Yuuya Morita had a simple goal in Eldoria: survive.
That goal, he quickly realized, was far too ambitious.
After his first chaotic encounter with slimes—where he had inadvertently turned a rock into a legendary brick, a rusty knife into a divine spoon, and generally terrified everyone around him—he had hoped the next quest would be slightly more manageable. Perhaps something simple, like "deliver this bread" or "pet the baby dragon," the kind of side-quests that could barely kill an adventurer under normal circumstances.
But Eldoria didn't work that way. Not for him.
The guild bulletin board had been mercilessly updated overnight with new requests. Yuuya squinted at the parchment with growing dread.
[Quest: Goblin Scout Patrol – Reward: 15 silver]
[Quest: Hunt 3 Dire Wolves – Reward: 50 silver]
[Quest: Investigate Stonefang Keep Outskirts – Reward: 1 gold]
And right at the bottom, written in an ornate script that practically screamed "You're screwed":
[Quest: Escort a merchant caravan to Briarshade – Reward: 2 gold, 3 rare items]
Yuuya groaned. "Escort? Seriously? I just survived slime hell. Now I get stuck babysitting merchants who probably yell at me the whole way?"
He pushed open the guild doors, stepping into the noisy hall. Selene was already perched on the counter, her lute on her lap, narrating the comings and goings of adventurers like a bardic commentator. Kaela was bouncing on the spot, swords already strapped and polished to a ridiculous shine. Iris was rolling dice, muttering about luck ratios, and Garron stood in the corner, glaring at the ceiling as if it personally offended him.
"Ah, Yuuya! You've returned!" Selene called dramatically, noticing him. She leapt down and gave him an elaborate bow. "Our champion of spoons! Ready for another tale of glory?"
Yuuya rubbed his temples. "I am not a champion of anything. I am barely alive."
Kaela laughed. "Pfft! You survived the slimes. That's already heroic."
"Heroic is a generous term for what I did," Yuuya muttered. "I panicked, rolled RNG magic on every random item I could grab, and somehow survived. That's not skill; that's luck."
Iris rolled dice and peered up. "Hmm… yes, your luck is unpredictable. Dangerous. Fun. We'll keep you."
Garron grunted. "You better not die before I do. And stay out of my way."
Yuuya muttered under his breath, "Yes, because I trust your judgment, oh wise axe man."
Selene clapped her hands. "Enough whining! We have a quest to complete, and our heroic journey to embark upon!"
Yuuya groaned. "Heroic journey… yeah, right."
The plan was simple enough: escort the merchant caravan safely to Briarshade, roughly two days' travel through wooded hills and lightly infested monster territory. Yuuya should have been mildly relieved—the map said nothing stronger than goblins, wolves, and the occasional bandit.
But experience—and Selene's flair for dramatics—had taught him one lesson: anything labeled "simple" in Eldoria was never simple for him.
The caravan assembled outside the village. Wagons creaked under the weight of goods, oxen stamped their hooves, and merchants scurried around nervously. Yuuya's stomach twisted when one man noticed him and asked, "Are you… the adventurer assigned to protect us?"
Yuuya's reply was instantaneous. "I'll do my best… but don't expect miracles."
The merchant's face fell. "I… we… oh, never mind."
Kaela clapped him on the shoulder. "See? Confidence! That's what matters!"
"Confidence doesn't stop bandits from decapitating you," Yuuya muttered.
Selene twirled her lute. "Oh, nonsense! It is not confidence, but style that matters. Observe!"
She began strumming, and a faint magical aura shimmered along the path, encouraging the caravan oxen to move faster while inspiring the merchants to march in near-perfect formation. It looked ridiculous, but it worked.
Iris rolled her dice. "Hmm… double six! That means unexpected chaos. Exciting!"
Garron just grunted. "Let's just get moving."
Yuuya stared at his satchel, muttering, "Yeah, this is my life now. I'm the walking luck grenade for this party."
The first day passed without incident, which Yuuya found suspicious. He spent the time examining the satchel and considering his options.
