We had pulled into the garage and were piling out. I followed Carter, Autumn, and Clara into the house. I sat in the living room as they fluttered about the house, making phone calls and pulling books from the library. I wondered what they would find. In the heat of the moment, I was worried I might have to give up this tiny shred of a life I had just recently acquired. But now, I was starting to see this as an opportunity. It was a chance to be on the front lines, with the hunters. It was a way to search for answers to my own nature with resources I would never have if I continued the way I had been the last two years.
I could maintain a lower profile, although I didn't know how much more possible that was from what I was already doing. But I could try. I could kill further away from town and make sure the bodies were scattered far enough that no one could trace them back to St. Louis. I had to do it. I needed to do it. If I did, I could stay in the family for a while longer.
Autumn came to me in the living room, "Sorry, this is all we have at the moment." She handed me a glass of the same red juice she drank just a few days earlier. Strangely, it made me feel close to her. I felt comfortable in their home, even with them all buzzing about. It reminded me of my own family. Memories began to surface, and I winced at the pain and loss, fighting them back as usual.
"Thanks…" I didn't know what I was supposed to do while everyone else paced through the house, so I just sat and drank the sour juice.
Autumn smiled at me and nodded, and then she was off.
It was weird, but I felt like a kid again. The adults were doing big, complicated things while I sat quietly, waiting, since I didn't know what was going on or how I was supposed to help. I laughed under my breath, struggling to contain an escaping, amused grin. It was funny to me how stirred up everyone was. All the while, the killer that they were searching for was right in their living room, drinking cranberry juice no less. It was ironic.
I was leaning forward, elbows on my knees, just waiting. Clara kept shooting glances over in my direction while she talked to Wayland on the phone. She muttered something to a passing Eleanor. They had all been gathering bestiaries and other ancient-looking books while making phone calls. I heard all of the conversations as I waited. The Chasse family was all on their way over as Carter tried to get a hold of the Wicklows. I wondered if they were still out of town or if they had already made it back from visiting their family.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Eleanor apologized for keeping me waiting. "We're all a little wrapped up with this thing right now. We haven't forgotten about you, I promise," she gave a caring smile.
"Oh no, it's fine… really. This seems like kind of a big deal," I assured her. "I'm assuming this doesn't happen often…"
"No, it's not often we uncover something we haven't run into before. Usually, our bestiaries will have something, so we're going to go through them all just in case," Eleanor said.
"The vampire, Martin, said he didn't know what it could be either. Is that weird? Carter seemed… concerned."
"Yeah, it's strange. Martin is very old, and he has seen a lot in his years. For him not to know, it's… unsettling." She had a dark thought fester in her mind. I could see it behind her eyes. She forced a smile to hide it.
"So, what is going on exactly?" I looked around at all of the movement, trying to get more details.
"We're trying to make contact with the other families. The Wicklows, the Talbots, and a few others we know. We're searching."
"Searching?"
"Yep, searching for any old text, any old story, anything that someone might have heard over the years. Between our family, the Wicklows, and the Talbots, we have a vast collection of knowledge. Although we share our information, some families have better-kept records on different creatures. That's why we need to get everyone together," she explained.
"I thought the Talbots weren't a part of your hunting family, or whatever you call it," I asked, confused.
"Their role in our family is… less than it used to be. But when we need them, they always come. It was their family that exiled themselves after they were cursed, not us."
"Wait… they were cursed? How's that?" I asked.
"Well, how did you think they were turned into werewolves?" Eleanor laughed.
I actually hadn't thought about the details yet, "I don't know." I joined her, chuckling. "I just assumed if you got bit, you'd turn," I said, thinking of my own brutal attack. But I wasn't even sure that's what turned me. It could have been more than just the bite of the monster.
She continued laughing lightly, trying to stop smiling. I could see similar features in her face that reminded me of Autumn when she laughed.
Just then, Autumn returned from around the small wall that separated the living room and kitchen.
"What are you two laughing at?" Autumn grinned at her mother. She looked at me, tilting her head to the side.
"Sam was being funny. I was telling him about the Talbots and how they became werewolves," Eleanor said.
"Oh… that…" Autumn quickly went straight-faced. "Actually, I think Uncle Frank is about to be here," she warned her mother.
"Ah, I see," Eleanor halted the story. "Well, it's going to be hectic down here for a while, so why don't you take Sam upstairs for now. Give him a tour of the rest of the house. Then maybe you can fill him in on the Talbots. He should know if he is going to stay with us," she suggested to Autumn.
"Come with me," her smile looked mischievous.
I rose excitedly from the couch, ready to follow Autumn. I trailed behind her on our way up to the second floor. Her scent was infecting my mind, creeping into my nose and mouth. I sucked down as much of it as I could. It was very distracting.
We came to the top of the twisting staircase, and she began our little tour. We stood at an intersection of two halls, one went left, and the other went straight.
"This is a little living area here," she pointed to the first opening on the left. It had a large comfy chair and a couple of loveseats around a large coffee table. "This is where I usually study."
We walked down the hallway straight out of the stairs. She pointed to the rooms on the right first. "This is the master bed and bath here. Mom and Dad's obviously," then we turned left at the end, and she pointed to the other side, "This is a utility closet and the upstairs bathroom." We continued down the hall, "This is our guest room, and at the end is my dad's office."
We poked our heads into the dark office. It was lined with books around a desk centered in the middle, holding a laptop.
We turned left again. "This is our laundry room here." She moved quickly past it. I thought I caught a glimpse of some underwear sitting on top of the dryer. The quickness of her stride suggested they were hers. I smirked to myself.
We turned left, again, down the hallway that went back to the stairs at the end, coming full circle.
"This is my room," Autumn said, pointing to a closed door. She opened the door and stepped in, all but closing the door on me. "Sorry, can you give me a second. It's a mess in here."
"Yeah," I chuckled.
She shuffled around, bouncing back and forth across her large room. I heard her closet doors fold open, and then clothes being snatched up from all across the floor. Then, they were thrown deep into the shadows of the closet.
The door swung open fiercely, revealing a slightly out-of-breath Autumn. She was smiling and holding her arm out, inviting me in.
"This is my room," she said, "well, my room when I stay here. Sorry, it's a little messy." She continued organizing things as I walked in.
"Where else do you stay?" I asked with a quick charge of jealousy ripping through me. I hoped it wasn't with Patrick.
"I have a dorm room on campus. I usually stay here, but sometimes I'll sleep there if I have a lot of studying to do."
Relief swept over me. The jealousy was gone, but in its place was a personal embarrassment. I was flustered. I didn't have the right to feel these things about this girl. I had no claim on her, no real relationship, just the imagination that I had conjured since meeting her. Even those fantasies were wrong… and I knew it.
"Oh," I accepted.
She jumped on top of her bed and leaned back against the headboard. She pointed to the chair sitting just beside her bed, in front of a small work desk. I sat down, watching her watching me.
Everything about her was beautiful and entrancing. Her deep, calculating eyes hid behind her smile, analyzing me. I don't know if it was me or the monster, but I wanted to jump across the space that separated us and grab her. I didn't know what I would do after that, I just wanted to touch her, be close to her. Her body was equally as distracting as her eyes as she stretched out across the bed. Her muscles were tight and toned beneath her flesh. I could almost see the aroma coming from her skin, the scent was so strong. I could feel my face and ears getting hot as my blood surged harder with every second. I looked down, as subtly as I could, to keep myself in control.
"So, what's your deal?" she asked quickly.
It took me by surprise, "What do you mean?" I looked back up.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "That came off rude. I just mean… are you really sticking around?"
Her phrasing made me happy. Was I going to stay with them? I wanted nothing more. Well, not at the moment anyway. I twisted around in my mind as I tried to purge the inappropriate thoughts from my mind.
"Yeah… I think so," I answered.
"So, you're not too freaked out about all of this?"
"No," I shook my head. "Should I be?"
