"Edward..."
Edward let a smile curl his soft supple lips as he heard the melodious voice of his lady love calling him from down the stairs.
"Edward..."
The smile grows wider as he pulls his vision of love closer to himself.
"EDWARD!"
"What!?"
"PUT DOWN THAT DAMN MIRROR AND COME HELP ME UP THE STAIRS!"
Edward sighed. Why is she over here again? From the top floor of their mansion, he watched as his beautiful, pregnant wife struggled to waddle her way up the stairs in all her whale-ish glory.
Reluctantly, Edward put the mirror down and sighed. "Till we meet again my love..."
"EDWARD!"
"If you scream out my name like that again...I'm changing it to Barnaby!"
Bella huffed at the top of the stairs and glared at him.
"Why not change it to Deadbeat Von-Prickface?"
Edward gazed off into a wall considering this proposal.
"But then you'd be missing Deadbeat Von-Prickface ..."
Squatting down on the bed, Bella sank into it looking very much like a big nesting bird. Edward smirked a little because in spite of the fat-unsexiness, and flip flops flapping on un-lotioned feet...she looked kind of cute ^^;;
"Edward, you need to get a job," Bella huffed.
Edward nodded and narrowed his eyes as he listened to her. Then he got down on one knee and began messaging her swollen feet.
"Anything for you my LOVE..." He said kissing her lovely little toes.
Bella smiled and cooed. Edward looked up at her with his sultry, sexy, smile.
"All you have to do is tell me what that is..."
"WHAT?"
"That thing you just mentioned,"
"A JOB?"
Edward nodded and decided to try to sound the word out. "A J-JAH-"
"A job, Cullen! You have to get a job! We're about to have a baby!" She said this with a completely bewildered look on her face. Edward rather liked that look on the children he was molesting.
"Eddie, we're about to have a baby together. We need money. We need stability."
Edward nodded and rose, putting his hands on her shoulders to give her a nice rub down.
"But Bella, I'm still in High School..."
"You're like a hundred thousand years old though."
Edward narrowed his eyes and sneered at her. "I'm a vampire, not a STEGOSAURUS!"
Bella stood up. This action involved a strange swimming motion as if she was looking for some invisible force to haul her up. Edward watched with much interest.
"But...BELOVED?" The door slams and Edward remains looking lost and broken-hearted. The sound of beloved making her way down the stairs and cursing...made his soul cry.
"Come help me, dumb ass!"
At the bottom of the stairs, the rest of the Cullen's were poised in their positions doing what they do best. Absolutely nothing.
Carlisle Cullen was leaning up against the mantle, doing nothing while looking smart and serious.
Esme was sitting in a lovely sofa chair, doing nothing while looking woe-full.
Rosalie was seated on the sofa, doing nothing while being a blond with big ass tits.
And Emmett was doing nothing while looking like a quarterback for the Miami dolphins.
As Bella reached the bottom stairs, Alice suddenly had a psychic vision about something completely inane that happened yesterday.
"Ewww! I think my head is broken," she frowned and rubbed her temple. She then turned to Jasper for some comfort but found him staring at Bella Swan with an unnatural delight in his eyes.
"Ugh! Keep your creepy ass brother away from me!" Bella said, eyeing Jasper as she and Edward made it to the bottom step.
"Jasper gets a little weak at times but I promise my LOVE, he's harmless," Edward assured.
"Harmless?" Bella said looking over at Jasper who wiggled his bushy eyebrows at her and had a ridiculous smile pasted on his face. "He used to call me Hamburger but ever since I got preggers, he's been calling me quarter pounder with cheese!"
Jasper turned to Alice still smiling. "The Cheese is Edwards' man sauce." He wiggled his eyes brows at Alice and made the gross tasting noises with his mouth like Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs".