I woke up the next day on the cold, frozen floor of the factory. The bellowing horn of a tugboat pushing a dozen barges down the Mississippi shook me from my sleep. The sun was rising across the horizon, setting a pinkish-orange fire through the sky. The light crept through the cracks and openings of the factory, illuminating the condemned building. All the other denizen of the wild that shared my den began their day at the same time I did.
I never left the factory once I returned from Carter's house. I was too deep in thought. I paced and wandered the halls all day, and most of the night until I finally curled up on the coarse concrete floor. Bugs and a foul smell had invaded my mattress, so I lobbed it out of a crack in the wall. No more bed.
I let that vampire get too close. I was playing it too loose. The fear of being outed for what I was had hurt Autumn. I could've stopped them in an instant, but I wanted to keep up the charade. I didn't want her to know what I really was. And that was what ultimately hurt her.
I was drunk off all the kills over the last few weeks. I started to realize how complacent I was becoming. Life was good, the beast stayed fed, and I stayed in control. It didn't matter if I let him out or not; I was still satisfied with every vicious, murderous life I took. Even if it was with the silver blade, it worked. It made life too easy, and I got too careless with the Chasse family.
It would have been my fault if anything had happened to Autumn. They were all there waiting as I played human with their daughter. Carter, Eleanor, and the rest of the worried family. Angst and fear chilled their spines until we returned. Autumn was damaged but safe, and it was my fault.
In my mind, I took a step back. I needed to reassess what I was doing. I wandered into the old, once-upon-a-time, bathroom and found myself looking into the mirror. I looked different from what I used to in the dark reflection. The urinals were still on the wall behind me, but I didn't see the same shell of a person anymore. There was light in my eyes. It was hope. It was everything that had returned to me since meeting the Chasse hunters.
I thought of Vicky, Seth, my sisters, parents, and all the rest of my family. I saw little Caydee's face at the forefront of my mind. They were out there somewhere, living without me. I was dead to them, and they would never fully recover. Yet, I was here in the middle of St. Louis, living a life like I had never vanished from the world. It was wrong. I was conflicted.
I was always lonely since I started my trek across the country, pacing down the railroad skeleton of America, towards St. Louis. When I was jumping from town to town back then, I was lonely, but I didn't feel this guilt. I knew what I was. A monster. I had separated myself from the ones that I loved to protect them from something they'd never understand. But now, I was forming a life with a different family, and I felt ashamed. I felt like I was abandoning my family on a whole new level. Like they weren't worth the truth, but the Chasses were.
I had to figure out what to do.
A few of the morning hours had passed. At the same time, I, once again, found myself moping around the rusty machinery and lurking through the moldy overgrown flora that crept through breaches in the old walls. I was confused about where I was in my own head. I was still unsure about what I would ultimately decide to do. However, I always wanted to check on my adopted family.
I had a missed call and voicemail from Carter. I heard it ring, but I ignored it. I was too drowned in thought. I checked the voicemail, "Sam, it's Carter. Hey, give me a call back when you get this. Alright, thanks. Bye."
I wondered what he wanted. He seemed calm. Maybe he was just checking in. I was already calling him back before the doubts and uncertainty if I should, came.
He answered, "Sam."
"Hey, Carter, what's going on?"
"I never heard anything from you after you left yesterday. Just checking in," he was calm.
I took in a deep breath, running my free hand through my hair, "Yeah, I've just been here at home. Just relaxing after what happened." As if I could relax on the old stone foundations that held up the crumbling abode.
"That's good to hear," he replied. "You sound like Autumn. She hasn't spent much time out of bed until this morning," he lightly laughed. "Also, Eleanor and I wanted to see if you'd come over this afternoon."
"What's going on?" I asked, worried that the vampire, or some other creature, had found them. "Did something happen?"
"No, nothing like that. We're having a cookout tonight. The whole family's coming, and we wanted to see if you could make it." He spoke with excitement.
"You want me to come?" I asked. He said the whole 'family.'
"Yeah, we'd love it if you could make it."
"I don't want to intrude if it's just family," I offered, just in case he was only trying to be nice.
"Sam," he chose his words carefully, "after everything that's happened, El and I definitely think of you as family. You've done more for us than you realize. So yes, we do want you here."
"Okay," I barely got out. I didn't know how to respond to that yet. "What time?"
"We'll probably eat around 5:30, but you can come whenever you want."
It had been a while since I participated in anything like a cookout. "Should I, like, bring anything?"
Carter laughed, "No, we've got everything already. If you want, you can bring a sixer of your favorite beer. If Frank hasn't tried it already, he'll want to."
He actually broke me out of my funk, "Yeah, I will."
"Okay, sounds good, Sam. I'll see you later."
"Okay. Later," I said, then hung up.
I was actually excited. I found a vague memory coming back up. My last night as a human. But I quickly pushed it back down before the guilt followed it to the surface.
It was about five o'clock once I had made my way to their house. I stopped at a gas station to fill up my bike and pick up a six-pack of Corona. I rode with the beer wedged in between my legs and the gas tank. I dismounted the bike and lifted the drinks along with me.
Their curved driveway had multiple cars littered along its length. It seemed that I was the last to arrive. I wanted to come earlier, but I was still conflicted. Unsure of what I should do. The last time I was with them, things were… intense.
I didn't bother knocking on the front door since I could hear the commotion around back. Plus, I could see the smoke rising from the grill on their large back patio. I walked around the enormous property and appeared at the side entrance to the backyard.
"Sam," I heard Frank's voice belt out. He popped up from his seat and shuffled over to the side gate.
"Hey," they all greeted happily in unison, as Frank let me pass through.
Carter was behind the grill doing something unseen with a spatula. Wayland and Clara were in some seats in the grass watching Delilah run and play with various lawn toys near the heated lamps. I didn't see Eleanor or Autumn yet.
"What's going on?" I said to the group.
"Good to see you, kid," Frank welcomed with a hug. He was always the most personal and laid-back of the family, but I knew it had a lot to do with saving Autumn's life. He seemed happy.
"You too," I answered, truthfully.
He looked at my hand and laughed, "Corona. Ah man, you really are from Texas, huh?" He grabbed the case from my hands, "Straight from the bowels of Mexico."
He pulled two out, one for him and one for me. Then he went to a large white cooler, slammed with ice and beer, and put the last four in with the rest.
"Help yourself when you're empty. We've got a cornucopia of choices," he joked, gesturing to the stockpile of bottles.
I gulped a sip of the beer as I walked under the covered patio. They had those big propane patio heaters with the metal umbrella-looking top. There were about six of them equally spaced around the perimeter, keeping the gathering area bearable in the early winter temperatures.
Eleanor walked out from the back door of the house with a large tray of steaks and kabobs. She saw me and hurriedly put the plate down beside the grill.
"Sam," she welcomed. "I'm so glad you made it." Walking over from the grill, she pulled me in for a hug.
Carter threw the food into the grill quickly and came around. When Eleanor let me go, he reached out and grabbed my right shoulder with one hand and shook my hand with the other.
"I'm glad you came. We all hoped you'd make it."
"Yeah, me too. Looks like everyone else is here," I observed the area. "How's Autumn?" I asked.
"She's good, a little shaken, but she'd never admit it. We all are. None of us got any real sleep last night," Carter said. "I guess the stress of everything is still weighing down on us."
"She's just inside if you want to go in," Eleanor motioned to the back door.
I cocked my head to the side, unsure of how to react. It was like they wanted me to go talk to her. I knew it was getting to be more evident that something was happening between us, but it was strange hearing it from her parents. It sounded almost approving.
I walked through the back door, feeling the warmth envelope me. I closed the door behind me quickly, trying not to let too much of the heat out. I turned around and there she was, busy with something inside a cabinet.
