Bella smoothened down her mustard yellow wide leg trousers before readjusting her green blazer. She pulled out a small mirror in her white purse before inspecting her face.
Satisfied with her look, she paid the driver before coming out of the cab.
Trolleys screeched by, the slapping of shoes against concrete overshadowed by the screeching of a baby. Cars honked. The hub of activity left the parking lot as noisy as it could ever be.
The smell of car exhaust with asphalt and sweat sailed through the air, making her nose scrunch.
Bella noticed the supermarket's sign on a large billboard off to the side of the actual mart which blinked a number of times. Harry's Mart glowed in a multitude of colors that changed hands every few seconds. Her skin prickled, the heat of gazes plastered to her back making her back straighten instinctively.
Her nerves tangled together, making her want to do nothing more than to hide herself in a hole.
Keep it together.
"Is that the actual Bella Cox?!"
"She's so beautiful in person!"
She held her chin high as she strutted down the parking lot, eyes focused. The compliments brushed by her skin, sending a thrill that electrified her core. The nerves burnt to dust in seconds.
People stopped while some others began to whisper excitedly. For the first time in three days, her skin pulsed with warmth, the ice cracking open to give way to a comforting heat. One that made her forget everything for a moment. The tears. The backlash. The pulsing emptiness that only grew, sucking what little she had left.
And she was going to enjoy every moment, no matter how shallow it seemed.
The sliding doors screeched open as soon as she reached it. She walked through, avoiding collision with the people rushing by. Fluorescents light hung from the white ceiling, glaring down with brilliant white light that highlighted the soft tanned tiles sprawled in front of her. Bella noticed a train of trolleys off to the side and she pulled one out before going onwards.
Bella walked past a display of shimmering led lights that hung off nails along the plain beige walls, blinking rather dimly. She took a sharp turn, walking down the first aisle she saw. Rows of white shelves stood at either side of her, each crowded with goods that looked as though they were fighting for the buyer's attention.
As if they wanted out.
Then the smell of strong cleaning astringent slapped her in the face, clogging the air in a suffocating embrace.
It was sharp, cutting like a needle-pointed knife piercing through the flesh of her nose.
It was nothing like the smell of Sable & co., back at home.
The supermarket smelt like oud and vanilla. An enriching fragrance that made her feel sweet, like a little girl that was going to play with her new dolls. Yet, there was a spicy note that made her go wild. Hungry for exploration, like she was going on a new journey for every single shopping spree.
Bella tried to swallow down the sour aftertaste in her mouth. She could almost hear the laughs of her and her friends as they walked through Sable & co. Bella ignored the longing that erupted and continued until she got to an aisle where she found cartons of different types of tea.
Bella inspected a number of cartons of green tea bags. Her annoyance piqued with every one she put back in place.
Where were the good green tea brands? How in the world didn't they have verde' leaf tea?
At the tenth try, she threw the current carton she was holding back at the pile, inhaling through clenched teeth. "Tea bags this low in quality should be banned." She muttered under her breath before choosing the only other carton that was available that she hadn't checked.
There was a faint graininess to the carton as she slid her thumb over the surface, like one of unpolished paper. Bella sniffed it and her nose immediately wrinkled. It smelled like dust and glue, like the producers had haphazardly done the packaging, using what little subpar materials they could lay their hands on.
Why would this even be in stock?
Despite herself, she put it in the trolley, willing to give it a chance.
It better not give me acne.
Bella schemed through the serums she saw along the shelves. Her silent judging was interrupted by an old woman that tapped her on the shoulder.
"My, are you Bella Cox?" The old lady asked, pushing her shoulder length white hair back. She smiled, the wrinkles in her forehead deepening.
Bella nodded and smiled back, mirroring the excitement of the woman although she found it hard not to notice her teeth. They were crooked, a tad too yellow that made Bella wonder how in the world she was confident enough to smile.
How shallow can you be?
Bella ignored the thought, accepting the woman's very predictable compliment of how much she loved her eyes. It repeated itself a couple more times as she continued down the aisles. Even though each sent a small flurry of giddiness that blossomed in her chest, the hollow thoughts continued to whisper, their menacing voices taunting her when her surroundings were too silent.
