Hello, everyone! This is the LONGEST TEXT EVER! I was inspired by the various other "longest texts ever" on the internet, and I wanted to make my own. So here it is! This is going to be a WORLD RECORD! This is actually my third attempt at doing this. The first time, I didn't save it. The second time, the Neocities editor crashed. Now I'm writing this in Notepad, then copying it into the Neocities editor instead of typing it directly in the Neocities editor to avoid crashing. It sucks that my past two attempts are gone now. Those actually got pretty long. Not the longest, but still pretty long. I hope this one won't get lost somehow. Anyways, let's talk about WAFFLES! I like waffles. Waffles are cool. Waffles is a funny word. There's a Teen Titans Go episode called "Waffles" where the word "Waffles" is said a hundred-something times. It's pretty annoying. There's also a Teen Titans Go episode about Pig Latin. Don't know what Pig Latin is? It's a language where you take all the consonants before the first vowel, move them to the end, and add '-ay' to the end. If the word begins with a vowel, you just add '-way' to the end. For example, "Waffles" becomes "Afflesway". I've been speaking Pig Latin fluently since the fourth grade, so it surprised me when I saw the episode for the first time. I speak Pig Latin with my sister sometimes. It's pretty fun. I like speaking it in public so that everyone around us gets confused. That's never actually happened before, but if it ever does, 'twill be pretty funny. By the way, "'twill" is a word I invented recently, and it's a contraction of "it will". I really hope it gains popularity in the near future, because "'twill" is WAY more fun than saying "it'll". "It'll" is too boring. Nobody likes boring. This is nowhere near being the longest text ever, but eventually it will be! I might still be writing this a decade later, who knows? But right now, it's not very long. But I'll just keep writing until it is the longest! Have you ever heard the song "Dau Dau" by Awesome Scampis? It's an amazing song. Look it up on YouTube! I play that song all the time around my sister! It drives her crazy, and I love it. Another way I like driving my sister crazy is by speaking my own made up language to her. She hates the languages I make! The only language that we both speak besides English is Pig Latin. I think you already knew that. Whatever. I think I'm gonna go for now. Bye! Hi, I'm back now. I'm gonna contribute more to this soon-to-be giant wall of text. I just realised I have a giant stuffed frog on my bed. I forgot his name. I'm pretty sure it was something stupid though. I think it was "FROG" in Morse Code or something. Morse Code is cool. I know a bit of it, but I'm not very good at it. I'm also not very good at French. I barely know anything in French, and my pronunciation probably sucks. But I'm learning it, at least. I'm also learning Esperanto. It's this language that was made up by some guy a long time ago to be the "universal language". A lot of people speak it. I am such a language nerd. Half of this text is probably gonna be about languages. But hey, as long as it's long! Ha, get it? As LONG as it's LONG? I'm so funny, right? No, I'm not. I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight! Hello, I'm back again. I basically have only two interests nowadays: languages and furries. What? Oh, sorry, I thought you knew I was a furry. Haha, oops. Anyway, yeah, I'm a furry, but since I'm a young furry, I can't really do as much as I would like to do in the fandom. When I'm older, I would like to have a fursuit, go to furry conventions, all that stuff. But for now I can only dream of that. Sorry you had to deal with me talking about furries, but I'm honestly very desperate for this to be the longest text ever. Last night I was watching nothing but fursuit unboxings. I think I need help. This one time, me and my mom were going to go to a furry Christmas party, but we didn't end up going because of the fact that there was alcohol on the premises, and that she didn't wanna have to be a mom dragging her son through a crowd of furries. Both of those reasons were understandable. Okay, hopefully I won't have to talk about furries anymore. I don't care if you're a furry reading this right now, I just don't wanna have to torture everyone else. I will no longer say the F word throughout the rest of this entire text. Of course, by the F word, I mean the one that I just used six times, not the one that you're probably thinking of which I have not used throughout this entire text. I just realised that next year will be 2020. That's crazy! It just feels so futuristic! It's also crazy that the 2010s decade is almost over. That decade brought be a lot of memories. In fact, it brought be almost all of my memories. It'll be sad to see it go. I'm gonna work on a series of video lessons for Toki Pona. I'll expain what Toki Pona is after I come back. Bye! I'm back now, and I decided not to do it on Toki Pona, since many other people have done Toki Pona video lessons already. I decided to do it on Viesa, my English code. Now, I shall explain what Toki Pona is. Toki Pona is a minimalist constructed language that has only ~120 words! That means you can learn it very quickly. I reccomend you learn it! It's pretty fun and easy! Anyway, yeah, I might finish my video about Viesa later. But for now, I'm gonna add more to this giant wall of text, because I want it to be the longest! It would be pretty cool to have a world record for the longest text ever. Not sure how famous I'll get from it, but it'll be cool nonetheless. Nonetheless. That's an interesting word. It's a combination of three entire words. That's pretty neat. Also, remember when I said that I said the F word six times throughout this text? I actually messed up there. I actually said it ten times (including the plural form). I'm such a liar! I struggled to spell the word "liar" there. I tried spelling it "lyer", then "lier". Then I remembered that it's "liar". At least I'm better at spelling than my sister. She's younger than me, so I guess it's understandable. "Understandable" is a pretty long word. Hey, I wonder what the most common word I've used so far in this text is. I checked, and appearantly it's "I", with 59 uses! The word "I" makes up 5% of the words this text! I would've thought "the" would be the most common, but "the" is only the second most used word, with 43 uses. "It" is the third most common, followed by "a" and "to". Congrats to those five words! If you're wondering what the least common word is, well, it's actually a tie between a bunch of words that are only used once, and I don't wanna have to list them all here. Remember when I talked about waffles near the beginning of this text? Well, I just put some waffles in the toaster, and I got reminded of the very beginnings of this longest text ever. Okay, that was literally yesterday, but I don't care. You can't see me right now, but I'm typing with my nose! Okay, I was not able to type the exclamation point with just my nose. I had to use my finger. But still, I typed all of that sentence with my nose! I'm not typing with my nose right now, because it takes too long, and I wanna get this text as long as possible quickly. I'm gonna take a break for now! Bye! Hi, I'm back again. My sister is beside me, watching me write in this endless wall of text. My sister has a new thing where she just says the word "poop" nonstop. I don't really like it. She also eats her own boogers. I'm not joking. She's gross like that. Also, remember when I said I put waffles in the toaster? Well, I forgot about those and I only ate them just now. Now my sister is just saying random numbers. Now she's saying that they're not random, they're the numbers being displayed on the microwave. Still, I don't know why she's doing that. Now she's making annoying clicking noises. Now she's saying that she's gonna watch Friends on three different devices. Why!?!?! Hi its me his sister. I'd like to say that all of that is not true. Max wants to make his own video but i wont let him because i need my phone for my alarm.POOP POOP POOP POOP LOL IM FUNNY. kjnbhhisdnhidfhdfhjsdjksdnjhdfhdfghdfghdfbhdfbcbhnidjsduhchyduhyduhdhcduhduhdcdhcdhjdnjdnhjsdjxnj Hey, I'm back. Sorry about my sister. I had to seize control of the LTE from her because she was doing keymash. Keymash is just effortless. She just went back to school. She comes home from school for her lunch break. I think I'm gonna go again. Bye! Hello, I'm back. Let's compare LTE's. This one is only 8593 characters long so far. Kenneth Iman's LTE is 21425 characters long. The Flaming-Chicken LTE (the original) is a whopping 203941 characters long! I think I'll be able to surpass Kenneth Iman's not long from now. But my goal is to surpass the Flaming-Chicken LTE. Actually, I just figured out that there's an LTE longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE. It's Hermnerps LTE, which is only slightly longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE, at 230634 characters. My goal is to surpass THAT. Then I'll be the world record holder, I think. But I'll still be writing this even after I achieve the world record, of course. One time, I printed an entire copy of the Bee Movie script for no reason.It'll feel nice to be way ahead the record. My sister's alarm clock has been going off for half an hour and I haven't turned it off. Why? Because LAZYNESS! Actually, I really should turn it off now. There, I turned it off. First when I tried to turn it off, it started playing the radio. Then I tried again, and it turned off completely. Then I hurt myself on the door while walking out. So that was quite the adventure. I'm gonna go sleep now. Goodnight! Hey, I'm back again. My computer BSOD'd while writing this, so I have to start this section over again. That's why you save your work, kids! Before I had to start over again, I was talking about languages. Yes, I decided to bring that topic back after a while. But I no longer want to talk about it. Why? Because it'll probably bore you to death. That is assuming you're reading this at all. Who knows, maybe absolutely zero people will read this within the span of the universe's existence. But I doubt that. There's gotta be someone who'll find this text and dedicate their time to reading it, even if it takes thousands of years for that to happen. What will happen to this LTE in a thousand years? Will the entire internet dissapear within that time? In that case, will this text dissapear with it? Or will it, along with the rest of what used to be the internet, be preserved somewhere? I'm thinking out loud right now. Well, not really "out loud" because I'm typing this, and you can't technically be loud through text. THE CLOSEST THING IS TYPING IN ALL CAPS. Imagine if I typed this entire text like that. That would be painful. I decided to actually save my work this time, in case of another crash. I already had my two past attempts at an LTE vanish from existance. I mean, most of this LTE is already stored on Neocities, so I probably won't need to worry about anything. I think I might change the LTE page a little. I want the actual text area to be larger. I'm gonna make it a very basic HTML page with just a header and text. Maybe with some CSS coloring. I don't know. Screw it, I'm gonna do it. There, now the text area is larger. It really does show how small this LTE is so far compared to FlamingChicken or Hermnerps. But at least I made the background a nice Alice Blue. That's the name of the CSS color I used. It's pretty light. We're getting pretty close to the 1/10 mark! That's the point where we're one tenth of the way to making this the longest text ever, meaning all I have to do is write the equivalent of everything I've already written so far nine more times! Not gonna make any promises, though. How come every time I try to type "though", it comes out as "thought"? Why do I always type the extra T? It's so annoying that I have to delete the T every time. Okay, only mildly annoying. Not as annoying as I previously described. I apologize for my exaggeration of the annoyance level of me typing "thought" instead of "though". I just realized that most of the games I play are games that I've been playing for at least six years. I started playing Garry's Mod in 2013, Minecraft in whatever year version 1.2.3 came out. Now I have to look that up. March 2, 2012. So I started playing Minecraft approximately during that time. Wow, seven years ago! Coincidentally, I was also seven years old then. I remember the days of 2012-13. That was when I still played Roblox and made terrible YouTube videos. I was called "Infinite Budgets" back then. I also remember the days of 2016. A lot of people thought that was a terrible year, but for me personally, it brings me a lot of nostalgia because I talked a lot with my online friend at the time, and I did livestreams on YouTube and stuff. It was fun. 2016 was also when I got the phone that I still have to this day. Yup, my phone is three years old. My life was completely different when I got this phone: I was 11 years old, my YouTube channel actually had activity, and I wasn't writing this text. I'm currently writing this in the car. We are on out way to the dollar store. And since I'm writing this on my phone, I'm making a lot more typos than usual. Some of them might make it through, so be prepared for that. Anyways, we appear to be getting close to the dollar store. I have a gift card for that place. I think so anyways, it might be for a different store... Yup, this dollar store is different. Oh well. My sister has an obsession with sponges. I'm sure she's gonna find the sponges and go crazy over them. Why does she like sponges so much? No idea. She just found a bag of tiny baby dolls, and she wants to put them in ice cubes and call it "Ice Ice Baby". She is truly a strange human being. My sister also has an obsession with stuffies. She has such an addiction, that she's banned from them. Now she found the wigs and she's considering buying one. She's been looking at them for quite a while now. We're out of the dollar store, and now we're going to the computer store. I have no idea why we're here. I guess we just are. Now we're going home. Welp, that was a fun adventure. Stay tuned for more fun adventures as you read through this LTE. I should go now. Bye! Hello again. I made a private world on OurWorldOfText for my sister and I, but she doesn't want to join it. She doesn't think it'll be fun. Now I'm just editing it alone. How sad. But oh well. Now I'm here adding more to this text. I once made a Discord server specifically for a language called "Bo", where the only word is "bo". I made it almost four months ago, and somehow, it's still going. People are still spamming nothing but "bo" there. It's great. I also once made a server where you're not allowed to use any vowels. It was a very strange server. I deleted it after some time though, so all that insanity is no more. I also used to own a Pig Latin server, but it got inactive so I deleted that too. We had some good memories in that server though. Now there's a new Pig Latin server, but it's not owned by me. Dang, my YouTube channel has been dead for so long. I haven't posted a video in a year. I want to revive it, but I don't know what to post there. I'll figure it out. I doubt my channel will ever go back to it's 2016 legacy, but I'm sure I'll post something eventually. Random fact of the day: there are thirty-nine question marks so far in this text. Am I about to make it forty? Yes, I just did. Now the fact I initially stated is no longer true. Or is it? Because I said "so far" in the fact, that implies that we're talking about the moment that fact was said, disregarding any future events. Now I'm pretty sure that fact is still technically true. Welp, I guess I should just accept that I'm editing that world of text alone for the rest of my life. I originally put a bunch of complaining in there, but I deleted it all. The thing is, now that world will never be same without all of that complaining about my sister not being here. But that's fine. Hey, I just had a cool realization. Basically, there's this conlang (constructed language, for those not in the know) server where we have a Sentence of the Week activity. In this activity, someone posts a text with a maximum of nine sentences, then people translate it into their own conlangs. My realization is this: if we take nine sentences from this LTE every week, there would be a whole year of sentences for people to translate. There are approximantly 523 sentences in this LTE. Divide that by 9 sentences each week, and you get 58 weeks worth of sentences, which is approximantly the number of weeks in a year. Quick maths. I actually suck at math, but that's besides the point. I should go now. Goodbye! Hello, I'm back again. I really need to come up with different hello and goodbye messages, because I've already said "Hello, I'm back again" once before. Same with the "I should go now. Goodbye!" I said at the end of the previous section. I was going to explain what a "section" is, but I'm terrible at explaining things, so I'm not going to anymore. I guess you'll just have to figure it out yourself. It's probably not very hard to figure out, anyways. I guess