I remember when it all began
when I lost the innocence and happiness a child should carry.
I stopped being the jovial child that loved being around people making them happy.
My first taste of what rejection felt like.
For a while I was ignorant. I didn't know the whole story. I didn't know that I was marked by rejection before I could even speak full sentences.
I was with my grandparents then....
They shielded me from what was to come until it came knocking
My time was up
Life was good up until then... I thought I was having the perfect childhood
Surrounded by loving uncles🥹 Pampered by my grandad and grandmum... they were my parent figures
I had my mum then but she didn't live with us and she came around on weekends... I didn't feel the void though..
My grandmum would wake up early and teach me how to pray🥹 She was the one I ran to anytime I got injured while playing... she was my safe space, she was my caregiver♡ always taking care of me and tending my wounds carefully.... she would make my favorite foods just so i would take my medicine
My granddad taught me to love animals🥹
I remember waking up to the sound of chickens crowing and running around the house and the smell of chicken feed
I played with them in the backyard running around feeding them from my palms and brushing our their feathers... I got bitten sometimes though😂 but it was fun..
The house was safe and I loved it so much that I didn't even bother making friends
My friends were my uncles
My youngest uncle was my best friend🥹... we'd wrestle and laugh about nothing and everything at once
They were all I needed
I remember when that illusion started to crumble
I had started secondary school
With the help of my uncles at home and my grandparents encouraging words I was the top student
My teachers loved me and would always use me as an example for the other kids
I was always a quiet kid... always just smiling with my head in my books
I only spoke up in class once in a while
I would only become loose once I had gotten home
Then it started... My classmates were fed up of the comparison and they started hating me
I didn't really care though
Until they started asking
"Where is your dad??" you never come with any parent to school events
"It's because you're ugly and worthless no parent ever comes with you"
I didn't care at first
until it clicked
"Where was my dad??"
I began to notice the cracks.... Grandparents, Uncle, mum, where is my dad???
I was too young to decipher anything
I didn't even know what divorce meant at the time
I didn't even know what rejection was
I only knew that people had dads that came to events and carried them around
But I had my granddad? Didn't that count?
It was all a blur
But I accepted that blur
it felt safer than trying to find out anything and I had accepted that's how things are and my classmates were just being jealous
I didn't realize it then but my grandparents home wasn't my safe place... it was a shield... it shielded me from the truth and I grew up without the proper strength to deal with the truth when it comes out...
My grandparents were my world
And I was theirs
I didn't question it because I never thought I would have to
But as the saying goes.... Nothing stays hidden forever...°︵°
You'd eventually find out.