"How're you feeling?" I asked.
Autumn was surprised by my sudden appearance, and her eyes were wide with excitement. She was gathering a pile of paper plates, a bowl, and plastic silverware.
"You made it," she smiled.
"Yep."
She dropped everything from her hands and closed the gap between us quickly. As soon as she made it in front of me, she put her hands around my arms, slightly unsure, and maybe a little nervous. She brought her face to mine and kissed me quickly.
"Thank you," she said. She didn't need to explain, I knew what she was talking about. She had never thanked me once I got her back to her house. She was too fazed by the situation.
We kissed a few more times, slowly treading the water of the new part of our relationship.
We slowly pulled apart. "I was… we were all worried about you," she caught herself.
"I'm fine. Are you okay?" I asked.
She looked relieved at my answer, but then I saw stress enter her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, "about the other night. We haven't talked about what happened. I just kind of shut you out once we got to the dorm."
My heart jumped excitedly as I heard her words. The monster lit a fire in my chest, wanting to pick up where we left off. I took slow, deep breaths to try and calm the urges.
"It's okay. It was a crazy night," I smirked.
"Yeah, you could say that," she agreed. "But… I want you to know that I don't regret it." She stopped to gauge my reaction. "I was just scared after everything that happened.
"It's okay. You don't owe me an explanation."
"But I do," she urged. "I've known for a while now. About how I've felt towards you, but I've been too scared to do anything about it. I might have led you on for a little while."
That part started to scare me.
"I was scared that going down this road with you was a mistake. Just like it was with Patrick," she explained.
I think she hoped I would chime in, but I didn't. I was still deeply conflicted about what the right thing to do was, and here she was pouring her heart out. It only made things harder.
"We could have died so many times that night, and I wouldn't have had any more chances. I don't want to ruin our relationship," she stated, "but, after everything that's happened in the last few days, and with everything else, the three immortals we're dodging, getting attacked, this monster everyone's looking for…" she trailed off. "I just don't want to miss any chances."
Her words weighed heavily on me. She wanted something real from me. Something that I couldn't give her. Not unless she knew the truth. But if she knew the truth, she probably wouldn't want it anymore. I ran circles in my mind.
"I don't regret it either," I said. "But I think you still don't know that much about me," I warned.
Her eyes softened, shocked at my sudden, more profound honesty. This was the first time I ever opened up to the fact that I was keeping things from them, and she knew it. They all did.
"I want to know more if you'll let me. I want to know it all," she honestly offered. "We all see how you keep us at arm's reach. Like you can't fully commit. No one wants to pry. Mom and Dad say you'll tell us whatever it is that's holding you back in your own time," she said, remembering their past conversation. "Just know that we see it… But we still want you here. I still want you here."
I nodded at her statement, not trusting my mouth to speak.
It was true, obviously. They didn't know where I lived, how I got around most days, or anything too personal about me. All they knew was what I let them see and what I told them, but they never questioned me. I was so committed to their cause that they never had any doubts about me in that sense. They just thought I kept my distance for something in my past. Maybe they thought I was a criminal or something on the run. Plus, the silver didn't hurt me, so they knew, at least in their minds, I couldn't be a vampire or some other blight to the world.
"What could be so bad that you think you can't tell us?" It was a statement more than a question. "If you're here, fighting alongside our family, then you're a part of the family. No matter what you might have done in your past. No matter what you're running from."
"It's easy to say that, but what if you actually found out? What if it changed everything?" I asked. The pull that brought us together was a strange attraction; for me, it was primal, an effect of the monster and my loneliness, but for her, it was something else. The way she looked at me was like she was being lured in, like a mosquito to a bug zapper. Flocking towards something only to be killed by it. "What you see now may not last. You may look at me differently, later on."