I can just say that a section starts with me saying hello, and ends with me saying goodbye. That should be enough explaination, now that I think about it. Hey, do you ever feel like you never have any idea what you're talking about? That's my entire life. I just summarized it all in one sentence. On an unrelated note, I feel like half this LTE is just me talking about the LTE itself. I mean, press CTRL+F on this webpage, then type "LTE". Look at all the times I use it in this text! Not counting the 'lte' in the word 'multe', of course. Dang, now the search results will include that, too. Anyways, half of this text is just me talking about how I'm trying to get this text to be the longest. Well, the longest LTE, anyways. I still have a long way to go. I'm only 12.7% of the way there. I mean, minus the four month gap, my estimation is that I've only been writing this for not even two weeks. So it makes sense that this LTE isn't very long yet. Whenever I look at this webpage, it looks long at first glance, but the longer I look at it, the more I realize how short it actually is. It's something that I can't explain. For real this time. I just realized that none of this is helping the fact that half this LTE is about the LTE itself. I should bring up a new topic, but I don't feel comfortable talking about much else. Why? Because, like I said, I never have any idea what I'm talking about. Most of this LTE is just me talking about LTEs or languages. Sometimes furries, but I don't wanna go back into that territory at this point. But it doesn't matter, because I'm still gonna write this LTE for as long as possible, even if it means talking about the same things half the time. Also, LEARN VIESA! Haven't said that in a while, so I might as well bring it back. The documentation for Viesa is on this very website, so go ahead and read it! You might need to know some linguistic knowledge to understand it, though. In fact, you probably won't understand most of it unless you know some amount about lingusitics, so you have been warned. If Viesa is too much for you, Pig Latin will probably be better for you. If it's so easy that kids can learn it, you can too! It's a language you can learn in probably five minutes, so why not give it a try? You may also enjoy Ubbi Dubbi, where you place 'ub' before every vowel sound. It's also a very easy language to learn, although not quite as popular. The thing is, none of these are even real languages. They're just codes, and very simple codes at that. You could probably crask Pig Latin or Ubbi Dubbi rather easily. Viesa too, actually. But I still enjoy them occasionally, even if Pig Latin and Ubbi Dubbi are inefficient and easy to crack, and Viesa is easy to crack yet unneccesarily difficult. I do make real languages, but I never put in the effort to learn them to fluency. At least I make them at all. Here's a fun game: I will open up a random page from a book, and tell you the first word I see. English. That's the word. Stay tuned for more fun games as you read through this LTE. We're back, and we're gonna play the same game as before. Ready? Subject. Now we're gonna do it again. Reading. And again. Itself. Constituent. Grammar. Colloquial. Black. Outline. Add. About four of those words were language related. You'll never guess why! (Spoiler alert: it's a conlanging book). I'm running out of ideas now. I'm just gonna generate a random word and try to talk about it. Forbid. That's the opposite of "allow", I'm pretty sure. I don't really know what else to say. Well, I guess I failed at generating a topic I could talk about. You know what's weird? My favorite word hasn't been used once in this entire text. I'm about to change that forever. Epic. Yup, my favorite word is "epic". I use it on a regular basis. I say "That's epic" all the time. It's a word I can't live without. Hey, I've now written more of this text after the 4 month gap than before it! Just thought I'd share that fact. Also, I'm gonna try and write as much as possible in this LTE today. I've already written more today than the day I first said I was gonna write as much as possible, so that's a good sign. The thing is, I don't know what to write about. I need to write about something, otherwise I won't write at all and I won't accomplish my goal. Wait, what goal should I set? How many characters should I write today? I'm gonna try and get 10,000 characters. I've already written almost 5,000 today, so from here I just have to write the equivellant of everything I've already written today. I'm just gonna try it and see if I make it. Maybe sometime in the future I'll do a bigger goal, like 15,000 or even 20,000 in one day. Actually, I don't know if 20,000 would even be possible for me. It might be, but it sounds like somewhat of a stretch for me to write that much in a single day. We'll see how long 10,000 takes, though. I'm already doing a bad job at this. I haven't typed anything here in several minutes. I need a topic. Um, Vabungula, I guess? Basically, it's a conlang created by Bill Price in 1965. It amazes me how one can work on a single conlang for that long. Most of the conlangs I start making die after 15 minutes. Anyways, I really like it because... um, I don't know, actually. There's not really anything about it that's super interesting (other than how long it's existed), it's just his personal conlang. Maybe it's the amount of development that went into it. It has over 5,000 dictionary entries and several texts written in the language. I'm sure most people reading this don't care about my language related talk, but I gotta make this long. I'm desperate to reach my 10,000 character goal. I've got 4,000 to go. I just found a website that generates random art from a seed. I just put this entire text as the seed, and it generated something quite nice. I would put the picture here, but I want this LTE to be nothing but text, so I won't do that. I've been playing with this for a while now. Many of the seeds produce boring pictures, but some of them are nice. For example, I just used "e" as the seed and it produced a nice looking picture. "a" looks nice too, arguably nicer. I've been using nothing but the word "nice" to describe these pictures. Maybe it's time to get a bigger vocabulary? "b" looks, um, good? I don't have the right vocabulary for this. I also don't feel like doing every single letter, because the pictures take some time to generate. But if you want to do it for yourself, just go to random-art.org and try it out! By the way, this is another website I found through pointlesssites.com. You know, the same website that lead me to the FlamingChicken LTE, which lead me to begin writing this whole thing. But what made me discover pointlesssites.com? Vsauce mentioned it. But what made me discover Vsauce? YouTube Reccomendations, probably. But what made me discover YouTube? As far as I remember, my dad showed it to me when I was 6. So I would like to thank my dad for being the reason I started writing this. He's the one who showed me YouTube, which reccomended me Vsauce, which mentioned pointlesssites.com, which brought me to the FlamingChicken LTE, which inspired me to start my own LTE. If he had never shown me YouTube, I wouldn't be here writing this text, and you wouldn't be reading it. Well, that's probably not true, because I probably would have discovered YouTube by other means, thus leading me to Vsauce, leading me to Vsauce, leading me to pointlesssites.com, leading me to the FlamingChicken LTE, leading me to... okay, I really need to stop now. I've gone too far. But you know what I haven't gone too far with? This LTE. I don't think I even can go too far with writing this text. Unless this text gets so long that it surpasses the 1GB storage limit of Neocities. In which case, I'll need to upgrade to Supporter in order to get a 50GB storage limit. But what if the text gets so long that is surpasses that? I don't think I'll ever make it there. I mean, 50GB is about 50 trillion characters. So I think we're good. I still need to get to 10,000 by the end of today. I've got 1,500 to go. Currently watching a livestream. It's reminding me of when I used to livestream back in 2016. I still kinda miss those days. But at the same time, I was quite awkward and had zero social skills, so I'm not sure if I'd want to go back. At this point, everything I've written today is longer than what can fit on the screen at once. At least on my computer screen. It probably changes with different screen resolutions and devices. But anyways, it's pretty unusual for that much of the LTE to be written in a single day. I don't want to pressure myself into writing this much every