When Aiden woke the next morning, he was still alive. That was the first miracle. The second miracle was that no one had realized he was a fraud yet.
He stretched on the straw mat, grimacing at the cricks in his back. "Man… no lumbar support in this world. Zero out of ten, unsubscribed."
The HUD still floated in the corner of his vision.
Influence SystemFollowers: 37Quest Active: Protect the Village from Goblin Raid (Reward: +50 Followers).
Aiden groaned. Protecting the village? Him? The guy who once lost a fight to a vending machine that wouldn't return his dollar?
Still, the number "37" sparkled in his eyes. He'd had fewer live viewers during most of his Twitch career. Here, thirty-seven people literally worshipped him. And all he'd done was shout buzzwords and wave his hands around.
"Man, if I'd known I just needed reincarnation to blow up, I'd have died years ago."
He stumbled out of the hut. The air was crisp, the sky painfully blue, and the villagers were already waiting, kneeling in a semicircle. They looked up as one, eyes full of awe and expectation.
Aiden froze. Oh crap. They expect content.
An old man leaned forward, his beard trembling. "O Oracle of Likes, grant us today's divine wisdom!"
Aiden's mind blanked. He had no script, no editors, no clickbait thumbnails to save him. Just a field of dirt, a bunch of peasants, and a couple of goats chewing cud in the background.
"Uh…" He scratched his head. "Like and subscribe?"
The villagers gasped. A woman clutched her chest. "The Great One commands us to… like… and to subscribe!"
Another wailed, tears streaming. "But what is subscribe?!"
The crowd erupted into panicked discussion. Some bowed, others cried, others ran in circles.
Aiden coughed into his hand. "Okay, okay, calm down. Subscribe means… uh… loyalty. Like means… hitting stuff. Very hard."
The crowd fell silent.
Then they dropped to their knees, slamming their foreheads into the dirt. "We shall like our enemies! We shall subscribe to you eternally!"
The HUD pinged.
Followers: 49
Aiden nearly fainted. I just explained the literal dumbest thing in the world and it worked?!
A child raised a hand timidly. "O Great One, what does… comment mean?"
Aiden blinked. Comment? He chewed his lip. "Comment means… speak your truth. Say whatever's on your mind. Even if it's cringe."
The villagers gasped again. They turned to each other and began blurting out confessions.
"I secretly ate the last goat cheese!""My wife's stew tastes like dirt!""I never wanted to marry into your family, mother-in-law!"
The square exploded into chaos.
Aiden raised his hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, slow down! Comments are fine, but, uh… keep it constructive!"
They all bowed, muttering apologies. The HUD ticked up again.
Followers: 62
Aiden's heart pounded. He was farming clout just by running his mouth. This was paradise.
But not everyone looked impressed. From the edge of the crowd, Darrow the hunter glared, arms crossed. His jaw was clenched, his face sour.
Aiden gulped. Right, the hater. Every channel's got one.
He needed to distract from Darrow before the guy started sowing doubt again. Quick.
"People of… uh, Hashtag Village!" Aiden boomed, throwing his arms wide. "Bring forth your tributes, and I shall bless them with engagement!"
The villagers scrambled. In minutes, they piled food, tools, and even livestock in front of him. Aiden stared at the mound of bread loaves, carrots, potatoes, and a confused chicken tied with rope.
He fought the urge to weep. Free food. Free clout. If he'd known divinity paid this well, he'd have ditched YouTube years ago.
He cleared his throat. "Ahem. Your tributes are… accepted. In return, I give you… exclusive content!"
The crowd gasped.
"Exclusive… content?" a farmer whispered.
Aiden nodded sagely. "Yes. Exclusive. Meaning only for… subscribers. Not for the haters. Especially not for… Darrow."
Dozens of heads turned to glare at the hunter. Darrow's face turned purple.
"Ridiculous!" he shouted. "He speaks gibberish! 'Content'? 'Subscribe'? It means nothing!"
Lightning rumbled faintly in the distance.
The villagers all flinched. "The storm! The Oracle's anger!"
Aiden forced a solemn face, but inside he was screaming with laughter. The algorithm's got my back! Hell yeah!
He pointed at Darrow. "Beware, child, for the Algorithm sees all! It punishes… low engagement."
The crowd gasped. Darrow's mouth opened and closed like a fish. Then he stormed away, muttering curses.
The HUD flickered.
Followers: 77
Aiden nearly fainted again. I'm speedrunning clout in a medieval tutorial zone.
He pressed both palms together, bowing theatrically. "My dear followers, continue to like and subscribe, and together we shall… go viral."
The crowd erupted in cheers. The goats bleated in approval.
Inside, Aiden cackled like a madman. Yes. Yes! I'm a prophet now. I'm gonna milk this world harder than a Twitch subathon.
But as the villagers dispersed, whispers of goblins floated through the air. Fear lingered on their faces. Even in their adoration, shadows weighed them down.
Aiden chewed on stale bread in his hut, frowning. "Right. The goblin problem…"
The System quest reminder blinked.
Quest Active: Protect the Village from Goblin Raid.
He sighed. "Man, why'd it have to be goblins? Couldn't it be… I dunno, puppies?"
Still, he knew the truth: this was his pilot episode. If he flopped now, the whole series might get canceled.
Aiden leaned back, smirking at the HUD. "Fine, goblins. You're about to get ratio'd."