Bella's heart pounded, the blood roaring in her ears.
Mother.
A well pieced smile. Her hair in a sleek up do. A silver A line gown that highlighted her slender waist before flaring out into a skirt. A picture of grace, elegance and power.
The air shifted dramatically. The crowd parted like water for her, even the most powerful people taking a step back. Only the rustle of her skirts and her signature two step sequence filled the silence.
Chills spread across Bella's back. Seeing her alone caused tremors to pass down the length of her body as though an earthquake were happening.
Instead, she hid behind a smile. As false as the loving gaze that her mother had pinned on her.
What was she doing here?
What did she want?
As soon as her mother reached her, her signature lavender smell engulfed her. Clung to her. As if her mother already knew, she pulled her into an embrace.
A little too tight, her hands firm against her back. Cold. Controlling, dominant.
Icicles formed in her chest.
There was also a silent warning as her mother's hands glided over the small of her back.
That under all these eyes, they must play along.
After a few rattling beats, her mother finally spoke in a soft tone. A murmur yet spoken with the intensity of a shout.
"It's been quite a while, hasn't it? I really missed you."
Bella's mouth dried. Her fists curled at her sides. Her lips parted yet no sound came.
Speak up, you fool!
You're so weak.
"How did you find me?" She choked on her words, voice hoarse. Her mother patted her back, tracing circles. She could almost picture her smile.
Loving.
Warm.
Of a mother reunited with her daughter. A wonderful mother-daughter duo. She could hear it in the mummurs, the faint coos. Even, the flashes of cameras.
But inside, it was a cold blizzard. Slowly brewing, growing until it reached its peak.
When she slowly turned to ice.
"Poor doll, you're trembling."
Bella only now realized the fingers trembling at her sides. The plummeting feeling in her gut. That made her want to hurl. To squirm, even.
To just show something.
As if reading her thoughts, her mother mused, "I'd advice you to look the part. A mother reuniting with her daughter is a wonderful thing, no?"
She heard the threat loud and clear.
And that only made the churning in her belly worsen.
After all the talk, you can't even hold your own. How pathetic.
Bella forced herself to breathe. A stale lavender filled breath. But still one all the same.
Piecing back her armor, she forced herself to repeat the question. Stronger this time.
"How did you find me?"
"Adamant much...." Her mother sighed, halting rubbing her back altogether.
"Let's just say, the ball will always find its way back to the goal."
Her heart thudded faster.
She had heard that before. A wave of heat smothered her chest.
Her mother took a step back, giving her enough distance to see the glimmer in her eyes.
One that made her nerves twist.
Kathy. A name that rang in the cloud of whispers and lavendar. One that she came to love in highschool, before it crashed and burned.
Kathy had started rumors. Made threats. She had been expelled after, but it never quite made sense to Bella.
Why did she do it?
But she ignored that, falling into her mother's arms. Confessing she should never have befriended Kathy. That her mother had been right.
After which, she said those exact same words.
The smell of lavender became more suffocating than it already was. The heat in the room rose a couple more degrees. The barest slither of sweat turned to a trickle down her neck as she watched her mother walk away.
A waiter passed with a tray of empty glasses. Her hold on the glass faltered. It fell, almost clattering to the floor if not for the waiter diving for it.
The ruckus caught the attention of onlookers. She smoothed her dress, breath shallow.
Not here.
In. out. She resisted the urge to run for the hills, anything to avoid having an all out confrontation with her mother. Bella tried to find Nyx but she came up short.
She felt she would succumb to her quaking knees by the time Alicia beckoned everyone over for dinner.
They all walked to the dining area where a long table was covered with gold lined jacquard table cloth, gleaming silverware and candles placed in ornate golden holders. All highlighted by the soft traces of light by the golden sconces along the walls, adding warmth.
A feeling of an actual family friendly dinner.
But the intensity of a battle was all that ravaged the air. Like the plumes of smoke that swirled around her father's dead corpse.