day, though. Last time I forced myself to complete a certain amount of something every day, it was overwhelming and I ended up losing motivation, thus letting down all my fans who were anticipating the August 30th, 2016 release date. Okay, the amount of eager fans was probably a number you could count on one hand, but still. By the way, if you're wondering what this "something" was, it was GoAnimated Garbage: The Movie, which was supposed to be an hour long episode of a series I made to make fun of random GoAnimate videos. In case you're not the type of person who knows what GoAnimate is... hoo boy. Basically, it's a drag-and-drop animation website infamous for the "grounded videos" that people made with it, among other types of videos. It's this whole community that I neither can explain nor want to explain. But I had somewhat of an association with that community back in the day. On my YouTube channel, I used to make a genre of GoAnimate video known as the "OS video". Typically an OS video is where some sort of hated character within the GoAnimate community forcefully installs their operating system onto a user's computer, and the user has to deal with this OS until they eventually find a way to "destroy" it. I made five of these videos. In chronological order: Caillou OS, Boots OS, Franklin OS, Little Bill OS, and Crap OS X. Caillou OS is the most viewed video on my main channel, which is unsurprising since Caillou is pretty much THE character associated with the GoAnimate community. When I made that video, it was a big transition for my channel. The channel's name was changed from Infinite Budgets, which had been my name since 2013 when I made crappy Roblox videos, to Allisima. All of my old videos were deleted, with the exception of my "Barney Errors", which was yet another genre of GoAnimate video. Basically, a Barney error is when a user's computer/console/whatever session is interrupted by a "Barney Error", a message informing the user that Barney has been killed, and the device must not be turned off because it's an "important message". There's also a bomb that's placed in Barney's "lair", the timer for which is displayed in the error. The user gets some amount of "chances", and every time the device is turned off, the user looses a chance and the time until the bomb explodes decreases. Eventually, the user turns off the computer enough times that there are no more chances left, the bomb explodes, and some sort of punishment happens. These punishments can range from having to downgrade your operating system, to having your computer destroyed, and in extreme cases, even to death. I once made a whole channel for Barney Errors, where I made about twenty of them before quitting. After that, I eventually quit GoAnimate all together, but I still made Crap OS X, an OS video made with Powerpoint. I also made an interactive OS parody called Windows Poop Editon, again with Powerpoint. Before that, I also made one called "Atch OS" using my old Windows XP netbook. I just checked to see if my old Weebly website still exists, since there's an Atch OS download on there and I wanted to see if it dissapeared from existence or not. Appearantly it does! I'm getting so much nostalgia from this website. It's like a window into 2016, when I had fun making these videos on a regular basis. I'm way past my 10,000 character goal now. I'm kinda glad I set this goal, but again, I'm not gonna force myself to do it everyday. I think I'm gonna stop writing for today. Bye! Hey, I'm back. Yes, that hello wasn't original either, since I already said it once. Specifically, after my sister seized the LTE and started spamming. You remember that, right? I hope you read through this whole thing instead of just picking a random part (which just happened to be this part) and reading only a tiny bit. Nah, I'm just kidding. Read this text however you want to, it doesn't matter if you read this entire text from start to finish or not. I mean, I did put some cringy stuff in here, as I keep mentioning. But it's on the Internet, and since recently, on my homepage, so I know people are gonna read it. Really the only reason I'm making this is because I have a weird obsession for writing giant walls of text. Guess what? I just added translations of this LTE into various conlangs on my website! But they're all very incomplete, and I probably won't finish them ever... I mean, if I'm gonna finish any of them, 'twill probably be the Viesa translation since it's the easiest to do.
There was this cat-fucking bird that lived on a lane by my house whose name was Charles just like every other soul, male or female, that lived on my smelly, stinky, orange, old, rotten, messy, busted cul-de-sac between Belmont and Rose which are both Gay-ass Streets Like North street or some shit that reminds me of a celebrity like Paris Hilton or some blonde loser that doesn't even know the capital of her own country, which is the united states of America aka: U.S.A which is really actually kinda dirty in the cities and the government is all corrupt and stuff kinda like that such as the country of Somalia which doesn't even Have a government, it's just in a complete state of anarchy just like my mind and soul which are both filled with outrageous nonsense that I'm typing down right now into some fat long sentence that probably makes no sense but who cares I'm trying to set some sort of weird record here like most ducks snorted or some weird thing like that and if I do set some sort of record I will be in the Guinness book of world records which was always my dream because that book has a whole bunch a cool and weird stuff in it and I would Become famous and add to the weirdness of the book like some of their records which reminds me of the Rob & Big where Rob sets all of those skateboarding Records And Big Black eats bananas and donuts and three weeks later they both get plaques saying the record they set and I want to get one of those so that's why I'm writing all of this stuff down without ever using a period or some other sentence ending mark like an exclamation point or a question mark or any other symbol that could possibly end my streak of words that is really long now and would take me a while to count just like counting sheep which is supposed to put you to sleep but it really keeps you awake because you want to keep counting and counting until you don't know what comes after trillions, but that would take Years or something because it would take a while just to count a trillion seconds or minutes would be even worse just like how ducks are worse that geese because they are more aggressive around their young unlike great white sharks which are often eaten by their mothers when they are born and the ones who do make it out alive have no mother to teach them how to hunt or whatever because none of that matters because us human beings have mothers unless they die or run off with some CEO of a big company or someone else who makes a lot of money and then they leave you with your dad and you are jealous of your friends if you have any because they have moms and you don't because your mom was some greedy pig who wanted money and sex but ended up only getting the money part and she bought drugs because she was depressed and ended up killing herself from an overdose and you wouldn't even know about it until you become some rich person and check the files somewhere and learn that she died of a overdose and you eyes get all teary and then you start crying because you know that you wouldn't be alive without that woman you called mom and I just found out right now that the longest sentence is like 10,000 words so I have a ways to go and you have to go with me so let's go to 6th gear and throw out some words like Emphysema which I had to do a report on in 4th grade because we had a ton of projects and this was the disease one and we chose diseases out of a hat and I came out with Emphysema which is a form of lung cancer which is 98% caused by smoking which reminds me of the way my dad describes smoking: "you get plant leaves, wrap them in paper, light it on fire and suck on it" which is normally a sentence but not today because I'm setting out on the quest for a long sentence that I'm typing up which reminds me of a story my grandpa told me about himself when he was "your age" about how they covered the letters on the type writers and they had to type so that they could memorize where the letters are on a type writer and my grandpa says he will never regret taking that class because it helped him out a lot when it came to typing and now a days he is not bad a typing at all because He is almost as fast as me because