"Let me be the judge of that," she said. We sat in silence for a moment, and then, she tried to lighten the mood, "Did you rob a bank or something? Because I don't think that would be enough for us to drive you off." She started to laugh.
A grin actually broke through.
"Come on," she said, picking up the plates and plasticware. She twisted around me to the back door.
I stepped over to open the door for her.
She leaned over, hands full, and quickly kissed me one more time. "We can talk about it another time, whenever you're ready."
"Later…" I nodded.
"Yeah…" she accepted with a grin, then laughed, "you're staying here tonight."
"Really? How's that?" I asked, confused.
"Guest wing, down at the far end of the house," she smirked. "Dad's not going to let you leave now," she gestured with her eyes to the beer in my hand. "No drinking and motorcycling. I guess you're our prisoner." She let out a dark chuckle and walked through the open door.
I was nervous, but beyond ready for the night. My selfish urges aligned impeccably with the events that were unfolding. I had no other thoughts in my mind. I had given in to my urges, wants, and needs. I was a part of a family. Something I had missed for so long. I didn't think about anything else outside of the moment.
We returned outside with the plates and took two seats together at the gathering of chairs near a few patio tables. Autumn picked a beer I didn't recognize out of the cooler as we passed.
"Cheers," Clara said, clinking her bottle to Autumn's.
Shortly afterward, we had all eaten a variety of meats and vegetables, drank countless beers, and just enjoyed each other. It was just like I remembered from before, with my own family. I felt so at home with them that I didn't care to even think about abandoning my family. I was just happy to be in the moment. We were watching Frank and Carter wrestle around in the grass. I was talking with Autumn and Clara, and I guess I missed the brotherly banter that snowballed into a struggle for superiority. We all watched and laughed until they gave up. They reminded me of myself and my brother, Seth. I missed my brother more than I could put into words. It was hard to think about.
Darkness had swept across the sky, and the patio was lit by multiple tiki torches placed around the edges of the patio foundation. Autumn was sitting on a padded wicker chair with Delilah asleep in her lap. She had exhausted herself from playing in the yard all day. The toys were still littered through the grass. Once everyone else was feeling tired enough, we retired to the inside of the large home.
Autumn and Clara double-teamed Delilah, putting her onto the couch and under a blanket. She was out like a light. Frank, Wayland, and Carter were picking up bottles from the patio, and Eleanor and I were standing in the kitchen, opening a few bottles of red wine.
"Can you grab some glasses out of that cabinet, Sam?" she asked, pointing across to a cupboard.
I retrieved enough glasses for everyone, and Eleanor opened enough bottles of wine until everyone had a drink.
Once we all convened back together in the kitchen, Eleanor raised her glass, "I'm so glad everyone made it tonight. Well," she looked to Frank apologetically. "I'm sorry, Frank."
He just smiled, "It's okay, El." He put up a strong front to hide his emotions.
I think I had missed something.
She continued, "I'm just so glad that we're all together." She started getting choked up. "This family is the most important thing to me and… I really thought it was all going to end." She looked to Autumn, actually crying now, "I love you, sweetie, I'm so sorry for what almost happened." She tried to wipe the tears away and continue. It was no use, she was done.
Carter stepped in for her, "What Eleanor wants to say is that we love you all. We all stick together, and we all keep each other safe." Then he looked just at me, "You kept our daughter safe for us when we couldn't. We all just want you to know that you're one of us now. You're family. You can trust us because we already trust you."
I looked around at the rest of them, all nodding in agreement as they held up their glasses.
"Welcome to the family," Carter meant every word. He raised his glass and took a drink.
Everyone mirrored his movement. So, I did too.
Wayland and Clara came up to me, "We're glad you're with us, Sam."
"Thank you," I told them both. Shockingly, this meant a lot to me coming from Wayland.
Eleanor just came up and hugged me again. "Thank you, Sam. I can never repay you."
I just smiled and tried to make her feel better, "You never have to. I'll do anything to protect you guys."