She managed to keep herself steady. Upright, chin straight, shoulders back. But her heart fainted. She tried to focus on anything else.
The smell of roses. The clinking of shoes. But all she could think about was the danger ahead. The aroma of lavender cutting deep into her skin.
Alluring yet deadly.
As she passed by where her mother was sitting near the head of the table, her mother caught her eyes. A flicker passed through them but it was too quick to decipher.
An empty seat was across from her. And she could almost hear the unspoken question, feel the unspoken expectation. The weight shackled her down.
"Won't you give your lovely mother company?"
She immediately turned. Walking to the farthest part of the table.
Away from the cold.
Away from the choking smell of lavender.
But even then the other looks didn't make it easier.
Don't let them see you, be the picture.
That's the only way you can survive.
To think you almost sound like her. Miles was right.
She didn't allow her step to falter again. She continued until she reached a free seat, close to the edge between two women she hadn't met before.
Away from her mother's piercing gaze, she finally took a breath. Shallow but still one.
After a few more minutes, Alicia, who was sitting at the head of the table stood. Her voluminous red hair was curled and let loose across her shoulders. The emerald mermaid gown accentuated her pristine features.
And she was the star of the show.
She raised a filled glass of wine up, clearing her throat. All the surrounding mummurs died down. And in a matter of seconds, there was silence.
"Ladies and gentlemen, those that were invited and those... who weren't."
Her back stiffened. The back of her head felt hot all of a sudden as if everyone was looking at her. Judging her. She inhaled, sharp and fast.
Alicia's eyes met hers and they locked on for a moment. There was a flicker. But the ember was put out before she could figure it out.
"I welcome you all to another glorious dinner. Another wonderful time at the WDG." Everyone clapped in response. Not a clap out of balance, not too loud or quiet. Bella followed along too as she took discrete glances.
They all smiled but it didn't reach any of their eyes.
"And you know, prior to this dinner, I released my latest movie. A masterpiece as Zara Vale put it." It was hard not to notice the pride that glowed underneath the words no matter how humbly she said it. Alicia searched the crowd again, the proud smile losing its power.
Just slightly.
"But... after, the recent turn of events tonight, that movie, stunning as it is, wouldn't do the trick." There was a long pause after that.
Bella's stomach sunk. She hid her clenched fists underneath the table.
"Instead, I must acknowledge that some people have quite a habit of going back to the old things..."
Another heated pause. Alicia pursed her lips.
"It's sad to know that not every fabric can be cut to the perfect standard. That can remain in perfect condition."
For the umpteenth time, Bella felt the pressure fall like a wet towel over her. Heavy, slowly skimming her skin in trails of hot rivulets.
"But here we are, beautiful and stunning as always. Still standing tall, living out perfection every single day." She smiled at everyone as if they were a brother or sister, daughter or mother. Warmth underlined by a pulsing frost that could penetrate through every person in the room.
Especially Bella.
"So, I give a toast," she raised her glass to the air and everyone else followed suit.
Bella's palms were cold against the glass.
The next few beats of silence hit her like a truck pushing through a wall of bricks.
"To the ones who have chosen to embody excellence, through and through. To the ones who have continued to remain an image of refinement, grace." She took a long deep breath.
"To the ones who stay, no matter how pressured they get."
Bella's hands quivered.
She doesn't matter, they don't matter.
But as she raised her glass to clink against someone else, she caught Alicia looking at her.
Glancing away, she distracted herself from her palpitating heart by taking a sip of the wine.
It was sharp, cold. She lost the taste over the bitter tang in her mouth.
All around her, quiet conversation continued on. A noisy background highlighting the silent yet deadly voices that came to show themselves in her head.
Pathetic.
Weak.
You even had the effontry to partake in the toast.
She almost gave in. To the slouch. To the hoarseness in her throat. To the urge to lower her gaze. Instead, she took another sip of her wine.
She would show these people that she was an image of grace.
No one in the room is that stupid.
They know you're a failure. A big, glaring one.
They know you are indebted to your mother.