I am a pretty fast typer and writing this article isn't taking very long and expect being pretty far pretty soon at the pace I'm going right now so there are going to be some serious records getting busted when I'm finally finished writing this article on this dumb website which will probably end up huffing this article even though it is fun-packed and joyful and keeps the reader reading when they use that excuse to mom saying "just one more sentence" but that sentence is 10,000 words long and still continuing to go at a reasonable pace and it is going to shatter most of those long sentence records just like how the chargers are going to shatter the most consecutive years without a super bowl win record and I doubt that they will win one in the near future but they patriots are going to win some serious super bowls because they are the best team ever even better than the cowboys or 49ers and no one cares a bout them so go patriots and boo chargers even though I live in San Diego and Like the Padres I hate the Chargers because they are bad and the padres are bad too but I don't care because they are my favorite team and the dodgers are my least favorite along with the Yankees because the Yankees get a lot of money to spend and the padres and marlins get almost nothing and then the Yankees buy a-rod for a lot and the Rays get almost no money but are still fighting for first place this season without expensive players like Derek jeter or a-rod or johnny damon or whoever because they are an all around better team that can beat the Yankees even though the Yankees can beat the royals a lot who really suck because they suck more that the padres do and so do the mariners and Rockies even thought the Rockies went to the world series last year they lost and haven't stopped losing for a while now, either and they are last place in the nl west and that is where the padres used to be but they started hitting homeruns and winning games and are dong pretty good right now despite having little offense except for Adrian Gonzalez who is leading the NL in RBI's even though he is on the team who scores the least runs in the league but they are not last in homeruns though they are like 5 away or something but I'm not sure so screw that and let's talk about something fun like water or food or dirt or something but I think food is the best because their is a lot of things to talk about with food like you r favorite food which mine happens to be some spicy burrito form Chipotle mexican grill and it is very good just like this macaroni my mom made one time that had bread crumbs on top and it was very good like all of the food they serve on top chef which I wish I could be a judge for because they have a lot of good food on that show and it makes my mouth water whenever I watch it and that is why I watch it because the food is totally awesome and sometimes I hate the people but they end up getting eliminated like the Dance crews in America's Best Dance Crew which is a great show and you should watch it because people do good dancing like the jabbawockeez because they won the first season and they are very good just like supreme soul and So real crew and phresh select and super cr3w and I'm only at 1500 words right now so I have to write some serious stuff like a life biography about myself and anything I've ever done which includes going to big bear to ski, fishing, breathing, swimming, going, farting, eating, sleeping and a whole lot more stuff which reminds me of 4th grade again when my teacher was debating with the class whether "a lot" was one or two words and all of the kids including myself said one while the teacher said two and he was right and we were wrong but no one cared because we all had fun arguing about and I have fun arguing with my friends about football and not baseball because in baseball we all like the same team but in football I like the patriots and my friends like the chargers and the 49ers and the eagles and the saints but my team always woops their team's ass and they say that the patriots "cheat" and that's how they won even though the patriots just pwned their team and they suck and my team is good but we all agree when it comes to baseball because we all like the padres and we never really argue over anything in baseball which is my favorite sport and I play it and I am good a it and I want it to be my profession but I doubt that that will happen so my backup plan is being a cop because you get all of the benefits and you get paid after you retire which is good news and I would also like to be some government dude or something like that because they get the benefits too so it would be cool to work for the government which reminds me that my principal worked at the white house and taught the president email because he was the computer guy or something like that so h knows a whole bunch of computer crap like my dad and he is fat too so everyone makes fun of him and I think he huffs kittens too but I am not sure and about that and what the hell is up with all the n00b and kitten huffing on this gay ass website like all of the things like "the writer may have been huffing kittens" and stuff like that it really annoys the hell out of me just like other things such as when people clip their finger nails it makes that weird noise that get me all crazy and I hate it just like how me friend hates the sound of chalk on a chalkboard which I find soothing and relaxing but he gets really annoyed and psyched out and he is also very pale-skinned and so is the rest of his family so it must have been some genetic thing like twins and clones and whole bunch of other confusing science crap that I learned a long time ago in 7th grade or something which was when we watched movies in class like UHF which has weird al in it and it is very funny because weird al has to save a TV station with a whole bunch of weird shows like wheel of fish and rauls wild kingdom with a whole bunch of cool animals like flamingos and turtles and stuff like that but who cares lets get to the meaty part of this article which is the part where I write the longest word known to man which is Methionylthreonylthreonyl...isoleucine which is cut out because it has 189,819 words so wikipedia had to cut out the middle part and the longest word is the name of a protein which is the largest known to man to so big names go to big things is apparently the moral of this story ladies and gentleman the road doesn't stop here and I have to continue no matter what you say or think so I should just write some story now that has no periods so lets start now there was a guy named Carl who liked fish and women and he went to Clara's house and they had a good sex but that isn't enough of a story to set the record so I think I'll just stick to writing random crap which really makes no sense at all and here is some random picture
that shows a guy who has two legs and another guy who has three who is mocking the guy with two legs because he rips his flesh in disgust every night and you think about who would be dumb enough to rip their flesh instead of cut the ring off or something that doesn't involve entirely gruesome crap like that and I have another life after this one just like how cats have 9 lives I have three because I'm on my second one right now and it is great and you might think I'm a whole new person but you are thinking wrong it's just when I died I came back t life and next time I die I'll come back to life again and then when I die I'll be dead for sure which reminds me of Stephen king's book called pet sematary which is coo because people come back to life because there was a burial ground that bring people back to life if they are dead and that book is a great book and you should read it along with the Harry potter series which has magic in it and it is cool too so don't shank yourself when you are cutting that meat for dinner or you might die of massive blood loss or might just need a band aid I mean that works too or you don't even need a band aid because I don't use them and I have never gotten and infection in my life so maybe I'm lucky or have an alligator immune system or something but I don't use band aids and I don't use Neosporin on my cuts so I'm some sort of miracle I guess but I'm wasting twenty minutes of my miracle life on this retard article that I just want the Guinness book of world records to see and go that is the longest thing ever and have me in their book so I'm striving towards that goal right now and I'm not stopping until I hit at least 3000 words and then I'll do the construction thing and finish thing up tomorrow or sometime after now and I will be the author of