Seven uses per week. He counted on his fingers. Two gone already—rock and knife. Four more days to travel. That left… three uses if he didn't want to die. Not that he had a plan.
As night fell, they camped in a small clearing. Kaela immediately claimed the first firewood, Selene began narrating the "Night of Courage and Glory" around the flames, and Iris set up protective wards while rolling dice for what she claimed were "sleep quality bonuses." Garron rolled his eyes and sat silently, sharpening his axe like a brooding statue.
Yuuya dug into his satchel and produced the last remaining item from his apartment: the convenience store hotdog.
"…Please don't tell me you're eating that," Kaela said, wrinkling her nose.
"Better than nothing," Yuuya said grimly. He muttered the incantation under his breath: "Junk Forge."
The hotdog glowed brightly. When the light faded, Yuuya found himself holding… a miniature glowing rod, humming softly.
"…What now?" he asked cautiously.
Selene clapped. "A miracle! The humble hero transforms the most trivial object into… something magical! Oh, how inspiring!"
Yuuya groaned. "It's a hotdog rod. Not exactly heroic."
Iris rolled dice. "Hmm… crit! That could mean disaster or treasure. Ahhh, exciting!"
Garron muttered something about "idiots and cursed magic" and returned to sharpening his axe.
Yuuya shoved the rod into the satchel. One day, this thing might save my life… or explode and kill everyone. He wasn't sure which was more likely.
The second day of travel was when things truly went sideways.
Yuuya had just finished mumbling complaints about the uneven road when Kaela suddenly shouted, "Bandits!"
Three figures emerged from the trees, wearing leather armor and wielding short swords. They looked rough, but not especially dangerous—at least, by conventional standards.
"Great," Yuuya muttered. "I barely survived slimes. Now human punks?"
Selene raised her lute dramatically. "Fear not, little hero! We shall—"
Before she could finish, one of the bandits lunged directly at Yuuya.
"…Why me?" Yuuya shouted, grabbing the nearest branch. "Junk Forge!"
The branch glowed and transformed into a glowing staff, roughly as tall as he was. He swung it blindly. The bandit tripped over a root, landing in a puddle.
Kaela dove in for the kill, slicing the next bandit into pieces. Garron swung his axe at the last, cleaving it in half with terrifying efficiency. Selene's music magically boosted the caravan oxen to flee, and Iris rolled dice, laughing manically at "the chaos of fate."
Yuuya breathed a shaky sigh. "I can't believe that worked. I can't believe it always works. I hate this skill."
Selene clapped him on the back. "Oh, fear not, brave one! You are magnificent! The Spoon of Destiny—and now the Hotdog Rod! Truly, legend is being written!"
Yuuya groaned. "Please, stop narrating my life. It's embarrassing."
By the time they reached Briarshade, the party was a sticky, muddy mess. Slime residue, dirt, and bandit blood clung to everyone like a badge of chaos. Yuuya's hair was plastered to his forehead, his shirt nearly ruined, and he was considering taking a vow of silence for the next week.
The merchants, thankfully, were unharmed but terrified. One clutching a crate of fruit said nervously, "You… you are adventurers?"
"Depends on your definition," Yuuya muttered. "If adventurer means surviving idiots and chaos magic, then yes. If it means a heroic life of glory, then no. Absolutely not."
Selene took a dramatic bow. "We are your champions, your protectors, the defenders of the innocent! Ahem."
Kaela smirked. "We don't usually die. Mostly."
Iris twirled her dice. "Depends on luck!"
Garron just stared. "Next time, I'm bringing more firepower."
Yuuya groaned. "…This is my life now. I'm trapped with these lunatics. Pray for my sanity."
That night, as the caravan settled in Briarshade, Yuuya sat alone, staring into the satchel. He counted the uses of Junk Forge left for the week: three.
Three.
The thought of what he could—or would accidentally—transform into deadly chaos made his stomach twist.
He sighed. "If surviving slimes and bandits was the training, I'm going to need a lot of luck to survive the next week."
He didn't know it yet, but the journey had just begun.
The Party From Hell was officially a thing.
And Yuuya Morita, the Trash Hero, was stuck right in the middle of it.