She laughed, "Yes!" She quickly amended, "I mean… It's just… you're taking all this so well. We all talk about it. Ever since we met you the other night. This all seems second nature to you, like you've been around it for years. Especially how you killed your first vampire and didn't even hesitate. Most people lock up around the things we fight."
"It was easy. I knew he was trying to kill Carter and your uncles, so I killed him." I tried to make it seem simple.
She had a thankful look behind her eyes.
"We've just never met anyone who was so easily brought into all of this. Usually, there is a lot of confusion, fear, and denial, and then we never see them again. But… not you."
She stared into my eyes again. It looked like she was searching for something. I wanted to move close to her.
"So, you thought I wouldn't stick around?" I asked.
"We thought you might have been in shock the first night. Then, when you left the other day, we weren't sure you were coming back."
"What did you think when I called your dad this morning?" I chuckled.
"Excited," she answered too fast. "I mean… we all were." Her face flushed.
"Well, I'm glad I came back," I said, stretching back into the chair.
"We are, too. I know this is all going so fast, and we haven't really gotten to show that much yet, but my whole family really likes you. We want you here with us," she said, sincerity in her voice.
The monster was being overtaken by the side of me that usually didn't surface. It was my human side. It was the right side, not the dead husk I walked around as to keep the monster caged within. They wanted me there, and she wanted me there. I never dreamed I would be close to anything like this before. Not since becoming the killer that I was.
"It's okay. I know I'll learn as I go. I pick up a lot just by watching you guys."
"Once everything settles down, we'll start training you," she wiggled her eyebrows, grinning.
I laughed at her excitement, "What kind of training?"
She mockingly looked at the ceiling like she was thinking hard, "Shooting, silver molding, ward script, knife fighting, hand to hand… whatever you want to learn."
"Hand to hand," I looked at her, sizing her up. She looked strong and capable, but I couldn't imagine her fighting to the death with a supernatural creature. I liked the thought of her staying far away, as overwatch for the others.
She smirked, "You don't think I could take you?" She shot out a hand, shoving my shoulder back playfully.
It felt amazing, just to feel her touch, even if she was trying to instigate me into a fight.
I put my hands up in surrender and laughed, "Oh no, I think you can take care of yourself."
"Oh, come on, that's no fun," she grinned.
I thought that it might just be me again, but it seemed like she was flirting. I had been on my own for too long to really tell. I felt like a fifteen-year-old kid, stumbling around in my mind, trying to figure out this girl.
She sat up straight on her bed, just sitting on the edge in front of me.
"So, what's the deal with the Talbots? If you don't mind me asking?" I tried to change the subject, too unsure of what I would do if we continued on our current path.
She took a deep breath, getting serious, "Well… It's definitely complicated. It's really only one part of a bigger story, our story, of how we came into this life. I'll try and keep it as simple as I can." She slid down her mattress to sit on the floor, resting her back against the side of her bed.
Her smallest movements stirred her aroma through the air. It was hard to focus on anything but the shifts of her body, her slow, deep breathing, and the watchful gaze of her eyes.
"So, a long time ago, our family found out about the things that we hunt today. We learned more over time, but the first blight that they encountered was the vampires," she said.
"When was this?" I asked.
"In the 1820s," she said. "Our family lived in a small village, east of Paris, far away from any big towns or cities. So did the Talbots; they were the nobles of the area. My family, however, they were a hunting family. They hunted anything that roamed the forests that surrounded them."
"So, you've always been hunters…"
"Yeah. Only what we hunt is different," she smiled. "One winter, people started turning up dead. They'd find them in their beds, in the forest, and in alleys drained of blood. No one knew what was happening. Our family tried to fight, but they didn't know what they were fighting. That's when the gypsy clans showed up; the Wicklows and the Grimwoods. They taught the Chasses and the Talbots what was hunting them. They showed them how to use silver as a weapon, how to flush out vampires that hid in plain sight. Together, the four families killed the entire coven of vampires that was terrorizing their village."
"What happened to the Grimwoods? I didn't see their name on the bestiaries," I said, thinking back to the black books that packed an entire shelf of the Chasse library.