the longest single sentence on the planet earth which will be a real accomplishment on my part so you can be real jealous right now because I am making history right in front of you and if you are still reading this I am truly impressed because this article must be getting really boring by now and maybe your not even reading this just scanning the article for periods which I'm afraid you will not find until the very end of this article which is a very, very, long way away and if you are a slow reader well sucks for you but now I have to use that construction thing and I will finish this and now I am back after a hard day at work but I'm still going now so get ready to rumble with this long thing called a sentence that is as long as Mt. Everest is tall and the Marinas Trench is deep and speaking of the ocean fish of all kinds live in the ocean such as puffer fish which are poisonous to eat if not prepared right and will make you die after and you ADMINS BETTER NOT DELETE THIS BECAUSE IT IS SOME RECORD and if you do delete it well I will have this saved and what will you do then you people who will want to delete this because you don't care about people trying to break records so don't delete this or I will boycott Uncyclopedia and will be very mad at you guys like how I am Mad at Tim for being so annoying just like Celebrities and loud people and people who don't brush their teeth which makes me think of killing myself except I wouldn't do that because I am some sort of miracle as you probably read before or not because you are tired of reading this jumble of words that are still making a grammatically correct sentence that is breaking records right now and I won't stop until you let me break some serious records like longest sentence and some other weird stuff that I might get an award for or something but I also want that Guinness record plaque that you get for setting a monster record like most consecutive noses picked with boogers in them or something completely obscure like that which is like a bunch of the articles on this website which are actually some times funny like how to solve a 1x1x1 Rubik's cube which made me laugh pretty good and the star wars one is good too so never delete those two because they are funny unlike this article because this article is more boring than funny but who cares some retard might laugh at this bundle of crap and I think that I will put that crap tag on this article so people know that this article isn't really funny but that it is long and boring like Dances with Wolves and some other long movies that you actually fall asleep during which is hard for me to do so I tend not to nut I did when I watched Dances with Wolves because it was really boring like counting sheep to a trillion or some other large number that some little kid says he wishes he had that many dollars but he will never get that many dollars because there isn't even that many in circulation right now and if there was that would be some major inflation right there so don't think you can get that much money kid because then you would not be doing this country a favor which it desperately needs I might add so instead burn money instead of make it and lower inflation rates and do everyone a favor except for the people who are already really rich and don't care about inflation and would rather drive an escalade instead of a Prius in times like this with all of the gas prices and stuff that would drive up your bill but they don't notice because they have a lot of money and don't care therefore they should die and burn in hell with all of the lawyers and other bad people on this ball we call earth that really isn't a perfect sphere because of the mountains and valleys makes it look all jagged but from space it looks like a sphere but looks may be deceiving so don't think that the world is a sphere no matter what other people say and tell them to f*** themselves when they try to convince you that the earth is really a sphere but it isn't just like how most ignorant people think that Columbus found America but he really didn't that was amerigo Vispucci and Columbus really found the Bahamas thinking they were islands outside of china and he was wrong so everyone forget Columbus and remember some other sailor like Henry Hudson who tried to find the northern passage but didn't so his crew killed him but a he was a great man any way so remember him instead of Columbus or remember William Penn who created Pennsylvania or remember your grandma or someone but not Columbus so go ahead and think that the earth is flat even though it isn't and it can have for corners if you think about it so go die and fall off a cliff or something interesting like that or at least get a life that want' to se a cool record like the one I'm setting right now so go to a pawnshop and buy a life or kill yourself and get a new one or something weird like that or I will force you to and if you are still reading this you are an amazing human because I forget most of the stuff I've written already except for the great white shark thing at the beginning of the article and I remember that I need to go see some good movies tomorrow or sometime in the near future like within a week or something but forget that I'm only at 3500 words now so lets go to 4000 and then maybe I'll call it quits because this is boring and I would rather write another article that is good and long but not all one sentence like this one so let's come up with some final five hundred words or so to say before I stop writing all of the nonsense so let's brainstorm ideas like poo, ducks, lemons, flanges, more ducks and star wars which sound about like enough and I like star wars out of there so let's talk about some fun star wars stuff like Kit Fisto who has weird tentacle things on his head and Ki-Adi-Mundi who has two brains and is on the Jedi council which is a great honor and privilege because it is and Kit Fisto gets killed by Palpatine in the 3rd movie like Mace Windu who is cool and I like his light saber because it is purple unlike the standard blue and green colors which I prefer green out of but most people seem to like the blue colors but who cares about them they like blue and green is better so you better not like blue or you are some lame person that will be lame for the rest of your life like some people who think that they are cool but are really posers and they live their life not knowing that they are continually mocked and made fun of all of the time behind their backs and that they are really dumb or something so go out and tell all of the posers you know to not be posers anymore and tell them that they should go jump in a lake or something insulting like that and make them run and cry and you can laugh at them and hope they don't tell their mom who will be mad at you so maybe you shouldn't even do that you should just laugh at them behind their backs while they live the poser life and I'm near 4000 words now so let me slow down now yeah I have about a hundred words left so let me write down the exact amount before I stop writing so let me finish this thing up by talking about donuts and their fried goodness and how they make you fat and stuff but they do taste good so you should eat them because they are good and they taste good even though you could get fat but no one cares so eat them and be happy and I am starting to near 4000 now so just be a bit patient and this has been fun guys so let me finish right about…wait for it…wait…right about….almost there….just two more…..wait….this actually isn't going to stop because I want this to keep going for a little while longer so that I can still break some record but man am I tired so I think I will actually shut up now Just kidding I wont because I'm really fat and I just can't stop hehe.second?!?! TAKE A WILD GUESS!!!! NOTHING! This wouldn't have been so bad, but at the competition they were giving away free stuff. And GUESS WHO GOT SAID FREE STUFF?!?! MY BROTHER, THAT'S WHO!!! So in the end, after spending half the year doing a competition, my brother, who did absolutely nothing, got more out of it then me. The world is unjust! Unfair! Prejudiced! Biased! Fascist! (Wait, that was autocorrected). I just needed to get my anger out. When I wrote autocorrected, it autocorrected it to autocorrect ex! That's the last time i buy an apple product. How many devices companies are fruit? There's apple obviously, and blackberry, and pear (I've seen pear shops in cities) and raspberries (as in the greatest computer of all time, raspberry pi). That could be the most expensive fruit salad ever! What would you like to order, moisuer? I'll have the fruit