If Yuuya had to sum up his new "party," he would describe them in three words: walking red flags.
Selene, the elf bard, narrated every little thing they did like she was performing on stage for an invisible audience. Kaela, the cat-eared warrior, was already bouncing on her heels, practically begging to cut something in half. Iris, the priestess, smiled sweetly but rolled dice every five minutes like she was consulting a very untrustworthy god. And Garron? Garron just glared at everything like it owed him money.
"Alright, team!" Selene declared dramatically, pointing toward the meadow outside Grimloch. "Our quest is to vanquish the dreaded slimes that plague these lands!"
"They're literally slimes," Yuuya muttered. "They're basically living Jell-O. I expected dragons, or at least some walking skeletons. Not… dessert gone wrong."
"Jell-O can kill, my unlucky friend," Selene countered with a twirl of her lute strap. She cast a dazzling, imaginary spotlight over herself. "Never underestimate the enemy! Especially one that leaves acidic footprints behind."
Kaela's ears twitched. "I call first blood. I've been waiting to slice something since breakfast!"
"You always call first blood," Iris said, rolling her dice with a clack-clack-clack. "Snake eyes. Ohhh, that's bad. Very bad."
Yuuya froze. "What's bad?"
"Usually means someone's about to trip, fall, or get slimed," Iris explained, still rolling. She smiled innocently. "Exciting, isn't it?"
"Why do you sound excited about that?!" Yuuya yelled.
Before Iris could answer, Kaela let out a delighted shout. "There! Slimes!"
Sure enough, a cluster of gelatinous blobs oozed across the field. Blue, green, and one ominously red, bouncing lazily in the sun. They looked harmless… until the ground beneath them hissed faintly where acid dripped.
Kaela drew both swords with a grin. "Finally! My destiny awaits!"
Selene clutched her lute. "Oh, how dramatic, how heroic! Watch as we—"
She never finished her sentence, because Kaela had already charged.
The catgirl leapt into the nearest slime with an acrobatic flip, swords flashing. The blob burst apart, splattering blue goo across the grass. Kaela landed perfectly on her feet and twirled like a dancer.
"Easy!" she laughed.
That was when three more slimes bounced toward her from behind, wobbling in unison like angry jelly cups.
"Kaela, behind you!" Yuuya shouted, panicking.
"On it!" Garron barked, stomping forward. He swung his massive axe in a single arc, cleaving the incoming slimes in half. Goo sprayed across his armor, but the man didn't flinch. "What, this is nothing."
"Ugh, slime guts," Yuuya groaned. "Do those even wash out? Or do they attach forever?"
Selene strummed her lute with a flourish. Magic notes shimmered in the air, wrapping around Kaela and Garron. "Behold! The Song of Valor! Feel the rhythm of your strength increase!"
Kaela let out a feral laugh and dove at another slime. Garron grunted and swung harder.
Meanwhile, Yuuya crouched a safe distance away, clutching a rock he'd picked up. "Alright," he muttered under his breath. "Guess it's time to see if my dumb skill can actually do something useful."
He held up the rock. "Junk Forge."
Light flared brightly, forcing Yuuya to squint. When it cleared, he looked down at his hand—
—and nearly screamed.
It was no longer a rock. It was now… a legendary golden brick, engraved with glowing runes. The thing radiated heat and power, pulsing like it contained a miniature sun.
"…What the hell am I supposed to do with a magic brick?!" Yuuya cried.
The nearest slime answered by launching itself straight at him.
Yuuya panicked and swung the brick wildly.
The slime exploded. Not just burst—it detonated, sending shockwaves through the field. Blue goo rained down in every direction. A nearby tree caught fire. Birds flew screaming in every direction.
Selene paused mid-song, blinking. "…Was that a brick?"
Kaela laughed so hard she almost dropped her swords. "The newbie just nuked a slime with construction material!"
Iris clapped her hands together. "Oh! A crit success roll! Amazing! But also… hm. Oh dear. Ohhh dear."
Yuuya turned pale. "What do you mean 'oh dear'—"
That was when the red slime, easily three times bigger than the others, came barreling toward him. Its surface bubbled violently, acid dripping in thick streams.