My words really seemed to have meant a great deal to her. She just smiled and hugged me again, "Thank you. We've lost a lot in this life, and I can't even bear the thought of something happening again."
Frank rushed up quickly, "Welcome to the family, bud. It's gonna be fun."
He spoke and then got out of there quickly. The thick wall he built to hide behind looked like it was wasting away. I didn't know if it was for me or the thing Eleanor apologized for. Still unsure what that was.
Everyone casually drank and talked about all manner of things. We tried to stay somewhat quiet for Delilah's sake, but the roar in the kitchen was getting louder. I had been talking to Frank about his pet fox, Randy, which I found entertaining. Apparently, it had a lot of energy and was always knocking shit off the counters and shelves. But he got a phone call and excused himself outside.
So, while everyone else held their own conversations in the kitchen, I paced around the living room. I was looking at the family photos that were hanging around the house. I noticed that the further I went down the line of photographs, the more they went back in time. The older they got, the more I started to notice a specific person I couldn't identify. It was a little boy. He was older-looking than the little girl I knew to be Autumn, but I had no clue who he was. No one had ever mentioned him yet. He got older throughout the images on the wall and looked similar to Carter.
"Ah, I figured you'd put the pieces together pretty quickly," Carter said, walking up beside me. He pointed towards the boy, "That's Allen, our son."
"I didn't realize you had a son?" I said, utterly shocked at this revelation.
Carter looked sullen as he spoke, "He passed last year."
Shit. I should have known. Why else wouldn't they talk about him?
"I'm sorry," I quickly replied.
"No, no, no, it's okay. You'd have no way of knowing," he brushed off. "Allen went across to Europe to hunt with some of our cousins. They were tracking a pack of werewolves, a nomadic savage tribe. Only one of them made it out alive to tell what had happened. Everyone else was killed…" he took a moment.
The story frazzled me. I wasn't expecting that. I hoped I wasn't coming off as insensitive. "I know there's nothing I can say… but I am sorry." Real original. You are a fucking idiot.
"Thank you, Sam," he nodded. "But it's in the past. We've made our peace with it. We had to find peace so we could continue down our path. He knew what was out there, just like the rest of us. Allen was a hunter. He was strong, and he was a fighter. I know that he went down fighting those beasts. An honorable way to die." He shook away a thought, "I just hope it was quick."
It was raw, real, unveiled emotion. They had been through a lot. They had suffered, lost, and had to pick up the pieces to move on. They were strong, in many more ways than I realized.
"But life goes on. Allen wouldn't want us sitting around here, crying. He'd thank you, Sam. For saving Autumn and saving this family from another heartache. One that I don't think we could bear." He patted and gripped my shoulder.
Lights cut across a window on the front of the house. Carter and I were interrupted by the entry of an older truck into the driveway.
"That's good," Carter sighed with relief.
"Who's that?" I asked.
"Jane," Carter replied. "Frank invited her."
I just kind of looked at him, unsure of his thoughts.
"Is everyone else okay with that?"
He took a second before he answered, "We've known Jane for a long time. Since we were kids, before the curse set in. She protects our family in her own way by maintaining the pack. She keeps them all in line, so we have less to deal with." He pointed out to his brother, "Frank loves her. He always has. She's stayed away for a long time, but after almost losing Autumn… Frank doesn't care anymore." Carter started smiling at a thought.
"What do you mean?"
"My brother is rash sometimes; that's just how he's always been. Yesterday, he drove out to the pack's community, where you first met her. He walked straight up to her front porch and demanded that she come out. I don't think she was ready for that," he laughed. "Her pack wasn't, but they know not to hurt any of us."
"Well, I guess it worked," I said, watching them hold a distanced conversation in the shadows of the yard.
"We'll see… Jane is very strong-willed. She's here now, but only because he threatened to keep coming out there until she agreed to come over. He riled them all up pretty good," Carter chuckled. "But I think she saw how serious he was, how much he wants to be with her; even after all these years."