"You're right," she said. "They had a falling out with the rest of us. The Grimwoods hated the Talbots, most of them anyway. They thought they were rich snobs who didn't bring much to the hunt. The story goes that a Grimwood's son was promised the hand of one of the young Wicklow women." Autumn rolled her eyes. "Some kind of marriage to bond the families. Unfortunately, the girl had already fallen in love with one of the Talbot men."
I was fixated on the story. I never looked away as she spoke.
"So, long story short, the girl decided she wasn't going to marry someone she didn't love and married the Talbot man in secret. When the Grimwoods found out about this, they were pissed. They thought that the Talbots had wronged them in the worst possible way. Hurting their bloodline or something."
"Just because the Wicklow girl didn't want to be with their son?" I asked.
"They wanted to keep the Wicklow and Grimwood families together, keeping the gypsy blood strong between them. Their power, or sight, or whatever you want to call it, is stronger if they have two gypsy parents. They saw this as a way for the Talbots to make their future generations weak," she explained.
I nodded along.
"So, the Grimwoods put a curse on the Talbot bloodline. They turned them into werewolves," she stated, observing my reaction.
"Wait…" I didn't know what to say. "So… how did they do that?"
"They knew a lot from their travels. They picked up all kinds of things as they hunted across the lands. Plus, their own power was strong, strong enough to invoke some kind of ancient, unseen power to curse the Talbots into what we hunted."
"They can do that?" I was honestly shocked. It was like nothing I had heard of up to this point.
"Yes… But probably not anymore. I think that kind of thing has been lost to them. Their power to "see" things comes from something supernatural. So, they dug down deep, into old knowledge that they hadn't used in centuries, and learned how to make their power stronger… and darker. That's how they did it," she finished.
"So… magic is real too?" I asked.
"Sure… some kind of force is out there. Just think about the silver, how it reacts to all of them. Why does it do that? Why do vampires burn in the sun? Why are werewolves bound to the moon? Something controls all of it, and that's what they were tapping into," she tried to explain.
It was vague, but I had learned to accept much in this life. There was so much I didn't know about how my own body worked. I couldn't explain it, so I accepted it, just as I was accepting magic, or some form of it, as a genuine possibility.
I nodded again, wanting her to continue.
"So then, after they all realized what had happened, and the Talbots started turning into beasts, agreements had to be made. The Grimwoods were banished from our collective hunting family. They were turning into something unrecognizable, so the Wicklows took everything they had: all of their texts, knowledge, and money. They were a bigger family, so they could make the Grimwoods leave without a fight. The Talbots, however, left us on their own free will. They knew that they couldn't control themselves, and they distanced themselves from us. Once they learned to control what they had become, they returned… partly."
"How do you mean?" I asked.
"They all left for America: the Chasses, the Wicklows, and the Talbots. They came to St. Louis and have been here ever since. The Wicklows and my family stay very close. Everyone lives within driving distance. Everyone in my family lives in this same neighborhood, which is why everyone is always over all the time. They just show up whenever they want." She laughed. "But the Talbots stay away from us. Close enough that they can come if we need them, but far enough to be separate from us. Sometimes months… even years pass without much interaction with them."
"So, all of the Talbots are cursed?" I asked.
"No, actually. That's the difficult part. The curse affects them randomly. The curse can grab hold of them at any age in life, man or woman," Autumn looked like she was thinking of something.
I thought back to Jane Talbot. She said, 'Tell Frank I said hi.' I started understanding what had happened and why Autumn didn't want to talk about this in front of her uncle.
"Frank and Jane…"
"You're observant," she said. "Yeah, they were together before she changed. They thought that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. Then the curse came for her. They were both only twenty when it happened, but they really loved each other. It still affects him, that's why we don't talk about it. It's also the reason why he was back-up on Sunday when we went to see her. It's difficult for them to be around each other," she said, sadness for her uncle hid beneath her eyes.
"So, are they really that dangerous? Why did we have all of the guns if they are still friends of the family?" I asked, thinking it seemed unnecessary.
