Rosia Ferrell woke up in her cluttered bedroom, distractedly munching on a suspiciously cold slice of pizza. Suddenly, the floor beneath her cracked open like a poorly made parfait, swallowing her whole with a sound suspiciously like a belch.
Before she could scream, Rosia found herself standing in a gigantic, gothic mansion that seemed to have been decorated by someone with a serious love for spikes and questionable taste in candles.
Across from her stood Lady Grimbella, a demon with six eyes, four arms, and a smile that looked equal parts welcoming and mildly insane.
"Welcome home, Rosia!" Grimbella announced cheerfully, holding up an ancient scroll that shimmered with ominous runes. "You're officially adopted."
Rosia blinked, clutching her scrawny arms. "Adopted? Wait, where are my parents? What—what happened to them?"
Grimbella's smile tightened, and she glanced nervously at the flickering chandelier. "About that…"
She sat down heavily, causing the floor to groan. "Your parents were extraordinary—your mother was a powerful sorceress, your father a bold demon warrior. Together, they messed with some very dangerous beings. Long story short, they disappeared under... mysterious circumstances."
"Disappear? Like, gone gone?"
"Gone gone," Grimbella said with a wink. "Officially presumed missing, probably alive, maybe trapped in some dimension where socks go to die. No one's entirely sure."
Rosia blinked, then muttered, "So, I'm technically an orphan living with a super spooky demon aunt who has more arms than most people have fingers…"
Grimbella laughed, the sound echoing strangely around the room. "Exactly! But don't worry, no one here suspects you're human. You fit right in. Well, except that you haven't learned to levitate yet or eat fireballs for breakfast, but we'll get there."
The mansion itself was a spectacle. Walls that whispered terrible jokes, portraits that followed Rosia's every move with genuinely judgmental eyes, and a staircase that shifted direction so often she was certain she was part of some elaborate prank.
Grimbella showed her around, pointing out absolutely everything important. "This is the Hall of Eternal Exams," she said, motioning toward a corridor filled with ominous buzzing and faint screams. "Passed it? Congrats, you'll be famous for all of two weeks before the next disaster."
Rosia raised an eyebrow. "Sounds motivating."
"And here," Grimbella continued, "is the Kitchen of Impossible Cuisines. Nobody's brave enough to cook alone, so every meal is a gamble, and 'mystery meat' is the official mascot."
As they passed, Rosia caught a glimpse of a floating meatball zipping past like a lunatic rocket, chased by a bunch of winged creatures. "I'm guessing nobody wins that chase."
The demon aunt shrugged. "Last time I tried to catch it, I ended up with a singed eyebrow and a very upset cat."
Back in the living room, Grimbella started unpacking what she called the "Welcome Survival Kit for Demon Realm Newbies."
Rosia watched as a pile of bizarre items grew on the table: a spellbook written in hieroglyphs that made her sneeze glitter, a potion labeled "Do Not Drink (Unless You Like Uncontrollable Giggles)," and a plush toy shaped like a tiny fire-breathing dragon that immediately started chasing its own tail.
"Your education here doesn't come with a manual," Grimbella explained. "Mostly because the school changes rules daily and the manual ran away three years ago."
Just as Rosia began to digest this chaotic reality, a shriek echoed from the kitchen. "I think someone's experimenting with flame spells... again!"
Grimbella sighed. "Ah, the neighbors. You're going to love this place."
Rosia gave a shaky grin, wondering if she should really keep the slice of pizza she still clutched—just in case it was the closest thing to normal she'd get.
"And remember," Grimbella added as she handed Rosia a ridiculously oversized backpack, "if you survive the first week, you get to brag about it for the rest of the semester."
Rosia looked out the window at the bubbling lava moat and grinned. "I guess hell really is a place where you make friends fast... or die trying."
Her adventure had just begun.