The choking hand gripped her neck. She forced herself to breathe calmly, to still. There were people around her.
She tried to remember. Recall. She was the one that strut the runway. The one that became Mrs Acacia. The one that warmed the hearts of millions.
She was the image.
The image, her mother had built.
She focused on the conversations around her, halting the thoughts that had dug only one singular path she did not want to go.
Bella heard a laugh. At the head of the table, Alicia sat, Bella's mother by her left. And by her right, a man with dark hair, equally dark eyes and an aura that could capture the attention of a room.
Sebastian. Her fiance.
They looked happy. Content even.
But something about their smiles was off. He said something and she laughed, over the top, elegant yet too high pitched.
It reminded her of the times she went to galas with Blake as her date. Of the times she truly struggled to not air her views.
The time that she couldn't be the perfect image, like now.
And like that, she continued through the course. One practiced smile after another. A laugh. The clink of cutlery against the plates and the aroma of delicious food filling the air.
But, the fragrance of lavender still lurked, somewhere far. Far yet very near.
Too close for comfort.
Bella was more than happy to stand up when the first course was over.
Her mind was a buzz, the muscles of her leg stiff. She discreetly shifted her weight from one leg to the other before rising up from her seat at the table, following the people who made their way back to the dance floor.
A stringed quartet now played a melodious, one that enhanced the mood.
Bella moved to the very edge, backing the large walls covered with tapestries and other gold themed decorations. Bella lost herself to the dancing, laughing and chatting. Losing herself to the clicking of shoes and the ripple of dresses.
She saw Alicia talking animatedly with her mother. Laughing even.
You never were that, were you? You were just a tool mother could use for herself.
A strange influx of pricks stabbed her chest. She inhaled yet it failed to fill her lungs.
To comfort her.
Now, she forced herself to ask a question that she continued to run from.
That she had refused to acknowledge.
What do you really want?
And still there was no answer to it.
Bella was so caught in her thoughts that she didn't notice when someone tapped her shoulders. She turned and realized it was Sebastian.
"My, my, if it isn't Bella Cox. It's such an honor to meet a woman such as yourself." The smirk also reminded her of Blake.
She managed not to grit her teeth.
"The pleasure is mine. This has been a wonderful event, you and your..... fiancee' have done exceptionally well. You really hit the jackpot with someone like her."
Something sparked in his eyes. Defiance? Anger? She couldn't read because he was quick to laugh it off with a lax smile.
Too quick.
"Of course. But, enough of that chit chat, the main reason I am here is to offer you a dance."
Belka shook her head slowly. "Oh. I'm sorry, I'd have to decline that offer. It's nice to not be in the spotlight all the time. Gives you a chance to think, you know?"
Especially not a spotlight that can put me in another scandalous position.
Sebastian rubbed his chin thoughtfully, brows furrowing. "Hmmm. That's one way to put it. But being out of the light for too long also kinds of wears a person out."
He looked away from her, his hands still on his chin. "Hollows them. Kind of makes them.... lose their shine. Their touch, if you will?"
Bella was about to politely give him another reason to get off her case when she locked eyes with Alicia across the room. Thick shadows danced over her eyes and her brows furrowed.
It was almost accusing.
So, instead of rejecting the offer like she had intended, she accepted.
After all, it was one simple dance.
He led her to the floor, by passing the couples that were already dancing to the mellow tunes. The couples that slowly lost focus.
They both assumed the positions of a waltz before beginning. Her legs moved in response to the music.
Soft. Elegant. Graceful.
Every step matched with the intensity and somberness of the music. Each click of their feet, a poised note that aligned and somehow accentuated the music. As they continued, more couples shifted.
Bella felt hot again. Her stomach knotted but defiance kept her going. Kept her rigid.
I'll show them.
The whispers began. And she allowed it not to move her. Not to scare her.
Left. Right.
One. Two. Three.
Their judgement was written as plain as the day on their faces. Icicles formed in the air, cutting through every thinning sheet of peace.