"Our relationship with them is good, but strained. We never let our guard down around them, for our sake and theirs. It just keeps everyone on the up and up. It makes us all remember the reality of their situation. Jane actually requests that, if we come, we come armed. She doesn't want anyone in her family to forget what they are, or the consequences of losing control. She's a good leader." Autumn sounded like she was admiring her.
"Is Frank the oldest Chasse?"
"Yes," Autumn answered.
"Is he married, or does he have any kids, girlfriend?" I asked.
"No," Autumn said. "He's alone. After she changed and they split, Frank went into a kind of depression. He was like that for a long time when I was little. My dad said that he used to be very reckless, hunting carelessly, drinking constantly. Finally, he came out of it, but he's never moved on. I think in some way, he thinks of her still like the person he is supposed to be with, even though they aren't."
I didn't know what to say, "That sucks."
Autumn nodded sympathetically, "Yeah… it does. When she decided to leave him, she never looked back."
"She left him?" I asked.
She nodded, "She didn't want to hurt him. They learn to control themselves most of the time, but full moons are a different story. Full moons fully transform them, whether they want to or not. They become raging monsters. She couldn't trust herself around him on a full moon, so she left him."
"What about what he wanted?"
"Well… Frank loved Jane. He didn't care what she had become. He just wanted to stay with her, no matter what."
I could see emotions cracking the tough exterior that she tried to keep up. She loved her uncle immensely. I could see the strong bond in her feelings. She composed herself and pushed up a more hardened front after she felt her cheeks go hot with a blush.
"That's why he jokes all the time… you know," her voice straining slightly, more emotional. "He tries to make light of situations, so people don't see how he feels."
I didn't say anything for a second. I didn't know what to say. I could tell it was hard to talk about, so I decided to change the subject.
"What about Martin?" I asked. "How does he fit in?"
She let the sadness fall away and started acting normal again.
"Martin is a strange person. He's one of the oldest vampires that our family has ever met. He first helped my family when my dad was only six years old. So, he's been around for a while," she said, raising her eyebrows.
"What's so strange, other than the obvious vampire situation?"
"He doesn't kill humans like the rest of his kind. He stopped killing a long time ago, once he had seen past his thirst. He hated what he was, what they all were. So, he came to my family for help. He wanted to die," she said.
"He wanted your family to kill him?" I asked. It sounded very familiar.
"Yeah, but they didn't. They kept him locked in a silver cage, like the one in the lower level beneath our house. They watched him for weeks. They realized that no matter how hungry he got, he never tried to get out, and he never tried to kill any of them. He just sat there. He begged them to kill him."
"Why didn't they?" I was perplexed.
"They were going to, but then he saved them all. Vampires had found my family's house back then and broke in. They found Martin and thought that they were going to teach my family a lesson by letting the vampire they were starving, feed on them. They corralled everyone in the same room as Martin, cutting a few of them to get the smell of blood thick in his nose. All of the adults were being held in place by other vampires while they made my dad, Clara, and Frank open the cage. They were just little kids, and they were sending them to their deaths."
I imagined everything as she spoke. My heart actually quickened as she unfolded the details.
"But, when the cage door opened, Martin just sat there. He was on his knees, motionless. My dad says that everything that happened next was too fast. He just saw blood scattering through the air and bodies flying in all directions. He said it was complete chaos. Once everything stopped, everyone was still there on their knees, but the vampires were all dead. Martin was standing in a corner covered in blood. He saved them… he saved them all," she said admirably.
"So now he kills vampires with your family?"
"More or less… Martin usually gives Dad information and then lets us do our thing. But every now and then, he joins us on a hunt."
"So…" I tried to think of the words I wanted to say. "So, you don't think all monsters are bad… worth killing?"
She looked at me with earnest eyes, "Monsters come in all different forms. It's not your existence that determines what you are, it's your actions."