salad. Oui, oui. Harold! That costs $5k! So? I bet it's good! KSHHH and here's how the skit would have went if I had autocorrect on. Why would you like to order, moisture? You guys have moisture in this restaurant? that's not up to the code for restaurants. i'll have to tell the building inspector! Oh yes, anyway, I'll have the fruit salad. Out, out! Runnnn! I'm coming Harold! That waiter must have something about fruit salad! Maybe he had a bad experience as a child. Wow, I sure went off on a tangent. Do you think that it would be cool if apple made all their devices different fruit names! The iPad pro could be the watermelon, cause its so big. And the iPhone nano could be the strawberry (other berry names are trademarked) what else? A phone with a lot of space could be the peach, because the pit is like the hard-drive! (That was a bit far fetched) and the MacBook could be an orange because when you open it it it cut in the inside… Cuz laptops are like two parts… You know? (and if you cut a grape in half and put it in the microwave it will make plasma (just thought you'd like to know that)) Earbuds could be cherries because they always have the two cherries which are like the ear things! And they'd call the charger 'The Root'. Why a great idea! I will let apple use these names and I only need a 0.00000000000001% share In the company. Even though I did work hard at this. I just thought of something amazing! If you are in a shop and you see a jar of nondescript sauces (mayacamole) and it costs two bucks. TWO BUCKS!!! You know for a FACT that the shop just across town sells them for one-fifty. The shop is five minutes away. If you choose to go to the shop, then you my friend are working for minimum wage! (Except in the case that you have to walk back. If so, just buy the mayacamole at the former option( or just get salsa. It's on sale! (Which probably means that its old))) wasn't that interesting? Here's another situation. You are buying a $400,000 home (average price right now I'd say) and you think "what a steal!" And your neighbour thinks "where did i put that shotgun cartridge again? But is you think about it you are working for 1,667 weeks to pay for that! (Assuming 8 hours a day, five days a week at minimum wage) That's 32 YEARS! Let's say you work for 12 hours a day, seven days a week for $20 an hour, that's still 238 weeks! That's still five years! Just buy a camper van for goodness sake! I just got to thinking; how many tiny changes would a cereal company have to make to earn twice as much from a box of cereal? (Assuming people still bought the same amount ( I think I can trust the general population)) it turns out that if we want to double the profits by decreasing things by ten percent, we would have to do it seven times. Which means instead of selling these cornflakes: Box height: 1 meter; Box length: 1 meter; Box width: 1 meter; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 100%; Percent of box filled with bag: 100%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 100%; Production cost: 10 cents; they could sell these: Box height, width & length: 0.9 meters; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 90%; Percent of box filled with bag: 90%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 90%; Production cost: 9 cents; they would make double the profits! Hooray! Well that's that. You know how people always have weird names on the interweb? Well I came up with Internet name generator! (Random adjective)(Random noun)(Use a deck of cards for this part. Take out the jokers and face cards, and tens are now zeros. Pick out numbers until you get a club) additional things include: (pick a card. If it is three or lower, put X at the start and end)(pick a card. If it is an ace, replace noun with random country. If it is a two, replace noun with Internet related company + fan.) let me try this. Here is what I got: FoulSoup31, XxInternalAle10xX, StrengthenedFillet49458, MediocreElectrode20, and EpicRedditFan7515. That was a lot more accurate than I thought it would be. Bye. Hello! I need to rant more! I am going to start a sentence without knowing where it is leading. I wish I could buy a mocha for my clown pants while aliens eat your toes which glisten in the sliver of wind. That was fun. Why is orange so popular? There are SO MANY WORDS that don't rhyme with other words too, like engine, silver and angry (hangry isn't a real word as far as I know). And people know that orange rhymes with "door hinge"! Some people say that doesn't count. But there is another! Sporangia! Well, it's pretty close. I think it's like fern spores. Well remember, whenever you see the color orange, type #boycottorange, so people stop taking pictures of orange things. For Halloween, people will carve watermelons instead of pumpkins. Trump will no longer be president because of his orange skin. Oranges (the fruit) will be replaced by reds! (The soon to be fruit). The sun will disappear, or if we want to not go extinct, just change its color to blue. I have a map of Europe on my wall, which has the countries in different colors. BEWARE IF YOU LIVE IN: The UK, Spain, Hungary, Latvia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece, Denmark and Armenia. You guys will soon disappear off the face of the earth. And my favourite pop is club orange! Nooooo! And Jupiter will disappear too! Now that I think about it, losing orange things wouldn't be that bad compared to other colors. Like blue. We would lose water, blue paint, the second book in the Rust comic book series, the sky, Pluto and that one triple angry bird. That would be awful. In section 255 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it STATES that the king of oddly colors farm animals (me again) will never make all blue things disappear, but he may make all orange things disappear. Now you guys don't have to worry! :)! Why are kings higher than queens in a deck of cards? That's really sexist! People think that king is worth thirteen and queens are worth twelve! (If you can't tell, I'm mocking that people that get offended by everything). Why do vegetarians worry about hurting animals, but not plants!?!? Plants have feelings too (I think)! In fact, vegetarians kill MORE than carnivores. Instead of a whole family eating a chicken, if they are all vegetarians, then they will probably kill hundreds of plants! Think about THAT, people! In this whole LoTeEv, I have probably offended a lot of you guys. Sorry bout that. In section 1029384756 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that if the mug of oddly colored farm animals (me again) offends any reader, he is sincerely sorry *citation not needed because of section 12345679 of the RFSH*. Why are the money symbols not consistent? Like there's €uros, ¥en and £ounds. But why $ollars? Maybe it's supposed to be dollar$. That makes more sense. Now I won't get that nervous eye twitch every time I see that symbol. "Hey look, I just found this ten dollar bill on the ground! Hey why the flop is he doing that?" "It's just… a Thing that he does…" "Oh." "I have a great idea for this! Whenever he gets near money his eye twitches! That means we can find money on the ground just by watching him!" And that's how I lost all my friends. It turns out that was the only reason they liked me. Wait what is this ?? That is so ?eird. Goodbye. I'm back! Hahahaha gotcha! I was just kidding about that. But you would have never known that! I'm going to try to make words using only the top row of letters. Hmmmm… Lets see. Tip, rip, port, type, write, writer, typewriter. Fascinating. I'm going to make a fake movie trailer. Using only words. Here we go: [Have you ever…]{scene of old woman churning milk}[wanted to…]{scene of older woman churning what is now cream(the reason she is older is not because it is a different person, but because we filmed it after}[churn your own butter?!?!]{scene of even older woman churning what is now butter (the reason she is even older is because we got a new actor because the other one retired (she used to put tires on her vehicle, and now she does it again))}[This is a great movie, if you are an IDIOT]["this is a great movie"][i had popcorn while I watched this movie, and I really enjoyed it, it soothed the pain of having to watch that movie]["I really enjoyed it, it really soothed"][i actually really enjoyed the movie!][wait… What? You know we're not paying you guys right? Oh. Anyway, "I actually really enjoyed the movie!"][while being on an oil rig?!?!]