"Flowers filled the air, and the lights consumed her face. If only i could tell how beautiful she is, i wouldn't have written letters like a madman. But she captivated me, even at first glance. I wish her presences would be always next to mine, i wish her lips would come close to mine. And i wish that she would hear my heart that beats the letters; I.L.O.V.E Y.O.U."
This is apparently the letter of Jensen, the captain of our campus' football team, before being shredded to pieces by Hannah, the said girl in the letter. It wasn't much of a controversy more than it was a laughing stock of a story. And in all honesty, from the pictures I've seen of the aftermath, from the bloating blood that circulates at his already bloated cheeks, from the black eyes that makes him look like an endangered panda, or the broken teeth that i can see rivaling a crackhead's — All the way to his crumbling heart, not a single ounce of me felt any sympathy.
That's so cruel of me you might think, listen close, bcause here's what the letter has missed, that prompted the ever saint Jessica to unleashed a great wrath of anguish beyond human belief, and it would be the fact he cheated prior to this letter. He didn't apologize, he didn't have the guts to do so face to face. And he most certainly did not even have the balls to write a single short sentence that is similar, a synonym, or even something that rhymes with the sentence: "I'm sorry." Instead, the punk insisted on the idea that if he acted romantic enough, any girl would come and suck his dick, lip-circling-on-the-tip style.
It's not a secret for me to boldly state that people take love for granted. They don't appreciate it even if it bent over for them, or went on their knees with a wide open mouth for them. People nowadays, especially people my age, sees more value in the experience rather than the feeling. And as someone without anybody holding my arm like everyone else is, i feel alienated. I feel as if though, I'm the only one who tries appreciating the love that comes with relationships. As if though i am the only one here that is completely unlovable.
But even so, I want to have a girlfriend.
Before i die, i want to be able to hold someone comfortably in my arms.
— But i know that, such request to the wish granting Gods, is asking too much. It works tenfolds more positively, especially for someone like me. My hair is dyed blonde, i dress up unprofessionally, i can't even bother to button up my uniform. I parade around the school with my back higher than my head, and my arms frozen still insidious my pockets. i listen to music more than i do to people's words, and i talk to the mirror more than i do with people.— But horrifyingly enough, those shitty qualities of a raging, idiotic punk, is not at the slightest worst in mu catastrophe of a life; For i am the son of a murderer.
My father is quite well known around this town. He's the reason I'm infamous. The very reason why everyone look at me in disdain, like I'm always drenched in blood.
Of course, nobody would want to go near the guy who's dad killed innocents. Even if he himself is innocent, it'd be better off if nobody would come close to him. Yeah, because isolating him with insults is soooo the perfect way to prevent him from being a killer ! Sloppy sloth looking sister fuckers. If it was anybody else, God knows how worse they could've been ! People think of me so lowly like i was the one who killed those people.The worst part ? They aren't even trying to be discreet about it. They just say stuff about me infront of my face, like they're some cartoon plot devices for my backstory to be more dramatic than it already is.
In short words;
I'm devoid of love.
And people don't wanna hear me speak.
My point here is, people seems to like running me over. Making me look awful than i truly am. I know I'm not perfect, but do i really gotta pay for the shitty things that my dad did when i was six ? Bullshit. How else am i gonna have a girlfriend now ? How else am i gonna get laid without letting the world know about it?
Or should i let the world know about it?
As i speak, what sheds above me is the ever blue sky. Today's a beautiful weather. The bird seems to be fond of this quiet atmosphere that devours this ever boring campus. Would be a shame if a guy suddenly starts yelling at the top of his lungs, at the top of the school's rooftop.
For i stand here, shamelessly at the edge of our roof. I can see my shadow engulfing every single one of these puny extras. People starts looking up at me with eye damaging curiosity. They're seeing the me who i know they'll hate to look up to. In other words;
I'm devoid of love.
And people don't wanna hear me speak.
But I'm a rebel aswell.
So i screamed my desire of love at the top of my lungs. And It doesn't have much hope in it, infact i think this is quite the bullshit that i will regret in a few minutes or so, infact I'm already kinda regretting it. But at the back of my head, even if i know this'll get me in trouble, a part of me is convinced that something will come out of this, something out of my pointless resolve. They convinced me i don't deserve love, deafened me when i wanted to speak. Now they have to put up with my screams that yells out how much i want to be loved.
"James !" The door behind me slammed a raging slam. I feel footsteps come nearly as seconds pass. Her presence would eerily come close, but i would continue to refuse looking back.
A hand would come to tap my back, a soft and warm fingers wrapping around my shoulders. Her voice was softly angry, while she breathes rigidly. — From the voice and that sweet short temper, i can already tell who it is. Our class Prez herself, Sandra. Rich, snobby, and larper. Every single word that'll come out of her stupid lips are always predictable. Infact, i can do so, even now.
Watch this, she'll say; When will you learn !? She'd say so with, first, on a soft tone, as it'll go and gradually become louder and angrier. Kinda like the Hulk.
"When will you learn !?"
You always make trouble whenever you go.
"You always make trouble whenever you go."
But I'll let this slide under one condition !
"But I'll let this slide under one condition !"
You'll get back here and follow me to the office.
"You'll be my slave and I'll be your girlfriend."
My heart stopped beating for a second. For a split moment of my life, my grip to my own soul came crumbling. Had my legs been limp, I would've fallen without a single ounce of fight or regret in my cells. I calculated in my head; At the sixty percent of me surviving the fall if I just jump here, between the insane bullshit that this woman is presenting for me— Which of them will get me out of this tragic bargaining that I'll know will only degrade my already butchered reputation. And so my resolve broke, and i looked back at her. I, of course, looked with a faint fear and disgust showering my face that already looks horrified at default.
— And justifiably so ! No sane person would ask, or accept such offer !
"Yes please.."
He was, indeed, not sane.