"Oh crap oh crap oh crap!" Yuuya stumbled back. He fumbled in his satchel and yanked out the first thing he grabbed—a rusty kitchen knife.
He hissed, "Junk Forge!"
Light flared again. This time, the knife transformed into… a bent spoon.
Yuuya stared. "You've got to be kidding me."
The red slime lunged.
Instinct took over. Yuuya jabbed the spoon forward.
To his utter shock, the spoon pierced the slime like a spear. Light erupted, blasting the slime into glittering mist. The field went silent.
Yuuya slowly looked at the spoon in his hands. The thing was glowing faintly, humming with divine energy. Carved along its handle were runes of power.
"Holy crap," he whispered. "I just made… a god-tier spoon."
Selene's eyes sparkled. "Oh, how poetic! The cursed fool wields the Spoon of Destiny!"
Kaela doubled over laughing. "You're telling me the newbie is a spoon master?!"
Iris twirled her dice. "I like him. He's unpredictable. Dangerous. My kind of adventurer."
Garron just grunted. "…Keep it. Might be the only weapon you don't break."
Yuuya groaned and dragged a hand down his face. "I can't believe this is my life now. Death by hotdog, rebirth as a spoon fighter."
The battle wasn't over. Three more slimes bounced toward the party, each one larger than the last. Yuuya clutched another random item from his satchel—a cracked umbrella.
"Junk Forge!" he yelled desperately.
The umbrella twisted and warped, emerging as… a glowing, oversized fork.
"Of course," Yuuya muttered. "A fork. That's going to help me against a monster the size of my apartment."
He swung it at a blue slime, and the fork split the creature in half. The top half landed on Kaela's head, dripping goo onto her ears.
"AAH! Slime hair gel is not okay!" Kaela screamed, flailing.
Selene dramatically raised her lute. "Fear not! I shall weave the song of purification!" A shimmer of music hit the slime remnants, dissolving the goo entirely—but also making Yuuya's fork vibrate uncontrollably.
Iris laughed, rolling dice again. "Hmm. Snake eyes… ohhh, this is going to be fun."
Garron growled. "Can someone tell me why I always end up cleaning slime off my armor while the 'Spoon Hero' gets all the glory?"
Yuuya muttered under his breath, "Because it's me. Lucky, cursed, and confused."
After what felt like an eternity, the last slime melted into puddles of harmless goo, leaving the meadow eerily quiet. Yuuya sank to his knees, panting. His shirt was sticky, his hair slimed, and his satchel smelled faintly of burnt plastic.
Selene clapped her hands. "Marvelous! Truly, a day for the bards to sing of!"
Kaela brushed goo off her swords. "Not bad, newbie. You might survive this quest yet."
Iris rolled her dice one last time. "Double six! Someone's about to get slimed—wait… never mind. We're done. Huh."
Garron muttered something about "never trusting RNG heroes," which Yuuya assumed was a compliment.
Returning to Grimloch, Yuuya tried to wash off as much slime as possible in the river outside the village. He tossed the fork, the spoon, and the brick into his satchel. Every item shimmered faintly, a reminder that the goddess had cursed—or blessed—him with this chaotic power.
When he entered the guild to hand in the slime cores, the receptionist barely looked up. "First quest complete. Congratulations, Morita. You didn't die."
"Barely," Yuuya muttered. "Barely. I'm going to die eventually, though, mark my words."
Selene swooped in, grinning. "Nonsense! You were magnificent! The Spoon of Destiny shall live on in song!"
Kaela rolled her eyes. "Next quest, you're on the front lines. No excuses."
Iris peeked into the satchel, rolling dice again. "Hmm… fun. Unpredictable luck. Oh, I like him already."
Garron crossed his arms, still grumbling. "…Try not to die before the next quest."
Yuuya sighed. "…I'm surrounded by idiots. This is my new life."
As he pocketed his silver coins, he stared at the satchel. His thoughts were a mixture of dread and grudging curiosity. Maybe this Junk Forge skill isn't completely useless. Maybe… maybe it's worse than useless. Or maybe it's amazing. I just don't know yet.
Either way, he knew one thing: surviving his new party would be his first real quest.
And somehow, that felt far more dangerous than the slimes ever could.