She was checking another face mask in the skin care section when a voice broke through the silence.
"I saw the Bells Cox!" Someone, most likely a young girl, gushed an aisle away, clearly unaware that Bella was on the next aisle.
Bella slowed her reading.
I need to check another one.
She reached out for another one, her ear pricking as there was a brief moment of silence.
"So, what? I don't understand all the hype around her." An older voice quipped, disinterest coloring her tone. Bella's lips drew into a thin line but she remained silent.
"Are you serious right now, mom? She's so beautiful! I mean, have you seen her? She looks like a goddess! I mean I'd kill to have everyone drooling over me!"
"So? Is she really someone you should be looking up to? She never spent a day in college and from what I've heard, if it weren't for how beautiful she is, she'd still be living like the rest of us normal people."
"But-"
"Besides, as far as I'm concerned she's a bad influence. Lying just because she wanted her mother out of the picture? That's despicable if you ask me."
"She wasn't lyi-"
"So who's lying then? Her mother? Give me a break. Youths these days act like they know it all and that they're entitled to everything they want. Always biting the hands that feed them. In my day, the youth were people of integrity. Now, you're all so greedy and plain rude."
The woman's voice slowly faded away. Bella gripped the face mask, trying to ground herself. She only managed to keep herself from hurling the face mask at someone. Her mother's words during an interview bounced in her head once again, leaving her shoulders heaving and her teeth gnashing so much that it hurt to even think.
"It hurts to say this.... But Bella, my daughter, has this mental illness called ODD. Oppositional Defiant Disorder-"
Those words made her insides clench. A black shadow towered over her, sucking whatever iota of happiness she still had within her.
If Bella hadn't known the truth, she would have believed her. And that was the most painful part.
Bella would have believed her mother's lies about her having a mental illness. Bella could remember every tear that her mother had shed, twisting the story completely to make it look like Bella was the one to blame.
"I kept it under wraps for so long as I tried to get her through therapy-"
The world around her teetered.
Bella leaned against the shelf, trying to keep herself at ease. To eliminate the lavender scent that scratched at her walls, pummeling through what was her life. Every breath was more painful than the last as voices and comments of others joined in the noise in the background of her mind.
"Bad influence...."
"Her beauty obviously got into her head...."
"I'm sure the poor woman did nothing....."
And of course that wasn't enough. A rueful smile played on her lips as she could remember how her mother had also supposedly discovered that Bella had stolen a large amount from her. And she'd produced a very spot on evidence to prove it.
It was hard for Bella to stomach it, even now. The knowledge of how dangerous her mother had always been there but she never quite took it seriously. It was like a torchlight that was blinking amongst the florescent light bulbs. It had always been there but it never fully held her until those light bulbs were forcefully shut off.
Feeling gazes plastered to her back as she stood there, leaning against the shelves, she could only wish that she was swallowed by the ground, wanting nothing more than the musty smell of the earth as her companion.
Bella pulled herself from her depressing thoughts before she continued pushing the trolley forward. She grabbed anything that looked decent enough. Anything that would remove her from the barren, sand-filled landscape that she was stuck in, entangled so much so that it was difficult to breathe amidst the heat that wrapped around her.
Anything that would fill her, no matter how small.
Bella paused, shaking out the unfamiliar strain that pulled her muscles. A bead of sweat trailed down her face. She swiped it off her forehead, staring at it.
Bella couldn't even remember ever sweating during shopping. Back home, Sable &Co had a wonderful cooling system. And then she also had Maurice, her personal shopping porter so there was no need for her to push trolleys.
The longing in her chest grew, spiderwebs thickened in her chest.
Everything was different.
A bad type of difference.
Bella tried to ignore it, the call of the life she had run from.
A life that was large yet so small. Full yet so..... empty.