"You notice it too, huh?"
Bella didn't need to be told. She could feel it. Every clack of her stilettos somehow took the heat up a notch. Or two.
"It's a pity. That we allow ourselves to be shackled by the expectation of others. Others that don't matter. Freedom from it all is truly bliss." It sounded more disbelieving as soon as it left her mouth.
Lies!
"Hmmmm, interesting thought. And yes, I can't help but commend you for your actions."
Bella raised a brow.
"You know, leaving Blake? Running away? Scandalous, yes but I can't help but admire your courage. It must have been quite the experience."
She could almost hear a longing note in his voice but it got lost under the voices that thundered in her mind.
Her hands tightened. "Yes, freedom does come with its .....perks."
"Well said. People usually assume that freedom usually comes from being successful."
He chuckled but there was no substance. It was practiced, pruned to perfection after living in this side of life for years.
"That is what the lower class would think, anyway. Once you get a house, the looks, the assets, you'd be free. But it never goes like that, does it?"
"What are you getting at?"
"Nothing really. I can't help but draw deductions. Even the most scandalous of things can be learnt from. It's simply perspective."
At that moment, the music paused and he bowed.
"It was nice dancing with you. I'd love to make your acquaintance again." He smiled, pearly whites glinting.
Alicia fell in step with him, hooking her arms around his as if marking her claim on him. Bella didn't miss him stiffening, his smile just a tad bit edgy.
"Oh honey, there you are. Come now, I need you to help me with something."
Alicia didn't spare her a glance before they both walked away, talking. As if everything was cherry.
But Bella felt it. The unease.
The pretense.
What was going on with them?
The scent of lavendar romanced her nostril again. Her breath hitched.
"Doll, we have some matters to settle."
She dug her nails into the palm of her hand and turned to see her mother. The music resumed again and people continued dancing, the silent hall gaining back its life.
She made no move to move. She focused on her body movements, hyper aware of the struggle to not tremble. To not show weakness.
Her mother smiled.
"Poor doll, how has life been treating you recently? How did the reunion go? With your father and..... What's his name again, Maurice?"
"You very well know that he is dead." The goosebumps formed small ridges along her skin. The word tasted like metal, like the time she fell on the race track and scraped her mouth.
"And of course it's Miles...."
Her mother hummed in response. Back arched, composed. She put a hand underneath Bella's chin.
Bella shivered as her mother studied her.
"What's the hostility about? We're just doing a little catching up. Aren't we?"
Her heart slammed in her chest and there was a long pause between them. One that had so many holes. Holes that held power over her. Holes that made her ears ring, throat tight..
"But since you insist on being straight to the point. Then I will too. Play time is over. I have been lenient. Too lenient. And you got the fresh air you wanted." Her eyes became serious. The smile wiped off her face. The hand underneath her chin poked her. Boring into her skin.
"You're coming back with me, where you're loved, where you're needed." She let the words hang between them.
"I'm not. I'm not going with you." Bella forced herself to stand her ground. Bella pulled away from her.
But the cool smile on her mother's face didn't falter at her challenge. That made stomach twist into more knots.
"Now, you bite the hands that fed you? Doll, I thought I taught you more than that."
Her mother passed a mirror to her, a small hand mirror. One that she had used when she first started modeling.
When she finally started living out her mother's desires.
In it, her blue eyes glinted. A sea of blue that she almost drowned in.
And even though her mother wasn't at her back, she could feel the tingle of her mother's breath. The pat on her shoulder, light. Soothing. Yet with a silent urgency. One that made her skin prickle underneath.
Those silent words etched in her brain repeated itself, followed by the rose scented breeze and the murmured conversations around.
"You are my face. And I am your backbone. Together, we will be unstoppable."
She could almost feel the kiss. Light, fleeting, on her cheek. One that only made her skin colder, a dead silence following after.
Without the warmth of her father's kisses.
"Let me remind you, that you and I, we are a team. A wrecking ball that will go down for being the greatest in history...."