Her words impaled me, cutting all the way to the monster that dwelled in my soul. Would my actions make me someone they could care for, or someone they would hunt? I killed, there was no question about that, but I murdered monsters, human and supernatural alike. At least, that's what I told myself. Maybe they deserved better than death. Maybe they deserved something other than my absolute justice. Death was the only punishment I gave. There was nothing in between.
I nodded at her statement, lost in my own thoughts.
"Enough about us," she said. "Tell me about you. I know you're from Texas, where else have you lived?"
"Mostly, Texas. I just bounced around smaller towns with work. I just moved up here about a year ago."
"So, you don't have any family around here?"
I shook my head, "No, just me."
"Friends?" she asked.
"Not really, just the guys from work. That's where I spend most of my time, anyway." Liar.
"Just work… that sounds… horrible," she laughed.
I couldn't help but laugh with her, "Yeah, it is pretty boring sometimes."
"So, what do you do in your spare time? You have to have some hobbies," she tried figuring me out, still grinning.
"I like walking around the city, exploring. It passes the time," I said truthfully. I was tired of lying to her, so I dove at the chance for some kind of honesty.
"Is that why you were walking around that night when you almost got killed by those vampires?" she asked.
"Yeah, I was just roaming and went a little too far," I agreed. It worked out perfectly.
She nodded, seeming content with the answer.
"What do you study in school?" I asked.
"I major in biology. I like to learn how things work inside of us," she touched her chest. "I also use what I learn to test theories we have about certain creatures. We try to find out how different monsters react to different things, how they function, and how they turn people. My major was my own choice, but it just happened to be useful to my family."
"Nice, how much longer until you're finished with school?" I asked.
"I could be done with my master's degree in about another year or so. I'm usually pretty busy with school. Sometimes I ease off my class loads every other semester to help with the business or the hunt," nodding as she spoke.
"So… what do you think about all of this? I know what you guys were saying in the car, but… does it affect you at all?" I asked. It seemed a little too personal, and I wasn't sure if she would even answer.
She was silent for a second, deep in thought. She bit the corner of her bottom lip as she found her words, "It's hard. We all act like it's not, but that's just because of how long we've been doing it. But it is hard. I worry all the time that something is going to happen. That someone will get hurt and won't come back from a hunt," I could hear the weight in her words.
"So, what do you do to get your mind off it all?" I asked.
"Try not to think about it too much," she said quickly, brushing off the conversation. "I study, go out with friends, go out with Aunt Clara, train, and work with Dad. That's how I pass my time."
I think I came off as blunt on the next question, but I had to get it off my mind and just ask it, "What's the deal with you and Patrick?"
She looked surprised, unprepared for my sudden charge into her very close personal life. However, she actually answered me, "You noticed that… when?"
"I saw something the first night I was here. Patrick was talking to you at the door before he left. You looked annoyed, and he looked like he was about to start begging you for something."
"Observant, again. I thought I got out of there before anyone realized what was happening."
"I just caught a glimpse of you two, that's all. It seemed like something was going on, something more than just two people talking."
She rolled her eyes, not at me, at the memory of that night. "You wouldn't be wrong. Patrick and I used to date. We were serious for a little while, but… I don't know, one day I just didn't feel it anymore. I broke up with him and went my own way. I don't know what changed, but I felt different."
"And he's not over it?"
"No. Not fully, at least. I thought he was getting better, moving past it. It's been weeks since the last time he tried anything, but then Sunday night, he pulled me to the side before his family left to try and get me to talk about us."
It was me. I remembered his face as soon as I was introduced to the family. He looked like he was declaring me a threat. I shouldn't have any reason to feel this way, but I wanted to beat Patrick's ass!
"How long were you together?" I asked. "Sorry, I just keep talking before hearing the words in my own head," I apologized.
"It's okay, really," she laughed, smiling at me. "We basically grew up together, and we started dating, off and on, about three years ago. We spent a lot of time at school and here at home together, so we got pretty close. Plus, I can't really talk about my family life with most guys anyway, so we had that."
Three years… it was a long time, but she did say "off and on," so maybe it wasn't even that serious.
"He thinks you're going to get in his way…" Autumn said bluntly. She was smirking as she was a little too honest.