"What are you guys talking about?" Clara said as she turned the corner.
Carter pointed out the window, "Frank and Jane."
"She made it," Clara was surprised. "I really didn't think she'd come."
"She's here?" Autumn said, rounding the corner behind Clara, with a full glass of wine.
"Just pulled up," Carter answered. "Come on," he nudged Clara, "let's go tell the others."
Carter and Clara paced off back towards the kitchen, while Autumn stayed with me in the living room.
"What do you think about that?" I asked her once her dad and aunt were gone. I wanted to see what her thoughts were. Maybe it would make things easier if I decided to leave for good.
"What, Frank and Jane?" she asked.
I nodded, "Yeah."
She chose her words slowly, almost like she had rehearsed them before, "If Frank loves her, and she loves him, then I don't think any of us should stand in their way." It almost seemed like she had defended this before.
"Even if she's…" I was cut off by Autumn.
"A monster?" she guessed quickly, a little edge to her words.
"Not exactly human," I substituted.
She seemed to like that better than 'monster.'
"I think," she prepared her thoughts. "I think that 'monsters' are everywhere. They walk the streets during the day and at night. I think they can seem reasonable, have jobs, friends, and even family. Or, they can live in caves and roam the streets at night looking for kills." She reined herself back in. "I guess what I'm trying to say… I think that anyone can be just as human as you or me, and I think humans can be monsters just the same. It's our choices that make us who we are, not what we're born as, or turned into."
I was quiet. I had never thought of it that way, and it surprised me. She was very wise, especially after what Carter had told me had happened to her brother.
"I like that," I told her.
She seemed relieved, "Good. It may seem hypocritical at first glance, but we hunt monsters, not people. Jane is a person. We would never kill something that wasn't killing humans."
I wondered where I'd fit in her categories. Would I be a human they could all accept, or would I be a monster they'd hunt?
The night had wound down, and Wayland and Clara had scooped up little Delilah and driven off to their house just down the long, empty road. Frank and Jane disappeared without saying anything, we only saw both of their vehicles leave. None of us knew yet what that meant, but everyone seemed hopeful.
I did hope for things to work out with them. I really liked Frank. I had only met Jane the one time, and she seemed intense, but I bet she was different with him. Everyone else really seemed to hope that something would happen. They all just wanted him to be happy.
"Come on," Autumn nudged me as I put some clean glasses in the drying rack by the sink, "I'll show you where you can sleep."
Past the living room, down a hallway that I had actually never ventured too far down, was a whole different section of the house I had never been inside. Everything was clean, organized, and in place.
"Mom keeps this side ready if we have visitors." Autumn flicked the lights on in the vast space as we went deeper.
It seemed like a whole other house. Their guest wing looked like a guest house on the inside. There was a living room, a small kitchen, two bedrooms, and a separate bathroom down a short hallway of their own.
"Wow," was all I could say.
"Yeah, it's pretty big. No one really comes over to this side unless we're getting it ready for people."
"Smells clean," I noted the fresh smell of some kind of lemon cleaner.
"Mom and I were in here cleaning once Dad said you were coming," she admitted.
"You didn't need to do that for me," I said before getting interrupted.
"It's no big deal." She leaned in a kissed me again. I could get used to that. "Make yourself at home. I'm going to go finish cleaning up with Mom, and I'll be back."
"Okay," I said as she left.
I was kind of unprepared. I stood there looking at the television, unsure of how to work it. It was like a whole other house within their larger home. I knew they were very well off, but why would anyone have this much space? Who did they have all of this for?
After Autumn left, it was quiet. It must have been soundproofed because I couldn't hear anyone on the other side of the house.
I didn't know what to watch on the TV if I even tried to work it, so I just sat in the silence and replayed the night over in my head. It was a good night. I felt like I was a part of something again. A family. For the first time in a long time, I was at a kind of peace.