38. "UNCONDITIONALLY"
I woke up with a racing heartbeat, tried to catch a breath but it felt like I had be crying internally for the entire night, I'm like the lost part running around in bad places without the best parts of me.
Sometimes I'm doing good, in my own world without a single thought of her, sometimes she catches me in my sleep where I can't even wake up and then I open my eyes to a reality that I prefer less than the dream, I hate how I love her unconditionally.
If I could, I would write the perfect piece to illustrate the depth of this shit that I'm facing, how can I explain the part that when a man is stuck in love with a woman he no longer can have? His world turns upside down and he just never finds peace.
He can distract his mind with meaningless things but he will never find peace because every single thing leads him back to the starting point.
I just hate the way I love her unconditionally, even though we barely talk anymore and she's moved on, I still love her. I still hold the best interests for her and I still enjoy the pleasure of having her presence in my dreams at night.
Until I'm done loving her, these are the emotions I'll be facing.
39. "GET BACK TOGETHER"
She gives my mind fantasy, no matter where she is, she still helps me look at things with a better view, she warms up my cold heart and she gives me a reason to believe in love again. She gives me the desire and the spark again, she gives me million reasons why I want us to do this thing again.
What could we lose if we give it another try? I bet the second time is the best time, I keep telling her that I believe that we had to go our separate ways in order for us to realize some things about ourselves or for us to gain something that we were missing and now that we're here, we could come back together and do this thing better this time around.
But she keeps thinking of the negative things, I guess it's the trauma that I caused with my careless actions when we were together but I'm nothing like that little boy anymore, I grew up in so many ways.
We been through so much together, shared a lot together, meant a lot together, I would hate for us to just let it fade and die like it was all nothing.