I tilted my head as I looked into her dark brown eyes, "What do you mean?"
"With me… he thinks that you're going to mess up his plans to get me back," she laughed again. I liked the way she said it. The possibilities seemed almost real.
"Why would he think that?" I played dumb.
"You killed a vampire. He's never done that. He thinks I'm going to find that attractive and forget about him," she had a strange smirk on her face, staring down as she spoke. "Plus, you're new, you're strong, mysterious… he doesn't know anything about you. I guess none of us do," she taunted playfully, bugging out her eyes and leaning away like I was a bad guy.
I was the bad guy. She should run… or I should. I shouldn't have ever put any of them in this kind of danger. Patrick was right to fear me, even if it wasn't for the right reasons.
Then, there was a knock on her door. We both jumped up from our seats at the same time, coming face to face between her desk and bed. We lingered there for a second, staring into each other's eyes, not saying anything. I knew what she was thinking because I was thinking the same thing. Was Patrick's assumption right? Was there something between us already?
I felt it the first night at dinner, and then again in the living room, and the whole next day I spent around her. I felt something. That was obvious. But did she?
I could feel the heat coming from her body, we were so close. She slowly started moving her face closer to mine. I mirrored her actions, moving only inches as we both tried to determine what was happening.
What was happening? What was I doing? I could feel her scent covering me as our faces almost met; it was indescribable.
The doorknob turned, and the door began to pivot. We both snapped out of the trance we had fallen into and separated ourselves. Neither of us said a thing. She looked confused, unsure of her actions. She took a step away.
The small Delilah walked into the room, holding a Barbie doll, "Auti, Auti, come with me outside. Everybody's downstairs, reading boring books," she made a look of disgust. "Let's go play," she begged.
Autumn tickled the side of her neck, "Aren't you going to say hi to Sam?"
"Hi Sam…" she said reluctantly. She was too worried about going outside.
"Hello," was all I said. It was too hard to be near the little girl. She ripped thoughts and feelings out of the dungeons of my soul. The thoughts and feelings that I kept buried the deepest. The ones that fueled and guided me. They forced me to be what I had become. She reminded me of why I lived my tormented existence the way I did. The reason I only killed certain types of people.
I gritted my teeth and struggled to maintain the flurry of anger, self-loathing, and torment that she brought out in me.
"Okay, let's go. You lead the way," Autumn said to her.
Delilah ran off, back out of the room.
Autumn slowly left where she had been standing, still unsure about what was happening with us. She looked back at me, our eyes connecting again, "Sorry," she said, not about Delilah, but about what had happened just moments before. "I guess I should go keep her company."
"Okay, yeah, don't worry about it. I'll head down and see if I can help with anything." I acted convincingly.
I wasn't sure what she was apologizing for. Was it for having to leave our conversation to go with Delilah, or was it for what happened between us? Well… what almost happened.
She broke off her gaze and led me back downstairs to the rest of the family. All of the Chasses had arrived.
I walked into the study, and she branched off to the back door with Delilah. She turned back slightly to look at me one last time before going outside. We connected eyes again for only a moment, and then she was gone.
I sat with Carter and Frank for the rest of the evening. We talked and read for hours. I learned more and more with each new page of the bestiaries. The varieties of monsters seemed endless. However, none were a match, not yet anyway. We still had much to search through.
As I sat beside Frank, I felt like I could feel his internal torment. Every time he made a joke or downplayed the events that had been happening, I remembered what Autumn had said. I wondered what kind of hell he endured within his own mind.
Autumn and Delilah stayed outside for a long time. I found myself watching the door almost as much as I stared into the pages. I listened to the little girl running through the grass, laughing and playing.
It was hard to focus on the books or Autumn, with the other things I was thinking about. There was a trove of memories that were flooding my mind after seeing Delilah again. I didn't know how to make them stop. Memories and thoughts were breaking out, and I was in my hell.
The mother of all of these memories came to the forefront of my thoughts. It was the trip I took about a year prior. The journey I took home, back to Dallas.