{well… No, but anyway (shows a picture of an old woman churning butter which is thick and black and worth a lot more than butter)}[Coming soon to you][this summer][and fall][and winter as well][lets just add spring too][The Lard of the Rigs] That was actually fun! {Warning: if you use this movie name you will BE SUED actually now that I think about it you probably won't. In fact, if you DO actually make this into a movie, send it to me} Do you guys think I'm random enough? I really hope so! In section 5647382910 of the RAFLUSHE – I can't remember. That challengey things name. But anyway, make that movie. Plz. I'm board. And not just any old barn-wood planks, mind you, but a board of fine stained oak as the flooring in the White House. By!!! I'm back! No, just kidding, I'm front! I have a topic that I'm actually very serious about. Puzzles. Am I the only one that thinks that puzzles are the most useless thing in the world?!?! That's like the PROOF that the human race have made it too far. When we actually make challenges that we have to face OURSELVES, AND WE PAY FOR THEM! We are literally paying to give ourselves problems! We have enough problems! Well at least I do ;). Probprobprobprobleeeeeemsomomo! I'm going to type something about politics to sound super cool. As you know, recently president Obama (That was like years ago) oh… Sozsozsoz. As you know, recently president Nixon (no, that's not exactly right) Oh yea, I forgot. As you know, recently president Lincoln (ARGH! We are not doing this anymore) was a president before Donald (finally) Duck! (Nooooo! It's TRUMP) What? No! You think you're SOOO smart person who talks in the brackets. Actually, trump is a businessman in that show where he says YOU'RE FIRED!!! What, you probably also think that a bodybuilder actor that says "GEAT TOUW THAE CHAEOPPAER" is a governor too!?! Hahahaha… Donald Duck was a great president. His slogan was "I will fight for american democrats" and he bathes in gold. What a great job. Money is so dirty though! Now that I think about it, he probably gets the money wholesale from the mint. Or else, how could he afford it?! I have a new segment in my text now! It's called the "Random Fun Fact" segment! (Now that I think about it, I never know when to use those ". I think it's "" when someone is talking and " for saying something sarcastically or shortening a word. For example: "Hello there Chuckie! How'ya doing 'nice guy'. Were you being sarcastic? Yes, but how could you see the little apostrophes when I'm talking to you?… Science." And that's how they work) where was I? Random fax! I will send all of my readers a fax with has facts on in! How brilliant! The facts of the paragraph are… Ice cream was invented in china, something that is 'blue' (got it right there!) Is actually every color BUT blue, and I like cheese. And the country of the paragraph is… Mexico! Why not, right? Did you ever wonder how records work? (Just in case you don't know, a record is a thingy where you put a round black thing on a majig and it puts a sharp whatchamacallit on that and funny rhythmic sound emerge and tickle your ear holes) I know how they WORK, with ridges and diaphragms and blah Blah BLah BLAh BLAH… But how do they WORK?!?! Like who was sitting there in their layzboy having diet Pepsi (or popsee to avoid copyright infringement (and that's when I checked my forehead, and sure enough, there was a mint there)) And then they realise… Hey! Bumpy things can make sounds! I just can't get my head around it (clockwise is my preference). Do you ever wonder what the worst collections are in the world? I currently collect words, pins and the "to kill a mockingbird" series (not much work ( besides the fact that I have to give them (it) back to the library by tomorrow morning ( the last time I will ever bring a library book late again is when I borrowed the book entitled 'How to sharpen a pencil for dummies' (Don't blame me! It was the 'Extended and revised' edition! They had all the technical 'lead vs. graphite' stuff added.) an they called out my name over the loudspeaker telling me to return the book immediately or I would be fired (yes, I worked at the library (I never could figure out the Dewey decimal system)). Now that I think about it, they never said what book to bring, they just said my name. Oh no, I never handed in the 'how to sharpen a pen for dummies' book! (Which I rate a 3/5, "would not borrow again" because of its poor layout and overall structure (although the information was altogether helpful)) what collections do YOU have reader? Find out next time on "deer or no deer!" (Remember forehead sweets) oh no! I wrote how to kill a mocking bird! I meant 'pow do gill hamma (hammer) king turd'. Phew. Got outta that one. I have a new topic! A high-quality, name-brand, box-not-bag topic! I figured out a great business plan! Make onsies! Not just out of clothes, but out of everything! Like: Did you eat two bowls of granola this morning? Well ONSIE! [poured granola into one bowl, causing it to be crushed under its own weight] do you have two hands? Well ONSIE! [handshakes himself] Do you have twins? Well ONSIE! [wait… How is this supposed to work?] Get yours now at your local Amazon (which might not be very accessible if you don't live in South America) for a free trial! *happy tune* Onsie, Onesie! Life is better with a onsie. Spin a web, less than two. ONSIE! (I think that was to the tune of Spider-Man (I mean Smiter-Can) Onsies only cost… Whatever you want them to cost! Yeah, I think i'm going to go now. Baiii! Wait.. What? When did i wrote that ONSIE thing?? I just came back and I do not remember doing that. What the hat does 'Spin a web, less than two" even mean? That is some weird stuff. So today I listened to that radio station again, and it was totally worth it. He was talking about these married people in Germany that are going to a Walking Dead convention for their 17th anniversary. Weird. Weird, weird, WEIRD!!! You know guitar tuna? Probably not. It is an app where you tune your guitar (obviously). I thought of how they could make so much more money! If they had bass tuna, electric guitar tuna, acoustic guitar tuna. BUT THEY WOULD ALL BE THE SAME THING!!! They would make so much money! Wait. What about canned tuna! (Also, if they thought in that way, then bass tuna would be extremely perplexing because they are both fish). Well, that's my stuff for today! Hallo! I'm back! And I don't get house decorations nowadays. People put old stuff in their house, and they think it makes it look amazing! People always talk about that 'Vintage Look' which is just putting old stuff that people fifty years ago would have said "why do you have a *fill in the blank with an old thing* in your HOUSE?!?!" In their house. I should rant. Like what I'm doing now. I'm just talking about random things just like the flaming chicken person does just to fill up space on the page. I should also write long words like pnumonoultramicrkscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and disestablishmentarianism . Actually, since it only matters for words count, I should just type really small words. Hi, my name is jo. (Its not actually, but I need to type small words). I eat a lot of pie and I love it too. It is yum in my tum. Wow that was probably really boring to read (and to write). Hello there, reader! I've just decided that I want to talk to you. I always seem to do all of the talking, but maybe I should give you a chance! *really really long drawn out super weird and uneventful awkward silence*. Oh I see what's happening. Either you can't talk to me because you are in the future and I'm in the past, causing us to not be able to communicate due to the sad reality that is the third dimension, or… Your trying to talk to me on a walkie-talkie! I could never figure out those things either. They're so confusing. Lets see… Oh, there it is! The 'walkie-talkie almanac: a complete collection of all the knowledge YOU will need to acquire (did you know acquire is also a board game? If you are ever playing, always buy America, and then buy quantum stocks (well it worked that one time I played (are you saying that games are DIFFERENT every time you play them!?!? (That's the last time I mesmerise fifty-three rounds of go fish))) to use your very own… WALKIE-TALKIE! (well what else would the walkie-talkie almanac be about!?!?) lets see… Contents… It says the contents page is on page 1… Wait – WHAT?!?! The contents page has a line for the contents page! That's like a website having a link to itself! (Which is not a bad idea for my own website to get a lot of views (like I could a a tab on my website called "the best sites on the web! And I would have links to places like YouTube and twitter (or whatever you young'uns go to these days! When I was a lad I used to play 'Pokémon Pearl' and