Mount Lady's lower lip quivered. A single tear escaped, tracing a path down her cheek.
I was towering over her—well, over her normal-sized body, anyway—and my index finger was perfectly positioned to catch the drop as it fell from her chin.
I lifted my hand and brushed the fresh moisture from her eyelid.
"No need to cry, young lady," I said, my voice a quiet rumble. "I'm here now."
Her eyes, traitorous things, immediately fell back to my crotch. And this wasn't arousal. This was sheer terror. She kept checking, hoping it was all a bad dream—a nightmare where the Symbol of Peace was roaming the city half-naked with a boner that could crack pavement.
My raging hard-on could have been the final nail in the coffin of her innocent perception of All Might.
Yeah, Mount Lady was a fame-hungry shark, but she still believed in the heroism thing. It's not like she was above it. As proven hundreds of chapters later… but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The Paranormal Liberation Front War Arc is a long way off, and frankly, I hope it never happens. Maybe all the villains will just spontaneously combust before then.
"Forgive me, young lady, I hope my appearance doesn't bother you? I just fought a dangerous villain," the lies poured out of my mouth, my brain working overtime to sound legit. "That scoundrel hit me with some kind of gas, and now I'm having some… physiological problems. I hope this remains between us. Our little secret."
I gave her the most innocent, All Might-worthy grin I could muster and added a wink. Her cheeks flushed. She bought it. Damn, that's not a great comparison for this situation, is it?
"All Might, you're my idol! I would never…" She glanced at the journalists, who were being held back by the cops. "…I would never tell anyone about your… um, ailments."
"Wonderful! I knew I could count on you!" My chest swelled with relief. The hero image was saved.
"Actually, it's kind of sweet. It makes you seem more human," she said, finally getting her gaze under control and turning sideways. She was looking off into the distance, as if trying to pretend I wasn't there. "I heard that's one of the rules of good manners, to turn your body so the other person doesn't lose their dignity. Good thing he didn't lose his face."
I appreciated the gesture, but it didn't solve my problem. With her standing sideways, all of her curves were on full display. The way her impressive bust rose and fell with each breath, the perfect line from her upright posture to her perfectly rounded butt. Okay, okay, focus. I needed to focus on literally anything else. Now!
"Heh-heh-heh, I'm just like everyone else! An ordinary person in need of help. Help finding a dangerous slime villain. He can take over people's bodies, and I've received information that even schoolchildren could be at risk." I tried for a serious face, but gave up almost immediately. All Might's face wasn't exactly built for subtlety.
"Oh, of course! One moment!" She sprinted over to a cop car and started barking orders like she was their commanding officer. The cops, all with scowls on their faces, immediately went to work. One of them radioed in and started rattling off the villain's description. Heroes and cops don't exactly get along, and this upstart was not helping. The way she spoke to them was a stark contrast to the reverent tone she used with me.
She returned a few minutes later, beaming. She was probably enjoying this little team-up. She'll definitely be live-tweeting this later. As long as she leaves out the boner part, I'm good.
"There are a few complaints about a villain that matches the description," she said, reading from a printout. She pointed to a few addresses. "Here, here, and here. It looks like he's on the move. Right here!"
"Thank you, young lady. Excellent work!" I gave her a thumbs up.
"All Might, wait!" She stopped me just as I was about to dash off. She handed me a phone, definitely not hers. "I took the liberty of getting you a police communication device. You probably broke yours in the fight with the villain, right?"
Oh, right. My phone. I remember that cool phone All Might had. He probably just left it behind in his rush, like usual. The dude was a workaholic; the call of justice was more important than staying in touch.
"My agency is still very small, so it's easier for me to ask the police for information. But you, All Might, shouldn't be left without a connection," she said, looking down. She was smiling apologetically, a little embarrassed about having to scold a legendary hero.
My agency. Hero agencies are the backbone of this society.
They're like police stations but for heroes, scattered all over Japan.
They're the first point of contact for local complaints, and the heroes work out of them.
How could I forget such a huge part of the hero world? Well, the manga didn't really focus on it, so...
I only remember a few internships and… shit! All Might has one of the coolest agencies. It was mentioned in a spin-off, where he met that creepy-eyed cop who thought he was a villain. Yeah, that's not it... All Might never used any of his resources. He just ran off and fought crime. He even saved cats from trees! Look, I love the guy, but he's a damn idealistic idiot.
"Young lady, I'm in your debt! I'm sure you'll go far," I said, a thought occurring to me. "With your credentials, it's only a matter of time before you rise in the hero ranks. Don't forget to contact me if you have any questions about our challenging profession; my agency is always open to you."
She got it.
She blushed even harder, turning as red as a tomato.
Speaking of which, I had a kid to save. Leaving Mount Lady behind, I headed to the addresses the police gave me.
GPS is a godsend; I had the entire city map in my hands.
All I had to do was input the address and go.
All Might's body might look like the pinnacle of human evolution, but years of constant heroics had taken a toll. As I ran, a searing pain shot through my side. I had to stop and look up nearby pharmacies.
I bought a powerful painkiller and felt a little better.
Fighting symptoms isn't the best long-term plan, though..
I'll have to get my own health in order. I'm not giving up on being a hero.
The pain did help with one thing: it sobered me up. My boner vanished.
I thought the only way to get this thing to calm down was to... well, you know. I used to do it two or three times a day in my old life, especially when I found some really intense hentai.
But this thing is on another level. It's like a bodybuilder drank a case of Viagra. I need a plan for this.
All Might was probably a damn Buddhist. What can you expect from an idealized manga hero?
I also picked up a new black T-shirt. Yes, they had All Might's size. Quirks are a part of society here.
Nobody bats an eye at a six-foot-tall muscleman. They even have special restrooms and ergonomics built into the city.
I could hear the screaming. I was close. The slime villain had engulfed a kid and was wrecking a jewelry store.
He was about to escape into a sewer—that damned Ninja Turtle!
But I was right there, landing with a satisfying thud that left a crater in the asphalt.
I don't remember the names of All Might's moves, just that he named them after American states.
I just threw a punch.
That was all it took.
The shockwave blew the villain right off the kid.
The boy's face stretched like a sail in a hurricane, but this is a manga! It's got comical physics.
To recreate the scene from the manga, I even grabbed a couple of soda bottles. And let me be clear, I "bought" them, and a new T-shirt. Actually, the store clerks just gave me everything for free. My irresistible smile, you know?
Then a new problem hit me. How in the hell did All Might collect the villain in those bottles?
The manga doesn't explain it.
It just happens "between panels." The magic of editing. I couldn't do it. I had to abandon the whole bottle thing. Besides, I had a new plan, and I still needed the villain on the loose.
"Boy, are you alive?" In the manga, All Might uses gentle slaps to the cheek to wake up the kid, but with my power control, I'd probably just decapitate him.
"AAAAAAAAAA!" the boy shrieked. It was a very meaningful conversation.
Well, now for the big surprise.