But yet, it still remained, beckoning her and reminding her of the horrible mistake she made. Even the sound of trolleys echoed it. The wheels squeaked against the floor, jutting and hitching over every bump. A multitude of it created a discordant noise that made her stomach twist, a stark contrast to the almost muted trolley wheels that stroked polished tiles with a low cushioned murmur back in Sables &co.
The feeling passed her over, sliding away but leaving behind a chill that sunk deep into her back.
There were a number of counters laid strategically in front of her, backing the multiple exits that were behind them, where security personnel stood at each. A long line of people stood waiting.
Bella swerved around them, marching up to the front with a sway in her step despite her trolley now rattling slightly against the floor. She stopped at the counter where a petite woman sat. The cashier attended to the first customer in the line next to her, nodding curtly at him as he took the procured goods away before turning her attention to Bella.
The cashier's thin lips stretched into a line. The woman's light brown eyes dimmed.
"Hey, let's make this quick." Bella gestured to the full trolley beside her. Her eyes caught onto her blonde hair which looked unkept, strands thinned to the point that it looked like the yellow-green leaves of some sick tree that she used to see around one of the abandoned houses along her school when she was a child.
Didn't she do any sort of hair treatment?
The woman gave her an unimpressed look. "There's a line."
"Excuse me?"
"I said- There's. A. Line. I believe you're not as dumb as you look."
Bella's eyes narrowed. "Do you know who I am?" Her voice sounded sweet like honey, though the smile she pulled was anything but.
"Of course I do." The cashier gave a small smile. "You're a has-been model that has nothing to do but cut lines anytime she pleases. Back to the line!"
Bella burned with embarrassment once she registered a couple of laughs. Despite herself, she didn't allow it to deter her and moved gracefully to the back of the line. Bella felt like she would die before reaching the counter to pay, especially considering how slow the line was. But after what felt like eternity, she finally reached there.
"So, yes, scan them for me and bag them as soon as possible. I've wasted enough of my time here." Bella passed her the card and the cashier merely shook her head, a crooked grin forming.
"Oh mighty queen! I believe you need to be enlightened on how things work around here because you obviously don't know." She pushed Bella's extended hand away.
"You bring out your items from your trolley. And then I will scan them. Then you bag them yourself."
"I'll be happy to speak with your employer after this." Bella huffed.
"To what?" She mocked. "To fire me? Just because I tried to get your head out of the castle and down to the real world? Then go ahead. Have a nice time while you're at it."
Bella sighed, inhaling behind clenched teeth. " Just do your thing." By the time she was done pulling all of the things out of the trolley, and the rather rude cashier was done with scanning each with the barcode scanner, the cashier looked up at her before saying,
"That would be a thousand vira." Bella nodded, not entirely shaken by such a huge amount as she was already hearing whispers behind her.
She passed her card to her.
I can't wait to leave this stupid-
"Your card was declined."
"What?"
"I said your card was declined."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Bella tilted her head, her heart hammering. Her hands were clammy, she could feel the sweat seeping out of her pores.
The cashier growled.. "Your card has no funds."
Bella's hands shook. Her ears began to ring. She became hyper aware of the background voices behind, speaking in low mummurs.
"Thought she was so great. Guess not."
"Does that mean she's poor now?"
"Oh, I hope she's fine."
Mother blocked my account.
She cut me off.
She actually cut me off!
With each thought, the pain hit harder than before and suddenly, she felt like she was floating on thin air, lost and without any sense of direction. The pillars that held her life broke, splintering and piercing her innards making it hard to breathe.
"-Ma'am! If you don't have another means of payment, I think you should only pick out the important things."
Pick out the things I can afford.
The thought left a salty tang in her mouth. Who would have thought that she'd become the one that wouldn't be able to pay easily? Or that she would become one of the people that she had mocked for so long?
They took an extra ten minutes, sorting through the heap. Bella still tried her card several other times, unable to accept the sinking truth. In the end, she settled on one face mask, a serum and a makeup kit. And that had used most of the money in her account.
And now, she only had enough to pay for her trip back to Miles' house.
Coming out of the store, with much less than she had wanted and a swirling emptiness deeper than all the things she had wanted, only one single thought enveloped her mind.
How am I going to survive?