My eyes opened to the same room. It wasn't a dream?
I scanned my surroundings, and everything was all too familiar: vases with the flowers that my father used to gift me, the jade tea set on the round table I once shared with my mother…am I still dreaming?
It's the childhood room I had when my parents were alive.
Wait.
I shifted my gaze down to my hands. I can see...I slowly lifted my fingers to find my eyes. I closed my lids and moved my eyes around, trying to confirm that I was feeling it correctly... But how?
Something was in my mouth. I tried to pull it out, letting it scrape through my teeth. Then, like spikes of cotton had filled my mouth, I coughed. Water...
I moved my legs over the edge of the bed to stand. Immediately, my knees buckled under my weight, "Ah!" A strained, high-pitched yelp came from my lips, scaring me to place both hands beside my head.
Did I make that sound? My ears... are here too. I caressed the ridges, still unable to believe this was real.
I grabbed the chair in front of me to support my upper body and tried to stand again. My joints tensed with each step towards the shelf by the window. The teapot, I narrowed my focus to grab it and poured out any liquid from the spout into my mouth.
Warm tea. Jasmine. It soothed my throat.
Curiously, I opened the windows, and snow fell endlessly. I leaned my weight against the wall, staring out at the white hills, then lifted a hand into the cold. What is going on?
A creak of the door broke my trance. In came an older woman followed by two younger girls. Maids, it seemed. "Good morning, Miss. I have prepared a warm bath for you alre- Miss! Goodness, please stop exposing yourself to the cold. You'll get sick!" The older woman rushed toward me, and a blur of white dress filled my vision before she quickly shutted the windows.
"Let's warm you up," she proceeded to pull the gown and undergarment off of me. I avoided looking into her eyes and moved to the motion she desired, too weak to resist. What was the worst that can happen? The worst already came.
"Miss," her voice choked, "Master and my Lady would feel pain in the afterlife if they knew you were suffering too. Please don't get hurt, don't get sick..." She was speaking, but my mind focused on the voice instead—familiar, yet not, locked away in a hidden box in the back of my memories. Hesitantly, I slowly lifted my head.
Nanny?
I averted my eyes again. Why was Nanny here?
Nanny Gu had been my mother's maid before Uncle sent her back to her hometown after my parents died. Why was she here? My vision grew blurry with running thoughts. This wasn't real. In my childhood home? Room? How did they give back my eyes, ears, my tongue, myvoice? How was that possible? Was she going to come in and take it away again?
I felt the tightness rise within my chest. An all too familiar feeling of constant panic. Dear God, why didn't you let me die already. Why play this cruel game?
"Miss?" The warmth of Nanny's arms wrapped around me. "Please don't cry anymore," her voice trembled.
I didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore.
Nanny pulled me out from the hug and softly brushed her thumb across my cheeks. I could only stare at her blankly as my vision recovered from the blur.
"Come, let's make you the prettiest girl for your parents." My parents? My curiosity was interrupted when she carried me into a large bath. My limbs immediately went soft, surrendering to the warmth. This was too good to be real, but I relished it anyways.
My arm loosely floated besides me, then to the front—my hands...they're young?
I squeezed and released my fingers in the water. Rose petals floated about here and there.
These hands were supposed to be callused, and it had wrinkled long ago from constantly being soaked in water while cleaning the commode buckets. I was no longer living in luxury to have hand cream, so it couldn't help but crack and bleed. Rinse and repeat for a whole year until she ordered my imprisonment.
But these hands...they're not even mine from before my labor. No, they're child-like. I looked down to my chest, and it was gone too?
Nanny and the two maids dressed me in a modest white dress, then tying a fur cloak tied around my neck. They oiled my hair and combed it straight. Finally, a white hood was placed over my head.
"You're ready, Miss."
I offered no response and followed her instructions.
We walked out to the Main Hall where two lacquered caskets took up the space. In front of them, two offering tables stood, each bearing a nameplate.
As Nanny helped me walk to the cushion, I read the names clearly:
'Lu Feng' and 'Qi Hua'
My father and mother.
And the final puzzle piece fell into place. I was back to the moment my parents died.