Her mother took her hand in hers. A comforting gesture yet it was even colder than the kiss. A shackle, a cuff. A cage.
"Don't you remember? I want what's best for you. Best for us."
"You are my star and my joy. You make me a proud mother and an even prouder woman for raising you. You, my doll, will shine, if you stay right by my side."
"Then what about Miles? He wasn't your star then. Why is that?" Bella was unable to hide the bitterness in her tone.
You broke our relationship.
Her mother sighed, eyes patient. As if she were about to explain to a child. A child that was off the rails.
"Miles wasn't born to be a star-"
"But why not? Is it because he wasn't as beautiful as me? Or because you couldn't make money off of him?"
Her mother's eyes twitched. And her hold on her hand tightened for just a second. But it loosened in the next moment.
"Miles has poisoned you, hasn't he? I knew he was a bad influence-."
"Bad influence?" Bella scoffed. "Miles has been nothing but good. He's only ever been good, the perfect son, but you never accepted him. Never accepted daddy either."
Her mother arched a brow but Bella could have sworn she swore that same flicker of annoyance. But it evaporated just as quickly.
"Acceptance? Why would I let you live under the same roof of an accursed child, of a murderer?"
Bella almost choked on her spit.
Her body stilled, suddenly hyper aware of her fast beating heart. The woman's cries echoed in her head. Bella's voice went flat, the lump thicker in her throat. The soft sombre music continued but it was unable to calm her trembling fingers.
"Surprised? I kept tabs on your father. Always did, because I knew how much you wanted him back. How much you wanted us to reunite. But he didn't just show this side of him. He had always been that, a brewing storm."
The thump of blood in her ears increased, almost deafening.
"Oh doll, come here." She pulled her into another hug when Bella's leg almost gave way beneath her. Her mother patted her head as if she were comforting an estranged child.
She knew that daddy killed that boy.
Had he killed anyone else?
"Imagine us living with such a man, I couldn't have let him taint you. To taint us. I bet you've seen that Miles is equally strange, imagine what living with your father would have done to him?"
Miles' excessive coffee drinking. The midnight screams that he refused to speak about when she asked.The blank, exhaustive air that surrounded him.
"But, that wasn't your fault. No but, your place is in the light, away from blood. Away from such a stained and broken human being."
She almost gave in. To the comfort. To the shelter. To the familiarity.
"Your place is with me."
Bella jolted back to reality. She pulled away from her mother, her voice low but equally heated.
"No, you don't get to decide that for me. I do. And I'm not marrying Blake."
She was about to step past her, to run from the offensive atmosphere that made her feel like she was struggling against large lead chains.
Her mother moved, blocking her path, her eyes narrowed now. A dark look crossed her eyes. One that she usually gave to the workers when no one else there.
When she thought even Bella wasn't watching.
"Who do you think you are?" Bella shifted back, her stomach squirming underneath the dead stare. She forced herself to stand straight.
"I-"
"You think you can survive out there, alone? How have the last few days treated you? Without your account working, kicked out of a hotel? Do you think you can survive without protection, guidance, without a roof over your head?"
"I-"
"Oh because you suddenly think you have what it takes, that's why you chose to bite the hands that feed you. The hands that made you." Her voice dipped lower, very aware of the crowd even though they were far into their own world.
Her mother's breath caused tingles at the side of her neck. But not the good kind.
"You had nothing to do with it." She squared her back but her breathing hitched for just a moment.
"Bella," the name sounded harsher than when she referred to her as her doll. Like talons drawing on the splintered bark of a tree.
"Everything you are, is because of me. If you don't come home, if you don't marry Blake, I will destroy it all. Your endorsement deals, your image, your contracts. Everything will go poof. Do you know why?"
Bella felt hot all over. The wordless chants began to bounce through her head without her consent.
"Because I made you. Without me, there would be no Bella."
