip. I looked at him, reading emotions too complicated to name in his eyes.
I smiled faintly. "I… I'm not sure."
He returned a gentle smile. "That's fine… if you're not sure, stay with me for now."
His words wrapped around me like a warm blanket, making me feel safer than ever. I didn't know what the future held, but at this moment, I wanted nothing more than to stay with him… forever, if possible.
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I guided him to my bedroom, a simple, neat space.
"You can lie down and rest here," I said.
He grasped my hand. "You're leaving? Not staying to look after me?" His voice sounded small, almost fragile.
I chuckled softly. "Of course I'll stay! I just need to get some warm water for you first."
He stayed silent. But as I tried to rise, he gripped my hand tightly. His face was flushed red, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.
"Don't go…" he whispered, voice breaking, "I… I don't want to be alone."
I froze for a moment, my mind racing with the absurdity and tenderness of it all. Wow… guess I'm the only one seeing this side of him, I thought. Shaking my head, I decided it didn't matter. For him… anything.
The small room was quiet, the silver moonlight streaming through the large window, casting shimmering patterns that danced with the shadows of leaves outside. The faint scent of bitter whiskey lingered, mingling with the soft smell of freshly bathed skin.
He gently pulled me onto his lap. His tall, broad frame settled on the bed's edge. I instinctively rested my face against his chest. At first, I thought it was just a playful hug, as it often was when he drank. But then I felt his body trembling uncontrollably, and soft sobs escaped next to my ear. I froze.
"Warun…" His usually calm, steady voice was broken and quivering.
He buried his face into my shoulder, trying to hold back his tears, but the shuddering of his body spoke louder than words. His large hands clutched my t-shirt, wrinkling it. The broken rhythm of his breath, punctuated by quiet sobs, made my heart ache.
"I'm… scared," he whispered hoarsely, "scared that one day… you'll leave me. Scared that I'll wake up and you won't be here."
I was stunned. I had never seen him like this. The man everyone considered cold, strong, and untouchable was now drunk, crying in my arms like a lost child.
He slowly lifted his face. Eyes that once radiated confidence were now red and wet with tears. His lips trembled as he spoke, barely forming words.
"Hic… I… I'd do anything, just don't leave me… stay with me forever."
His hands shook uncontrollably, trying to hold me even tighter, as if afraid I might vanish before his eyes. I felt his intense fear with clarity.
Gently, I lifted my hand to stroke his hair, damp with sweat from the alcohol. His broken, intermittent sobs cut through the silence, each one piercing my chest with a mixture of pain and empathy.
"Hic… Warun…" he sobbed again, burying his face deeper into my chest, "don't leave me… I can't… if you're not here…"
His tears soaked my t-shirt, chilling my skin. I pressed my lips together, unsure what to say. Everything he spoke was filled with despair and vulnerability, emotions I couldn't promise to fix.
I said nothing, only held him as tightly as I could, stroking his back gently and rhythmically, like soothing a frightened child.
The sobs continued in the quiet room, interspersed with heavy, exhausted breaths of a man both drunk and emotionally raw. Eventually, his large frame collapsed onto me, and together we slowly fell onto the bed. His arms remained wrapped around me, unwilling to release me, as if I could vanish into the air at any moment.
Under the silver moonlight, I hugged him tighter, silently telling him that tonight… at least tonight, I am here…..