The first thing I noticed when I woke up that morning was not the sunlight filtering through the curtains, or the faint chirping of birds, or even the gentle hum of the ceiling fan above my head.
No.
The first thing I noticed was the distinct smell of eggs.
Not the ordinary kind of eggs. No, these were anime breakfast eggs—you know the ones, perfectly golden, lovingly fried, sparkling as if they had been blessed by the gods of Kyoto Animation themselves. And they were accompanied by the faint sweetness of ketchup that had somehow arranged itself into a shape resembling my name.
In short, breakfast was ready.
"Protagonist-kun! Wake up, breakfast is ready!" came a cheerful voice from somewhere beyond my door.
I blinked. My mind was foggy, as if I had been rebooted after a system update.
Who?
Before I could even form a thought, a second voice sliced through the air like an angry samurai sword.
"Don't call him kun! He hasn't earned that title yet! Get up, Protagonist, or I swear I'll drag you out of bed myself!"
This voice was fiery, commanding, and 100% tsundere.
Two voices. Two girls. Both shouting for me.
I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes. "Wait… since when did I—"
The door slammed open.
A girl with long black hair and sparkling eyes rushed in, carrying a tray of steaming omurice. Her uniform was straight out of Generic High School #27, complete with a plaid skirt, ribbon tie, and a smile that screamed "childhood friend heroine."
"Protagonist-kun!" she beamed. "I made your favorite—omurice with your name written in ketchup! Say 'ahhh,' okay?"
Behind her stormed another girl, tall, athletic, her ponytail whipping behind her like a battle flag. She had the scowl of someone who had been watching Naruto training arcs on repeat.
"Don't spoil him, Ayaka! He needs to build strength, not be pampered like some spoiled lord! After breakfast, Protagonist, we're going to train until you collapse!"
I froze.
Two girls. In my room. Arguing over who got to take care of me.
I did what any rational man would do in such a situation:
I pinched my cheek.
Hard.
"Ow!"
Nope. Not a dream.
"…Hold on. Did I just wake up in a harem anime?"
The cheerful one—Ayaka, apparently—tilted her head, smiling like she'd rehearsed this scene a thousand times. "Harem? Ara~ Protagonist-kun, what are you saying? You're already the center of attention. That's only natural."
The fiery one crossed her arms. "Tch. Don't get cocky just because girls like you. Not all of us are here to worship you."
(Translation: she was definitely here to worship me, she just hadn't admitted it yet.)
I rubbed my temples. "Okay, wait. Time out. Pause. Rewind. How did I go from regular guy with no girlfriend to—"
And then the ceiling exploded.
No, seriously. BOOM. Ceiling debris rained down like a meteor shower. Dust clouded the air. And from the wreckage descended—gracefully, somehow—a girl in a black cloak, her silver hair flowing dramatically as if someone had paid extra for high-quality animation.
She landed on my bed with a thud, her boot narrowly missing my leg.
"Protagonist-kun!" she declared, pointing a staff at my bewildered face. "At last, I have found you! The prophecy was true—you are destined to lead the Harem of Heroes!"
Silence.
I stared at her. Then at Ayaka. Then at Ponytail-chan.
"…WHAT KIND OF PLOT DID I JUST GET DRAGGED INTO?!"
"Alright," I said after five minutes of coughing up ceiling dust and trying not to choke on it. "Somebody explain. Slowly. Preferably in a way that doesn't sound like rejected fanfiction."
The silver-haired girl adjusted her cloak, striking what I assume was supposed to be a mysterious pose, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that she was sitting on my blanket like a cat who owned the place.
"My name is Seraphina von Lunaris," she said, her voice echoing unnecessarily, as if someone had installed reverb directly into her throat. "I am the mage sent from the Realm of Eternal Plot Devices. You, Protagonist-kun, are the chosen one destined to gather the Harem of Heroes and save the multiverse!"
"…The what of what now?"
Ayaka giggled nervously. "Oh, Seraphina-chan, you're so dramatic. Protagonist-kun doesn't need all that pressure. He just needs a warm meal and a smile."
Ponytail-chan snorted. "He needs training, not spoon-feeding. If the multiverse really depends on him, then he has to toughen up."
I raised my hand like a student in math class. "Uh, sorry, but I think you've all got the wrong guy. I'm not a chosen one. I'm not a protagonist. I'm… just Protagonist-kun. Regular dude. The most exciting thing I've ever done is accidentally microwave my spoon."
Seraphina slammed her staff into the ground. Sparks flew, though one suspiciously looked like a glitch. "Fool! Do you not see the trope energy radiating from your every pore? Look around you! Already, beautiful girls are flocking to your side. That is the power of the Harem Protagonist!"
I blinked. Looked left. Looked right.
…She wasn't wrong.
"Hold on," I muttered. "Are you saying my entire existence is… a genre cliché?"
Ayaka clapped her hands. "That's not so bad, right? Being the center of attention means you'll never be lonely!"
Ponytail-chan smirked. "It also means you'll have to work hard to keep up with us. Don't think we'll go easy on you just because you're the main character."
Seraphina raised her chin. "And in the end, your destiny is to decide who among us will stand by your side as your true beloved."
The room grew quiet.
Then all three girls turned to look at me.
At the same time.
With expectation.
"…Uh," I said intelligently. "Can I at least brush my teeth first?"
Breakfast turned out to be exactly what I feared: a full-blown trope buffet.
Ayaka tried to feed me bites of omurice, leaning in so close that I could smell her shampoo.
"Say ahhh, Protagonist-kun!" she chirped.
Ponytail-chan scoffed, yanking me by the arm and shoving a glass of protein shake into my hand. "Stop letting her baby you. Drink this, then we're going jogging."
Meanwhile, Seraphina muttered an incantation that magically refilled my plate every time I finished.
"Eat, chosen one," she commanded. "Your caloric intake must triple if you are to withstand the love polygon ahead."
By the time I staggered away from the table, my stomach was full, my dignity was gone, and my day had barely begun.
"This… this is insane," I mumbled, clutching my side. "Yesterday I was just a guy with no plans, and today I'm… some kind of harem magnet?"
Ayaka smiled sweetly. "That's because you are special, Protagonist-kun."
Ponytail-chan smirked. "Or maybe you're just unlucky."
Seraphina's eyes gleamed. "Either way… your adventure has only just begun."
And that, dear reader, was the moment I realized something terrifying.
This wasn't a dream.
This was my new reality.
I, Protagonist-kun, had officially become a harem protagonist.
…God help me.