She almost melted underneath the heat of her mother's gaze. A heat that peeled her skin. One fleck after another
"Without me, you'd just be a used model. Your pretty face alone won't put food on your table. Because let's face it, you are replaceable, a commodity that can be exchanged." She enunciated every word, highlighting it, as if she could see the bells that rung in Bella's mind.
The chants that she was creating to torment her.
"There are thousands of girls that come to me for guidance and help. Thousands that want your spot."
"Yet, I still chose you." Her voice became soft again, soothing as if she wanted to ease Bella out of the torment. The cage that she was placing her in. Her cold hand rested against Bella's cheek.
Soft. Pampered yet somehow, calloused. With years of a grind.
"You owe me, everything. Yet, I still only ask for this one thing. For you to just come home, and let everything come back to normal."
The cold was alluring. She sunk into the lavendar perfume, giving into her mother's touch.
Back to normal.
With servants at her beck and call. Her lavish room and walk in wardrobe. Tea with the highest of socialites. Fine dining and merchandise signings, fans screaming her name.
But, the same old fear to betray her mother. The same old quest to fit everyone's idealized standard. The same crave to be the perfect image. Without a speckle or a dot.
The same fear that one day, she would become a beautiful image, however great, hanging on the wall.
A lie well lived indeed.
Her fists clenched, pulling herself from her mother's grasp. Bella smiled even though now, all she could feel was a deep, ancient fire that groaned for expression.
That wailed to be released from its containment.
"Back to normal? That would be nice, to finally have my mother back. To be back together."
"Oh yes, thank heavens you have come back to your senses." Her mother moved to hug her but Bella pushed her away.
Hard.
Her mother stumbled back, almost losing her balance but Bella refused to acknowledge the subtle glare.
That got the attention of some others around them.
"But what's the point if I don't live for myself? What's the point if I have an audience but no one hears me. But no one sees me." Her voice grew a few more notes higher, earning stares and whispers.
"What are you doing, you-"
"What's the point of having a life that I don't get to decide what happens? Who I associate with? Where I work? Who I marry?"
The fear that had groped her, eased away with the foul look her mother shot her.
You better not.
A look that she would have fallen to. One that she would have faltered at the sight of it. But now, it pushed her instead.
"You may have been the one that started the journey of my rise to fame. But i am the rollercoaster of that journey." The whispers intensified.
Her mother stiffened, unable to hide that flick of panic from her eyes.
Her well pieced image was already crumbling. Bella smirked, then the fall was going to hit harder.
"All these years you made me believe I am only my reflection. Only what I see in the mirror. And you treated me like that, a delicate fragile flower that couldn't make decisions for herself. That you could cajole however you like, after all, she is a flower. "
"Without a sound. Without a voice. Just a portrait, just to look perfect."
"You made me think that I am nothing without you."
The weight hit her harder. All those years whirled by with just one inhale.
All those years lived in irony.
Bella smiled ruefully. "But really, you're the ones who's nothing without me. Or wait you are something,"
"A cowardly woman without a mind to let the world know who she really was."
Her mother still rigid, whispered, rushed, haphazard with all the bite she could muster. "You will regret this. You're making the biggest mistake of your life"
But, Bella laughed instead. A small chuckle which became loud, undignified.
Best of all, it was real.
The dog had lost its bite.
"Well, yes, I did make a mistake. I should have exposed you long ago for the controlling scum you are."
Some people had already started taking pictures. Some gasps and the continued rumble of mummurs.
Her mother tried not to let it show that it didn't bother her. That she wasn't squirming. But she couldn't.
"Have fun with my contract. And with my money. Cause let's face it, you're gonna need it for the storm that's coming."
As she turned and walked away, her chest tightened again.
What did you just do, idiot?
But she decided not to heed that voice, to the mindless chants that her mother had ingrained in her. That society had spoonfed her.
She had done well. And even though, she had no idea how she was going to cope or how the media and everyone else would take this, she chose to smile.
Because she knew one thing, she was free.
A fresh breath of air. Her shoulders slacked. Her skin cold without the numbing camera flashes.
Freedom was a bliss indeed.
True freedom.